Hot Diggety

Hot dog who is a HOT dog.

It's a little blurry 'cuz J. zoomed in.  Chloe's favorite bed is too warm and she inches further and further out as the morning progresses.  

105 today and it felt like the Sahara.  Scorching heat that made walking out of the office to the restroom something our entire office dreaded.  

I am feeling so cautiously optimistic about how year-end is going that I might just take off Saturday!  I am making good progress and getting things ready for my team to work on the data entry parts that need doing. 

I am one day away from making it through the first full week I've worked in a few weeks.  Time is zooming by - so quickly.

H. is taking himself to/from radiation daily.  He didn't make it there Tuesday because a bad traffic accident closed the freeway.  They moved his time to earlier in the afternoon but they are wedging in him for now. Today, he waited an hour and fifteen minutes to get in for the treatment.  He hates sitting around.  Next week, he is scheduled at 1:30 so that should help.  4:30 won't work for someone driving 45 minutes (that's with no traffic) 'cuz as Tuesday showed, stuff happens.

He feels fine and is out and about as usual once he's home.  Eventually, he will be fatigued and also have a really bad sunburn on the are being radiated.

I'm getting ready to head to bed - not close to dark yet but I am tired.  Full tilt working day after day does that to a person.  :-)

Ocular

After three hours in the office doing a bunch of organizing and other stuff (including schlepping cases of paper from our storage building to our offices....never let it be said that I'm not a full service CBO.  Thank goodness for the rolling cart we have in the storage room.  I can lift a case of paper up and put it on a cart.  I cannot carry it to a building and then repeat that multiple times.  We are well stocked for paper now and when the person who orders paper returns from her two week vacation Monday, she's going to be stunned that the extra cases of paper are gone.  Apparently, no one else wants to schlep paper either - so everyone waits until we are completely out), I headed home to load up the car and head to Jackson.

It was a nice night - sort of.  First, the hotel did not honor my requested room - so that bugged me.  The room I had was fine.  Except it was on the back side of the hotel and had really bad Internet connectivity. Couldn't respond to any work emails or even begin to do anything else Internet related.  Then,  I returned to my room around 8:30PM and realized there was an odd sound emanating from the room next door.  I phoned the front desk, initially thinking it was a child.  They told me there wasn't much they could do until it was 10PM.  After another half hour, it dawned on me:  it wasn't a child. There was no talking; no laughing; nothing.  Just whining.  I went down to the front desk to complain again - and to say 'I think it's an animal and it's in Rm. (one away from mine)'.  And the front desk clerk said 'oh, yes - the couple in that room have a service dog'.  I said 'well, it's been whining for hours and I'm not exactly having the restful evening I'd hoped for'.  She said 'They said if there was any problem with the dog, I should page them in the casino and they will come and quiet him'.

OK...let me get this straight.  First, it's a 'service dog'.  But the person it is serving apparently doesn't need to have the animal with them.  And they apparently knew the dog would whine and cry - she specifically said 'they said they will come and quiet him'.  They had a towel wadded up and placed outside the door to cover the crack under the door.  (Like that's really going to keep the sound from emanating down a hallway and/or down a floor).

I decided to go back to the casino to avoid the whining.  Bad decision 'cuz I lost.  But oh well.  I heard a couple being paged and wondered if that was them.  Killed time for about 40 minutes and then went back up.  Room was quiet.

The other interesting thing that happened was I got my first ocular migraine.  This happened in the afternoon.  I had talked to J. on the phone briefly and realized that my vision was strangely 'off'.  I saw a 'field' of vision that had rough, 'shards' on the edges.  Nothing I did changed it.  It followed wherever I looked.  I didn't feel off or bad in any way - no pain of any kind.  I've had a dull ear/throat thing for a couple days but that's 'usual' for me.  The vision issue continued for about 25 minutes - and then it went away.  I don't even know how I knew it was an ocular migraine - or where I even heard that term.  But I Googled it and sure enough - that's what it was.

Sadly, I also developed a full blown migraine-like headache in the night and didn't feel all that great this morning.  I did win a $370 jackpot this morning which put me back to being only down $100.  But then, of course, I got re-obsessed with the Titanic slots and lost a lot.  Oh well.  Still brought money home so while I lost, I didn't lose everything I took to lose.  So I'm still ahead!

