Happy New Year

~~~~~~ New York! ~~~~~~

Just kissed my sweet hubby and we are enjoying the V. Sattui Moscato - a delicious sparkling wine.....

I doubt I will be vertical when the west coast hits midnight - so we're celebrating now.

2012 is going to be a great year - 2011 was great in many ways and very challenging in others. SomeMany of those challenges are resolved and/or resolving which should make this coming year a little easier -

I start this year totally immersed in gratefulness for my many blessings. Have abundant love in my life and so many other blessings - truly, we are so incredibly blessed. God is so good.

Two days left of our wonderful seventeen day vacation - a stay-cation of the finest kind.

Happy New Year, everyone - may 2012 bring you any and all things you desire - blessings to you and yours from me and mine.

Christmas 2011

Awesome, wonderful day finishing up here. We're still waiting for dinner to be done - I am starting to think our oven temp is off by about 50 degrees or so. The prime rib is out and looks delicious. Side dishes and rolls are in the oven. Pie is awaiting top crust, milk wash, light sprinkling of sugar and then a bake while we eat. It's blackberry and it's going to be delicious!

Santa was very good to us and J. and I are both loving our new Kindle Fires. I LOVE being able to have access to recipes online without printing - it will save a lot of time, paper and clutter to just look up recipes and use the Kindle right in the kitchen. I bought FOUR books for $1.99 - all four for 50 cents each! It's a new series and seems interesting. Vampires. I know. What is it about that 'theme'? But it's entertaining and a nice escape which is what reading is for me. This series is about a housewife/mom who is attacked and becomes a vampire - and then started being a private investigator so she could work out of her home. It's fun already - looking forward to all the books in the series.

The boys have been quietly ensconced upstairs most of the day - H.'s room got some 'spiffing up' in the form of a lava lamp and black light - which he is crazy about. I gave the OK for he and his friends to 'graffiti' one of his walls as long as it's not anything obscene or bad language. He's excited about that - fluorescent paint! A project to keep him busy before the next semester of school starts.

B. got a running gadget that he's very excited about - it syncs his music to his pace and he loves it!

We had a wonderfully fun morning with lots of laughs. Chloe got her annual packet of toys and was so excited - as always!

It's been a beautiful Christmas and I'm looking forward to snuggling with my Kindle shortly after dinner. The dishwasher is on it's 3rd run of the day and one more to go. We have leftover homemade quiches for breakfast tomorrow - and cinnamon rolls, too!

This week, we plan to head to Livermore for a Casa O dinner - Santa brought us gift cards!

I hope everyone had a wonderful day....Happy Birthday, Jesus!

Eve 2011

Church was lovely - but not as lovely as in the past. No communion which really disappointed me. One of my favorite parts has been singing "Silent Night" with just candle light and feeling the warmth of communion. They skipped it - we had the candlelight but they handed us our candles as we came in - though our pastor said 'come back at 11PM - we're serving communion at that service'. It was a long service even without communion - so I sort of see why they skipped. But it's disappointing. Change is always hard - I'm always saying that, I know - and it feels so different with our new music director. I just don't like his 'style' - it's hard to describe - but I don't care for it. I want the music to speak for itself - and he talks a lot. 'Preaches' a lot - which I don't feel is his 'role'. I know it seems 'judgy' - it feels 'judgy'....but I don't want every song to be interspersed with him. I want the music to be THE MUSIC - and that is enough.

He did a very 'upbeat' fast-paced 'Oh Holy Night' - my favorite of all Christmas carols - but it should be reverent and grand. Not fast and lively. It felt totally wrong to me. Really disappointing.

On a great note, though - for the first time I can ever recall - I did not have an ounce of sadness in my heart. We honored our parents with poinsettias on the altar (as we do every year) and I really, truly felt they were right there with us. Not one choked up moment or any teary eyes. Just the joy of celebrating the birthday of Jesus - it felt great! I miss my mom - but I felt her with me....and I haven't felt that in a long time. That part was lovely.

The boys came home and H. went out to visit a friend who is Muslim. They spend Christmas Eve together every year. He just got home. B. watched a little bit of The Santa Clause and he went upstairs. J. is putting the finishing touches on getting stuff ready - and I'm heading up to bed soon. Hoping to be up around 7ish to put on a big pot of coffee and get a couple home-made quiches in the oven for breakfast.

We invented a new beverage - from scratch hot cocoa with eggnog and just a teeny bit of brandy! (The boys didn't have the brandy part....just me and J.). It was delicious!

Tomorrow's dinner is prime rib, mashed potatoes, roasted brussels sprouts, green bean casserole, crescent rolls and blackberry pie for dessert. Or cobbler. Haven't decided which one.

Looking forward to our happy morning - Christmas is always one of the best days of the year. It's fun and relaxing and always worth all the effort.

Merry Christmas, everyone. Blessings to you all - near and far.

Peace on Earth

Pannini

I have no idea how to spell pannini - and it's not in the dictionary. I'm referring to the delicious, grilled sandwich not an Italian painter.

Anyway....things are humming along here today. We got out the pannini grill and whipped up delicious sandwiches - just like Raley's only better! Yummy! I'm picturing toasted Nutella sandwiches for breakfast tomorrow - we don't have Nutella and have never had Nutella but a friend of mine raves about it and can't keep it in her house 'cuz she will eat the entire jar with a spoon - that sounds pretty delicious! So I'm convinced we need to try it - and intend to get some at the grocery later today.

The tree is finally 'finished' - and my sweet husband took the time to set up my beautiful nativity scene. I will post a pic soon - it is one of my all time favorite things in my life. The pieces are stored individually in their boxes protected by styrofoam. It's not easy to get them all unpacked and repacked each year - but it's so pretty. I finished the collection via e-Bay the year I had been laid off from my banking job. Spending money on things was the absolute LAST thing I should have been doing at that point - but I found a bunch of pieces on eBay I never knew existed (it's an Avon set) and so I bought every one I didn't have. It's complete....and a family treasure, I hope.

H. is helping me clean out cupboards and drawers in all the bathrooms. He's also doing yard work, etc. I know it sounds like he's just the best kid ever (and he IS a wonderful person with a great heart and a keen mind - he is very smart and his first semester of college seems to have solidified that for him, which is great!) but he's really motivated by needing money. So it's a win-win. He helps me with chores that are time consuming and hard - and we have beautifully organized bathroom cupboards and tons of trash stuff culled out! It's great!

There are Amazon packages everywhere and wrapping tables set up in two rooms upstairs. We've shipped most of the gifts - thought we were done and then J. had to get things from his brother for the nieces so we need to get those in the mail tomorrow - they won't make it there by Sunday but they will arrive Monday or Tuesday. I did my best to not be irritated that we had just shipped our gifts to the same two girls the day before - planning is not a family strength, apparently.

I worked a bit on Tuesday - arrived just in time to have the custodial staff be starting the process of cleaning the carpets - so I went next door and my boss was working - he was ready for lunch so we had a pleasant, delicious meal at a sushi place that we don't get to often. Back to the office for a couple of hours of tidying up - not enough to 'count' and yet good to feel like I was culling/tidying out there, too. I don't plan to work much this week but will work a bit next week. And I'm OK with that...have many projects looming and the more I get going on them, the less torturous January will be.

Heading back upstairs to continue culling the boys bathroom. I found a ton of those 'fizzy' bath things - H. is so excited. He LOVES putting those fizzy balls in his bath -

And every day so far this break, he has lovingly traveled to Starbucks to get his mama a daily Trenta iced tea. I could brew it here but it's a 'treat' - and since I'm not spending my usual $3 at McDonald's everyday (egg burrito and two large iced teas), I can 'splurge' on one awesome iced tea.

It's going to be a great Christmas. I can feel it!

Happiness

Earlier this week, I lunched with a former co-worker. His role in our district was an interim Administrator and he's moved on to his next assignment. He's currently working at the other school district in my town so it was a great opportunity to visit with him while he's still nearby.

He gives good counsel and is someone I admire and respect. He's had so many things in his life that could color his glasses a dull shade of gray - but he lives a happy, blessed, meaningful life....in spite of it all. He is one of the most selfless, ego-less people I've ever met and his desire to do the right thing just shines through in all he does.

We had a great time reminiscing about his stint in our district....catching up on all the happenings since he left.

And we talked about being happy.

Do you ever wonder why some people manage to be so miserably unhappy day after day after day? We've all met them - probably even worked with them. Maybe even lived with them. They (apparently) wake up every single day and look for something to be pissed off about. They find reasons to be miserable. They create crisis because as long as there's something for them to moan and groan about, they feel 'good' about their days.

I think I sort of used to be like that - my younger years were fraught with tons of drama. Every little thing a crisis. And then I grew up and 'matured' (whatever that means). And I also learned to step outside my perspective and my experiences and consider someone else's. Crisis creators can't do that very well. They can't step outside their box.....

Every single day, we wake up with the opportunity to start over. Every single day is a fresh start. I love how God has provided such a wonderful gift - sleep to restore and refresh us and the day starting anew every 24 hours. Whatever happened yesterday is done and over and mute. And today is just full of new opportunities and new possibilities. A chance for happy every single moment of every single day.

And happy starts with awaking and choosing to be happy. It is a choice.

Sure, some days you just can't get past it all. Been there....recently, in fact. But most days, I wake up choosing to give myself a fresh start. Choosing to forget whatever happened the day before (or the day before that....etc.) that had me so flummoxed. Maybe waning memory skills as we age is another of God's gifts 'cuz the forgetting does seem to be easier.

