Thursday, December 31, 2015

Lobsters! Happy New Year!

We made it to Jackson.  J. wakes up H. around 9AMish.  Our departure time was 9:30....which we'd reminded over and over and over.  H. gets PO'd at J. for 'waking me up so far before we are leaving' and then proceeds to take forever to get ready.  We departed closer to 10.  I should have known.  H. slept most of the way there.  (He's not sleeping well - takes after his mom, I guess).

The buffet was great and the play was fun.  We didn't have any big wins but we had fun trying.  We were a little 'late' heading home (according to H.'s schedule, anyway) but I was on a hot machine...which I had to finally just leave 'cuz H. had plans.  That's the one 'hard' thing about taking the family with me and they are rushed - 'cuz a hot machine is not something to walk away from.  Oh well - we all had fun and it was a nice day.

I'm also treating myself to an overnight stay on Sunday at Thunder Valley - room is free.  Just a nice way to wind up the break and we have Monday off, too....so will enjoy a nice stay up there.

Tomorrow and Saturday will be puttering around the homestead.  Starting 2016 with some chores.

2015 was a great year.  J. had three international trips - Rome in February, Paris in March, and Playa del Carmen in October.  I was with him for two of those trips and H. got to make his first trip to Europe (Rome).  We also wedged in a long weekend in Arizona and visited the Grand Canyon with Brooks in September.

At work, my boss and I are getting along great and enjoying the work.  There's always plenty of it and I think he and I make a great team and help offload each other if/when we can.  On January 5th, the newly modernized (rebuilt, basically) school will open - the construction has taken 18 months and the finished school is absolutely beautiful.  We will host a public open house on January 23rd, which coincidentally is B.'s 25th birthday.  In March, we will also finish the other big construction project - a new gymnasium at one of our K-8 schools.  It's been a lot of work and I have to give huge kudos to my boss because he's really been on top of every single detail.

Also in 2015, our district has started working on becoming a Professional Learning Community which is really exciting.  I'm quick to say I'm not a teacher and honestly don't think I ever could be but I'm so excited to be a part of this process.  The progress being made already is astounding and it's been so fun to watch light bulbs go off in people's brains as we all start to 'get' what this is all about. The process will be ongoing forever and the milestones happen sporadically and infrequently - but it will happen and it's a very exciting process to be a part of.  I love how the admin team is more 'together' than we've ever been - being a good sounding board for each other and also a great support to each other.  Our solidification as a team is more real this year than any other year in my tenure and it's a joy to experience.  Makes work so much more fun and meaningful when you feel you are a part of a great team of people who support each other - vs. some do and some don't and many don't even try.  It's been a great year at 'the office' and I am very grateful for that - since working is hard and I need to keep working for as long as I can.

H.'s health is stable though I still worry - and today, in the casino, for no apparent reason I felt an overwhelming sense of worry - and got teared up about it.  Very unusual for me.  There are just so many things that happen with that kid - and things trouble me.  I still run a lot of 'what if' scenarios in my head - and when I think of the 'what ifs', I still feel afraid at times.  No reason to think he's not fine but sometimes, logic goes out the window and pure emotion takes over.  But for now, we are thankful that he's post-treatment by many months and so far, all is OK.  Nothing (more) bad has happened yet - and hopefully won't.  Ever.  He's doing well in school - though he has to retake the math class he needs as a pre-requisite for Chemistry - and he's enjoying it - and that's a fantastic thing for a guy who's struggled with school.  He likes to learn and is naturally curious so it's great he's found something he's interested in and is excited about pursuing.

B. is enjoying the Army though he's also excited about moving to a new base soon.  His knee recovery is slower than he anticipated but it's going well.  He has a good attitude about his job and his work and is planning to sign another 3 year contract in the next couple months. I worry about him being deployed at some point but then I have to acknowledge that's a huge part of his 'job' so it's sort of inevitable.

J. holds down the home front ensuring there is food in the pantry, clean laundry in the closets and manages the team of people we pay to help us keep this house going.  We are planning to make a trip or two to Nevada in the Spring to start scoping out new homes and I'm keeping my eyes open for jobs in my field in Nevada as well.  No imminent plans but if the right job came along, I think we'd move in a heart beat.  I say that and then I think of moving all this 'stuff' and think 'no, let's just stay here forever'.  But we won't.  I'm sure we won't.

