Road Trip with My Love

After some rescheduling, the lady finally picked up the albums last night - $35 more for items we were sure would end up being disposed of via a trip to the dump.  She works with autistic people and music is something she uses in her work - she was absolutely thrilled with the treasure trove.  When we mentioned that not only were the albums ours, there were also some from our parents, she was super thrilled.  A very eclectic mix of genres and artists across decades. 

Another thing out of the house that we won't move to Nevada!  BOOM!

J. celebrated his 69th birthday yesterday - we were remembering when we were dating and just engaged talking about 'when we're in our 60's and 70's' - and here we are, approaching those numbers at lightening speed. 

I'm listening to "Never Enough" from The Greatest Showman soundtrack as I get ready to head upstairs and pack for our trip to Reno/Carson City.  We're very likely driving home on Saturday vs. Sunday - gives me a day at home this weekend and we can spend time with H. on Sunday. 

We debated not going at all - no real reason to go since there's no prelim sketch of a floor plan yet...but we are excited to start exploring our new city - we put so much exploration effort into Reno (thinking for years that's where we would land in retirement) - now we need to do the same for Carson City.  J. will play golf tomorrow morning and I'll enjoy a 5x point day on the slots.  We'll do some exploring in the afternoon and have a nice dinner.  Then hit the road Saturday morning - maybe go home the back way again - prettier drive. 

There have been some hard things happening on the work front and I confessed to a co-worker yesterday that while I am steadfastly keeping the short timer attitude at bay most of the time, yesterday was a day I was glad to say 'y'all will have to work on this for years to come - and I'm out so I honestly don't care.  Do whatever you think is best for now and I'll keep positive thoughts and intentions in the cosmos about it all as I segue out'.  I confess - it felt great!  In the thick of something hugely problematic - and realizing 'guess what?  You truly don't have to fret about it.  It's not going to be something that will affect you - so don't go there.  Move on'.  I washed my hands of it in that moment - another BOOM!

BOOM! is becoming my new favorite exclamation!

Off to get moving - heading out by 8AM - meeting with the mortgage company at 1PM - just for a 'meet and greet'. 

I still feel like I have to pinch myself sometimes - this is truly, really all happening! 

Albums

J. surprised me last night by stating that he went downtown to the shop that buys albums - he said 'I didn't get what I expected'.  Since selling to Rasputin is the only experience we've had so far and they pay pennies for albums, I wasn't expecting much.  But he pulled $60 (!!) out of his wallet.  The owner of the shop is the same age as J. and has very specific artists he is interested in buying -

We offered the rest of the albums (minus a few more that J. held back to see if the guy downtown wants them) to someone on Facebook and they are picking them up tomorrow morning at 10AM.  I'm taking a walk down memory lane going through them and remembering songs that I haven't thought about since the 80's.

Jane Oliver and Tarney Spencer Band to name a couple.  The lady was supposed to pick up today at 10AM but had a change of plans and I'm sort of glad 'cuz now I have time to go through them a bit more and then go immediately to iTunes or You Tube to find the song and refresh my memory.

My 40th high school reunion is next weekend and friends have been reaching out to say 'you're on the missing list'.  I said 'yes, but you are chatting with me so clearly, I'm not missing'.  [Insert Smiley face emoji].  I explained that we are actually going to be in Carson City that weekend so no, I won't be there.  (I was very glad to have that trip as a 'reason' I wasn't planning to attend.  Truth be told, I wouldn't have attended anyway.  Wild horses couldn't drag me there.  It was a big graduating class and it turns out, I don't know a lot of the people and the ones I do know, I'm just not interested in connecting with.  One of very few exceptions is my friend D. who didn't even attend our high school - she transferred to a private religious school - she and her husband D. offered J. and I a room - I thanked her profusely and sent regrets. 

Work week went by super quickly and as of end of day yesterday, I have 180 work days left - if I retire at the end of June.  That's net of holidays and the 14 days I'm off for our cruise in March.  Time will fly by. 

Big news:  H. got a job!!  Working on the production line of a sunglass company - his sponsor has worked there for 14+ years and he suggested H. apply.  They commute together and H. has a couple of other people who work there he can catch a ride with.  I'm also going to suggest that H. look into taking a bus from Modesto to the Ace Train station and then Ubering to work from the Livermore ACE station - just as a(nother) backup.  J. is also a backup but we really don't want H. to rely on J. for that 'cuz we are moving and H. needs to be adulting.

J. is getting ready to go get H. who will hang out here today and help with more projects.  J. is going to Alameda tonight for a party at a former co-worker's house.  I'll enjoy a quiet evening at home. 

My new assistant starts on Monday and I spent all week attempting to get caught up, write procedures, make lists of things she can do - especially because I'm off this coming Th & Fr - can't wait to having help again.  I'm going to make vanilla scones to have as treats on Monday -

Busy weekend ahead.  Continues to feel awesome to have stuff leaving the house little by little. 

Pretty Much a Sunday Repeat

Read last week's post - more of the same today.  The garage is looking good! 