My friend reminded me to cut myself some slack...and to start anew everyday. And to forgive those around me who find happiness to be such a challenge. They just haven't learned how to 'reset' each day - and maybe they never will. Leading by example is the best thing I can do for them - and for myself.

Hump Day

We're so close to the break, we can almost....taste it? Feel it? Believe it may actually, truly be HERE? Today and tomorrow are meeting days and Friday is a catch-up day with few scheduled things - and then it's home free.....

I've done most of our shopping on the Internet so the entry way and living room are littered with a wide variety of packages. Looking forward to an evening at home this evening (and hopefully getting home by 4ish which I have not been able to do in some time) and starting to get things unboxed and wrapped. This weekend, we will ship to family and hope they make it in time. I think most will -

I've got another 'ear thing' which I'm attempting to ignore. I have an appointment Monday with the ENT and there's nothing I'd love more than to arrive with an ear infection and show her that THIS is what I'm talking about - lingering, ongoing symptoms that leave me feeling malaised and exhausted - and won't resolve without antibiotics. So I sort of hope to continue the (fairly) mild symptoms until that appointment on Monday - which will include a throat scope because I still maintain that the source of the issue is in my voice box area...where no doctor can see without special tools....

We have our work party tomorrow evening and I am still debating about my White Elephant gift - I have no idea what to get for a gift when it's supposed to be stupid, pointless and meaningless. It just seems wrong - but we have been gifting our recipient for a couple weeks with little surprises here and there....so perhaps ending with something totally ridiculous isn't that 'wrong'. It's just hard for me to gift something like that.....

That's it for now - time to head out into the cold to defrost the ice off the car windows. Three car garage and no cars in it....something's wrong with that....

Weekend Plans

I lunched with a co-worker today and she asked 'so what are your plans this weekend?' And for the first time in a very, VERY long time, I responded:

I AM NOT WORKING!

Yeah! I am so excited about a weekend off, I am practically giddy! I resolved all the issues, prepped for board, prepared all the 'stuff' I am required to prepare and am ready to go. Next week will be busy and it's a slide into Winter Break! I am getting excited about Christmas and can't wait to go shopping tomorrow. And wrap gifts for family and get them ready to ship.

Maybe even do Christmas cards. We haven't done those in such a long time - but it would be nice to start again. I think I stopped the December of 2001 because after 9/11, I just didn't have the will to write meaningless family details given what was still so recent of a monumentally horrible event in our history.

But it's 2011 now and maybe it's time. Even just a couple quick notes to people I do think of often and appreciate hearing from now and then.

The tree is in the house and we WILL decorate this weekend (family, are you listening?)!

This time a week from now, I'll be hysterically happy about being off for SEVENTEEN straight days!!

Lumpy

I've been feeling 'on edge' lately....walking on egg shells with a giant lump in my throat and tears almost always ready to spill over. The slightest little thing can set me off....

True, work has been hugely challenging lately. Maybe five years is 'enough' of this madness? I dream of just having a 'job'. Just a job. I go in at 8. I leave at 4:30. I take two 15 minutes breaks and walk or sit and read. I go to the park for lunch or home to walk the dog. I do good work that I enjoy with really nice people and at 4:30 every day, I pack it up and go home, leaving work behind....until the next day.

I don't have that kind of job. Never had have that kind of job. I've been managing people since I was 20. And I'm proud of that. And I am blessed - ya'll know I feel that way...truly blessed. My job is a wonderful job. But it is not an eight hour a day job and I have been 'out of sorts' about all that for a month or more. Haven't quite been able to figure out what's up with my psyche. I am angry and pissy and overwhelmed and fed up. And as hard as I try, I can't figure out what has me in such a funk - 'cuz really, I love the work! I really do! So WTF is up with me??

This morning, as I pulled out of the driveway, I realized why. Late last night, J. reminded me. Pretty sure this is when it all started....

B.'s car wasn't here this morning - and that's because he went to Sacramento last night. This is actually the second time in about a month he's been up there - he is taking his medical exams for enlisting.

The first time he went, I literally had that painful sore throat feeling you get when you are all choked up about something and just want to cry for hours. All day.

And that day, he came home so discouraged. He hadn't been able to do some 'move' - couldn't squat down and JUMP up without using his fingers or something to 'touch' the floor as he stood up. A 'required' move for being a Ranger, apparently. He was so down....sure he'd blown it.

I had walked around that entire day with that lump in my throat - and when he came home all discouraged, my instinct was to 'seal the deal'. Tell him it was for the best. He should just continue going to school, working at Savemart and figure out 'what's next' when the 'what's next' actually got there - after he graduates with some four year degree from a school he can attend without him (or us) having to go into debt to pay for it.

But I didn't do that. I tamped down the ache in my throat - and helped him think it through. He psyched himself out about that move. Worried that the knee he dislocated his freshman year of high school would do something like dislocate again (worst case) or make a lot of noise or lock up. So he scared himself into not doing that move. And I told him 'so worst case is: you wanted to be a Navy Seal and you are only going into the Rangers because you want that in your contract. So you go into the Navy and work your way into the program - risk that it's not in your contract but it's always been what you want - so just go for what you want to do. And it will all work out'. It was a good talk - and I was proud of my 'mothering' - something I admit I often don't feel patient enough to do. But I did it.

About 20 minutes after that conversation, he did the move - all on his own. Look Mom, no hands! And then he thanked me for talking to him about it and said it really helped.

This morning, his car wasn't here because he went up for the re-test. A lot hinged on today in his dream plans. And as I pulled out of the driveway, the lump was there again - in all it's glory. I felt on the verge of tears most of the day....

He did fine. He didn't even have to do the damn move for this doctor - they did feet xrays and examined his feet - measured his toes, etc. So we'll see -

All you ever dream for your kids is that they find something they feel passionate about and do it well.

And that's what I'm learning right now - that it's not my dream that counts. It's theirs. It's his. This is what he's always wanted - it's the one thing he's stuck with (sure, the branch of service has changed over the years) - but military is what he's wanted for a long time.

And it appears it may happen. If all goes according to plan, he will head to basic training in Georgia sometime close to the start of summer. Still much to 'wait and see' about - but that's what it's looking like for now.

I need to let go. And I need to get Skype.

And a huge, HUGE hello to my Aunt M. who left a comment!! Yeah!! There are people actually reading - thank you so much, my sweet M. I love you!!

Chilly

7:30AM on Saturday - I've been up for an hour. Loaded the dishwasher as quietly as I could. Paid bills online. Confirmed we are solvent for at least the next week. Opened some mail that has been piling up and put 98% of it in either shred or recycle. Will start dishwasher momentarily when I head upstairs to shower. This is a weekend but I am treating it as a 'normal workday' in an effort to get my brain to accept what has to be done before I can sleep tomorrow night. Someone called me yesterday to follow-up on something I 'owe' him - our annual audit - and I basically had to politely say that I am whittling away at things as quickly as possible - it's going to be a long, long weekend of long, long days - but the weight will lift. I know this time of year is always massively crazy...and I manage to survive every year.

H., two of his friends and J. went to the Stockton Thunder hockey game last night - the elementary school the boys attended had their band invited to play the National Anthem...I was so relieved when the girlfriend of H.'s friend wanted to go 'cuz I really needed to just make it an early Friday evening and was more than happy to give her my ticket. Sounds like they had a great time and there were a lot of fights - J. will tell me more later. Why is that such a 'thing' in hockey? Isn't it poor sportsmanship to fight? I don't get that. There's a bobble head on the kitchen counter so it must have been a give away night.

It's cold in here. The street is piled high with leaves for the sweeper - only every house in the neighborhood (including ours) has cars parked on the street - so the poor sweeper can rarely get to the leaves. All carefully piled up to await the next gale that blows through and scatters them again. Our neighborhood is now 11 years old so the trees are HUGE - so many leaves EVERYWHERE. And all of our neighbors have trees that lose leaves hanging over our fences so we get the joy of raking their leaves, too....

That's it - this is all the 'leisure' time I can afford - I have work I could do at home but I know myself. It's hard to work at home - too many distractions. I'm better off just being in my office and plowing through.

Two more weeks before Winter Break.....

Getting a Grip

Holy crap, people....this has been such a week. Seriously - one of the hardest work weeks I've EVER had and as this blog can (and does) allude to, that's saying something.

I am so hard on myself. Mistakes happen and they are fixable. I always tell everybody that - it's fixable. But when it comes to applying that mantra to myself, I seem incapable. Which is ridiculous. And then I beat myself up for being hard on myself....and the spiral starts. And dooowwwwwnnnn we go.....

The issues are officially resolved though not without a fair amount of self-doubt, frustration and a desire to pack it in, sell our house and go live in a trailer on a beach somewhere. All completely do-able - at least sort of.

If only I didn't enjoy the 'creature comforts' so much - like running water, heat and AC, food, Starbucks and high speed internet. Oh - and a milk frother/warmer for my lattes. And the latte machine. Guess that's a big list already - which is why we don't live in a trailer and why I don't want to quit, actually.

I will be working all weekend - and I have worked 12+ hour days all week this week. And worked two days last week though I swore I wouldn't. And one of the things I'm beating myself up about is that I should have worked ALL week last week - but I didn't. And the stuff hitting the fan about that decision started around noon on Monday and hasn't let up since.

