The Whiteness is Blinding

Snow.  More snow.  Still snowing.  Will it ever stop snowing?  These are things we've pondered.  

I-80 is closed so our neighbors (who spent Christmas in El Dorado Hills at her Mom's house) can't get home.  Dinner tonight is very likely not happening.  We are sad about that 'cuz we were really looking forward to it.  But totally understand.  

There was a 20 car accident yesterday on Hwy 580 (between us and Reno) and that highway is either shut down completely or chains required.  

When you look outside, the brightness is so intense, you can't look at it very long.  I understand now where snow blindness comes from.  

B. and I had 'words' this morning so we've both retreated to our separate corners.  We will work it out.  We always do.  It's hard visiting your parents for a week.  And it's hard for parents having adult children visiting.  Make no mistake - we love having him here.  Truly love it.  But I remember what it felt like to be 'home' only it wasn't.  And days and days of snow make doing much of anything outside our house pretty impossible.  Meals out?  Not happening.  Craving In 'n Out?  Sorry, we can't get there.  Or we could.  But we might crash a car and really?  Even an In 'n Out burger isn't worth that risk.  He is intense even when he's vacationing and sometimes the intensity is a bit much.  We're not used to having a third person in the house - not that we don't LOVE having any and all people visit - but it's just the shift in dynamic of any house guest.  It's fun.  But it's busy and full.  

We all just needed to ratchet back.  Most likely especially and mostly me.  I can be intense, too.  I know that. 

And as if this day wasn't hard enough - home-bound, pissy, nervous about just how much more snow can possibly fall from the sky - today, we have confirmation that H. does have a phone.  And is knowingly and quite specifically not contacting his family.  His parents.  

The person who relayed the information was indignant at his lack of communication - and told him so.  How hard his lack of communication is on his family.  She said 'I'm a mom now, too, and I can't imagine how hard it would be for H.'s mom to not hear from him'. 

For me, it makes it way (WAY) easier to just step back and say 'enough'.  I can't imagine what in the world we've ever done to deserve him treating us this way - but he is.  And OK.  So be it.  True, it's his addiction blurring the lines between acceptable and unacceptable behavior?  But maybe not.  He has the presence of mind to phone a friend (and ask for money) and then when asked 'are you in touch with your family?' say specifically 'no, I'm not calling my Mom 'cuz it's just easier for me to not do that'.  Wow.  Alrighty, then. 

Perfect White Christmas

Our Thursday trip to Reno for free play was thwarted by colossally horrible weather.  The highway between Carson City & Reno had chain requirements - definitely a first since we've lived here.  That road is a major highway - it is one of the first to get plowed and NDOT does a great job of keeping roads as open and passable as possible. 

One thing we have noticed this year is they aren't brining the roads as much.  The last two winters you'd know some serious weather was happening because the roads would be striped with brine - a super salty water mixture that helps stop ice on the roads.  

I did a Google search and it sounds like NDOT is having a very hard time finding staff...so they are doing more snow plowing vs. preventative brining.  Makes driving anywhere a bit more stressful because you're never sure if ice will form or not.  

We made it to Atlantis yesterday and it was not a great day in terms of play return.  There was lots of play and we had a really fun time but....slots were tight.  

Our Christmas Eve was very low key.  I did manage to (finally) wrap a few very small things we got for B. so by the time I went to bed, there were packages under the tree.  

I slept in until a smidge after 9 (!!!) and was thankful to see the almond croissants I had taken out of the freezer to rise had been baked by J. - coffee and a croissant was a great start to the day.  

Around 10:30, our casino host messaged me and asked 'are you on your way'?   I replied 'no, because our dinner time is 2PM'.  I asked 'can we come early - is there space at earlier seatings' and she said 'just come now and ask for me at the check-in desk'.  We had a very narrow window of when we would be able to get there and back - the forecasts for weather showed intense snow in late afternoon - so if we couldn't get there early, we wouldn't get there at all.  It all worked out.  

I had emailed her yesterday to ask if there would be any way we could get a third seat - up until yesterday, she had replied 'sorry, it's completely sold out'.  Yesterday, she didn't reply at all - and I took that as a 'maybe'. When we were at the casino, she came by to say 'hi' and said a party of 8 - a family of really huge gamblers - had cancelled and she was really bummed about it.  They were coming from the bay area and the weather was keeping them away - we are pretty sure they had cancellations all over the place.  

We made it to the buffet, three seats waiting for us and the best part was instead of using our comps to pay, the casino picked up the tab.  I pointed out an issue a couple weeks ago - an issue that happened the same way last year when I made an issue of it - and our host offered to do anything she could to make it right.  So she comped all of our buffets.  Saved us close to $300 so that was very nice.

The Special Events staff does such an amazing job - it was so beautiful.  I loved all the small details - like colored lights shining onto the top of the glass chandeliers (not pictured) giving them a subtle green and red 'glow'.  Perfect for the day!  It was really lovely. 

First time ever I was at Atlantis and didn't play a bit.  We ate and ran.  Headed home and while there was a bit of snow, it was mostly blowing snow and very dry.  We'd hit the road at the best possible time. We were home a little ahead of when we would have been leaving for our 2PM reservation - and it started snowing buckets.  In a very short time, everything outside was covered with a couple inches of fresh snow.  

We watched a Harry Potter movie.  B. wanted to watch all the movies from #4 on so we hunkered down in the living room to do that.  The cats are blissfully happy about people sitting with them on the couches.  Lots of purring and snuggling.  

We made some deviled eggs for 'dinner' and there can also be bacon sandwiches.  I'm about to go make some saltine cracker candy - looks relatively easy and we could all use something sweet.  

Didn't hear from H. but didn't really think we would.  I ponder 'will we ever hear from him again?'.  Not sure we will.  

B. will wing his way back to Nashville on Thursday.  Our neighbors reached out yesterday to say they are staying in California for Christmas - but we've arranged to meet for dinner on Monday night - so nice of them to make time to spend time with us when B. is visiting.  

It's been a truly White Christmas and while low key, it's been lovely.  It's nice just hanging out together and it's been wonderful having B. here.  

Pre-Surgery

J. has a host of pre-surgery appointments (total hip replacement) this week and next.  Today, he is in Reno getting pre-registered at the hospital.  He will also find out if I'm allowed to wait for him to be out of surgery.  We are thinking with the new Omicron variant of COVID that will be a 'no'.  (And I'm thinking even if it isn't a 'no', I'm not sure I want to hang out in a hospital for any length of time unless absolutely necessary).  

We bought a supply of N95 masks since we read that's one of the recommended things to do if you are out in crowded public places.  Example:  casinos.  

B. arrives tomorrow evening and we are hopeful weather will cooperate.  He doesn't arrive until 8:30 so we'll be traveling across the big bridge between Carson City & Reno in the dark - quite possibly one of my very least favorite things to do.  If there is snow, we have our neighbor T. on standby as backup - he and his wife are having dinner in Reno so they will be there and can get B. as they head back to Carson.  We'll see.  If it's only rain, we can make it.  

I looked into making our next car a 4WD vs. AWD but am not convinced that will really solve our issues. And I'm looking forward to making my last 12 car payments on the RAV4 and not having a car payment for a good long while.  

B.'s friend R. is hoping to travel to Reno from Stockton to spend time with B. - but that is entirely weather dependent so we'll see.  While travel here doesn't look like it will be too bad, the travel from California to Nevada is looking pretty awful so we'll just have to wait and see.  

I'm trying to adjust to not knowing all the plans - have to just let the weather play out and we'll see what can be arranged.  

There's still tons of snow on the ground and it's fun to take a look out the kitchen window as we're making our morning coffee to see what variety of new tracks are out there.  Our neighbor heard and saw a trio of coyotes a couple nights ago and we know we've had a ton of rabbits in the backyard.  And there sure are a lot of rabbit (and other) tracks on the golf course - I know the coyotes are hungry so I'm hoping the rabbits are being careful.  I saw one darting along the fence as I cooked dinner a couple nights ago - a flash of something 'dark' ran by the window and I hurried to see - a big jack rabbit making its way back to the safety of the bushes just across the golf course.  

We know the letter we sent to H. arrived to the person we mailed it to - but we don't know if H. has it.  We asked S. to please let us know when he'd been able to give it to H. - we haven't heard from him so far.  And I think it's possible H. would ask him not to say anything or H. would refuse to take it - and S. probably doesn't want to convey that info - especially as we head into a major holiday week.  I feel OK about it - it is what it is, I guess.  And I know we have made an effort to reach out - and if H. doesn't reciprocate, then OK.  That's on him.  

I make that sound easier than it is and/or ever will be but we can't control his actions.  It hurts our hearts on a regular basis.  But as one of the songs on repeat on my phone says (referring to memories) 'they're getting softer everyday'.  With each passing month, things get a bit easier.  Just a smidge.  It's an adjustment to be out of touch with someone we love - our son - but we remind each other that we have zero control over any of it - the only thing we can control is how we are about all of it.  And we're determined to live a happy, contently retired life.  No matter what.  