2016 will be a year of huge change for me at work - our long time payroll person is leaving the district at the end of January and my assistant is moving to be the assistant to the Superintendent.  I'll return to work in January and interview for two key positions in my department - I'm excited about the chance to hire to great people to fill these really important jobs - but I'm also apprehensive.  I'm trying to go into the start of the year with a positive, excited spirit about it all - but even with the two week break, I'm not sure that's how I feel about it.

Then I remind myself that how I feel about it doesn't really matter one iota 'cuz it is what it is and it's my job to make the best of it - whatever it is.

Happy New Year to my readers and my family and friends.  J. and I just opened some bubbly and it's pretty delicious.  I expect I will be heading to bed long before midnight but not before sharing another glass or two with my sweet husband.

Monday, December 28, 2015

Post-Christmas Miracle

A massive snow storm in El Paso dumped enough snow to have the Army cancel work today - so B. was able to stay over another night.  Gave him a little more time with us and friends and another night in his own bed.  He and J. left a bit ago to head for Oakland.  B. gave me a big hug and said 'thanks for having me'.  Huh?  Of course we HAVE YOU!!  Anytime.  He is hoping for another visit in March of week or so - his Christmas money is going to be for a new set of clubs and he's hoping to be here in March to pick them up - his best friend works at a golf course and also works for Callaway so it's a win-win.  C. will sell a set of clubs and B. will get a great discount.

Thanks to Southwest for not charging any change fees - easy switch of the flights to today instead of yesterday and no difference in fare -

I did not sleep well last night so slept in until just before B. and J. were leaving for the airport.  I've got the dishwasher running and am working on regrouping around my desk.  J. is heading to visit his younger brother tomorrow (returning Wednesday) so I will be holding down the fort at home.  Well, with H.'s help, of course.  I have lunch plans with friends in Stockton on Wednesday and other than that, not too much going on this week.

It's been raining quite a bit and it's cold and overcast today.  Something happened in the back yard yesterday that involved a bird - feathers everywhere on the lawn.  We suspect a cat but we're not sure.

We are considering going to Jackson for the New Years Eve/Day buffet - prime rib, whole lobsters. I'm not sure any of us will have the inertia to do that on Thursday or Friday but we are talking about it.  It's a really pretty drive and it will be my last week of VIP status 'cuz I haven't been playing there as much and will not be a VIP post December 31st.  Oh well.  It was fun while it lasted.

Sunday, December 27, 2015

Safety and Wilderness

Found a new show on National Geographic channel - Life Below Zero.  Various families/people making a home in the Alaska wilderness.  These are hard core survivalists - skilled in hunting, surviving in dangerous, harsh conditions.  It's fun to see the challenges they face and how they handle it.  My only complaint is that there are so many sets of people to follow, the episodes feel truncated - little snips of each instead of more detail on a few.  There was a marathon on all day yesterday and I didn't remember that I had taped episodes until the day was almost over.  Nice way to wind down the evening.

One of the unique Christmas presents exchanged on Friday was B.'s gift to H - a CAT.  Combat Application Tourniquet.  B.'s explanation was 'you are out in the middle of nowhere shooting with your friends - you should have this in case an accident occurs.'  We all marveled at his thinking - and his intent was to protect his brother and his friends.  And we all had a good laugh at 'the most unusual gift ever'.  'What did you get for Christmas, H.?'  'A tourniquet'.  We all laughed a lot -

Here's what it looks like.  (Colors may vary - there is no red on H.'s).



B.'s friends stayed for quite awhile - watched movies.  After those friends left, he headed over to another friends house to spend time with him.  His departure is less than 24 hours away and I know he's struggling with the briefness of the stay this time.

Goodbyes are always hard.  Always have been and always will be.  He heads to Louisiana for training and then he's making arrangements to move to a base in Kentucky - not sure when that's happening but could be before Spring.  Hopefully, he'll like Kentucky more than El Paso.

Feels good to still have nine days ahead - we have Monday, 1/4, off also - which is really great!  I'm trying not to revel in it too much 'cuz B. is back at work early Monday morning - and he won't get into El Paso until after midnight - so it's going to be a hard morning/day no matter what.




Saturday, December 26, 2015

And Just This Minute

B. showed up with two friends in tow.  Totally fine - welcome any time.

Though me being dressed without bed head would have been preferable.