It's a long, slow slide into the winter break....which I was really looking forward to only the events of this week make me feel like I'd better just keep working 'cuz once you're behind, you pay for it somewhere down the road.

I need to head upstairs (it is 8:14PM) so I can get up again at 3 and be in my office by 5ish if at all possible. This morning, I dared to 'sleep in' until 5:30 but I paid for that 'cuz I didn't have my morning 'alone' time (people start arriving around 7) and that set the day in motion for another day of doing a zillion things that I didn't have on my MUST DO TODAY OR ELSE list.

I know it will be OK....it always ends up OK. The self-loathing lifted a bit yesterday as I reconfirmed with my boss the status, the plan, the correction and confirmation that I was done fretting about it and I was moving forward.

But today brought all that and then some crashing back...for no particular reason except that there is just so much 'drama' commencing around a host of other things that I cannot write about, I get mired down in it. It's not possible to completely shield myself from it - and as it affects others I am responsible for, it's on my watch so that requires 'miring' by definition.

For every horribly hard moment I have, there are dozens more that are amazingly great - and those will arrive again soon. They always do. I just hope I'm awake when they start so I'll notice.

Yesterday, J. left a note on the counter to please turn on his coffee maker (he drinks drip coffee). He had to up very early (just after 4) to go in for a breakfast meeting. I was so disoriented (I had apparently sat up pretty much asleep for 20 minutes 'cuz I was shocked to realize it was 4 - I was sitting up by 3:30) that for some reason, the lack of a light on his coffee pot (timer wasn't set) indicated it was unplugged. I can't reach the plug - sometimes I think this house was built for giants or people with freakishly long arms - so I had to get our little step stool so I could reach. Then I sat there pondering why the light still wasn't on. I had plugged in the blender. His coffee pot was plugged in - finally my brain kicked in and I just pushed the 'brew now' button so it would start. Then instead of pouring the water out of my milk warmer, I poured milk into the sink and started warming water....the water I put in it every night to rinse it. So that's why I slept in a bit this morning. I didn't want a repeat of 'vertical but not really functioning at optimum efficiency' episode of yesterday.

It's 8:30 and I need sleep. Everything's monumentally better after some sleep.

American

I've been up for over an hour (already - it's 4:22 AM) and before heading upstairs to get ready to go in, I read that American Airlines has filed for Chapter 11. Yowza....that's not good.

Today, I give you a rhyme/poem of my own making. Weird rhyming jumped into my head as I was drifting off to sleep and I'm actually able to remember most of it this morning. A miracle....

GRATEFUL

I am grateful for a roof over my head
And blankets on my bed

For food in the fridge
And that I could play Bridge

For love in my life
'Cuz I am someones wife

For being a Mom
Though some days are long

For starting each day
In a positive way

For the day to start
With God in my heart

For being pretty happy
Though feeling sort of sappy

Life is a blessing -

Ready, set, go!

Reality Bites

(The title is a repeat for my cousin S. who I just chatted with via Facebook - used that exact phrase to describe my perspective on returning to work tomorrow)....it sucks. But it must be done. I worked today in my office - to hopefully get a head start on tomorrow and get regrouped and ready for three of the busiest weeks of the year. I feel stressed out about things - and that's not a word I use often. But I am stressed. I know it will all get done - but I have a lot of 'fear' feelings lately - not fear of anything in particular - just in general. There are a lot of things to juggle at one time and I constantly feel like I will miss something any minute. Oh well. It's my job.

There's a lot happening at work these days that I won't write about. Some things are great and awesome. Some are not. Some affect me. Some don't....but in my role, most things have a way of trickling in my direction. There are a lot of challenging things happening - 'monumental challenges' which is an inside joke phrase we use a lot lately. All of the challenges are surmountable and fixable - but the massive efforts required to get there are so taxing and exhausting. I go in every day with massive lists and a 'can-do' attitude - but lately, I just feel exhausted and it all seems so 'never-ending'. I know things will even out soon. I'm confident they will. It's been a long few months and hopefully, much will be resolved in the next few weeks - and from there, it will be smooth(er) sailing - I hope.

Chloe is home and recovering nicely. She had one tooth pulled. We kept her on pain meds yesterday but she ate kibble this morning with no problem so we're not giving her the meds anymore. She's doing well. She needs a bath (hopefully tomorrow or Tuesday) and she's still exhibiting some symptoms that trouble us - but have no 'defined' cause yet. If they persist, then we'll have to pay for a bunch of blood work. We're trying the simple things first. We'll see. She's eating, drinking, peeing, pooping and running around here like her usual self - so I'm confident she's OK. Just still itchy and doing a weird thing with her mouth...kind of a 'tremor' thing. We'll keep an eye on her.

J. and I managed to do some Christmas shopping yesterday - Target was unbelievably not crowded. I had to get some things for our Secret Santa gifting at work - so we also shopped a bit for the boys. The usual....under the tree things.

The kids couldn't handle turkey again last night so we went to Olive Garden. We ate leftovers today (Olive Garden leftovers) so tomorrow, it's back to turkey and fixings. I didn't cook nearly as much as usual - cut down on stuffing and green beans....but we still have so much leftover. Maybe we'll try to freeze the turkey meat and I can make Turkey and Gnocchi soup during the winter break.

We're watching Amazing Race - so glad the older couple are still in it! We are rooting for them!

Post Post

A post-Thanksgiving post....

Quiet day on the homestead. Other than the steady hum of the always (seemingly) running dishwasher today, it's been peaceful.

B. had friends over last night and he apparently slept on the couch most of the night. No idea why. I got up just after 7 and started working on the kitchen around 8. In spite of running the dishwasher four times yesterday, there were still three loads to go. The roasting pan and rack take up pretty much one load - and then we used our fine china for dinner so that's another load. I didn't hold back and puttered and cleaned away - and he slept through it all. He's off until Sunday and he's enjoying his 'leisure' time.

I worked on work stuff and got stuff done. The weekend is almost over and the massive pile of stuff I need to get done is not decreasing all that much. But I resisted the urge to think 'there's always tomorrow' and buckled down and got some stuff done - love working remotely whenever possible. More tomorrow - and more tonight, too. Steady work over the next two days will make my week go more smoothly. Still much to do - and so many meetings. Only three weeks left before Christmas break! Sort of a 'yeah' and a 'holy crap!' blended together.

No shopping today. I've crossed another couple gifts off my list via Internet shopping. Might (MIGHT) go to Target tomorrow or Sunday just for a treat -

We will decorate next weekend, hopefully.

I have no idea what we're going to give the kids for Christmas. Here's the thing - and I could use advice/thoughts so please add a comment. Or email me. The boys owe us a fortune (each). H. owes us close to $700 for tickets. B. owes us hundreds for car insurance - he never seems to have the $ at the first of the month. So our usual 'scavenger hunt' seems like a waste of $ - giving them money when they owe us money.

So we are considering proceeding as usual - they will have clues and envelopes with their names - and after they return to the family room to count their loot, we are considering presenting them each with a detailed 'statement' of what they owe. And then either a) take the money back towards their debt or b) let them decide how much of their obligation they want to pay back.

I know it's the 'right' thing to do - but it feels horrible. Still, I don't know what else to do. We are shelling out $500 a month for car insurance - and $300 of that is supposed to be covered by the boys - but it's rarely covered. And H.'s tickets have to be paid - and he has no money. So we have to pay them for him.

I always want Christmas to be magical. And it seems so Scrooge like to take all their 'gift' money back towards their debts. But then it seems so stupid to be giving them MORE money.

I don't know what to do. And there's nothing they need or want that can go under the tree as a 'substitute'. Oh - Hunter wants cable TV (with a new TV, of course) in his bedroom - but I am refusing to do that. No way. We're not adding additional monthly outgo for that. No way.

I feel guilty even writing this 'cuz we are so, so blessed....but it's really bothering me.

Maybe the answer is: they both have non-liquid savings (stock) that they can cash in. It's for college - but it's theirs. They could use some of that to pay off their debts and add a little to their savings accounts. Then their gift money can really be gift money?

Their only request is a trip to San Fran which we will definitely do sometime during our two week break.

Back to work. It's nice to just move from the study to the dining room and get stuff done.

Happy Thanksgiving

Gentlemen, Start Your Engines!

The morning started with J. tearing downstairs, heading outside and running the trash bin down the street to catch the trash truck that had just driven by. I hold myself somewhat responsible 'cuz I was down here an hour before that and the trash cans are directly out the window of my desk - and it never 'clicked' with me that 'hey, those cans should all be at the curb'. We managed to get the actual 'trash' picked up - the bio bin will be another two weeks. Thankfully, we're not doing a lot of yard stuff these days so it will wait. Poor J. . What a way to start the day - and thanks to the Tracy trash guys for emptying the can. We'd be up a creek to wait another week - especially with all the trash to be created from cooking our feast. Everyone's on 'holiday' this week and we're all sort of out of our 'routine'.

H. is supposed to go to the grocery with me - driving all the way to WinCo. It is seriously worth the trip for a 'big' shopping trip - saves a fortune. But I need support 'cuz it's just a lot to shop for it all, then bag it, load it into the car, etc. I miss Raley's 'full service' but don't miss Raley's full service prices. So for a HUGE shop, I go to WinCo. J. is in the shower now and has agreed to accompany me. I see Light Caramel Frapps in our future as our 'treat'. And as breakfast. I know H. is willing to go but waiting for him to get up is just not worth it. I know - you're thinking 'go wake him up!'. Also not worth it. Thankful J. will go with me....the help is nice. The list is long. And we've already procured most of what we need (or so I thought). It's a big day of cooking and I'm going to start making some things when we get home from the grocery.