A few Christmas cards are trickling in to our mailbox - and sometimes, they are just a huge let down.  A friend who (also) moved from Tracy to a new home on the California coast sent a card with zero chattiness.  A nice Christmas greeting - but no info on how they are doing.  This matches the last Facebook message they sent me where I responded immediately and it was crickets after.  Hmmm.  I know we are all just so busy this time of year and my cards won't be terribly chatty with people - but that's mostly because the people I'm sending cards to our people I'm in touch with fairly regularly.  So they already know our news (if any).  Mostly, anyway.  

The point of the above paragraph is that we sent cards last year and may send cards this year but I'm not sure we're going to keep sending cards.  It's hard to have the one chance a year people have to stay in touch be disappointing more often than not.  

OK.  That's enough musing about things that are sad.  Life is good.  We are very blessed.  It's not hard to remind ourselves of that 'cuz we feel it every single day.  Life is a gift and we're plowing through it - one day at a time.

One Week Away

As expected, the month of December has/is flying by.  What a month.  Busy.  

We've had a fair amount of snow the past week.  Woke up this morning to rabbit tracks across the entire backyard.  They made the most perfect, beautiful tracks in the new snow.  

On Wednesday, we headed to Atlantis for our weekly free play.  I debated waiting until Thursday - but J. said we knew we had a bit of a window late Wednesday afternoon weather wise and if we waited for the next day, we might not be able to get there.  So off we went.  

At 4PM on the nose, this happened:  

 

 
SECOND Grand Jackpot on Dragon Link - less than 3 weeks from the first.  Another totally epic day.  Even more epic was the Major ball dropping in the full screen of 15 - and while I'm not positive, I think the Major was the 15th orb - but I can't be sure about that.  Just like the first one, it happened so quickly I couldn't really believe it.  I texted J. right away and he hurried over from the Blackjack tables to see.  So cool.  We headed home not too long after - when J. texted me and said 'we need to get on the road for weather issues'.  J. drove home in a full-on snow storm and it was a bit scary.  But we made it.

The day before this big win, we spent some time with our neighbors - and G. and I both shared our horrible losses lately.  She was feeling really down - like I was in early November.  So we chatted for a bit and talking really helped us both.  This is a strange hobby to have and while I've had some great recovery the past few weeks, it will go to shit at some point again - it's gambling.  It's never a sure thing.  I told her my epic losses in early November made the win of my first Grand (the day after Thanksgiving) so much sweeter.  I really needed that huge win and there it was.  We promised to share more so when either of us needs encouragement or we want to share the luck, we will!  So the next day, I hit this 2nd epic win - it was a wow moment for sure.  

They are the nicest people on the planet.  Yesterday, G.'s husband T. sent J. a text 'hey, I just shoveled off your driveway and sidewalks.  I did ours and was on a roll so I just kept going'.  Bless his heart!  We hit the neighbor lottery for sure.  

In other news, earlier this week, we mailed a letter to H. care of the person we know who has seen him recently.  We kept the letter brief - mostly reminding him we love him and care about him - forever and always.  And that we would wish a different life for him and encouraged him to make different choices. We also included two self addressed (to us) stamped envelopes, 3 pens and some blank sheets of notebook paper and encouraged him to write us back.  I don't know if we will hear from him or not.  Probably not is what I think will be the result.  But we are trying.  At least we'll know we did something to try to establish communication.

I've been re-reading the blog and gaining confirmation and perspective on H.'s issues - which have existed for a very long time.  I should feel completely stupid for so many of the observations made that never added up - and of all the things I ever thought, him being a heroin addict wasn't even anything I ever considered.  We were naive and stupid and gullible.  And re-reading it all just feels so damn exhausting.  And more than a little hopeless at times.  Sometimes I think one of my 'I'm retired now with so much time on my hands' projects will be to do a timeline summary of the stories.  The things we realized after months of events that never made sense.  Really, truly - event after event morphing and changing with nothing making sense.   

My heart (often) feels heavy these days.  

Other great news:  B. has been able to coordinate his schedule so he can be here for Christmas.  He said he owes a lot of people a lot of favors but he is OK with that.  His new job has him working 11AM - 8PM four to five days a week so I suspect he will be working long stretches of days in a row to offset the extra shifts his co-workers took so he could travel home.  B. hasn't been home for Christmas since 2017 so it's been a long while!  We are so excited!  

I made a list of all available dinners - we've been eating off the freezer and pantry for the past few weeks and little by little, we're cleaning out both freezers.  The difference a list makes is amazing - J. asked 'thoughts on dinner' earlier today and my initial reaction was 'I have no idea' which would then lead to take out.  But instead, I opened up the Excel file, gave him a few ideas and we created chili dogs out of what we had on hand.  Only one can of chili and no buns - so I used some frozen dinner rolls and Texas toast.  The only bad thing is:  while cutting the dinner rolls (which had a very crispy outside and soft inside), I cut my index finger on my left hand.  It's not a big cut but it's pretty deep - it bled for a long time and we finally just put a band aid on it (tightly).  It might benefit from a stitch or two but I think it will heal on it's own.  Fingers crossed.  

I'll be putting together a grocery order this weekend for pickup early next week to be sure we have what we need for the week with B. here.  And his friend R. is coming to visit for a night or two as well while he's here so we'll have extra company.  

In a break from our usual tradition of Prime Rib at Christmas (at home), we are going to the Atlantis Grand Ballroom Christmas dinner.  Well, I mean B. & J. are - I didn't think B. was coming so I didn't get a third ticket for him - so we only have seats for two.  The amount of food I eat at any buffet never justifies the expense - and while it's really more about the ambiance, beauty and joy of the event (Atlantis really does great events), I know J. & B. will enjoy it way more than me.  I'll be fine with playing slots.  LOL.   (I think we will go up and ask if they have room for a third person in our party - if not, OK.  If yes, then we can all eat).  Our host says it's completely sold out.  So probably not.  But maybe.

We'll be doing additional Christmas decorating this weekend.  We've got our neighbor T. on standby to give J. a ride to the Reno airport to pick B. up in case there's snow on Wednesday.  T. has a huge 4 wheel drive truck with snow tires and he can (literally) get anywhere - we were so glad he was available if needed. Seems like Mother Nature is making up for all the mild weather we've had in October & November.  She's dropping bucket loads of snow everyday lately - and as always, it's beautiful.  My friend C. asked me 'does it get old'?  I said 'no.  I am always excited and giggle like a two year old whenever we have snow and it's breathtakingly beautiful'.  It never gets old. 

Shopping Success!

Up early-ish today to try to get the Turtlebeach Velocity controller for MS Flight Sim.  I nudged Jim via text around 8:30 to be sure we were both sitting at our desks ready to refresh the site at 9AM.  

Got it!  Sending it directly to B.'s apartment in Clarksville and it should be there within 7 days.  He is super excited and so are we - it was like the Christmas' of the past where we would do everything we could to get the boys whatever they coveted for Christmas.  

I've had two nights of pretty decent sleep and the major change is ramping up the heat a bit.  It has been taking me forever to feel warm and if there's no warm 'snuggle factor' engaged, I can't sleep.  Adjusting the heat seems to have helped because I have had two nights of some of the deepest sleep I've had in ages. 

So we started the day with a mission - success!  Now on to other missions.  It's a cold, cloudy day here - it's 38 degrees outside and rain is in the forecast for later today and across this week.  We have a lot to do for outside Christmas decorations - though J. did get the light projectors set up and working out front and put the new penguin cutouts across the front yard.  We still need to put the lights on the back fence and we have a ton of spiral trees to place.  We're thinking we might put them in the planter boxes along the driveway and also just outside the back fence.  Yes, they'd be on the golf course - but on a part of the course that's just dirt - nothing growing but weeds (which J. has spent a lot of time removing).  

The tree box is on the hand cart ready to be moved into the house so we can start decorating.  We've already got some of our indoor decor items set up and it's starting to feel festive.  

Our neighbors are home.  J. noticed on Friday morning that the window shutters in their guest room were closed.  We noticed they were open and had pondered if someone had been there.  (Their two kids live in the area so it was possible).  Anyway....upon seeing someone had closed the shutters in that room, we were pretty sure they were 'home'.  Confirmed a couple days ago via text.  I shared with G. the pic of my Grand jackpot and she was super happy for me.  She's won multiple Grands...so that's my next 'bucket list' item - more Grand jackpots!!  

I have a doctor appointment later today for a pneumonia vaccination (hopefully).  Also a recheck of my ongoing sinus issues with a possible referral to an ENT.  

Haircut tomorrow.  Atlantis on Wednesday.  The week will fly by. And before we know it, it will be Christmas and then NYE!  (I'm really looking forward to NYE).

Officially Boosted

J. helped me navigate our medical group's website and I successfully booked a COVID booster shot.  Had it yesterday at 10AM.  I declared today a pajama day 'cuz I just don't feel like getting dressed.  I feel minorly 'punky' - a bit achy and like I'd rather be sleeping.  I did have a lousy night's sleep so that's part of the sleepy part...but I'm determined to power through so hopefully tonight will be better sleep. 

I suggested to J. that I'd like to stop watching crazy loud, violent shows right before bed.  Not sure it had any impact on my sleep but also not sure it didn't.  We're watching Invasion and it's intense.  Very.  