I trekked to Hayward yesterday to see my counselor.  She gives great advice and knows me very well.  I'm having a lot of trouble sleeping - I do 3 hour stretches and wake up super hard every morning - get into a great sleep in that 3rd round and then it's time to get up.  I feel so groggy and struggle to navigate the simple task of getting clothes ready, exiting the bedroom, heading downstairs.  The cats (one in particular - Muf) have taken to sitting on the full length of a stair ahead of me all.the.way.down.  It's a miracle I haven't fallen and broken something.  I'm barely awake.

She reminded me that there has been a ton of 'stuff' lately - a lot of changes in the works.  I shared that while I'm excited about the thought of never working again, I also feel a bit intimidated by it.  I used that morning's routine as an example.  If I hadn't needed to be somewhere at a certain time, I might have been (very) tempted to take care of the dog and then go back up to bed and sleep until noon.  I sort of fear I will do just that when I retire?  And maybe that would be to catch up on sleep for a few days - but I really worry that I'll feel depressed more than energized about the 'nowhere to go and nothing that has to be done' part of it. 

She suggested that maybe I will decide to find something to keep me busy. A light part-time job to get me out and about a few days a week.  I also have been worried about the move - making the big move.  Fully anticipating that we will live in the lovely house we are building for years - together.  But then sometimes the 'what if....' scenarios run through my brain.  Me, in a house alone because my best beloved is 11 years older so....what if.  Alone in a huge house having few friends in a new city.  Or still somewhat new city. 

Who knows, right?  I could be the one leaving this earth first.  Tomorrow is never promised and I know the answer is 'so you just have to live one day at a time and take each day - that's it.  No fretting about things you have no control over nor knowledge of.  Let it go....'.   Easier said than done, says the part(s) of my psyche that keep me awake at night. 

I told the district leadership team that it's likely my last year plus 3 months - I just had to (finally) put it out there that the thoughts we had about owning two homes for awhile are quickly being replaced with 'why would we want to do that'.  It felt good.  And terrifying.  'Cuz this is all real.  It is happening. 

When I get fretful, I run the numbers again and confirm it is all still do-able.  I run them over and over and over.....

H. is here today - I didn't know the plan was for him to be here today  - which was silly of me because up until this morning, he and J. were planning to spend tonight in San Mateo and be at the courthouse early in the morning to 'surrender' on the outstanding warrant(s).  We are starting to think that H.'s DMV record is why he is struggling to find work - but as it stands now, it might be sometime later this week or next Monday.  The staff and counselors at New Hope have offered to write letters on his behalf confirming that he's fulfilling all the requirements of the rehab program and is doing a great job of getting his life back in order. 

It's hard when he's near and it's hard to write this 'cuz he's our son - but my stomach always feels clenchy and sad when he's about.  He's doing great - but....all those memories of all that's happened still loom large and it's still hard for me to feel welcoming and accepting.  Though he is a huge help and he is one of the reasons we've made such great progress in the garage. 

It's good for him to get out and about vs. sitting in a house all day - so if he's willing to come help out, while wedging in a BowFlex work out and listening to music while he does stuff, then that's not a bad thing. 

I'd love to take a nap today but think I will settle for a super early bedtime tonight - get my clothes picked out and downstairs tonight so that's one less thing to navigate in the morning.  I'll try to get to work super early tomorrow to make up for not working this weekend - it felt lovely to skip it but I'm still doing my job plus my assistant's job and there's still a massive amount of stuff to get caught up on.  Year-end is done - Board meeting on Tuesday - so I have time this week to get caught up.  And new assistant starts on Monday, 9/17! 

Crazily Redundantly Motivated

ANOTHER day of huge progress.  Starting to think the medication I started a month or so ago is jump starting my organization.  Usually, things just feel overwhelming and impossible but lately, I can 'see' what needs to be done and sketch out how to make it happen.  Instead of standing around looking at all the stuff and feeling it's impossible, we are making steady progress.  Feels AWESOME!

We took a bunch of things to New Hope - H's rehab place.  Lots of things we know they can use and other things we called and asked about.  One of the first things they try to instill in people is finding lots of other activities to do that are fun.  Addicts are so focused on their next fix, they forget how to do anything but that.  So there's a lot of effort put in to getting people out and doing - with groups and friends - to remind them there is life outside using.

We gave them a karaoke machine and 15 song disks, a brand new croquet set, 4 stadium seats, 4 basketballs, two ice chests and a vacuum.  (H. wanted the vac for their house). 

I took all the plastic shelves outside and cleaned them thoroughly.  Hosed them down and used Simple Green and a towel to get them sparking.  Then we swept the floors well, scrubbed one area where something had spilled, put the shelves back and are reorganizing as we go.  With all the stuff we gave away, we will have room on those shelves to start staging stuff for the move.  First on the list are boxes of books that we plan to keep - but no point in putting them away upstairs only to pack them again in a year. 

J. will be procuring some plastic bins at Costco this week and making trips to donation, the library and Rasputin Music in Modesto - he will have a very full four day week and the garage will continue to be more and more empty and organized.  I love it!!