I saw Breaking Dawn Part 1 yesterday and loved every single second! I hope to go again between now and Monday - it was terrific! It's going to be very hard to wait another year for the finale...

It's cold today - very cold....makes moving even harder.

J. is dressed - and it sounds like H. is in the shower so perhaps he will make the trip with me after all. He's good company - (as is J.)....H. has registered for classes at Delta CC which has a satellite campus in Mountain House. MUCH closer to home thus saving a fortune on gas. And it will be more 'fun' for him because many of his friends are attending classes there. We are anxious to see their grades - should arrive during the winter break, we hope.

Hoping to enjoy the Macy's parade in the morning while cooking up a storm.

Happy Thanksgiving! And happy birthday to my mom in heaven.

Happenings

Just a list of stuff that's going on around here.....

H. cleaned out his closet and brought down two good size garbage bags full of clothes to donate. He found a Ralph Lauren Polo brand polo (collared) shirt that he thinks is 'swag'. He loves it. We think it was J.'s dad's but we're not sure. He also found a nice t-shirt that he bought his sophomore year and hasn't worn. Behold the joy of cleaning out your closet!

I made homemade granola this morning and it's pretty tasty. My only 'goof' was using shelled pistachios - which are a bit salty. Should have doubled the honey to balance out the salt - but it's still really good. I might do another round of honey and toast a teeny bit longer. It's delicious in Greek yogurt!

The boys had a big blowup today over nothing in particular and everything at the same time. They are both 'men' now and when 'men' fight, it's loud and scary. I was here alone with them and broke it up by yelling at them both and sending them to opposite corners of the house. They both have to be 'right' in their stance and there's no talking them out of it. I'm thinking if it happens again today or tomorrow, I'm going to send them both out for a few days on their own - they can return for Thanksgiving dinner and we'll see then about having them live here. It's just scary with 'adults' fighting and I'm not having that in this house. Period. End of story. All stupid stuff.....

I am off for the week - which means I'll work off and on at home and there on various projects. MUST DO THIS. Remind me, 'kay? 'Cuz I am hugely behind on a variety of things that require attention. We return from this week off for three more weeks and then it's Christmas break - and those three weeks will absolutely zoom by.

I've got a pot of pinto beans in the crock pot for dinner tonight - either beans in a bowl or in a burrito - diner's choice. It's easy, filling, warming and 'on hand'. The turkey's in the fridge and the menu is planned - still have a little shopping to do but will take care of that errand Tuesday evening or early Wednesday morning.

H. got ANOTHER ticket - I haven't been keeping ya'll up on the 'count' but suffice it to say he is approaching the 'un-insurable' point. He is still in debt to us for the ticket we paid for a couple months ago - and now there's another one to add to the debt/collection. He doesn't pay attention and it's easy to go too fast - and I swear the cops in town have his license memorized and watch for him. I really do....

I'm going to get all the Harry Potter DVD's out and watch them from start to finish sometime during the break. And I'm going to see Breaking Dawn! Also get a hair cut. Chloe's getting her teeth cleaned on Friday so she has to get blood work on Wednesday. She's still not eating well - and she's still itchy. The antibiotics don't seem to be helping the itching much though the rash is better. She had another bath yesterday with her special shampoo and did her 'so clean, so proud' jaunt through the house. Then she rolled over on her back to scratch herself on the carpet.

Time to get to work on some work stuff in the dining room. We moved the BowFlex into the living room - still no furniture in there. It's the ugliest thing on the planet and HUGE - but it's easier to use it inside vs. in the freezing garage and J.'s been doing his shoulder exercises with it, which is great.

Shortly

Weekends are just too fast....even long weekends. They just fly by. I feel bummed about it being Monday tomorrow - even though I only have five work days until enjoying another week off. Still, it will be a long week - and November and December are absolutely jammed full of stuff. I hope I snap out of this funk I'm in 'cuz otherwise, it's going to be a long couple of months. Usually my funks lift quickly but this one is sticking around for awhile....not helped by the change of seasons and the change in day light hours. Always hard to be 'in the dark' so much during this time of year.

J. and I had breakfast this morning with some old friends - it was a lot of fun to catch up and reminisce. J. and R. were band mates for 20+ years and R.'s wife C. and I used to hang out at gigs a lot when J. and I were dating. They are a wonderful couple and it's always fun to see them. Nice for J. and I to enjoy some adult company and some time 'out'.

We did a Costco shop immediately after and started to make lists for Christmas. I've already purchased gifts for some family members and feel 'ahead' of the game a bit, which is nice.

Chloe went to the vet on Friday. She's got a strange rash on her inner legs and she's a scratchy mess. And now she's not eating. They put her on antibiotics and gave us special shampoo. We've scheduled a teeth cleaning for her the Friday after Thanksgiving - $700 estimate! Yikes! The exam didn't show any reason for the itching or the change in appetite - so we try the simplest things first and see how it goes. It's hard to have her be uncomfortable - and it's hard to see her not eating. Very not like her....

Looking forward to Breaking Dawn Part I in a week or so. And we bought the DVD/Blue Ray of the final Harry Potter movie and I can't wait to watch it again. And again....

This time next week, I'll be enjoying a Sunday evening before a week off - and I'm hopeful that will make the difference. A week of accomplishing much and moving forward on the vast list of things to do should help. Fewer meetings this coming week so that should also help. I hope so. I am blue....and I have no idea why.

Even More Proud

B. did make it to work today! He dragged himself out of bed and made it! Thus making me even MORE proud of his triathlon accomplishment!

Happy Monday!

Triathlete!

B. survived his first Olympic length triathlon. 1 mile ocean (San Francisco Bay) swim....then a 20 mile bike ride....and lastly a 6 mile run. He finished in 3 hours and 25 minutes - not bad for a first timer. And certainly not bad for anyone 'cuz wow, that takes some serious commitment.

He is so sore he can barely move. And his feet are covered with blisters. He will likely not make it to work tomorrow.

We are very proud of him.

Here are some pics from his amazing day....

SUITING UP



FROM THE SEA (RED CAP)



NEARING THE FINISH



WITH HIS CREW CHIEF

Heating

Morning! It's now the day when I have to 'remember' that my family in AZ is NOT an hour earlier.....now they are an hour later....which means if I want to chat with my cousin in the morning, I'll have to get up at 3:30! S., let's try for weekends, 'kay?

B. is swimming. He's hopefully finished - a mile in cold bay water. Brave young man. Wet suits don't cut that kind of cold, really...they just mask it. Soon to be biking and then running. J. says it's 'exciting'. Races always are, I guess. I hope he does well - and 'well' is defined as 'finishing'. The kid is driven when he puts his mind to something. He does not quit. Good traits to have.

I am up and heading to get dressed. Then planning to stop by my office for a bit to tidy up and pack up my laptop so I can do a couple quick things today at home. And then a host of errands - monthly pet shopping, etc.

I had to break down and turn on the heat this morning.....just couldn't handle it being so cold. The pets seem appreciative.

Dinner tonight is Pasta Carbonara with my Dean & DeLuca pancetta! Yummy!

Falling Back

It's 1:35AM on Sunday...and I happen to be awake. So now I'm trying to stay awake to see how my computer's clock resets at 2AM for Daylight Savings Time. Bored? No....just not sleeping.

I am home alone with son #2 - J. and B. are in Marin for tonight - B. is participating in his first triathlon tomorrow morning (bright and early) and J. is his 'crew'.

H. was to be home at 10 for the night - earlier than usual because I started my day this morning with a raging migraine that had me throwing up. Stayed in bed most of the morning....and H. agreed to be home early 'cuz I'm not feeling that great and want to know where he is.

I woke at 12:20AM and he was not home. I called him and he was with a friend who had just gotten off work. He came home. He insisted he was home at 10PM - admitted he was a little late so it was closer to 10:30 - but he was home. I doubted that to be true because the house was exactly as it was when I went to bed. Same lights on (including one that shouldn't have been left on but I left it on 'cuz I was too tired to go to that side of the house and turn it of). No dishes in the sink or on the coffee table in the family room. [H. has a snack (meal!) every night before he goes to bed. Without fail. He's a bottomless pit. So no evidence of his '4th meal' is a pretty good clue he wasn't here.] So was he home? I don't know. But he didn't stay home if he was. So he's grounded. We will talk specifics tomorrow. It won't be a long grounding - but enough to remind him that when he says he will do something - come home for the night at 10PM - he needs to do it. Period. End of story. And most especially on a night when I am home alone and it's stormy outside and my head still feels like there's something inside it ready to explode any minute. Not throwing up anymore (thank God....truly....it's been a long, long time since I've had one of 'those' headaches and I just felt like 'please, God, please let it be over 'cuz truly, this is no way to feel'...horrible feeling....). We can talk things over at breakfast - pancakes and bacon!

Ironically, he was with a friend who was kicked out of her house by her mom - for being late multiple nights in a row. I reminded H. that keeping agreements is important - and since his friend is someone who has been through rehab and should know that regaining parental trust is hard, it seems she should realize that defying her mom's direction on what time to be home nightly isn't prudent. I don't like the idea of a young lady sleeping in her car - but I'm not getting in the middle of it. It's complicated. I work with her mother. 'Nuf said.