J. rescued me with clothes and a comb to fix my hair.

Geez.  Young adults -

Bundled

I am in my heaviest coat - Sherpa-like - and am absolutely freezing.  Just opened the email from PG&E and our heating bill this month is more than double what it was this time last year.  Guess I should be glad that it's colder - much colder - 'cuz there's snow on the Sierras and that's a very good thing.  We're freezing here in Tracy so yeah!  Hot tea all day, warming from the inside out.

I've been a lazy-bones today.  Just enjoying a low-key day of not much and it's lovely.  The boys are playing their new games and it's been a quiet, relaxing day - plenty of leftovers to nosh on and not much inertia required.

Though I should go do some more cookie icing and get another batch in the oven.  The 'border' and 'flood' technique worked pretty well, but I will make my border icing a little thicker next time.  And I'm not sure how to make the icing really 'bright white' - King Arthur used to have white food coloring but I can't find it so I have to settle for slightly off white borders.  Guess I could throw out all convention and line the trees with red borders and then green?  I'll give it a try.  The cookies are a lot of work but they are delicious and they disappear pretty quickly once they are iced.  So someone likes them.

Whenever B. is home, I think he ends up feeling 'down' a bit.  Home is home and he longs for it when he's not here - but when he is here, it seems like he's out of sorts.  Picks 'fights' about stupid things - like last night, he pronounced that he wants the art work that is in the upstairs hallways taken down - all the pictures he (and H.) drew as kids that I had lovingly framed.  He 'can't stand' the clown he drew and it must be gone, now.  'I'm not a kid anymore'.  Right.  I know.  He says 'there should be pictures of now - of me now'.  I have some pics he had done for Mom's day so I will try to get one framed and up on a wall somewhere.

When I framed all that art work and put it up, a professor at the college I worked at said 'that is the most amazing thing for kids' self esteem - to see their art work importantly displayed in the home they share with their parents'.  So I've kept it up 'cuz it's something I love and cherish.  If I take them all down, what will I do with them?  I'm not even sure I can 'unframe' and reuse the frames for anything else without taking it all to Michael's and paying to have things redone.

B. is transitioning into being a man vs. a young man or boy and I think it shows.  That struggle with wanting to stay where you were while simultaneously detesting everything about where you were AND where you are. Feeling 'lost' and/or in the middle of wherever and not being entirely sure about any of it.  There are moments with him that are pure joy every time he's home - but more often than not, there are moments when he's here that are just challenging.  Him challenging everything.  Every little thing.  It's exhausting.  I love having him home - but this time, I'm grateful that I still have some days off post-visit.  I need the break -

(Nothing in this post detracts from a perfect Christmas and many, many lovely, love-filled, fun-filled moments with that young man.  He is a stellar person....even when he's driving me bonkers).


Perfection

Christmas, 2015 was perfection.  Simple and quick but just perfect.  The day passed with cookie making, cheese cracker making (the cheese straws were easier to make just flattening out scoops of the dough and flattening them vs. the whole cookie press squeezing out long strings process) and dinner.  Prime rib, au gratin potatoes, green bean casserole, pop overs, red wine, sparkling cider, and berry pie for dessert.  Even the lack of a puppy couldn't mar the day - it was awesome!

This morning, I turned the leftover popover batter into maple bacon popovers and they are scrumptious.  I always wish I had a true popover pan but resist purchasing a set 'cuz I make popovers once or twice a year and storing the pans seems silly.  Muffin tins work well but they will never be the highest popovers...no one here notices and they are gobbled up regardless of their size.  Even pulled out the REAL maple syrup as a post-Christmas treat this morning.

We'll pass the time today re-organizing and putting things away and continuing the culling out we always do at year-end.  We have a bunch of furniture things that we want to get rid of but it's hard to find someone that will come pick them up.  J. confessed that he was saving things 'for when the boys get their own place someday' - but having a room upstairs full of things we aren't using seems silly and the boys can buy their own darn furniture when the time comes.  And I'm suggesting to H. that he use the (hopefully soon) emptier room as a game/sitting room and keep his bedroom as his sleep space.  He's having issues sleeping so I'm hoping separating his 'living' space from his 'sleep' space will help.  Sort of like an apartment only without the rent, utilities, food, etc. one normally associates with living in your own place.