We've noticed a huge number of small weeds in both yards - though mostly in the front because it gets more sun than the back.  We had the company we use for exterminator services give us a quote for weed prevention and abatement - $250 a year which feels like a bargain.  (Our lot is 11K square feet and the treatable surface (as measured by the technician via Google maps) is 7700.  I thought the price was pretty reasonable for the space.  

They will get us on the schedule ASAP and will do their best to plan to do the granular pre-emergent before a rain storm so it will be watered in by nature.  If not, we'll water it in within 7 days of application.  

Why pre-emergent when we already have tons of weeds?  We'd been pondering what happened because we didn't have weeds last year - but the technician explained that November temps were consistently at 60 degrees or higher - and the unexpected warmth is why weeds that usually don't grow are going crazy right now.  These weeds are small and impossible to remove by the roots.  (We've tried).  You end up pulling off the visible part - in two to three attempts per plant - and the roots stay put.  If it were 10-50 weeds, we'd do it ourselves.  But it's hundreds....and we can't do that.  

They will return in Spring to apply emergent spray which will kill anything that comes up when the earth reheats in the Spring.  

It's crazy that it's early December and we've had only one snow storm - in late October.  Nothing in November.  I'm ready for snow!  

But not until we get Christmas decorations done.  We managed to get all the decor items down from the overhead storage in the garage - and have decided that from now on, we will store those items on the floor.  We did it - but it seemed unwise on more than one occasion so I think we should make sure 'falling off a ladder' is eliminated from the list of things that could go wrong. 

I'm binge watching 'School of Chocolate' on Netflix since I've finished watching Great British Baking show including the just released holiday shows.

Where Did November Go?

Absolutely cannot believe today is the last day of November, 2021.  The month flew by so quickly. 

J. asked 'what are plans for the day' and I said 'piddling around the house'.  He said 'Christmas decorating?'.  My reply was yes.  But then realized it would be better to start with getting all the Goodwill donation stuff out of the garage and to the donation center(s).  So we tackled that.  Felt good about having way more stuff to donate than I thought we would - partly because I finally was ready to let some things go.  Lots of Crate and Barrel area rugs - some new with tags and even a couple of the underlayments to keep the rug from sliding all over the place.  Also finally let my Nespresso machine and accessories go.  I bought that machine just before Nespresso introduced a Keurig-like machine and it really pissed me off to have spent so much money on something that was now sort of 'out-dated'.  Nespresso espresso is delicious! and I loved making lattes every morning but the Keurig we have now is just so much easier.  It took me two moves and a couple years to be ready but someone is going to find a real thrift store find.  

Also finally letting go of the bins of clothes I have for my (then) larger self.  I've stayed pretty much the same size since losing a little weight and actually many of the pants I wear around the house these days are too big.  It's time to let the clothes bless someone else and get them out of the overhead storage.  (They are stored in flip bins).  

It's the day before our cleaning ladies come so I walk around identifying things that need doing but then think 'but I'm paying someone to do those things tomorrow so...I shouldn't worry about it today'.  There's a two week break in between their visits so there's always stuff to do - but I'm trying very hard to not pre-clean the house they are being paid to clean.  

(I just went to the kitchen for some water and I had to wipe the counters.  I just couldn't leave crumbs from our sandwich making on the counters until tomorrow.  And now the sun is hitting the under-TV cabinets in the study just right to show all the dust inside them - they remain empty so far 'cuz we haven't organized DVDs yet.  So I'll be wiping those cabinets out shortly.)

And I think I might go to a casino when they are here but will think about it.  It's so easy when 'more flush than usual' to play way more and I do want our extraordinary wins to last a while.

I've done my part for cyber shopping - I can't resist a sale!  I ordered so many things I had to create a list so I can keep track of what's arrived and what's still in transit.  I also scored J. the Turtle Beach Velocity controller for his Microsoft Flight Simulator!  It took constant reloading of the website page but I finally successfully got one!  Last week, the same process resulted in me having one in my cart but as I looked at a text for my Shopify code to enter, the item left my cart and went to someone else.  I gave some feedback - especially when they sent emails about 'you've left something in your cart'.  Um, NO I DID NOT.  In fact, you TOOK SOMETHING out of my cart.  Grrr.  But we got one this week so....  Next week, we try for a second one (J. will buy that one to comply with the one per customer) for B. .  His work schedule isn't allowing him to set up and reload over and over at a specific time so we'll try for him.  

It reminded me of Christmas' of the past when I'd move mountains to get the kids what they most wanted.   

We talked to B. last night who was off yesterday and spent the day flying.  His instructor is still with him but all the flying is being done by B. and he's pretty excited about that!  It is exciting!  Today starts his new assignment with his new company and he was looking forward to experiencing something different.  I think he was ready to move away from Infantry work.  He enjoyed it but he's been doing it a long time.  Change is good.

My Day Came the Very Next Day!

Thanksgiving was its usual whirlwind of a day.  Ran the dishwasher three times (at least) and cooked all day.  Food was delicious and we have lots of leftovers.  Will cut back on stuffing and green bean casserole next year to make it more manageable for two people.  

Leftovers are great but not for weeks.

We did not hear from H. and while we were OK with that in concept, the reality is we're left being worried that he isn't ok.  (Alive.  I don't like saying that but that's what we're worried about).  It does seem odd to not hear from him even a little.  We'll see what happens at Christmas. 

We went to Atlantis yesterday because they were having a huge sale at the gift shop.  They always have really pretty holiday decor items that are somewhat unique.  The prices are ridiculously high - but there was a 30% off sale AND we'd use comps to pay so it's zero out of pocket.  

I got on a Dragonlink machine that kept me playing for HOURS.  Up and down and all around enjoying the company playing next to me - really nice lady in Reno for Thanksgiving to spend time with her kids.  She was doing very well - consistently betting $1.50 on penny denom.  She left to head home (lives near Sacramento).  

Things started happening.  

First, a Major.  $605.75 for the green orb and $185 for the rest.  Nice!  This pic was at 2:22PM.  

I put a lot of the win back.  Ended up putting in a $100 bill and decided to finish 'big' - nickel denom, $6.25 bet.  That is a VERY large bet for me but I felt like it was worth taking a shot - I'd end the day 'down' but still had a blast.  

I got a bonus round...and I thought to myself 'these orbs are awfully small considering the bet level'.  Next thing I knew, this happened: 

I hit the GRAND JACKPOT!  $11K+!!  It was epic!!  These pics were at 3:42PM. 

Decided to play a wee bit more - had to wait for the handpay and then was just sort of in shock about it all. At 3:59PM, this happened:  

What a day!!  Our casino host had just come by and I shared with her what happened at Gold Dust West last weekend - how close I came to hitting a huge Grand but missed it by ten minutes or so (and not going back to that machine).  I said 'I hope that means my first Dragonlink Grand will be here at Atlantis'.  She said she hoped so too.  

And minutes later, it hit!!  I wondered if it was just coincidence.  If I were playing at an Indian casino in California, I know for sure they can manipulate player experience.  But in Nevada?  No.  It was coincidence. 

After leaving Dragonlinks, I went and played Mighty Cash Ultra.  As I was making my way there, a guy said 'hey, you're the lady who just won $11,000 on Dragonlink - congratulations!'  I thanked him and he said 'sorry to just call you out like that'.  I said 'no worries.  It's been a fun day for sure'.  He introduced me to his wife and said 'so are you going to buy a car or pay a bill or what will you use the money for?'  I said 'I am blessed to say that all wins go into our fun money account - for future play.  Our needs and wants are more than met'.  He said 'wow, that's really amazing'.   J. joined me at Mighty Cash and we played awhile.  I had some great hits on that game as well but continue to chase the ridiculously high Grand.  Someday!! 

After a big win, I like to randomly give a couple people $100 - I would have loved to have given it to the lady I was first playing with at Dragonlink.  If I hadn't known she was driving home, I would have looked for her.  She was fun. I'll keep an eye out for her again someday.  So two ladies who played next to me on the Mighty Cash game each received $100.  The second lady kept refusing to accept it - so I had to say 'we've had a truly extraordinary week on the win side of things and it really makes me so happy to share the luck with other players.  Please take it - play on something new and/or bet big(ger) and see what happens!'.  She thanked me profusely and it makes me feel so good to bless someone with a bit of play. 

So that was the day after Thanksgiving, 2021 - a day that will be long remembered.  I sent B. the screen shot of the 15 orbs and he said 'nice'.  I said 'right?  My first GRAND.  $11K'.  He wrote back and said 'oh!  I was excited for the $231.25' - which was the win for the fifteen orbs.  

Super stoked to be very flush and now really REALLY looking forward to spending NYE there.  The losses lately have been so bad that I told J. I wasn't even really sure I wanted to go - but now I'll have play money so yay!!  More fun!!

Thanksgiving 2021

On our drive to Reno yesterday (free play day and the giveaway was pumpkin pies so we did our weekly trek on a Wednesday), I told. J. 'I am not sure if I'm hoping to hear from H. or not.  I mean...I am.  I hope we might hear from him?  But at the same time, I don't know what I'll say.  What to say'.  He said he was feeling the same so that helped. I reminded myself of things I want to say.  I will be sure to say how good it is to hear his voice; that we love him; care about him and worry about him.  And that every night before I close my eyes for sleep, I ask God to keep an eye on him.  