It's almost 2AM but really only 1AM. I love this time change - love gaining an extra hour. Love how tomorrow I will feel like I've gotten so much done with that 'extra' time. And since today was an 'in bed most of the day' kind of day, I've got loads to do....

The cat is seeking the warmth of feet to curl up on....he misses J.. Klink even headed to H.'s room (while we were talking) and then I realized that he was roaming all over H.'s bed - his pillow, especially - and that can't happen. H. is allergic to cats. As long as he doesn't come in direct contact with them, he is fine...but cat hair/dander on his bed linens would probably be bad. So Klink followed my instructions - he jumped down off the bed and came out of the room. Klink is good at doing what he's asked. You really can 'train' a cat. Sure, sometimes he blows me off. Usually at 5 in the morning when he refuses to exit the bedroom on cue so I can close the door as I head downstairs. But most of the time, he's pretty good at following directions.

H. should take note of that - A CAT is following instructions. Hmmmm....

It's now 1:52AM and I've decided I don't care what my computer's clock is going to do in 8 (now 7) minutes. It's cold in here. I'm taking some ibuprofen and drinking some water (I am positive the headache was triggered by me being dehydrated - I went to a work function last night and didn't drink nearly enough water before, during or after - and I had a headache when I arrived and nothing to take. Breaking two of my rules for migraine abatement: stay hydrated and ALWAYS have something with you in case a headache starts. It's been so long since one got out of control, I sort of forgot. And I had changed purses this past week so my Excedrin Migraine wasn't in my purse last night).

4 minutes and counting. If I keep blathering on about absolutely nothing, I might make it....

How exciting. At one minute after 1:59, the clock changed to 1:00.

It wasn't worth it. But happy to write a post to share how non-exciting it was.

PS - I noticed that the published time on the post is the time I started the post - not the actual time I hit 'post'. I'd never noticed that before. Not that it matters - I knew Blogger doesn't re-date a post - if you start it and save it and publish later, it's going to publish with the day you started it unless you reset...

Little things you notice when it's quiet and you're paying attention to date and time.

True....So True

Happy Halloween!

Puppy Love

Oh - one more thing from today that I have to write about....

Chloe needed a bath...and so we bathed her at home. In hindsight, we should have tried the kitchen sink. Instead, we partially filled a plastic storage bin with warm water, placed her in it and scrubbed her clean. She was very good. A little shaky at first - we haven't bathed her at home very often so this was definitely 'new' to her. But she stayed still in the 'tub', didn't move and was very patient while we soaped her up. We rinsed and finished up and wrapped her in fluffy towels and quickly dried her off.

She was so proud of herself - and so excited - she ran around the house like a torpedo dog for a long time....strutting around all clean and fluffy! Her fur is very curly and because we didn't trim her (we usually do get her trimmed a bit at the groomer - but it's getting colder now so I'm letting her coat get thicker than usual), her fur is uber-thick and curly. She looks adorable - and she knew it!

The boys noticed 'cuz she smells pretty again.

So I think we'll make bathing her a regular thing. We can just get her nails done at the groomer during the winter....thus saving money.

I enjoyed her 'Princess Chloe' run-about too much to want to miss that again. She loved being all prettied up!

All Hallow's Eve Eve

Twas the night before Halloween...and all through the house...many frightening occurrences are occurring.

I have to head upstairs and confirm the outfit I plan to wear - not exactly a costume but still Halloween-ish - is ready for morning. Have to set my alarm for the first time in over two weeks. Frightening! How appropriate for the festivities tomorrow.

J. asked my schedule this week - drives to/from County Office or Sacramento? - sort of synchronizing our watches. And I had to tell him 'I have no idea what my calendar looks like'. And then I looked. Also frightening. There's a price to be paid when others have access to your calendar and can book away while you are not there to defend yourself.

I did take some time yesterday to put together an updated 'to do' list, including many items that are 'absolute highest priority'. How many of those items is 'reasonable'? Not many, after glancing at my schedule for tomorrow.

B. ran in an obstacle course 'race' of some kind today. He came home absolutely filthy dirty - 'it was a mud bath, mom. It was awesome!' - and exhausted. He headed straight upstairs to the shower and now I'm afraid to look in there....'cuz in 8 hours, I will be showering in that same shower. Another frightening thing....

H. got fired from his job today. I fired him. I transferred what we owed him - net a fraction of what he owes us - and then I fired him. I will spare you all the details...but I'm done managing him as a job. I'm done tracking his (sometimes) lackluster efforts at 'working'. He did less than 4 hours this week - and got all up in arms that his dad and I hadn't tracked it all down to the minute and documented same. So I decided 'screw this'. And I fired him. Shortly after firing him, I took back (again, yet again) his debit card and his Chevron card. The kid is on his own. And I also found the 'source' of why I think he never gets called back for anything - found his MySpace page on Google and I'm reasonably sure that once someone sees that very old page (a part of his former life), they decide not hiring him is the best option.

I am so glad I have only eight work days until a four day weekend. I need a vacation to recover from my vacation....

I already feel exhausted...

And tomorrow, I have to put on makeup for the first time in over two weeks - again, frightening. Not as scary as Paranormal 3, by any means....but still, spackling this aged visage is no walk in the park. I'm considering Botox. Yes, really.

It's Over

It's been a great two weeks (mostly) off and today was the last 'work day' off for awhile....well, until the Veteran's Day long weekend, then a week off at Thanksgiving and then two weeks off at Christmas. I know - it is awesome....but truthfully, I will be working much of those supposedly 'off' days 'cuz I got the crazy notion to take two weeks off.

I have remained fairly disconnected and when I read a work email about an hour ago, the familiar clenching in my stomach occurred to remind me that reality is looming. Oh well. It was a nice break and I really needed it.

The trip to Napa was tons of fun and thanks to an excellent salesperson at the winery, I bought more wine than I planned. Oh well. We had a bottle that night and it was delicious! And I slept like a rock!

Today, I had breakfast with a friend from my old corporate job - we were reflecting back that we've known each other over 20 years! Reminded us both of how long we've been friends when I mentioned that B. will be 21 in just 2 and 1/2 short months! Wow. That 21 years did go by really fast.

After breakfast, I headed over to N.'s house - my Napa trip included a stop at the Gymboree outlet which resulted in sweet PMan (the current nickname for her four and half month old doll) receiving two new outfits from his 'Auntie M'. We had a nice visit and it was so great to see her - I haven't seen her since the breakfast months ago right after PMan was born. We chatted briskly and Pman fell asleep with me holding him. He's such a little doll. So fun to remember how small they start out. So amazing.

This weekend, I will work on the pile of work I brought home - thinking that two glorious weeks stretched out before me and I would do a little each day and get stuff organized and 'done' long before I had to go back. And of course, as is my way, I have not done a blooming thing - and considering my schedule next week is jammed with all the meetings I postponed or skipped during the two off weeks, it's going to be a long week of long days attempting to keep up.

I'm so glad I took the time - I really needed it. And I'm glad that there will be upcoming additional 'breaks' that will help keep things more sane, at least until January.

So as bad as I feel tonight going back on Monday, I can only imagine how bad I will feel the Friday of the last week of Christmas break - 'cuz there will be no breaks from January forward through September, most likely. The system conversion is progressing and will be in full high gear swing as soon as we return from the Winter break.

My corporate friend reminded me that I am what I am - I have always been driven and work-oriented. I do love my job. I'm good at it and I enjoy it - so while it's hard to go back, it's also good to go back. My boss has missed me and so have other work friends. Work is my 'thing'. And I'm glad I have it.

Though honestly, I will never be bored when I stop working. I love being at home. Doing tons. Or doing nothing. Both suit me equally well.

A weekend of 'catch up' and stuff around the house is commencing soon....

Is it wrong to drink a small tumbler of red wine with McDonald's dinner?

Two and a Third

I just have to say that the new Two and a Half Men is incredibly stupid. It was borderline stupid when Charlie Sheen was on - but we'd had years of his shenanigans to warm to and we were 'used' to it. His off-screen meltdown was handled appropriately (my opinion) with his firing...and I suspect he will self implode eventually.

But Ashton Kuthcher's character is just really dumb. Not likable. Nor plausible. The entire story line is ridiculous.

And it probably doesn't help that he cheated on his wife in real life - so I just plain don't like him.

That's my only observation after a very busy Monday. Tomorrow, I'm heading to Napa for the day with a friend to shop and visit V. Sattui winery which I haven't visited in over 15 years. We are running very low on our V. stash and since the only place you can get the wine is at the winery, I'm really, hugely looking forward to the trip. To heck with the budget! We're buying wine!!

OH - big news! B. got a promotion! He is officially no longer a 'courtesy clerk' - he is now working in the meat department. 20% increase in pay and better hours - he will rarely work past 9PM and only do one or two nights a week. He is very excited and we are very proud of him - he wanted that position and he applied and interviewed and he got it. What a transformation from a kid who begrudged every minute he spent there to the young man who disliked what his job was, saw something else he'd rather do and made it happen. Way to go, B.!!

Inner Dizzy

I spent a chunk of the day in Modesto having various tests related to hearing and balance. I've been having frequent infections in my right ear - and there are mornings when I wake up and the entire room is spinning. Sometimes for many minutes. Sometimes just for a few. I usually just close my eyes and change positions and it resolves. Occasionally, it will take many minutes to stop and I end up sitting up and praying I don't keel over. So far, no keeling. Just dizzy.