H. was here today too and was able to help lift heavy things, reach things I can't reach and also did some yard work.  We got a new set of really 'big' pruners - shears, really - and they make trimming hedges so much easier!!  We filled up the yard waste bin and did a good cutting back of some of our flowering landscape plants.  H. also tried to trim the Japanese Maples in the front but the ladder isn't high enough - we'll need to call the tree trimming company but it shouldn't be too expensive 'cuz they aren't very tall. 

Our gardener officially retired so we are going to look for help - hoping to find someone more reliable and someone who can consistently do both the yard and some pruning, etc. - even if it costs a bit more, it will be worth it.

I'm going to head to work tomorrow and will undoubtedly be super productive there, too.  I've been making a list for there as well and keeping my brain organized and focused is really making a huge difference.  Yes, there is a lot of work - always has been and always will be - but I know what needs to be done and can do it. 

Congratulations to H. who celebrates 101 day sober today!  Super happy for him and proud of him.  He had some 'girl issues' this week and he handled it all very well - strong enough to say to her that while he is sorry she is upset, she's basing her upset on gossip and has no reason to think any of what was said (about H.) is real.  Yet she did.  H. told her that he can't have that kind of drama in his life at this point - that she's upset because someone said he spoke to someone else (another girl).  He said he told her 'so I can never talk to another human being or you'll be upset with me'.  Ridiculous.  I'm proud of him. 

As for the girl - I feel for her.  I wish she was stronger and more self confident to realize how silly her upset is.  But I remember those feelings in my 20's so I get it.  It takes a long time to feel so OK with yourself that nothing other people say has much influence or affect on you - and that comes with a lot of life lessons that she hasn't experienced yet. 

Fingers crossed it will all work out -

Time to start winding down for bed.  These have been two of the most productive days we've had in ages and seeing the progress is so wonderful!!  Very motivating which is a good thing 'cuz we have 52 more weekends between now and moving (roughly) and there is still a lot to do. 

Hungry Root

(This is not a sponsored post.  I have zero sponsors.)

J. is doing the Optavia weight loss program.  After months of various tests, etc. to see about doing weight loss surgery, he's realized he doesn't want to do that.  A friend did Optavia and lost a lot of weight so J. is trying it. 

So far, he's loving it - isn't feeling hungry, eats every 2-3 hours, and it's working.  Weight is coming off and the more he loses the more motivated he is.  Already feeling better, too, so that's awesome. 

I sometimes get negative about these type of programs - because he's done them before and the weight comes back.  Seems so logical and simple to 'do it yourself' - portion control, etc. - but truthfully, we all know how hard it is to eat less. 

I decided I'm on Team J. and whatever works for him is what he will do -

I'm trying Hungry Root - a vegetarian weekly meal service.  Like Hello Fresh only no meat. 

How's it going?  I miss meat. 

Turns out it's hard for me because I am (so far) not hungry for any of the Hungry Root meals.  Largely because I'm eating things I've never eaten before and with no history of what tastes good, it's hard to be excited about eating.  The meals are also sometimes very spicy and my body does not appreciate spice. 

I forgot to cancel next week's delivery so I have another two weeks of torture - 'cuz I still have most of this past week's delivery still in the fridge.  I don't plan to continue.  I'd rather go back to cooking for myself. 

Though that's been hard, too, because J. has been doing dinners since he retired only now, he doesn't.  He makes himself something lean and green - I guess he can start cooking double portions of that for me and I can add some brown rice if needed. 

Another Saturday spent in the garage - geez, we have so much stuff to get rid of but we are doing pretty well.  The Salvation Army came with a big truck and took most everything we wanted to get rid of - but they wouldn't take the mattresses.  We're going to ask our housekeeper if she knows of a family that can use them?  Otherwise, we'll arrange for someone to make a dump run for us - and might even toss in the pool chaises at the same time - why not?  We rarely use them, they are in deplorable shape and it will save us paying for another dump run in a year - but we'll see.

I'm making lists of things to remind J. to inventory and take to our local donation center.  And eventually, I'll trek up to Jackson, too - with a huge load of stuff. 

H. came over briefly on Friday - he was picked up by the mom of his friend N. (who passed away a while back).  She spent time with H. at Starbucks and then offered to drive him to Modesto 'to be able to spend more time with him'.  She's someone I work with and at our Welcome Back breakfast each year, she finds me and asks how he's doing.  We hope he'll come back tomorrow (J. will go get him) 'cuz we're doing some stuff in the garage that an extra set of hands and someone with more height could really help with. 

J. is going to return to Orchard Supply (their closing is very sad for our town because in addition to the store, we also have a warehouse here and a lot of people are losing their jobs) to get mouse traps - we clearly are having some issues in the garage and we need to get everything cleaned out and take care of the source.  That's J.'s job - poor guy.

I'm heading to the office on Monday - year-end is 'done' but I have a lot of things to scan and some Board prep to get going on.  If it weren't a Board prep week, I'd be tempted to take off Monday and truly enjoy a full three day weekend - but it is so I need to go in and get a jump start - not losing a day is in my best interest.  It will lessen the stress as the week progresses.

Harry Potter marathon on this weekend - joy, joy, joy.  In between working in the garage and the constant washing of my hands, I'm enjoying the movies as much as I did when I first saw them.  I will never get tired of them.  Ever.