It's 2:34PM and so far, no call.  Phones are switched on and never far away - and it's OK either way, really.  Truly.  I'm sure it's way harder for him to think of the call because...well, when your parents realize the length, depth and breadth of the non-truths you've told for months - and you know they know - that would be daunting to say the least. 

The fresh turkey is about halfway through it's cook cycle and all the sides are ready to warm.  J. is getting the potatoes cooked for The Pioneer Woman mashed potato recipe which works for getting them done and then rewarmed right before serving.  

We had a super fun day at Atlantis yesterday - slots were paying and I spent 5 hours at a Dragonlink machine and finished the day with a hand pay!!  Woot woot!

Have to share the bad with the good.  Long story.  I played Dragonlinks at our local casino on Sunday.  I had a good day - but ended up down a bit.  Now I am/was pretty flush thanks to J.'s Blackjack tournament 1st place - but I'm working really hard on knowing when to stop.  I went to the kiosk to swipe my card - had $20 in earned free play so I went back to Dragonlinks again - the machine I was on was available - but I moved to the machine on the left.  Played it a bit - nothing happened - and left.  Later that day, I realized there was another player perk that I should have swiped my card for so I told J. 'I'm going to go back to do that and I'll be right home'.  The $15,500 Grand jackpot had hit in the few hours between my visit - and a lady I knew was there with me that morning told me that it hit on my machine.  $5 bet on 2 cent denomination.  DANG IT!  I wished more than anything I hadn't come back 'cuz I would have realized on my next visit that the jackpot hit but I wouldn't have known it hit on the machine I was on literally about 10 minutes after I left.  If I'd gone back to that machine and tried again, it would have been me.  

I was crushed about that for a few days but I'm getting back to not worrying about it.  My day will come.  

We're going back to Atlantis tomorrow because the gift shop has Black Friday sale prices and I always like looking for things during the sale.  

On Sunday, J. is heading to Sacramento for a concert with his best friend R. .  They will enjoy dinner together and will share a hotel room.  It's The Beatles Live 'White Album' which they are both looking forward to.  

The neighborhood is filling up with cars - neighbors hosting.  Our closest neighbors are in France and are posting the most amazing pics of their adventures.  

It's a fairly usual Thanksgiving - dishwasher running again.  I already feel stuffed but I know I will eat more!  I nibble on the stuffing as it's in process.  And J. had to go to Savemart quickly for a couple things I didn't get in our Walmart order and he brought me a glazed donut.  It was not a great donut but I ate it gladly. 

I'm watching all the Harry Potter movies!  It's so fun to remember how much the boys loved the books and the movies.  It's a fun walk down memory lane.  When we cleaned out some books, J. asked 'why are there two of this Harry Potter book'?  I said 'because when the new books would come out, I'd buy two - so B. could read right away and then H. (if he wanted to) and I'd read the 2nd book as soon as we got them.  We donated all the duplicates we had except one - I just never wanted to have to wait to read them because we all loved them so much.  

Wishing you and yours a wonderful Thanksgiving.  I am blessed by all of you dear readers and I thank you from the bottom of my heart for continuing to follow my musings.  Even if it's only a now and then read. 

Way to Go J.!!

I swore I wouldn't mention anything casino related for a good long while on these pages - but today was too epic to not mention. 

In spite of crushing losses the past few weeks (mostly @ Atlantis), we trekked there today for a Black Jack Tournament.  We've started signing J. up for them because he loves to play and how often do you get $10,000 in play to try to beat the house?  I almost stayed home - didn't remember until we were enroute that it is also a 'swipe (your card) and win' free play event today, too.  My free play was (only) $75 but oh well.  I'll take it. 

His round time was 1PM and we arrived a little before 12:30.  We didn't know there was a huge event at the Reno Conference Center (right next to Atlantis) so finding parking took a while.  J. dropped me off 'cuz I truly get so stressed out driving around a parking lot looking for a space. 

He headed up to start the tournament and I played at an older newly fave machine - kept myself going for a long time on not too much money.  Our host came by and got an earful from me about our recent experiences there.  While she couldn't really flat out confirm ('cuz she's a host after all and her employer is the house), she confirmed that she's hearing from a lot of players who are having similar experiences.  It's heartbreaking as long time Atlantis players/fans - you can't believe it's happening so you keep thinking any minute the machine will 'fix it' and you'll start hitting something.  Anything.  But no.  Mostly not much at all.  Going home down over and over is absolutely no fun. It was good to talk to her and get some feelings off my chest.  I know/see/realize there are big changes happening to the place she works and though she can't really talk about it, her responses let me know I'm not wrong.  The payback ratios are changing drastically to be better for the house.  

And one of the things our host did share is that the casino discontinued the technology that gives her notice if her players are in the house.  No more.  Cost saving change she said.  So she will only know we (or any of her assigned players) are there if we have RSVP'd for an event (like the tournament) or she happens to run into us.  Really?  I told her there's no more telling change than that - take away the only way a host knows a player is there - to save how much money?  

I told her we anticipate making changes in 2022 - to play more locally because while they don't offer all the events, etc. Atlantis does, they also seem to have way better odds for the player these days.  

J. let me know he advanced to the next round - which meant he'd have to kill 2+ hours between rounds.  He headed to the buffet.  I stayed at my machine.  He checked in before he headed upstairs.  I finally started moving to other machines, swearing I wouldn't play Dragonlinks there today.  But....I did go to Dragonlink.  Grabbed the machine with a $1,000 topped out Major - and it hit!  $1,102 was the final round total - and there were other winning rounds both before and after that helped get me back to more than even.  I was stoked!  

I shared the win with J. and he wrote back 'Yay! I'm going to be a bit longer'.  I replied 'Yay for you, too'.  I thought he'd moved on to another round which was fantastic!

Not much later, he called me and said 'we decided we would prefer cash vs. free play, right'?  And I said 'well that depends on how much you've won'.  He said 'how many fingers do you have'?  I said 'how much'.  He said 'I won the tournament'.  I said (loudly) YOU WON $10,000!!  Seriously?  WOOT WOOT!  He texted me the 'bit longer' at 5:02PM and I sent him the pic of my win at 4:59....

It was a monstrously epic amazing day!!  

And the best part of the day was being able to let B. know 'live' (once we were home) 'cuz he's back from maneuvers!!  Another HUGE WOOT WOOT for the day.  

Making a Change (Most Likely)

I think I'm going to be making a huge change in 2022.  Another horrible day at Atlantis.  Zero fun, plenty of loss.  I told J. on the way home 'I have so many other things to feel incredibly sad about - I don't want to continue to feel sad weekly over free play and $30 worth of food'.  

We may end up not playing enough to keep all the perks we have now - but we've decided that will be OK. I was most worried about J.'s golf tournament next Spring but he said he could always play at those courses on his own - there was only one course that's private.  All the others would still be available to him - just not the tournament perks and prizes. 

We'll see.  I've talked with a lot of other loyal Atlantis players who are experiencing the same thing - including a person I see playing often who shared with me that he lost $15,000 over the past week.  Yikes!  That's incredibly bad. That loss rate is hard to explain - and I think that's what is so tricky about the change.  Long time loyal locals like me who have always played there because the wins keep you going....only there are few wins these days.  It's such a huge change - it's easy to keep playing because it's so 'usual' for the game to eventually start paying.  

I am honestly liking the idea of not trekking to Reno as often.  I'm sure we'll still go.  We have a lot of comps and we will use them.  B. and his friend R. will be spending a night there in December when B. is here because they have a really fun evening together and it's a treat for them both.  But removing the (self inflicted) pressure of playing and losing (as things appear to stand now) is something I think I need to do.

Big Steps

We signed off on our trust documents this morning and sent the signature page off to our attorney.  

We Zoom called with her yesterday and as we talked, she realized that we are still trying to figure out what we want to do.  I keep reminding J. (and myself) that we need to plan based on what we know today.  We can't assume everything will be fine and we can't assume we will be on the planet years from now.  So based on today, what do we want to do.  

We couldn't agree to decide.  Our attorney said 'here's what we need to do.  You both need to sign the trust documents for the way we had things planned before you knew H. was homeless.  Because at the moment, if anything happens to you both before that plan is signed off, your 'old' trust would be the trust that would be in place - and that trust splits everything 50/50 with no protections related to H.'s addiction issues.'  She was right.  It's not the perfect solution - we still aren't sure there will ever be a perfect solution - but at the very least, there is verbiage in place regarding how H.'s share is handled.  And we needed to get that done.

Now we can talk things through with B. when he visits and (likely) make some tweeks at a later date - and continue tweeking if needed over the upcoming years.  

I've spent the morning cleaning out files and getting a handle on the paperwork in the office.  It's never ending but it's OK.  Keeps me busy. Found some of H.'s writings from his rehab in 2018.  Re-reading it and thinking 'was he ever serious about not using?  I'm not sure he ever was, really'.  Time to let that stuff go. 