Looking forward to a nice weekend with the fam.  H. starts radiation on Monday - he's ready to get on with it.  I'm sure the daily appointments 35 miles away are going to get old very quickly - but that's OK.  He's OK for now - and in decent spirits.

I'm heading to bed pretty early tonight, hoping for better sleep.  My headache is 'dull' and the nausea isn't too bad - I ate a cheese enchilada for dinner (thanks to J. for getting us takeout!) and at the moment, my main complaint is the terrible heartburn Mexican food always leads to.  It never stops me from eating it - but I pay for it.

Cyber Closeness

Reaching out via the blog to send cyber hugs to my sister - her hubby has been in the hospital for a few days. He's home now and they move into the 'rest before the next big thing' phase of medical things.  I feel well versed in all the things they are going through - I relate to how tired they are; how scary it all is; how unsure things feel.  It is sometimes very hard to be so far away geographically from my family and this is one of those times.  I'd bring dinners; do yard work; run errands.  Anything we could do to help, we'd be happy to. But we aren't there.  So we have to just wait for updates via Facebook messages, pray a lot and walk with them via the cyber world we live in.

I try to convince J. periodically to move to Arizona for retirement.  But this is home.  For now, anyway.

Unless we move to Lathrop.

H. enjoyed the trip out to look and agreed the model we like is 'best' for our family right now.  I'm not sure how much of that has to do with the entire upstairs being pretty much for him - a bedroom, a bathroom and a 'loft' is all that is on the upper floor of the house so it's a perfect 'hang out' for an adult living with their parents.  Though we think the loft will also be a really neat 'entertainment' room - game systems; big screen TV for movies, etc. - it's a nice space.

We talked to B. last night - first time he's called in a long time 'cuz before he visited us, he was living in a tank for weeks on end and we didn't hear from him much during that time.  We let him know we were looking at a new house - he seemed surprised about that but seemed better when we reassured him that yes, we would have a room for him - IF we move (and that's still a really big if right now), we would simply pack up his room and put it back in the new house.  We are giving up a one car garage space to ensure we have an available room for him but I don't want either of the 'kids' to ever feel like they have no place in our home. It's their home, too...and home is always home.  Though the decor may change when they (someday! it will happen) finally move out and are officially, truly on their own.

When that happens, then moving to Arizona might feel more feasible.  I'm still working for some years yet and while I do look and keep my eyes open for jobs in Arizona (and other states), it's not likely to happen.

Work has been good this week though I need to make a note to myself:  when I'm coming back from multiple weeks off, my assistant needs to be there if possible.  She's on a well-deserved vacation but boy, I miss her.  All these little details eat up so much of the day - makes me appreciate her so, so much more (and I already practically worship her).

Work tomorrow, then a quick interview panel commitment on Thursday morning and then off again for a couple more days.  It's bold, daring, slightly nuts - but oh well.

Huge Mistake. HUGE!

Curious about a new development in the town of Lathrop (12 miles north of Tracy), J. and I ventured out this afternoon and did one of our favorite things:  looked at model homes.  Motivated by considering a smaller home with fewer stairs and curious about this master planned community, we visited River Islands.

And fell in love with one of the home plans.  They won't accept contingency so we'd have to sell this place first, then live somewhere else while our home is built.  I have no doubt this home will sell - though it needs some serious culling out and the carpets need to be cleaned.  My friend sold her house in one week for more than they ever dreamed they'd get - the market is heating up and our house is a pretty sought after model. I'm sure we can sell it - it's just the mystery of timing.  The new home builder doesn't have a lot of 'time frames' on when they're building out the first phase.  We'd be basically rolling the dice and hoping it works out - and where we'd live in between is a huge question.

The neat thing about looking is I can totally picture us in the new house - and it's super easy to identify pieces of furniture we wouldn't want to/need to take with us.  I told J. 'let's just start pulling things out to the driveway on Saturdays and see what we can get rid of'.

We are going to head out to the development again tomorrow with H. in tow.  The house has most of the bedrooms downstairs but a loft and bedroom/bathroom are also on the upper floor - perfect for an adult 'child' still living with his parents.  We actually didn't want the upper rooms but they aren't optional - so when H. moves out someday, the loft and bedroom will be guest territory, pretty much.