I loved the 'metal box' within the room where the hearing test was done. It was soundproof. I'd love one of those in our home - a 'silent zone'. It was lovely. Challenging to know, though, if you are really hearing the beeps - or just think you're hearing the beeps. But she said I passed with flying colors so no hearing aid required. Thankfully that - 'cuz I'm only 51 for crying out loud!

The next set of tests was a bit more complicated. First, I had to wear a very incredible set of goggles that has tiny cameras inside - those cameras record your eye movements. First, the tests were following and tracking a red light. Picture one of those 'electronic signs' where you can type in your message and it scrolls across the screen. Then picture no words - just a red light. Follow it and hold. Follow it as it speeds up. It was 'easy' but a bit challenging because I wear glasses and without them, I immediately feel disoriented. I can't see too well without them - so it took a lot of concentration to follow the light without my vision correcting lenses. But we made it through.

The next round involved changing my body position rapidly - from a sitting up to a lying down and back again. Over and over. Then the same thing while lying on the right side, then the left.

When we finished those tests - the special chair helped but it felt like a work out and the crick in my neck this evening confirms that my muscles were 'used' in ways they aren't used to - the sweet young lady administering the test said 'now we'll start the last part of the tests. This is the part where most people experience extreme dizziness'. She explained that for one minute, I would have warm air blown into my ear canal. First the left. Then the right. She said that while the air is 'warm', she said most people find it feels very hot and are usually uncomfortable and within about 30 seconds, I will feel very dizzy.

She was right.

OH - I forgot to mention that other than the light test, I had a cover over the goggles that totally blocked all light. I could see nothing. No orientation to anything in the room.

So as she said, within 30 seconds of the warm air, it was clear I was very, very dizzy. Things were spinning - but there were no 'things' to see spin. Just the sensation of my entire head just swirling. Wild. Repeat with the right ear. About five minutes in between to let my body recover. She took the goggle covers off for those five minutes so I could 'see' when the spinning/dizziness stopped.

All in all, it wasn't horrible. It did make me feel dizzy and disoriented. I arrived with a fairly bad headache - no food and no caffeine does that to me...so after an hour and a half of the above, I most definitely had a horrifically bad headache and felt very 'off'. But I made it home (after stopping for a nice lunch). I slept for a few hours and it's now approaching 11PM and I'm ready to go to bed for the night.

Still one week to go of my vacation and that feels really great! H. is making great progress in the back yard and it's looking so much better! Tomorrow, we're going to finish up some sweeping and pre-winter tidying. Hard to believe November is already approaching. It's still shorts and t-shirt weather here so far.

J. and I plan to go shopping a bit tomorrow - he needs pants, I need a new winter jacket, the boys need socks and underwear. We'll have a nice lunch at Red Robin and call it a 'date'.

Double the Fun

H. continues to look for a job. So he says, anyway.

A couple weeks ago, I put my foot down and said that he will spend 16-20 hours per week working for us and/or looking for a job. The kid goes to school three times a week - T, W & Th evenings. Not a full schedule by any stretch of the imagination. He was sleeping until noonish, getting up, eating, heading out to 'chillax' with friends, going to school. Staying up until the wee hours of the morning and then repeating the same stuff the next day. I told him flat out that this life he is living is NOT an acceptable option for an eighteen year old adult living with his parents. He needs to work. He needs an income. He needs to be way busier than he currently is doing things that are far more productive than chillaxing. Sure, he can and should have a social life...but not 10-12 hours a day of social life.

So now, he works for us. And I work hard coming up with a task list. We pay him $9 an hour - and mostly, we accrue the amount he's earned against the amounts he owes us. Phone, car insurance, gasoline, etc. I give him some cash (limited) now and then. We took away his debit card a month ago 'cuz he kept using it without realizing he had absolutely no money in the account. He never checked his balance - just spent. I had been monitoring and moving money from his savings to his checking but realized that by doing that, he had no concept of how much he was spending. So now, we have the debit card. He has very, very little cash and he works for us.

It sucks for him. I know that. But he keeps busier with stuff around the house. One of his recent chores was cleaning the baseboards in the bathroom - and he did such an amazing job. Used an old toothbrush and scrubbed every inch of them. They look brand new! He works hard and he's very good at anything he does. He realizes that his work for us is paying his monthly 'bills' - so he keeps at it. He doesn't complain, doesn't whine. Gets up reasonably early and gets to work. He also does go out and look - he is hopeful about getting a seasonal job at the pumpkin patch in Lathrop - and hopefully being kept on for their Winter Wonderland, too.

This week, I have him working on the backyard. And in addition to paying him, I'm attempting to find money in our budget to buy stuff for outside. We've been wanting to clean out some of the flower beds, put down the weed guard mesh and then put down bark - realizing that our yard has become incredibly high maintenance and while I have visions of beautiful beds filled with fresh flowers and all kinds of blooms, it's usually weeds and grass and it takes hours and hours of time to keep up. Our gardener's idea of weeding is using the weed whacker and just chopping them back (vs. good old fashioned pulling them out by their roots). So we're using bark to fill in - should be much less maintenance. H. went with me to Orchard Supply and helped load and unload 10 bags of bark. We've started finishing up the weed/grass pulling, putting down the weed guard paper and putting the bark down. Only 8 more bags to go! Progress! (Sort of!).

He is picky about finding a job. He needs to give up his 'dream' job (warehouse work 'behind the scenes' is what he wants to do) and work wherever they are hiring. I'm getting pretty frustrated with him - because there are jobs in town. Kids ARE getting hired. They may be working at jobs they don't particularly enjoy - but they are working. H. needs to do the same. I told him yesterday that one of these days, I will pull the plug on the 'parental work program' and he will be SOL. He won't have any funds for gas; won't be able to pay his car insurance; and that will be that. He'll have to look for other options - or better yet - find any job. ANY JOB.

I know we are making it too easy on him. I know. I want him to be 'self-supporting' as soon as possible. He's got to do something. I'm running out of things for him to do - and the funds to do them with. And I'm running out of patience.

Taco Plato

Taco night! J. cooked! Yum!

The flat bottomed taco shells are brilliant....

But they lull you into a false sense of security. You load them up while standing - and the minute you move, they tip over onto their sides and you lose all your fixings. Just like 'regular' tacos.

Extreme Bravery

J. did something truly brave today. Not many men would have done it. Most would quake in fear at the thought. Not my husband. He was brave beyond words.

I went to Costco to gas up my car. I had to go into Costco because when J. shopped this weekend, we forgot to include ketchup on our list. We are ketchup-less. That cannot happen in this house where ketchup is practically a food group. So I ventured inside Costco alone. Unaccompanied. Armed with my Costco Amex card with very little balance since we just paid our monthly bill in full - as usual.

It's Christmas at Costco. Decorations everywhere. Gifts galore. Clothes out the yin yang. But it's Christmas that is the most beckoning to me - new decorations for hearth and home. Inside. Outside. Every surface of our home. All could be covered in glorious celebration. Lights! Ornaments! Wrapping paper! Yard decor! Swags and garlands! Bows! Manger scenes! Storage supplies! Tissue paper!

I sent him a text: 'Christmas!'.

He responded: 'Yes?'

Me: 'At Costco....lots of Christmas stuff!!!

Me: 'Dangerous for me to be unaccompanied'.

Him: 'Get out as fast as you can. Run! Forget the ketchup! :-)'

Me: (to myself) 'Heh....'

Me: 'Lol. Now u get it!'

Me: 'Ummmm....'

Him: 'Yes?'

Me: 'I'm going to need help unloading'

Him: 'Oh no!'

I stayed under $35. Did get the Ketchup. And teriyaki sauce, corned beef hash and the Kirkland brand of Splenda (way, WAY cheaper than Splenda). I did not buy a single Christmas item. I wanted to. Oh, yes, I really did....

But I didn't. We have plenty of festive 'stuff' already - and in fact, as we work on the garage, J. continues to insist we need to cull out Christmas.

You can't cull out Christmas. Sorry. It just can't be done. I have my limits.

Churchy

J. is playing music at church today - his once a month 'gig'. Two services. I seriously had hoped to be there. I always think I will go. But I was uber-lazy this morning and when I woke up at 7 (late for me), I went back to sleep and slept until after 8:30 (VERY late for me). Now I'm all groggy and drowsy and seriously feel like I could easily go back to sleep AGAIN for another round. But I won't. It's Sunday and there's stuff to do! I'm just not feeling churchy today. :-)

Son #1 left for work - after a quick perusal of his bank account. He insisted he had enough $ for something and so I said sweetly 'let's take a look at your account online together'. Sure enough, he appeared a bit shocked at how fast he went through his last paycheck. So we had a discussion about budgets and how it's easy to spend a ton of $ on fast food, eating out, beverages, etc. - and it does go very quickly when all you are doing is swiping your debit card and not really being aware of how much you are spending. This day and age of 'instant' everything makes it too easy - and guys don't carry checkbooks around so he doesn't really enter anything into a register. He just spends and occasionally (usually when I make him) takes a look at his bank account online.

Son #2 is still sleeping and I'm debating about waking him up. He works for us now...but he does get weekends off. Though this particular work week was pretty 'light' on any work. Sure, he did a few things. And we appreciated the help and paid him accordingly. But he put in as few hours as humanly possible. He is supposed to spend 16-20 hours a week either working for us or looking for a 'real' job. (Please note: I have no idea where our budget will 'find' 16-20 hours of 'pay' for him - but I don't have to worry too much about finding any actual 'cash' 'cuz he owes us for his monthly car insurance and cell phone on top of gasoline, so I may never have to actually come up with any cold hard cash. Poor kid - broke and working for your parents. And as J. said yesterday 'and he doesn't even get the family name displayed over the door or anything').