I'm suffering from what I can only describe as 'afraid to play slots' - 'cuz I feel sure I will lose and I don't want to.  I know...you're thinking 'duh, Majah'.  But...I'm pretty low on funds at the moment which means I'm betting like I will lose.  Sure, you can do 50 cent spins for hours and hit things here and there.  But...you don't win much betting minimum. 

I need a win that puts me back to being pretty flush.  It will happen.  No idea when but it will.  

We're at the end of the calendar year when we try desperately to not create any new tax obligations.  But when most of your money is in pre-tax retirement accounts, everything feels like it will create a tax obligation.  

It's a nice problem to have, I know.  Blessings abound.  It's just the mechanics that get hard this time of year.  

J. is getting a hip replacement ASAP.  Bless his heart he has spent days getting tests done, hand-delivering documents between the surgeon's office and his primary care doc.  He is in terrible pain pretty much all the time - even sitting is painful at this point - so he really wants to get the procedure done.  He had hoped to do early December - but after all the stuff was done to schedule, they had 12/20 as the date and that's not happening.  Not right before Christmas when B. is here.  So now we wait again for them to determine the date and we're getting nervous that it's going to be February or March.  That means golf will be off the table for most of Spring....and that's not fun for J. .  

Medical stuff gobbles up lots of time as retirees.  

Using leftover pulled pork and making pulled pork chili and pulled pork nachos for dinner this week.  I've got to get to the grocery store for a few key items.  

Loving the Internet

 I commented to J. 'hey, we should go to Walmart to look for some Christmas decorations to hang on the iron fence!'.  He was ready.  

(Backstory:  last year, a couple of the neighbors on the opposite side of the 12th tees hung all sorts of beautiful decorations on the fence....and we added rope lights laced along the top of the fence upon realizing we were missing a HUGE decor opportunity.  I vowed to add some decorations next year - and that is coming up faster than we can imagine!).  

I decided to try on the website first and scored!  I got two decorations from Walmart to be delivered before Thanksgiving.  Found 3 more at Target - also delivered before Thanksgiving.  We didn't have to leave the house!!  Woot woot.

I think I like rarely leaving the house more than I like to admit.  

Then I remembered that I wanted to get plastic ornament hangers for the tree - last year, we never hung ornaments because I was worried about the cats.  I ended up just putting a giant bag of bows (the kind you use for gift wrapping) in the branches of the tree.  It was pretty!  So...went back to Walmart's site and ordered plastic hooks and zip ties (enough to last the rest of our lives, most likely).  Also found 10 super cute penguins - not sure how we would use them but even J. said 'order them!  We'll see how we can incorporate them and if not, we'll return them'.  Got to love a man who indulges his wife and likes penguins!  

I am ready to do it up BIG this year!  So excited to have B. here!  

We have a call with our estate lawyer tomorrow - a call we need to have to hash out approaches but at the same time, I just dread it all.  We are struggling to agree on an 'approach' - wishing it all weren't so damn hard but it is.  

We ordered a small fresh turkey from the meat company down the street and while we know it will be too big for the two of us, I plan to make huge batches of 'other stuff' to freeze.  Turkey enchiladas, turkey tettrazini, etc. - I'm planning a massive grocery shop to have everything we need to do some freezer batch cooking.   

Did I share the lobster story yet?  I can't remember.  When B. visits, we try to do a 'surf and turf' night.  Delicious steak, lobster, good wine.  We all cook together and eat ourselves into (practically) comas.  

J. went to Costco a couple weeks ago and went to the meat department to request a box of frozen lobster tails.  Last year, we found the box in the frozen meat case on our own and bought one.  Not cheap but we were able to give lobster tails to B.'s friend R. to enjoy as well as have lots to use in other dishes.  So..we kept looking and looking for the box of lobster tails with no luck.  Found shrink wrapped lobster tails (in styrofoam tray) - 3 tails in a package - but they were shown as 'previously frozen' and we don't want to risk the tails not being OK so we didn't want to buy them packaged that way.  

J. buzzed the meat department on one of his visits and the person said 'we have boxes - I'll have to get my manager's approval to sell you a full box'.  It took a while but....they did it.  Only it was TEN POUNDS of frozen tails vs. the five pounds from prior boxed purchases - so we have A LOT of lobster.  I'll be searching for recipes to use it - and we plan to gift some to our neighbors and our hair dresser for Christmas!  Wine & lobster!  

B. and I are also planning to make something complex and decadent for Christmas dinner dessert so I need to pull down all my Great British Baking show cookbooks and come up with a plan.  Maybe a Pavlova! Or a Christmas Yule log!  Or both!!  

Can you tell I'm getting in the spirit!!??

Reflection

I puttered around the house after we returned from Reno yesterday.  Always plenty to do.  I'd made a quick trip to Savemart last week and they were having their 5 for $5 - such a great deal to stock up on meat items for (often) half off or more!  I got a lot of boneless pork ribs and boneless pork chops.  I didn't want to risk wasting the meat so I got ribs going - easy slow bake in the oven, baste with BBQ sauce and bake another hour - they were delicious!  

This just showed up in my Facebook feed and I needed it.

 

There is always something good to come out of whatever things happen.  Time to reflect on this very blessed life.  Confirmation that every experience has learnings intrinsic in wherever you are at that moment.  I don't mean it to sound preachy or flippant.  But this was a reminder I needed - to recognize the learnings from whatever is happening.  

It's hard so much these days and I am struggling more than I like to admit about H. .  The hardness of all the stuff I feel and think about him every minute of every day really makes anything hard even more so. I feel sad about simple things but the sadness of those simple things gets magnified so incredibly out of whack.  

I had a good weekend of escaping - the thing I used to love doing when we lived in California.  Spent a weekend playing slots, having beers, meeting people, playing with friends, spending time with J. .  It was a great, fun 'escape' of a weekend and those don't happen much these days since we live here now!  No more four hour drives to get to my happy place - 30 minutes and I'm there!  

I live to play another day!  And a Big Win is always just one spin away!  
 

Wrong Place at the Wrong Time

Seemingly every machine I played this weekend, I was at the wrong machine at the wrong time.  Lost a lot and it's giving me pause.  Pausing is good, I think.  I do love to play.  Lesson learned is one I've known previously - don't attend 'drawings' and stay two nights for 'events'.  This stay was the first one we've had with Atlantis in a very long time - booked it because I have had decent luck and was feeling 'good' about having the resources to play more during a weekend stay.  But boy, howdy - it was awful.  

No more weekend stays.  (Except New Year's Eve.  We aren't missing that event even if it is on a weekend).  

I'm reminding myself (a lot) how blessed we are financially to have the money available to play full tilt for a few days.  We are very blessed.  

At the off ramp on Friday, I gave $20 to a young woman standing with a sign 'need help'.  I rarely do that...but I've seen her before.  Always with a bright smile.  As I handed her the $20, she shouted out 'I promise I will pay it forward as soon as I'm able'.  And I believe her.  I finished the drive down the street to the casino with a huge lump in my throat and a hurting heart.  Hoping someone is helping H. so he can have food.  While knowing he would prioritize drugs over food.  

There are deaths reported out of Houston at a concert event.  H.'s friend P. messaged me this morning asking if we could please try to check on him.  The artist was one he likes and she said she had a bad feeling.  I told her we would try to reach out to Simon again this week to see if he's seen H. - but we were taking the 'no news is good news' approach for now.  No other option, really, since we have no way to contact him directly.  

The 4th marked two months since we last had any contact with him.  

The 5th marked the two year mark of our being residents of Nevada.  Time flies.  I remembered my drive out of Tracy with the cats.  

B. is on maneuvers again.  Guess everyone was pretty upset to be maneuvering again so soon.  These soldiers are working constantly to practice things they might need to do someday and it's long, hard days.  Mentally and physically exhausting.  To be back out again for days on end is a hard thing to do, I think.  But it will get B. time off at Christmas and yay to that!  

At dinner last night, J. casually mentioned 'B. is changing duty stations in June'.  New Jersey.  HUH?  Yikes.  That's a LONG way away.   

Add 'must visit B. in Nashville' to the list of things we want to do in Spring.  He's wanted us to come visit forever and now we really must!!  

I'm hoping his new duty station is close enough to visit the Cake Boss' bakery in Hoboken!! 

40 MPH Gusts

HUGE winds here yesterday.  I said to J. 'I think we need to go out and take the bird baths down' - and 10 minutes later, we lost a bird bath.  Blew the bowl off the rock we wedged it on and shattered.  Darn it!  

And the porta potty for the construction next door blew over as well.  

I love having the wind gauge because we know exactly how strong the winds are.  

We drove to Reno and took the back roads - stayed off the high bridges.  Relieved to see a mass of 18 wheelers pulled off the freeway waiting it out.  That's the first time we've seen the high wind warning for truckers to exit in effect and they complied.  

Had fun at Atlantis and hit a Maxi jackpot on Mighty Cash Ultra - which is fast becoming my new favorite and will keep me mostly away from Dragonlink this weekend.  

J. is doing a bunch of appointments and tests today to hopefully get cleared for hip replacement surgery in early December.  Fingers crossed the timing will work out.  It's a carefully orchestrated process and if you don't follow the process Medicare may not cover the procedure.  