The development is a beautiful community that is close to a river and has a large man-made lake in the middle.  When fully built, it will cover 4900 acres with 11,000 homes.  Tons of walking paths.  The builder we like doesn't have water front lots (which I am disappointed about).  The builder who has lake front lots (including boat docks) has homes that don't interest us - all two story and we just didn't care for the homes. They felt very small to us (thought the square footage wasn't really that much less) - just the way they laid things out feels 'compressed' vs. spacious.

Of course, there's a lot to consider but we may call a Realtor to get an idea of what our home would be listed for.  That's probably the best place to start 'cuz if we can't get what we need to make it happen, then there's no point in fretting about it anymore.

It was a huge mistake to look 'cuz now, I can picture us in that house - just like I could when we looked at this house 14 years ago.  I can totally see us living there - and doing another backyard (totally differently than this one). Never putting in a pool (expensive and we don't use it all that much); less high-maintenance plants and more space for seating.  Some of the homes in the development have a really neat 'California Room' - an outdoor area with a built in fireplace - but the model we like the best doesn't have that.  We can create our own outdoor kitchen area, fire pit with seating.  Keep the terraced backyard full of pretty, flowering shrubs and enjoy less maintenance.  It's so fun to think of another new house to make our own.

I do love our house - truly, I do.  I'm not in any real hurry to leave our neighborhood - and I wouldn't live in the district I work in.  That has a lot of pluses (it's not always easy to live in the neighborhood and town where you work) and minuses (I wouldn't ever be able to run for the school board if I move our of our district).  Oh well.

Still much to consider and after a day that has me incredibly tired, I look around and think 'no way are we ever going to be able to do this'.  But we could.

Let's see what H. thinks - and then take some pics to send to B. and we'll go from there.

What's the Haps?

News....news....news....

H. qualified for disability!  The benefit is around what he was getting for unemployment.  He got a back payment from April 17th through this past week - so yeah!  Unfortunately, we just sold some stock to pay his car insurance bill and now, technically, he has enough to pay it in full from the back payment - so we'll have some discussions about putting back the money we cashed out and reinvesting it?  Or just leaving it in savings.  And discussions about paying for the car repairs we recently paid for as well as reinstating the $50 a week 'room and board' we were having him pay when he was working.  Lest folks think we are being harsh, our out of pocket expenses for his medical bills, prescriptions, travel to/from doctors, etc. are not small and not nearly covered by the $50 a week - that just helps with groceries and electricity, basically. We'll see how those negotiations go.

And remind him that he's gone through $140 plus in just the past few days alone - getting his PICC out led to a variety of activities he's been unable to do being reinstated.  Hanging out with friends is expensive....especially now that he's legal and able to order a beer or two with dinner.

If you haven't watched the video of the woman kicking butt on American Ninja Warrior, you've got to watch it.  So, so amazing - I feel inspired to work out like a maniac just watching her.  Mental toughness and physical ability is really powerful when combined into a force - and she sure is one.  Way to go, Kacy Catanzaro!  You were so incredibly AMAZING!!

Sadness for Malaysia again.  Holy crap - can't believe another jet of theirs down - and this one intentionally taken down by militant fire.  Fly higher, folks.  Really.  And don't take jets over areas where militants have long range ground weapons they can fire at unsuspecting commercial aircraft.  Un-f-ing believable....prayers to the families of the victims.

I worked yesterday, will work tomorrow, then in the office M-W and then, I am miraculously off again Th-F next week.  It's a risk - but I need to use up as many carryover days this month as humanly possible.  I carried over 20 days - that's 4 full extra weeks I worked this past year.  I am committed to NOT doing that in this school year and I need to burn through carryover to help ensure I don't build up a ton of days.  Year-end is fast approaching but I know we will get it done.  The team is 'onboard' and I feel rejuvenated and energized, surprisingly.  I think the good news re: H. has really helped.

Wait!  What good news?  Oh - forgot you don't know that part yet.  We saw the radiologist for a consultation on Monday - nice doctor.  Plan is for three weeks of radiation everyday M-F.