B. has been spending time with friends so I'm not sure how much we'll see him today and tomorrow. It's to be expected - a very quick visit with him trying to wedge in as much as he can in the few days he's here.

Beautiful, clear, sunny day here again -


Thursday, December 24, 2015

Not a Puppy

J. and I trekked to Winco early this morning and did the big shop to get us through the next week or so.  I really didn't want to do it alone after my haircut yesterday so we postponed until today.  It was cloudy and overcast and not raining on the way there, but was apparently raining most of the time we were in the store.  And putting groceries in the car.  And driving home.  And unloading all the groceries.  As soon as everything was inside, the rain stopped.

On the way home, the traffic was becoming impressively awful and J. mentioned he still had an errand to run.  I chastised him - with lots of sexist comments about how men put things off and that it seriously wasn't worth going out in the rain and traffic at this point - it's Christmas Eve Day and really?  You want to go out in this mob and weather for something?

He said 'well, OK, if you're OK with me not getting you a puppy'.  And I screamed 'A puppy?  You're getting me a puppy?  Of course it's worth it FOR A PUPPY!!'.

Only he's not getting me a puppy and now he's never going to hear the end of it.  The only thing I can say is that he is graciously dealing with all the jabs I'm giving him for getting my hopes up - and that he is seriously grateful that I'm not telling H. that he joked about getting us a puppy...'cuz that kid is relentless and has wanted a puppy or a kitten for FOREVER.

(I know J. is right - last thing we need is another dog.  Or a cat.  But still....that would have been the perfect present 'cuz even if you think you don't want a pet, you will immediately fall in love at first sight).

I baked a frozen berry pie for tomorrow; made sugar cookie dough that's chilling in the fridge and we have cheese straws in the oven.  I couldn't have done the cheese straws without J.'s help 'cuz the dough is so stiff, it's impossible to squeeze out easily.  Maybe I will cut back on the flour though I followed the recipe. It's firm but takes a lot of strength to get it out of the bag.

I just thought of this:  maybe we'll dig out the cookie gun and put the dough in there - cheese crackers instead of 'straws'.

Dinner is short ribs and mashed potatoes.  Plenty of libations here as well - spiked egg nog!


Wednesday, December 23, 2015

Flight Delays and Burning Fuel Overhead

B. notified us that already, his first flight is delayed an hour.  "Check the news", he said.

Hmmmm.



Turns out Southwest Flight 382 made an emergency landing at Oakland this morning, after doing this for four hours.  Ironic since that 'triangle' space just to the left from the 'circling' is known as The Tracy Triangle - so his future flight was over us for a long time, burning fuel.  Landing gear issues. Thankfully, everyone is OK and the flight landed safely.  And B. being delayed is a small price to pay for the safety of the passengers and crew aboard the flight.

I've done a couple work things that couldn't wait.  Heading out to Winco shortly and sending J. to Costco - we've done some quasi-meal planning - have to say quasi 'cuz we know with certainty B. will be out and about a fair amount.  He is planning to have friends over on Saturday so I'm planning some finger foods - spinach/artichoke dip, cheese straws and some cookies and other sweets. And lots of beer.  :-)

J. told me that B. wanted to surprise me by being early - but J. thought he wouldn't be able to pull it off.  (I think he could have - but oh well).  It was still a sweet thought.

Sunny and clear today - huge windstorm blew off most of the remaining leaves from our trees, so consequently, the pool and spa are a mess.  Good thing it's Wednesday 'cuz the pool guy should be here today.  Hopefully.


Tuesday, December 22, 2015

Winter Solstice

An entire week has transpired - the long work week moved quickly enough and here we are 4 full days into Winter Break, 2015 -

I've spent time working today and feel irritated at the things and people beckoning me.  I shouldn't - I don't have the kind of job that being off is every really 'off' but it's hard when I'm in the mood to 'forget all about it' and can't.  Hopefully, soon.  One of our major construction projects is winding down and there are some last minute things that need tending -

Good news!  B. was able to change his flight and will be landing in Oakland at 6:30PM TOMORROW - a day ahead of his previous arrival.  While I doubt he will be home much of that 'extra' time, it's still great to have him home and to avoid having to be on the roads on Christmas eve to retrieve him.  He is excited and so are we!