I was super excited last night to realize that I can bend my thumb at the first knuckle for the first time in months.  It was stiff and not bending when I woke up this morning but it's loosening up already and is back to bending a bit.  I am so happy about it - 

I'm heading to Atlantis in a bit with a suitcase - staying tonight and likely tomorrow night.  J. will join me tomorrow.  Hoping for some big wins but at least know I will be having fun relaxing a bit in my happy place.  

Wishing everyone a great weekend, including me and my best beloved.

Sparkly House

 Cleaning crew was here today and it feels so lovely to be sitting here enjoying a sparkly (from top to bottom) house!  They did a really good job - three ladies.  When I saw them wiping all the doors and door frames, I knew they were doing a great job.  

I ventured to a hand surgeon this morning - got a steroid shot in my thumb.  He used a freezing spray on the thumb first (where he planned to inject) and then did the shot which also had lidocaine in it.  My thumb has been numb but it's coming back to feeling - and it hurts like the dickens at the moment but hopefully will feel much better tomorrow.  I don't have any more movement yet - but that might take time.  I'll do a follow-up visit in a few weeks.  If the thumb is still stuck, he will do an easy in-office surgical procedure which will fix it for sure.  

This week has felt 'busy' with a host of happenings - tomorrow, we're back to leisure time.  Atlantis for free play (drastically reduced which pisses me off - little by little, Atlantis is losing us.  Found out yesterday I went up another player level at the local Carson casino I play at weekly and I'm super happy about that). Back to Atlantis on Friday for a two night stay - and I'm sneaking in Friday night as a solo event which I'm super excited about.  I haven't had a fun night in a casino in a long time and it feels like more of a 'treat' to be able to play long into the night.  Of course, I can do that if/when J. is with me, too, of course....but my 'get away' trips have always been some 'me' time that I really need.  

We're having a bevy of discussions about finalizing our estate plan - made even more complex as we navigate a son who is homeless and choosing to remain out of contact. When we finally finalize those documents, I plan another overnight stay at Atlantis and will feel 'at ease' about things for the first time in a very long time. 

I get pretty emotional at times - usually as I'm saying my pre-sleep affirmations and prayers.  Reflecting back on the last call from H..  I remind myself I wouldn't have done anything different even if I'd known what we found out shortly after that call.  But it was faster than I wish it had been for a 'last call in a long time'.  

I say that while also feeling strongly that it's probably best we aren't in touch.  We can't 'support' the decisions he's made that led to his status.  Can't fathom or accept as OK the 9+ months of lying.  These lies weren't little white lies - they were mammoth 'shows' - intricately shared.  The level of detail...it's mind boggling.  Absolutely won't offer any help or support of any kind going forward other than confirming the one true thing:  we love him.  Forever and always and unconditionally.  He said to me at some point in the weeks leading up to that call 'Mom, no matter what happens, I love you.  Forever and always'.  

We've done a lot of yard stuff this week - starting to prune back the blossoming plants to get them ready for winter.  We can (and will) do some trimming in Spring but some plants need to be cut back to avoid looking awful for months.  Also doing a lot of stone repair - tossing stones that have migrated out of the area they started in - it's a lot of deep bending and squats and boy, do I feel it in my legs at the end of the day.  

J.'s back from Costco.  Gotta run! 

Halloween

Last night, we took our neighbors G. & T. to Atlantis Steak House.  It was their first time there.  We were treating this time because they took us to the steakhouse in Fandango for our anniversary so we were treating them for their anniversary.  

We started with some slot pay - nothing was hitting.  I did hit a little something right before dinner but was glad to have dinner reservations be a required 'stop' point.  

The meal was lovely - service was a tad slow because the place was absolutely packed.  We've never seen it so busy - and it was a Thursday night.  Good to feel like restaurants are getting closer to being 'back to normal'. 

We had a fun time, conversing about everything under the sun.  We had Baked Alaska for dessert.  We each got a different side -creamed corn with a kick, potatoes au gratin, lobster mac 'n cheese and sauteed spinach.  Each side was enough to share - tons of food.  We all took home a generous amount of leftovers.  

We headed out to play again post-dinner.  I headed to the machine I do my free play on each week and won a bit.  Then headed to Dragon Link (where G. & T. had headed to - since I couldn't do my free play on Dragonlinks).  G. and I were sitting close to each other cheering each other on.  I made up a LOT of lost ground and it was a super fun evening.  We got home close to 10:30.  What a wonderful time!

G. shared that our neighbor (down the street a bit) H. had told her that she thinks we will get a few Trick or Treaters this year - we had none last year.  I told G. not to buy candy - we bought some at Costco and had more than enough to get both houses through the evening.  I'm not sure what to expect but we're prepared.  J. got the skeleton to sit on the bench on the front porch and we're going to hang a spider on one of the carriage lights.  We also plan to get dry ice to use in our witches cauldron - it is lightweight plastic and we need something in it heavy enough to keep it from blowing away if the wind picks up. 

Our Wednesday conference call with our finance guy resulted in all of us agreeing we will increase the monthly draw we're doing against our IRA's.  The additional monies will go mostly into savings but we are going to use some of it for a cleaning lady/crew and in the Spring, we'll hire some help for the garden as well.  I'm super happy about that - the house always looks fine - but the house is never 'spotless' all at the same time.  The daily things we do keep things clean but...not every floor in the house is mopped on the same day.  Having help will be such a huge relief.  

Feeling blessed.  Life is good.  

OH!   Exciting news!  B. will be here for Christmas!!  He arrives on 12/22 and leaves on 12/30.  We are super excited to have him visit and it will be the first Nevada Christmas we've had with a son in attendance.  

Casino Miracles DO Happen

I peeked out my window upon awakening and there was snow everywhere!  Surprised!  Though we expected a huge storm, it was supposed to be mostly rain.  But we had a blanket of snow everywhere.  Beautiful as always.  

A bit later - with a mug of coffee in hand and spending time together in the study - the plants looked overwhelmed with ice.  The snow was more of a slush and the poor plants were incredibly droopy under the weight of all the 'frozen water' sticking to their leaves and branches.  Still beautiful.

J. had his monthly golf group meeting and it was at the casino I played at yesterday - so I decided I'd go with him and play a bit. 

This isn't going to become a gambling blog.  Though I have (at least) one reader who says she enjoys my gambling details.   But today was too epic not to write about.  (My memories will see me through when I get too old to head to a casino).  That's what I hope, anyway.

I lost a huge chunk of what I was up at the end of yesterday - it was a crushing, stupid morning of being at a machine far too long.  A machine I loathe and have never had great luck on.  And once you've committed 'so much' to it, you feel compelled to not move 'cuz what if the next spin is what changes your luck.  

It was a debacle of a morning.  J. doesn't like the word debacle so I try to only use it when it is the only appropriate adjective to describe the events.  

I headed home to two cats glad to see someone who could turn on the heatilator so they could spend their morning basking in the heat of the gas fireplace.  It's a miracle they don't get singed.  LOL.  

I piddled away a couple of hours.  Tried to create a dish of eggs and leftover Salmon Milanese which ended up being so disgusting, I could only eat a couple bites.  Fish and scrambled eggs.  What was I thinking?  (I was thinking kind of an Eggs Benedict with a muffin and sauce under and over a fried egg and salmon) only I got lazy and decided to just add a bit of the leftover salmon to scrambled eggs.  Won't make that mistake again.  Though the cats seem pretty interested.  

In a bit of madness, I decided to return to the casino.  I would (eventually) have to pick up J. anyway so...why not.  Decided I would risk the amount I was still 'up' from yesterday and try for a miracle.  

A couple side notes to add context.  Upon arriving at the casino this morning, the machine I intended to play was already occupied by someone who literally sat down seconds before I arrived.  He is the quirkiest of players.  Throws his entire BODY into each spin.  He was betting 50 cents a pull and every time he was out of money, he'd pull another $20 out of his pocket and keep going.  He was STILL THERE 2 hours later and still making each spin an athletic event.  He must go home exhausted.  

I took the only available machine which is Golden Century.  

About 13 minutes in, I hit this:  

Hitting any Minor these days is pretty rare.  It's the most concrete evidence I can offer of the change in slot wins since the pandemic.  Hitting TWO?  In the same bonus round?  Epic.  Like yesterday, the miracle happened on the 6th free game (of 6). 

I did a few backup spins and called it done.  That win had me still down but I'd recovered more than half what I'd lost this morning so....I considered that good.  J. and I had been messaging each other and he was headed out of his meeting - I told him 'I'm here, you know where to find me'.  LOL.  

I went to cash in my ticket - and as I was walking back towards the door, the guy finally got up from the machine I'd wanted to play - the machine I came back the next day to play - and left.  I HAD TO TRY.  A lady grabbed the empty chair and I approached and she said 'oh, sorry'.  I said 'I wasn't sure if you were moving there' (she was on the machine next to it) and she said 'I thought about it but no, it's yours'.  