Saw the oncologist on Tuesday - confirmed what radiologist had said - blood clot totally 'resolved'.  Gone! No more Lovenox injections into his stomach everyday!  No more restrictions on activities.  And no more chemo - so his PICC line was removed on Tuesday during the home nurse visit.  Yeah!  He's back to 'normal' on many fronts and even though cancer is still there and it's still a huge 'thing', it's nice to have some normality back in his life.  He can shower; jump in the pool; get into a lake; target shoot; basketball with friends; work out and lift weights at the gym; etc.!  Things he's missed so much in the past month as the clot became center stage.

The tumor (mass) responded well to the chemo so now, the hope is radiation will blast it to bits and it will be non-existent at the end of his three weeks.  Then a lot of followups and blood work and regular scans but hopefully back on the road to full recovery.

After oncologist appointment Tuesday, we headed back to radiologist (right across the parking lot) and H. got three more tattoos - teeny, tiny dots of permanent ink on his chest that will help them 'line up' where he needs to be in the scanner for best placement of the radiation.  We were lucky to be wedged in again so we didn't have to drive back to Modesto another day to do that.  The staff at both offices are very, very nice and helpful.  H. can even drive himself to/from the radiation appointments - unlike chemo, he won't have any serious side effects that start during the treatment.

So - we're moving forward.  He's in good spirits; feels good; not excited about daily trips to Modesto for three weeks but oh well.  His side effects should be few (OH - and he never lost his hair even after six chemo rounds - the doctor was pretty impressed).  Some fatigue from radiation is expected as well as his skin eventually having a 'bad sunburn' from the radiation.

Tomorrow, I drive to Visalia (where J. grew up) and attend a budget workshop in the morning.  I'll have a nice lunch and then probably drive by the old house and head home.  Have a hair appointment at 7PM tomorrow which I desperately need 'cuz it's been close to two months and my long-ish hair in this heat is not a great plan.  It's flat as a pancake shortly after foofing it.  :-(

Happy weekend!! (soon.  Very soon).  My goal for 14-15 school year is to enjoy weekends! vs. working them.  :-)  Here's hoping.

Time with H.

I took H. to Jackson today.  He turned 21 in late May so what better way to introduce him to the joys of gambling than a visit to my favorite casino.

We had a wonderful day - great fun, good conversation, enjoyed a buffet dinner.  Played and played, losing every penny we brought with us to lose and all the free play and winnings we had as well.

Jackson is a great place for a young person to gamble primarily because they don't serve alcohol.  The founder of the casino was adamant about that - she wanted no alcohol in their bingo hall (which was the start of the casino as it now exists) because of the prevalence of alcohol abuse in the area.  They serve free sodas, bottled water and all kinds of 'shakes' - like Frappucino's.

The day illustrated the important points I intended it to:  a) you don't always win; b) you can lose a lot of money very quickly; and c) when you see it as entertainment and are gambling with money you are willing to lose, you've got nothing to lose and it's fun.

If you were gambling with your rent money, hoping to double it 'cuz you need a car repair you don't have money for, it's a teeny bit different.  So don't ever do that.  Just play what you can afford to kiss goodbye and even then, keep it all in moderation.  Had I not had a couple really great wins lately, I don't think we would have gone up today - it was an expensive day and funding two of us is way more $ far more quickly than just funding myself.  Still, I wouldn't trade it for anything.

He's young and smart and curious and such a great conversationalist.  We chatted away about a variety of topics and he asks a lot of questions about 'things I've been wondering about'.  Like filing income taxes; buying a house; saving for retirement.  Things like that.  He's always full of ideas and things to talk about and he's really awesome company.

Like so many young people, he's in a hurry to get to where he's 'making money like you and Dad make/made'.  And I keep telling him repeatedly that we didn't make that kind of money when we were in our 20's - and honestly, instead of spending all this time fretting and wondering about what to do with the rest of your life, just start to do something - and let it all sort itself out on it's own.  He might want to be a teacher - but because he's not sure that's what he wants to do, he doesn't want to spend time in school 'for nothing'. I say 'get a degree no matter what 'cuz that piece of paper shows employers that you're smart; that you work hard; that you're motivated.  That's important - and that degree gets your foot in the door a lot of places'. Still, he wants it all to be easy.  Like a $100K a year job right at the start.  He bases what he wants to do on how much money it will make - like he asked 'what do I need to do to be a civil engineer, 'cuz they make a lot of money'.  I said 'well, six years of college in engineering - which is math, physics, etc.'.