I am off work for not one - but TWO weeks. It is insane for me to do that. I will regret it a zillion different ways. And there are two days in those two weeks when I will be working because there are mandatory meetings that I don't want to miss. I just have so many carryover days to use up - so I wedged in time off. Which may end up just being secret code for 'working at home and not counting the days as work days'. Yesterday, I went in to finish up one big thing and packed up my entire desk into a rolling crate and brought it all home. Plan to spend at least an hour or two a day organizing, culling and getting some projects done on the remote 'work at home' system. We'll see. No plans other than some doctor appointments. I am going to the Napa outlet malls with a friend for a day the 2nd week of vacation - and there will be a visit to V. Satui winery! But other than that, it's pretty much a 'stay-cation' - working on home projects. Sleeping in. Yeah!

J. is doing a big Costco shop and I will be heading to Target shortly for some toiletries and a gift card for a cousin who's having a baby. It's a huge treat to go to Target - I so rarely shop there lately.

There are so many things happening on the work front that I would love to write about - but I won't. Let's just say that there are big changes afoot and change is always challenging for everyone. Even me. I know we will get through it all and end up stronger and better for it - but the drama to get there is just unbelievably stressful - even for me and I handle stress better than most. So maybe taking the two weeks away is a good survival strategy - just step off the treadmill for a couple weeks and let things 'play out' and simmer down. Here's hoping.

I'm going to head upstairs and get dressed for the day - and then head out to run my errands. Tomorrow, I hope to go with H. over the hill to get his Schwab account into his name - it reverted to him when he turned 18 and until he comes in personally to sign a bunch of papers, the account is frozen. My fear is when he sees the account balance, he will immediately want to 'sell everything'. And we are attempting to encourage him not to look at that account as 'liquid savings'. We'll see. If we go over the hill to do that, I'm going to visit friends at my old job while H. attends his one Monday class. So that will be a fun day! Could be, anyway...I haven't actually run that plan by H.. We'll see -

Running Away

I spent 40 minutes writing a post on the 99% movement - but it was lost - deleted accidentally when the palm of my hand hit my built in mouse pad and deleted - and then auto save kicked in at the same time and saved 'the blank'.

So I will recreate that post eventually - hopefully this weekend. I have a lot on my mind about our economy and I want to get some of it on paper.

Do you watch The Middle? We love it. This week, Frankie ran away from home. She got fed up with her family's demands and idiosyncrasies so she packed a bag and left. Spent a couple nights at her mom's, drinking too much. I'm not 'fed up' at all with the men in my life - love them all to pieces. I really do. I can't go to my mom's house and hide out. And we don't use chemicals to deal with issues in our home. I might have a Newcastle brown ale in a minute - but it's Friday and I'm winding down. One won't be an 'escape'. It will be a refreshing beverage. But I need a break. So....

I am running away from home tomorrow. Don't worry - J. and the boys know. I am heading to a casino a couple hours away and spending a night away from home. I was hesitant at first - we shouldn't spend the money, so much to do at home, etc. And then I started to get excited about it. So I'm going. J. and the boys will hold down the fort here - and I'm going to relax. Really relax!

I'm really looking forward to it. My boss asked me to 'add' something to the board meeting prep I had finished - and I kindly said 'of course; however, I won't get it done until Monday - so it won't be in the packets this afternoon'. And that was totally OK. It was a last minute 'add' and I said 'I am not working this weekend - I am not even home this weekend!' Yeah me!! I felt liberated just saying 'sure, but not today. And not this weekend'. Revolutionary, for me.

I can't wait. It's somewhere I've never been before so it makes the adventure even more fun - an adventure just for me.

More later - hopefully from my hotel room. And hopefully to announce that I've won a huge jackpot! Oh, to dream....

Fried

It's been a busy and relatively productive weekend here. We made more progress on The Great Garage Culling of 2011 and are pretty close to the place we usually end up: screw the garage sale! Yesterday, J. took a HUGE amount of stuff to Goodwill - stuff that we knew would sell. But we are just not garage sale people. I'd much rather just donate and deduct - true, cash in pocket would be lovely but the amount of work required for that is just not something we can do. Our weekends are booking up quickly and winter looms. If we wait for a 'good' weekend, it will be spring. There will be a lot more stuff in the garage sale bins if we wait until spring. So we are just going to donate and write off!

My biggest accomplishment this weekend is that thanks to The Pioneer Woman, I now can make a chicken fried steak that is better than any restaurant version on the planet! Chicken fried steak is my favorite 'eating out' meal - and homemade is so much better. Not as greasy. Delicious dinner early - B. works at 6:30 so we wanted to get him fed before he heads out. And I always prefer to eat early.

I've also been working at home today and love it when the 'remote-in' system is up and running. It's sometimes a crap shoot but today it worked like a charm and I got a lot of stuff done that's been on my to-do list for awhile. I have a busy week ahead and will work some very long days this week in preparation for the board meeting next week but I made a dent in some stuff at home and that's great!

Tonight is 60 Minutes and Andy Rooney's last segment. Then Amazing Race. And Good Wife! Good thing I made homemade Starbucks iced tea 'cuz if I'm staying up that late, I'm going to need the caffeine.

The only errand I didn't get to is going to WalMart for a few toiletries. B. and J. both need hair gel. I was so desperate, that I let B. use my Awahpui hair mousse from Paul Mitchell - the salon I go to. He loves it so much that he practically wants to bathe in it. Says it makes him look incredibly handsome - and it smells really good, too. Oh well. I can probably find it at Target and keep him supplied. And I use a pea size amount of the styling pomade for mine and that container will probably last me the rest of my life. I like to try new products and I like my stylist to get 'credit' for selling me product. And all in all, for a Paul Mitchell salon, their prices are incredibly reasonable.

J. has been walking down memory lane going through the bag of pictures from his parents. He's been scanning a good chunk of the day and posting on Facebook to torture his cousins with really old pictures of themselves! They all seem to be taking it good naturedly, so far.

Back to my homework before 60 Minutes starts.

Growling

I just growled at my computer....and I've been growling all morning. Lost part of the first post 'cuz the pad of my hand below my left thumb keeps hitting the mousepad on my laptop and deletes whole sections of my post....

Then I opened up an email from work and attempted to view a spreadsheet - but the formatting prevented me from seeing the data with the column headers at the same time, so I growled again.

J. said 'do you keep your office door closed at work?'

'No. I don't growl at work. I'm home. This is my safety zone'.

Growling only happens when I'm at home. I want to growl at work but that wouldn't be demonstrating self control or leadership. So I don't growl there. But boy, howdy, do I want to some days. Yes, I really do.

So maybe calling it a non-work day and actually working at home is to my advantage - 'cuz I can growl as needed and there's no one here to stop me!

PS

Another reason for the infrequent posts is the constant issues with blogger.com. I can't just type and post anymore. I type and then I preview and then I have to do a bunch of 'work arounds' to get the post to format correctly. It irritates the heck out of me and that's why I have posts in process that never get published. I write usually in the wee hours of the morning - and then hit 'publish' - but it doesn't work. So I preview and realize 'crap, it's acting up again and now I have to do this, this and this to actually publish'. And I save it and move on 'cuz I don't have time in the early morning to do all those work arounds.

It's time to consider moving to a new platform. Typepad? Wordpress? Something.

But then I don't really want to do that either.

I wish blogger.com would just fix stuff!

And It's Friday Again

I'm off today - pretty much off, anyway. I will be working a bit momentarily and have checked in a couple times via email. But in an effort to use the jillion of days I carried over into the new year and to avoid carrying over a jillion more into next year, I have officially entered the world of 'I call it a day off but I am actually doing some work'. As I finish my fifth year in the job and look forward to starting my sixth, I've broken my one rule which was 'I do not work for free'. Sadly, it seems that I am officially entering the phase known as 'resistance is futile'. And therefore, I take time away from the office and work a bit on days I am calling 'non-work days'. Oh well. Such is life.

Things around the homestead are good. Boys/young men are good. I reminded B. that it's the end of the month today so his monthly obligations to us for car insurance and cell phone are now payable and he said without a hint of angst 'right - I will be sure to pick up my check and deposit it right away'. He is growing up....and it shows.

Haven't reminded son #2 yet but will soon - and then we'll look at his dwindling savings account which I will be withdrawing from to cover his monthly expenses and remind him yet again that he has to find a job. He's applying places and then waiting and waiting. And I'm telling him to apply where they are actually hiring - fast food (his nemesisi - he absolutely, passionately DOES NOT WANT to work in fast food) or a restaurant as a server. Something. Anything. His savings is dwindling quickly and his options are running out.

They are both in school and as far as we know, they are doing OK. They are adults now - so we see no progress reports or hear many updates. We just wait for the final report card sometime in January and hope this semester has been successful for them both. B. is absolutely loving his American history class - he has always enjoyed history and is like his dad in that respect. We hope he's doing as well in his other classes. We'll see. H. is also insisting he's doing fine though he doesn't really 'love' any of his classes - but he attends. He is probably going to transfer to Delta Community College in the spring - they have an annex campus that's only about 10 miles away and where most of his friends are attending - so he'd like to attend there. Less of a drive (gasoline savings) and more people he knows. J. is helping him with that process. Right, J.?