I put $100 in and it kept me going - J.'s meeting was over and he ventured over (beer in hand per my request - God love him!) - and we debated back and forth.  Should he leave me to it and go home and come back later?  I told him 'I'm in the danger zone.  I've recovered some of my morning losses but I don't want to put all that gain back'.  We hadn't officially decided either way.  I had been doing 5 cent denom but switched to 2 cent denom and bet $2 - a favorite bet on these machines.  

This happened:  

 

It was a miracle I needed and after a handful of (aggressive bets) backup spins, we high tailed it out of there.  

Not only did I recover the loss of yesterdays win from this morning, I gained even MORE.  Woot woot!

OH!  And virtually simultaneously to me hitting this Major, my neighbor (who could have moved to this machine but stayed) also hit the Major on her machine!!  Also EPIC!  

We won't be at a casino again until Atlantis on Thursday - and I'm in a good place of heading into November with a good amount to add to our monthly 'fun money' budget. 

Feeling grateful and blessed on this snowy Monday.  

Local Casino

Once a month, the small casino down the street from the rental town house we lived in for 7 months allows players to swap comps for free play.  The amount you can exchange is determined by your player card level - for me, it's using $200 in comps for $100 in free play.  (FYI - double the comps for half that amount in free play is very common - Atlantis uses the same formula only Atlantis doesn't restrict the swap to once a month AND you can do it yourself via the player kiosk).  Some might think a 100% 'loss' is not worth it?  But this small, local casino doesn't offer events.  They don't do crab feeds, winery dinners, monthly drawings for $70,000 in prizes - and we don't dine there much (at all) really.  They have one restaurant (of 2) open since the pandemic and we aren't likely to ever use 100's of dollars in comps there.  Ever. 

Gold Dust West requires you to go to the window and request the swap - which is fine.  I love the convenience of using comps on your own that Atlantis provides but I'll go to the window if I have to.  Thankfully, the entire bank of Dragonlinks (six machines) was empty so I hurried to the the swap and headed back to pick a machine. 

I'd been looking forward to today as the monthly 'swap' date - and I've been swapping now for three months in a row and this is the last swap I'll be able to do for a while.  Need to build up some more comps.

It's super rainy here today (as expected) and I was really looking forward to a bit of fun time at a casino.  J. agreed to drop me off there so I could have a beer or two and enjoy the play.  Guess the mindless-ness of playing slots is more appealing to me than curling up with hot tea and a good book on a very rainy day. 

I was up $400 in the first 20 minutes of being there - hadn't even had a beer yet - and many would say 'so why didn't you leave'?  I would answer 'because what's the fun in that?  I want to play!'.  So I stayed.  The slot was pretty hot for a bit and then cooled significantly - and I knew I should stop.  Or move to a different slot.  But two wonderful ladies had sat down near me and we were having fun rooting for each other - cheering the bonus rounds and booing the missed bonus rounds.  I really just felt like I wasn't ready to stop playing yet.  So I put another sum of money I do not wish to disclose (LOL) and kept playing.  I decided to 'finish big' so I upped my bet.  I got a bonus round of free games on a $5 bet (2 cent denomination) and got a bonus round of six free games.  And on the 6th (last) free game, this happened:  

Last spin of six and it dropped the $893.04 MAJOR!  Woot woot.  I had $291.50 on the 'win' meter from the previous five games.  

The final round ended as this:

$1309.54 - my first hand pay at this local casino.  [Hand pays are any pay out > $1200.00.  As defined by the IRS.  The term 'hand pay' comes from the slot attendants having to hand you the winnings vs. just adding the winnings to your 'credit' meter which you then cash out via a 'ticket' whenever you're ready to stop playing].  FYI - doesn't mean you will owe taxes on that win - gambling wins are offset by gambling losses and while the ladies I was having fun with were bemoaning the hand pay, I was OK with it.  I have WAY more losses than wins to offset any gain so...it's all good.  This is my 5th hand pay of 2021 which will most definitely go down as an epic year in terms of hand pays.

It was a wonderful morning. (I won a Major on this same machine on August 31st - which also was game six of six).  I'm really starting to love this machine!

As soon as I saw the Major drop and knew it was 'mine', I texted J. 'please come get me'.  Not realizing at that point it was a handpay (which adds at least 20-30 minutes to the process) - so he came and ended up coming in 'cuz I wasn't coming out.  

If he hadn't picked me up and been my 'ride', I would have very likely played another machine with a Major jackpot in the same range (mid $800 - prime hitting range) and likely put a lot of my winnings back.  But I didn't do that - did (quite a) few backup spins, won another $200 and called it a morning.  

EPIC morning. 

If beers for brunch is wrong, I don't want to be right.  LOL.

And...I had some heart epiphanies, too.  I feel bad (really bad) at times sitting at a slot machine playing with wild abandon thinking (at times - not always but sometimes) 'I could use this money to help H. .  We could get him an apartment and help him get (back) on his feet'.  But today, I realized 'wait a minute, Majah.  Yes, you could do that.  But you HAVE financially helped him to a degree that many parents wouldn't.  You have been generous and patient and spent considerable funds trying to 'help him' with a fresh start.  It didn't work....which is gut-wrenching and makes you feel sad a lot - you aren't responsible for him anymore.  You legally stopped being responsible for him ten years ago and you've done a lot in the past ten years trying to 'help him'.  But you don't 'have to' do that.  You earned this life.  You and J. worked fricking HARD for this life - for the financial comfort you have in retirement.  There is zero (ZERO!!!!) obligation for you to continue to financially support someone who is repeatedly making bad choice after bad choice.  LET IT GO!'.  And that revelation is why I just felt like "I'm not ready to stop playing yet".  And putting that new amount (it was $200.  Just $200.  Lest you think it was more) was sort of my emancipation from feeling sad about the money I use to fund my 'hobby' vs. using it to help someone I love who clearly is past helping.  

H., help yourself.  That is my new prayer nightly - God, please help him to help himself.  Make a change.  Emancipate YOURSELF from the addiction that has controlled your life for years.  

I type this thinking 'I should have tried that other machine' but I'm letting that go, too.  Walking out of a casino (ANY casino) 'up' is a blessing not to be ignored.  It was a winning day and I'm grateful and happy for it - 

And ready for a nap.  LOL. 

Skipping Fall

In the blink of an eye, it feels like Winter.  Hills around us are dusted with snow and we're heading into two full days of rain (according to the weather people).  I plan to go outside and do some yard stuff before we're soaked.  I ordered some plants for "Fall" planting and they are not in dirt yet so...even though we seemed to have completely passed over the season known as Fall, I need to get them in a patio pot that will be protected from snow fall (by residing on the covered patio over Winter).  

Let's see....stuff to catch up on.  

The house blessing was absolutely wonderful.  Beautiful ceremony and lots of really wonderful, fun, pleasant people to meet.  The mother of our neighbor G. came up to J. and I and said 'you must be the lovely neighbors I've heard so much about'.  T. & G. are two incredibly joy-filled people and they attract the same - so many friends and family there and everyone was just wonderful.   We found a new hole-in-the-wall Mexican food restaurant here in Carson - best Mexican food we've had since we moved here.  Everything was SUPER delicious and just the right level of heat.  We had a blast.  We invited T. & G. to be our guests at Atlantis Steakhouse this coming Thursday to celebrate their anniversary.  T. was reluctant to accept but they took us to dinner for our anniversary at Fandango (also a great steakhouse) so fair is fair.  Looking forward to a fun evening.

We made two trips to Atlantis this week (Th & Fri) and I came home even on Day 1 and up a smidge on Day 2 so that's great!  I've started a new 'trick' of sorts:  I 'borrow' an amount from J.'s fun money before we leave.  That's the amount I use to play Dragonlinks - which are by far my most favorite slot - and I make it my mission to end my Dragonlink session with at least enough to 'pay back' what I owe to J. .  If I hit something really big, I can cash out, pay him back and be in the black for that session.  Otherwise, I play for a while and hopefully go up and down and end with enough to be back where I started.  It's a form of discipline that helps me do better at not leaving Dragonlink machines down a ton.  

(I have plenty of fun money at any given moment so I don't need to 'borrow' from J. - but that 'debt' to another person is a lot easier to force myself to pay back vs. just taking it out of my money and then playing past the point of being even).  The psychology of slots is trippy, huh?  LOL.  

And our free play was also helping in creating play money and I did manage to be up a bit at the end of our session yesterday which was great. 

We have a two night stay scheduled at Atlantis the first weekend in November so we're hoarding any wins to use for that long play cycle.  It's a drawing event and I'm hoping to win free play.  Or the Grand Prize of a Cadillac.  (I'll take the cash option - no interest in driving a Cadillac).  

On Wednesday, we went to Costco for flu shots.  Made appointments in advance.  The forms were ready for our signature but the appointment time really didn't make the process any faster - still took about an hour.  Luckily, I didn't cruise the aisles during the wait so we managed to stick to our list and made it out of the store for under $150.  Might be a record.  I woke up in the middle of the night with a raging headache that was even worse when I got up in the morning.  I felt pretty rotten most of Thursday but still made it to Atlantis for free play!    

A smidge after 9PM last night, J.'s phone chimed - a text from the person who has been trying to find/talk to H. .  S. said he did speak to him and basically, H. isn't ready to talk to us at this point.  There are a lot of disjointed angles to that scenario - H. had access to a phone because S. reached him on a phone - so....that does seem like H. may have access to ways to communicate with us and isn't.  By choice.  