And then there was this - the thing that totally, completely knocks the air out of my lungs and makes me tear up the entire way home:  what if?  It's always car rides that are hardest for me - the solitude of the car lets all the thoughts flood in and I think 'what if someday, every time I'm driving to Jackson, I will be always thinking about 'remember that time you went with H.?'....and he's not on this earth anymore?  How will I cope with that?  How do I cope now with that possibility?  I can't handle it now - much less....if.....

Saying goodbye to son #1 before we left didn't help the emotions either.  It's always hard seeing him go. He's so sad himself about leaving - and especially this time when we're not sure Christmas will happen - it will depend on where he is at that point and he's always got something 'in the works'.  B. and I went to breakfast yesterday and I gave him girl advice (he said 'you are SO SMART about this stuff'.  I pointed out the obvious:  I am a girl.  And I've also been young and pursuing or being pursued).  Also enjoyed the time with him alone very much - and miss him so much, it hurts to think about him being away again.  Hoping for Christmas but not sure - and then thinking 'well, we'll try to get to El Paso for a long weekend in the fall'...we've got a lot of possible things planned for fall and at some point, my budgetary mind will kick in and I'll realize we can't fund all the places we want to go...we'll see.

I love these two young men with every ounce of my being - and days like today bring all that home.  I was so full of emotion that after H. headed out to a friends house, I asked J. 'for a hug'.  Chloe got all 'worried' and barked like a maniac.  Really?  We're hugging -

I love the third slightly less young man with every ounce of my being, too....he's my heart.

I have to attempt to take my own advice:  one day at a time and enjoy every moment in the moment.

Winning

Stark realization this trip:  even when you win, the obsession to keep winning; or win more; or a zillion other crazy-ass thoughts that flood my mind - it's strange.  It's been a very fun few days and I've done very well. So well that I wonder if it's some kind of casino anniversary here or something - 'cuz there was a point late last night where I thought 'I can't lose'.  A bank of Titanic machines that was so fun and paid so well.  I was so obsessed that I went back down around 9:30 and won BIG again!  It's sure great to win.

And yet - it's still 'never enough' or 'wouldn't the $1M+ progressive be great?'.

It's a poignant reminder to live in the moment and to be so incredibly grateful for what is good right now. This trip really brought that home to me more than I can explain.

I don't think I will never gamble again - but I have a new perspective about it.  It's fun and it's 'entertainment' but when your stomach clenches when the fifth wheel doesn't give you the symbol to trigger a bonus round you feel you 'need' or 'deserve' even though you're going home with WAY more than you brought - that's telling me something.

I think I'm just too obsessed with winning - even when I'm winning.  And obsession isn't really 'fun'.

All that being said, I'm still planning to go play a bit more before I head home.  I obsessed too much and went down uber early this morning and you never win in the early morning hours...so yes, I will try again. Turning $100 into $1200 like I did last night would be a lot of fun and a nice close to a pleasant three days.

My only regret is that this is the second trip up here in less than a month that I am returning home with significantly more than I started with - and my just barely 21 year old son thinks he can make a living gambling.

It has seemed 'easy' the past two times I've been up here.

I'm not someone who does crazy things at the slot machine to win.  I don't rub the screen or caress the machine.  I don't hit the spin button with flourish - raising my hand high up, then down to hit the button and then a huge wave after it's spinning.  I'm not THAT obsessed.  It's so strange to watch people do the things they do that they think will help them win.  Obsession is rampant, clearly - with all the oddities that go with obsessive behavior.

No plans the rest of this week except stuff around the homestead.  Monday and Tuesday are various appointments for H. in Modesto.  Working Wednesday all day (interviews) and then heading to Visalia for a budget workshop next Friday - so my staycation will be closing with work.  I've had to log in remotely now and then to move stuff forward - which has been OK though I dread the pinging of my phone.  Oh well.

Quiet

Selfishly enjoying the peace and quiet.  No video game 'wars' going on.  No barking dog.  It's a lovely evening spent watching a house flipping show on HGTV (never seen it before but it's good and it's a marathon - so plenty to watch).  I had a pastrami sandwich and fries for dinner - oh, and Indian Fry Bread with powdered sugar and honey.