B. will be 21 in less than four months and he is excitedly looking forward to being able to order cocktails with dinner when we go out. I am trying to think of something to do to celebrate - the 'typical' trip to Vegas sounds fun, but I'm not sure we want to spend that much money. We'll see.

We worked a lot in the garage a couple weekends ago and plan to continue the work this weekend. The new water softener/water purifier had a malfunction on Wednesday night and the rubber tube that connects to a drain to drain all the water when the system does it's daily 'flush' disconnected and flooded the garage. Thanks to our clearing/cleaning efforts, we didn't lose anything valuable - just have a lot of wet cardboard to dry out and put in recycling. I'm considering buying another set of shelves to use to get things up off the ground - and I still have the goal of 'it's a three car garage and it would be lovely to get one - maybe even two cars - inside nightly. Our street looks like a used car lot and we want to be part of the solution -

I have a hair appointment this afternoon and it's my 'free' cut - after 5 cuts, the 6th is free! So I'll enjoy a 'spa' treatment and maybe splurge on some yummy smelling shampoo. But probably not 'cuz I'm in a frugal mode.

The weather is cooler today - after a week of very hot. So hoping fall is arriving sooner rather than later.

Time to head into the garage and start cutting up cardboard.

Like Michelle Obama, I hope to take a trip to Target later today - without the Secret Service. And it's Frappucino Friday and I have a free drink coupon so we will splurge and get Venti sugar free/fat free Caramel Frapp for our Friday treat!

If you visit frequently and feel frustrated/disappointed at my infrequent posts, then I apologize and thank you for your continued reading. It's not for lack of desire - just time.

That, and all in all, my life these days feels consistently beyond boring. I work. I cook/eat. I attempt to tidy up around here on occasion. I pay the bills. I work some more. I sleep. And I get up every morning and do it all again. That's life, right? It's all blessings....all the time. It's just often not much to write about.

Though this weekend, I hope to update/finish some posts in progress. Chloe will be featured. She's a hoot lately.

Have a wonderful Friday! and an awesome weekend!

All My Children

I am so sorry to see this amazing soap end it's 41 year run. I've watched from my very early teen years - so pretty darn close to 'from the beginning'. (It's a little hard to admit that - this getting older is sure hard to fathom at times). True, it moved slowly at times. And I haven't watched regularly in years - couldn't keep up with taping it in the 'good old days' of VCRs. Never had time to watch the five hours of taped episodes each week so just gave up.

But if I have a day off or am home and happen to notice it's noon, I still turn it on.

And I'm really going to miss doing that.

What's the point of (yet another) totally stupid talk show? "The Chew"? Really?

Shame on the network for wrapping it up. Legions of loyal fans are really pissed off....and when I'm home at noon on a weekday, I will most definitely NOT be tuning in.

And they also cancelled One Life to Live which I have also watched for most of my life.

I read that One Life to Live will continue episodes via the internet? Hoping AMC will, too.

Good day at work today - busy. I have four pages of 'to do's' but the neat thing about having that many is I get to see steady progress. I like to highlight things when they're done - so it's fun to see the multi-colored highlights all over the pages as my week progresses. The colors don't mean anything - I just use whatever highlighter is available -

We have a new water softener - and J. opened a Sears account for 12 months interest free! So I can just pay monthly instead of taking money out of savings.

Withered

My morning ritual of 4:45 awakening and spending some time on my virtual farm (and city and cafe) was interrupted by finding one of my farms totally withered. I have 'tools' that prevent this and on this particular farm (there are three now. I know. Yes, it's somewhat insanity creating....but it's also relaxing and amusing and I'm still living my life and doing what I need to do. So shoot me for admitting that I love my virtual reality games) it's an 'Unwither Ring'.

Thankfully, there was a notice at the top that confirmed some rings had been 'deactivated' and they were working on fixing the issue. But 'if you will click on your ring, that will fix the problem'.

Um.......

I don't know where my ring is. My farm is full of things and animals and trees and buildings and crops and crafting shops and market stalls and barns. It's decorated for Christmas every year and soon it will have cobwebs on buildings. And turkeys. I couldn't find my ring if my life depended on it. I have a vague idea of the vicinity of where my ring is the last time I needed to know (the day I placed it on my farm) but other than that, I have no idea where it is. I am writing them to suggest they create a 'find' tool....which will come in handy on other games as well. My virtual city has a 'mission' right now that involves a building that I'm sure I built somewhere, but I can't find it. It's a pretty big city and it's not easy to locate seldom visited 'city works' buildings.

If they don't fix the farm issue soon, I will be working on a major farm clean up this weekend! Which will go well with Phase II.a of the garage culling. We can see concrete! Progress!

Oh - and it was very fortuitous that we got our shtick together this past weekend and majorly culled and cleaned 'cuz our water softener appears to be leaking and there's water all over the garage. Yeah! $500 plus for a replacement (installation not included). It's lasted 11 years which is one year past the 'tank warranty'. Of course it is.

Happy Wednesday -

Socially Qualified

Today, we celebrate the day my better half officially becomes eligible for Social Security! Yeah! Happy #62, J. . How does it feel to know that should you need to (or decide to) retire, you'll receive approximately 1/3 of your current take home for the rest of your life? We can't live on that but that's ok - 'cuz you've been contributing to your 401(k) since you were young - so we're loaded, right? What? We're not? When did that happen? The last few years? Oh, yeah....right....for a moment, I forgot about this 'Great Recession' we've been living in for years. Seemingly forever. Watching everything we've worked for going up in smoke....

OK, it's not that bad. It's not. We're still solvent. Still have our health. Still vertical every day and able to clean out garages, etc. when we get enough energy to do so.

It's good to know that should you suddenly leave your job (for any reason, including just waking up one day and saying 'I'm done'), we would have some income.....with my income, we can make it for the foreseeable future.

All the while praying the two adults living with us begin making their own way sooner rather than later - but that's been a familiar theme and we're all doing just fine.

Still, officially Social Security eligible is certainly a milestone! So here's to your golden years, sweets! And many more! Only three more and you'll be eligible for Medicare!! Yippee!!!

Love you, my dear! More than words can say.....

Garage Wars

Have you watched the show "Storage Wars" on TV? It's amusing....people buy storage lockers that are being auctioned - hoping to find some treasure. Many own second hand stores and look for household items to put in their store. Others are collectors who are looking for unique items that may be worth something - or they may just keep them. It's an entertaining show and the 'characters' who are the buyers are interesting.

J. and I spent most of the day in the garage. We filled the trash bin and the recycle bin with junk. We also have a couple bags of books and a bag of CD's to donate to the library tomorrow. We uncovered some treasures - things to keep. H. is now wearing his grandpa's dog tag proudly around his neck.

We took many walks down memory lane - his parent's stuff, my mom's stuff. We made another pass at various paperwork boxes - shredded old mortgage stuff from our two Hayward homes. Shredded stuff from his parents.

The CD's were my mom's and it was definitely a reminder that she had very eclectic taste in music. Julio Iglesias, Alabama, barbershop singers, lots of classical, a bunch of other country artists. Barry Manilow singing with a full orchestra - hit of my mom's life vs. his 'hits'. She sure had a wide range of things she enjoyed.

J. got our bikes out and put air in the tires. I rode mine up and down the street - it needs a tune up because the back brake is rubbing on the tire constantly. We'll try to get them to the local bike shop next weekend and we both hope to start riding. It felt good to be cruising down the street and I might even ride my bike to work one or two days a week. It's do-able on days when I don't have work with me to bring back and forth.

We also have a list of things to put in my car and take a trip to the dump. We miss the days when the city would do two free pickups each year - they don't do that anymore (budget reductions) so we'll have to schlep our own stuff to the dump. Things that aren't garage sale-able (broken, non-working, etc.) and we don't want to keep them anymore.

Next is to actually have the garage sale we keep finding stuff to sell during! Hopefully the first or second weekend in October, before the rain arrives. And then committing that whatever doesn't sell has to GO. I'd love to actually get a car or two in our garage -

I am off on Monday! Believe it or not! I already have that 'kletchy' feeling in my stomach about being out of the office for a day - but I can do this! I can stay home on a day when others are working! I plan to take a bike ride....and keep tidying up stuff. And I have a doctor's appointment in Stockton so I will cruise into Trader Joe's for a few things. It will be fun. And I will be OFF!!

Lull

I am in a lull...which according to Merriam-Webster is defined as 'a temporary pause or decline in activity'. That's not how I would describe it but that's the definition.

Lulls can be wonderful - who doesn't want to temporarily pause or decline activity?

My lulls aren't like that. They are not just pauses - they're more like gulfs. Or abysses. Which isn't a word - I just looked. There is no plural for abyss. Why?

And starting a Monday with a post that requires too many Merriam Webster inquiries may not be optimal.

I am not sleeping well/much. I was wide awake at 3AM this morning so I got up - 'cuz staying in bed torturing myself about not sleeping isn't any more healthy than not sleeping. And getting up so early will result in tonight being a better night's sleep. God willing.

Another long week looms and I'm starting to hate that every week is a long week. And I don't usually feel that way about my work. I really don't.

So whatever this lull or abyss is, I hope it abates soon. The positive, 'can-do' Majah needs to return to the building ASAP -

The one who's here now typing this will need a nap in about 8 hours and will be unable to take one because she'll be working....

The cat is crying - his deep throaty meow.... searching for company and entertainment.

I know just how he feels.