I get it - truly, I do.  In August, H. and I had a very hard conversation on the phone - centered around his seeming inability to do a simple thing:  arrange to put $50 in the Wells Fargo account he has to pay his monthly cell phone bill.  Of course, I thought H. had a good job - making $16 an hour, guaranteed 40 hours - so coming up with $50 seemed like such a 'no brainer' - but he couldn't do it.  Over and over....request made, commitment it would be done but no deposit in the account.  Words were exchanged.  And H. said 'Mom, please don't do this to me now' and my trigger was fully launched.  'Do this to YOU?  Seriously?  What about us?  All the shit over and over...what about all that??'....I can't remember the specific exchange but it was ugly - so ugly that I phoned and texted him a couple times to apologize - back to thinking I was being incredibly hard on him.  

Turned out he was contacting his beautiful friend P. (in Livermore, CA) and hitting her up for $100 to pay me. (He told her he needed $100 to pay his cell phone bill.  He really needed only half of that.  If he's groveling for $, he will always ask for more than he needs - covered his drug expenses for a couple days with the other half.  Life of an addict).

Shortly after that, he stopped using the iPhone he'd just gotten (to replace the broken one - which he swore he mailed back to AT&T but which we were charged $300 for because they never received it.  Now that we know he was homeless, we are positive he never returned the phone.  Probably sold it to someone).   The $300 was also an amount he owed us that he was not able to commit to paying me back - another in a long list of red flags that resulted in me being a detective and finding out all the lies.  

Realizing his parents know what we know - I'm sure he isn't looking forward to the conversation.  I'm not either.  Though really our plan is to just let him know we love him and worry about him and that hearing from him on occasion would be good.  We aren't committing to helping him; won't offer anything - no financial support, no rescuing plane ticket - just acknowledge we love him and hope he will make changes in his life.  

We're working hard on focusing on all the amazing things in our life that make us say 'Life is Good' on a very regular basis.  In a beautiful home in a beautiful place with nature everywhere.  I saw FOUR rainbows on the way to Atlantis yesterday - so beautiful!

Silver Strands

My hair stylist is a beautiful woman in her 70's.  She's fascinating.  Author, teacher, cosmetologist.  We gave her salon a try because it's very close to our house.  She had a lot of rental stations before the pandemic but since then, she's been making it on her own.  Many of the stylists renting stations from her took issue with being deemed 'non-essential' by the people deciding what businesses could stay open - so when salons reopened here, they didn't return.  J. goes to her, too - we both love her.  We're glad she's open and glad to be helping her stay open. 

She commented a few months back 'maybe someday you'll let me highlight your hair'.  I said 'maybe'.  Thinking 'absolutely no' because I've done highlights before and it's time consuming and expensive.  Sure, it would provide way more texture and oomph than my baby fine, very thin hair but I wasn't keen on committing to the every two to three month redo process.  

Shortly after that conversation, my hair started getting a lot more grays.  I just got a haircut last week and we took off a couple inches.  Gladesa commented 'we may not need to do any highlights - your hair is getting lighter on it's own and it's lovely'!

I styled my hair this morning and it really is pretty with some light blonde and gray streaks.  I'm hoping it will go all the way to silver at some point.  My hair is chin length all around now so the gray streaks really shine - lots more gray shows with the length - I'm super excited about it!  Who knew I'd be so thrilled to go gray?  

I had to drive myself to Reno today for free play (the horror!  Just kidding but I did miss J. who drops me off so I can head straight to my favorite machines and whose presence allows me to have a couple beers while I play).  It was a not great slot day and a strong reminder why we avoid going to the casino on the weekend.  It was super crowded and the slots rarely pay on weekends. 

Thankfully, I still have $500 in free play J. won from the Atlantis golf tournament - when combined with my usual weekly $250, I'm hoping I can make up for some of the loss next Thursday when we make our weekly trek there.  There's another free play event on Friday too - so there's hope.  

I am always grateful for the hope.  

Tomorrow, we've been invited to a Hawaiian house blessing at our neighbor's.  Friends of theirs from Hawaii flew in for the weekend and are doing a traditional home blessing ceremony.  Should be fun.  Nice people, good food - will be a great way to spend a Sunday afternoon.

 

Smidges of Hope

We had a storm alert at the beginning of the week.  The published hours were 11PM Monday to 11AM Tuesday - but Mother Nature doesn't pay attention to the warning system, apparently.  Looking out the window on Monday morning, the hills across the freeway were shrouded - sort of looked like smoke (which was my first thought) but was really low.  In the time it took to walk from my bedroom to the kitchen, start a mug of coffee brewing and open the shutters in the kitchen, the shroud had reached our neighborhood.  Snow falling completely (REALLY) sideways.  Video proof below. It was crazy.  The snow didn't last long on the ground - too warm - but it continued for quite a while.  

 

We had some snow on the ground by Monday night but it was all gone Tuesday morning.  So much for the well-publicized storm warnings.  J. did shut down the drip system for the Winter which means now we'll have to hand water a bit if we don't get rain and/or snow.  We also had some sleet on Monday afternoon as well - wild.  

It was so cold that I had to get the down comforter out of the storage bag and add that to my bed - after an hour of trying to fall asleep and realizing I was so cold, sleep would not happen.  (And then of course, I thought about H. - sleeping without heat or a roof or likely much of anything).  Grateful for sleep finally happening so I didn't ponder that situation too long.  

On Tuesday, J. decided (with me finally agreeing - I had been unsure about doing this) to start calling phone numbers from H.'s cell phone in August.  After a lot of calls - mostly straight to voicemail or a quick hang-up - he reached someone named Simon.  Simon confirmed to J. that H. is homeless.  Said he had seen H. a few days ago and said he would do his best to make contact with H. and loan him his phone so he could call us.  As excited as we were about that, we were also somewhat  quixotically pensive about this new development.  If we were to talk to H., would he think we would immediately make arrangements to help - like getting him on a plane to us?  Would us not doing that 'break him' further? I really worried about that.  We planned to let him know mostly how much we love him; how he is the only person who can choose to live differently; no matter how hard things seem, making a change is possible; how hard it is for us to not know if he is OK for weeks at a time.  

Simon (bless his heart) tried multiple times to find H. .  He said the other homeless people would say 'you just missed him'.  That 'just missing him' happened a few times - leading us to think it's possible H. doesn't actually want contact.  That sort of makes sense - we're not even sure H. knows that we know everything.  Unless the person who loaned him a phone on September 4th showed H. my texts to that phone days later, he may not be aware that we know his situation.  Or...he does know we know and doesn't want to talk.  

I watched a podcast and a former addict said 'being addicted is completely demoralizing.  You can't fathom how you let a substance define your life in the way it has and you can't be sure you can ever 'fix' it'.  

Simon says he is in the area where H. hangs out on a regular basis so he will be able to find him at some point.  So we'll wait and see. 

At the very least, it feels 'better' to have confirmation H. is OK.  (OK = alive.  Never thought I'd have to say that about one of my kids but there it is).  My mind had been leading me down some really dark paths about H. - had so-called 'friends' hurt him?  But we know he is OK.  He's been seen.  That's a relief.

B. is back in Tennessee post training in Louisiana for a month.  This week, he's been taking his first in-airplane flying lessons and is super stoked. 

I had a great casino day yesterday - lost a horrible amount on tortuous Dragonlinks and then hit MightyCash Ultra for a HUGE win.  Made up for everything I'd lost and won that same amount again - so came home way up for the day.  I love days like that.  I hit a huge bonus round just as J. headed to the deli to order our food to go - and then hit an astronomical bonus round shortly after.  It was a $5.28 bet (huge for me) and it re-triggered more free games over and over.  SIXTY spins.   It was epic.  

While we were playing (earlier), a guy came by and stopped and marveled at the win J. had on his machine.  That same guy meandered back when I hit my first big bonus after J. had gone to get food.  The guy said 'I'm only a few tier points away from a meal - that's what they said'.  I said nothing.  He said 'with a win like that, you could help a guy out'.  I said nothing.  I wanted to say 'I have a homeless son who's a heroin addict and everything anyone does to help him turns into a way for him to get drugs.  Sorry but no'. 

If J. hadn't gone to get food (using my weekly $15 food voucher - J. hit the buffet with his voucher), I would have gladly taken the guy to one of the food places in Atlantis and used the $15 to get him food. And I sort of felt bad that I didn't cash out and offer to get him food using comps - but then I hit the HUGE win after he left and we left as soon as J. returned with my spaghetti and meatballs.  

I will watch for the guy tomorrow (going by myself for a free play event - Jim is playing golf with his golf group) and offer to get him food.  

It's a crystal clear blue sky Friday and we will be puttering around the homestead most of the day.  And because I won a bit, I plan to play slots here in Carson a bit later today.  Just a smidge.  I love the older (original) Dragonlinks and many of the local casinos here have them - Atlantis only has 2nd, 3rd or 4th generation machines and the payout is very different as the machines have evolved.  

I know my machines.  LOL.