The sunset has the sky shades of orange and pink.  It's after 8:30 and sunset still in progress.  My room has a pretty view and a balcony.

Leisurely morning piddling around.  Made banana bread to use very ripe bananas.  Boys happy.  Froze our leftover turkey chili and cooked the last pack of ground turkey for freezing.  Load of laundry to have clothes to take to Jackson.  J. did his walk; H.'s nurse came and did a dressing change.  His rash has completely healed.  Benadryl cream is a miracle worker 'cuz it kept him from scratching and the rash healed pretty quicky once he stopped irritating it.

Nice drive up to Jackson.  Arrived in time to watch the line of buses picking up folks at the bus entrance/exit. Checked in to hotel and got settled in room, then played for a bit.  Grabbed my dinner to go and headed up to the room where I've spent a few hours on the Internet and just 'chillaxing'.

Missing my guys but so appreciative of the time away and the quiet.  Thinking I will do some driving around and exploring tomorrow and maybe see a movie.  It will kill time that's a lot less expensive than gambling.

H. has a CT scan tomorrow and hoping there's no 'emergency' call this time re: something that needs intervention stat.

Thanks to my sweet hubby for holding down the fort at home - he's the best!

Kids Will Be Kids

Even when they're adult kids.

It's been a really wonderful day and it's been hugely fun to hear the boys having fun together.  They're playing video games and joking around.  It's been a long time since they've done that.  They laugh just like they did when they were little -

I asked for one of them to take the dog out and I hear some kibbitzing and then B. does it.  I think H. plays the 'I have cancer, dude' card using visual hints only - and it works.  It's hugely nice to hear H. laughing.  I'm sure he laughs when he's with friends (I hope he does, anyway) but I haven't heard him laugh in a really long time and it sounds lovely.

We are heading to dinner at our favorite Mexican food restaurant around 5 and we will all be going - it's also been a very long time since we were all out to dinner together.

I suggested going to the Stanislaus County Fair Friday or Saturday and there seemed to be support of that activity as well.  I'm ready to spring for fair food and fair activities - a final fun day before B. heads back to El Paso on Sunday.

It's always hard to see him go but it feels especially hard this time 'cuz he's not sure when he'll be back. Hopefully Christmas - but he's not sure of training schedules for things he's planning so we'll just have to wait and see.

First Official

Today is actually the first official vacation day - last week was a lot of short days that didn't count but it wasn't technically a vacation.  Today is the first of two weeks - though at the moment, next week is looking like a few shorter days as well.  Oh well.  We have a lot of interviews scheduled for positions that are critical to our district and I'm not opting out of being included on the panels for those interviews.  It's still a vacation just to not set an alarm for 5AM daily.

I went to Jackson yesterday and lost what I took to lose in record time.  Killed time by driving to the little town of Pine Grove.  Always keeping an eye out for where we could 'land' someday.  It was a nice afternoon and a good reminder that my recent win doesn't happen very often, really.  Too easy to think it's just that easy to keep winning - but I didn't.

The let-down of not winning had me planning to cancel my two night stay (tomorrow and Wednesday) but my wonderful hubby has convinced me to go.  I'm still 'ahead' (given my recent win) and he knows me better than anyone - and I treasure a little down time 'all by myself'.  I tried to suggest we maybe take the kids to the beach for a couple days - spending a fortune for last minute rooms somewhere beachy in our area - and said 'we are horrible parents - all we do is sit around'.  He reminded me that we aren't really 'parenting' these days as much as we are living with two adults.  They are rarely home and their idea of a good time has very little to do with spending time with their parents.  Guess he's right and I should quit feeling guilty about not having great family time when 50% of the family isn't all that interested.

So off to Jackson I go!

We've had some good news.  H. does qualify for state disability - we didn't think he did since he was unemployed at the time he was diagnosed.  But the unemployment folks did a phone interview with him and suggested he apply for benefits.  He will likely receive more on disability than he did on unemployment and weekly funds would be a huge help.  Our budget is managing  as we pay out of pocket expenses that are shocking.  Some of his meds are covered minimally by our insurance and the co-pays alone for office visits, meds, etc. are significant.  Still, we're doing fine - but providing him with 'pocket money' to go out and hang out with friends has been a challenge.  Disability benefits would really help - so fingers crossed they come through.  The nurse at the oncologist's office was totally up to speed on the process (it's all online now) and said she would put him as disabled through the end of 2014.  If he ends up being able to work before then, it can be changed.  What a relief.

J.'s headed out for his daily walk.  I'm going to pull on clothes and a hat and work outside for a bit.  The weather is muggy today - high, puffy, dark clouds in the sky which is keeping the heat socked in big time. Thunder storm weather lurking.

Even with all the uncertainty (wishing I had a crystal ball), I still feel very blessed and grateful.  When I'm blue, I need to remind myself of that more often - but it's so true.  We are so truly blessed -

Staycation Facts

Observations on staying home....

When we go to Cancun, my feet swell like crazy.  By the end of the first day, my feet are swollen and sore. I've always assumed it was the heat and humidity in Mexico.  But I've been wrong about that.

It's not wearing shoes that does it.  I know that 'cuz I've been pretty much barefoot the past few days and yesterday, my feet were as swollen as they are at the beach.  So it's not the heat and humidity...it's not wearing shoes.

I'd love to remedy that by putting shoes on but I'm not going to.  Wearing my Keen sandals today which are loose and pretty comfy, all things considered.

Just like in Cancun, the days pass quickly filled with not much of anything in particular.  I feel lazy and sink into that feeling.  Since we're home, much beckons to be done and I do a little bit each day.  Nothing spectacular but little things that bug me - and I have the time to fix them.

I did do one big thing yesterday -

A friend of mine had her husband of 17 years walk out on her and her son this past week.  Pronouncing that it was all a huge mistake - their marriage; having their son - he moved on to someone else who has apparently been a factor in the marriage for some time, though the wife (my friend) didn't know that.  He left a brokenhearted woman and a brokenhearted son and left just a couple days before his son's 17th birthday. What a great memory for that young man.

His mom posted pictures on Facebook showing his gifts - a mandolin and a guitar.  Made me think 'he seems to enjoy string instruments - wonder if he'd be interested in a banjo?'.  So I Facebook messaged the mom and asked.  She wrote back and said 'actually, he wanted all three and there was a 'package' deal the store offered for all three - but I couldn't quite swing it financially'.  [Additional info:  her ex left a house full of reptiles - snakes, etc. - and she's desperately trying to get rid of them 'cuz she can't afford to feed them. Mice are expensive.  My immediate thought was 'snakes.  How fitting.  Snakes for a snake'].

So I let my friend know that I would be sending her son my 5-string banjo.  In absolutely pristine condition (a little wear on the white head but that's normal for a banjo and easy to fix).  I had it restrung - our local music store did a terrible job - the lower string bar is off center and crooked - but taking it back to the store to get it fixed again would have delayed another few days...so I included a little money to get that fixed as well as a new head (should have had that done, too, but then they probably would have messed that up, too) and a couple music books.  And hopefully enough to take his mom to dinner.

It was shipped off to Tennessee yesterday and it makes me so happy to give it to someone who will really enjoy it.  It was a gift from my mom in my teen years but it doesn't make me at all sad to let it go.  It should be played - and to give it to a young man who loves music and plays everyday is just the best feeling!

J. is playing music at church today and I'm heading up to Jackson for an afternoon of play time.  I'm booked to spend two nights there this week but might get that out of my system by going up for the afternoon instead. It's a pretty drive on a pretty day and I'll enjoy playing a bit, having lunch and then head home in time for dinner.

Happy Birthday, America

Homemade chili simmering on the stove.  J. is making fruit salad and guacamole.  An assortment of refreshing beverages getting slushy-like in the fridge.  We'll also have the fixing for hot dogs and chili dogs.  I showered around 1PM (lovely lazy morning in my nightgown!) and pulled on my swimsuit.

H. has been sleeping an incredible amount the past few days.  Yesterday, he slept until 4PM.  I was worried when I got home from not working at 1 (that's what I'm calling it - not working though I did work but it's not counting 'cuz I have so many carryover days, it's ridiculous.  It was a good, quick (not as quick as I'd hoped) day and I was home just after 1.  And immediately concerned that H. hadn't been seen or heard from.  J. checked on him - he rolled over to see J. and went back to sleep.  Even H. was surprised when he realized he'd slept all day long.  He's pretty nauseous this round so sleeping it off is the best way to manage that symptom.  He eats....and then loses what he ate (pretty often).  He's sure a trooper.  Never complains.  Just keeps doing what he needs to do and takes his meds as needed to keep the symptoms as managed as we can.

B. spent one night and a couple days in Santa Cruz fishing with friends.  Tonight, he's heading out to celebrate with friends.  It will be a quiet 4th of July except for the gazillion fireworks going off.  Fireworks have been going off nightly for a couple weeks so this should be interesting.  We aren't usually home this time of year (miss you, Playa del Carmen and Luna Encantada) so this will be the first 4th we've had at home in a few years.

I am officially OFF for all of next week and some parts of the following.  I have scheduled a two night stay in Jackson...but may head up on Sunday for the day and cancel the mid-week stay to save the expense of the hotel and meals.  I'm torn 'cuz I would enjoy the time by myself but then B. is home.  I was planning to head to Jackson the day he left but had to revise that to accommodate some of H.'s appointments the week of the 14th.  So now I'm just not sure what I'll do.  See how it goes.  Glad to have flexibility.

We're still working on emptying the compost bin.  My cousin S. asked a good question - 'cuz I referred to 'old' compost.  By definition, all compost is old - the older the better, in theory.  But we've got years and years of compost that didn't mulch well - it didn't break down.  Likely a lack of enough green and failure to keep it moist.  It's also a 'box' composter so it's not really possibly to easily 'move it around' as much as we should.  Probably should have invested in the kind you crank to turn the bin over and over.  We're hoping if we clean out all the 'old' stuff, we can do a better job adding green - and get our gardener to help by putting grass clippings in the bin, too.  All the juicing by products make excellent compost - so fingers crossed we can do a better job.

I'm binge watching Sherlock episodes like crazy.  Love Netflix.  Also looking forward to catching the new season of Orange is the New Black this week.

Beautiful week ahead and grateful to have the down time.

Confusion

Days on and off - off and on - leads to mornings like this when I awaken just before 4 and am not sure if it's a day I can go back to sleep for another few hours or get up.  Today is a 'get up' day....though it took me some heavy duty still-half-asleep thinking to get there.  Last day, though, for awhile so that's a good thing.

H. had what we hope is his final chemo yesterday.  I arrived around 11AM for the doctor appointment part of the morning and found him already feeling seriously not well.  Poor guy.  He was home by a little after 1PM and headed straight to bed.  Slept until just after I got home around 5.  Found him on the couch this morning where he landed after coming downstairs to get meds in the night.

We have a radiology appointment on the 14th, an oncology appointment on the 15th.  Changed my Jackson get away (yes, I'm going to try to go again for a couple nights more alone time - hey, it's my vacation, too, and that's what sounds like a break vs. sitting at home starting at the gazillions of things that need doing.  Not that I will necessarily do any or all...but they loom.  Hard to feel like it's a break with so much looming).  B. may be irritated that I'm heading out for a few days next week but then he's rarely home anyway so what's the difference?  (And I say that without a single ounce of begrudging him 'cuz he is more than welcome to come and go as he pleases - and we shall do the same).

Staycations are not as great as they sound....'cuz you're staying.  But it's not working...so that will have to do.  Only there is some working - board meeting on the 15th; interview panels on the 16th; budget workshop on the 18th.  You get the picture.  If I were in Cancun, none of those things would be on my radar....but I'm here.  Damn radar.

I make mental lists of things I want to do 'as soon as I get home'.  Though what usually happens is I arrive home with a totally fried brain.  I am going to try, though - and at least with staying, there's plenty of time for wedging in some doing.

H. will start six weeks of radiation towards the end of the month.  Everyday of the week except weekends. Most common side effect is fatigue and then towards the end, they said the area being radiated will have 'like a bad sunburn.  And since your esophagus is in the field of radiation, that may also start to hurt when you swallow'.  Milkshakes!  Yeah, Magic Bullet which makes whipping up a smoothie or a shake a cinch.

Sooner I get to work, the sooner I can come home for what was to be 18 days off in a row - and will still be many days off in a row followed by some going in as needed.  It's OK.  Summer's are easy-going and quiet and it is easy to get a lot done with few interruptions.  We have lots of new staff this year so it will be a fun month of getting to know folks before the school year begins for real.