J. just headed upstairs to begin the massive undertaking known as wrapping.  My room is a shambles 'cuz I've been brutally cleaning out my clothes.  I've tried on many, many pairs of pants and have three piles:  keep and fit well; keep and need alterations and donate.  My goal is to have only pants that I can wear happily and by the looks of it, I shouldn't need pants for the rest of my life, once I get the alterations done.

Tomorrow, we need to do a big WinCo shop to have plenty of food on hand.  We've only planned Christmas Dinner so far - but we bought some short ribs and langostino at Costco so will make those two dinners.

The weather is chilly and overcast - and we've had some rain, which is great!

Our cleaning lady dropped by some tamales this morning!! so dinner is done!!

Tuesday, December 15, 2015

Driving

I left work at 2PM yesterday - a little extra time to get some things taken care of.  J. and I went to the mall and I got to drive the new car.  It's pretty awesome.  I accidentally creeped a little into the next lane (no cars there) and it beeped to tell me.  It also has a blind spot sensor and lights up on the side mirrors if there is someone in your blind spot.  So many gadgets.  I think he spent most of the day reading his manual and I can't blame him 'cuz there are still many, many buttons that we have no idea about.  The car will come pretty close to driving itself - it slows and brakes when it senses the traffic ahead slowing and braking.  It feels 'bizarre' to me and I am a teeny bit worried that J. will get so used to not thinking while he's driving, he will have issues when he's driving a 'normal' car.  Hopefully today, he will set up the garage door opener.

Did a huge See's candy shop for work then came home and attempted to bake scones and palmiers. The scones didn't go so well - tried to shortcut and use a mix (I know!  What was I thinking?  Scratch is always best) - and the first batch burned on the bottom.  We salvaged about a dozen.  The palms turned out pretty well.  I've got goodies for Cabinet this morning which was the goal - and See's for every building - my 'gift' to one and all.

Tonight is our district office Christmas party which is always tons of fun.  I'm dressed in my one holiday shirt that I wear once a year.

Wishing it were Friday instead of Tuesday.  Friday will come soon enough.

Sunday, December 13, 2015

Car Experience

We headed to Modesto Toyota yesterday - arrived at the pre-arranged time of 1PM.  The sales guy wasn't in yet - he had said he had an appointment - so his boss greeted us.  They brought up the car and we took our first look.  Then the sales guy arrived.  It was the easiest car buying experience ever. We'd already negotiated the price and from start to finish, I was out of there in two hours. All the signing was done electronically - the finance guy's desk was a 'screen' complete with special pens. We signed highlighted areas and he could rotate the document for each of us to sign more easily.  It was amazing - the only paper copies of anything were the DMV 'cuz they are not that tech savvy yet.

The finance guy said 'with your credit scores, you two could buy as many cars as you want today'.  Ha ha ha.  Someday, it would be fun to do a Christmas surprise for the boys - there was a 4-door Tundra there that H. would absolutely love - but that day is not this year - not yet.

J. loves the car.  I think we're going to go run an errand and I will drive it - but I'm nervous.  It's just so pretty and new - he was 'upset' that it was getting wet today (it's been raining!) so heaven help the person who gets the first door ding.  It's also incredibly tech-filled - so it will take some learning just to figure things out.  It's got all kinds of 'systems' in it - very much the perfect car for J. - it will keep him busy for a long time.

I'm still in my PJ's and though I know I need to get dressed (if we're going to run that errand), it's so cold, I don't want to.  I dread getting wet and then cold while drying off.  Brrrr.

I did go out last night and ran two errands - feeling very accomplished for making time for a post-dark trip to the mall and the grocery.  Christmas prep is winding down little by little - just wrapping and some additional organizing to do.  And a massive grocery shop but I think we will do that together next weekend.  Saturday evening is a great time to Winco shop 'cuz it was virtually empty!

No meetings tomorrow but Tuesday-Friday are meeting filled.  Hoping the week goes quickly - I'm sure it will.  This time next week, I'll be looking at two full weeks off and that's going to be blissful. As it always is - I looked into a job at our County Office not too long ago and while I thought the job would be a good fit and fun for me, one of the negatives is there are no closure days at Christmas for them - you can be off, but many of your co-workers (people I would supervise) wouldn't be, necessitating me to be there, too - and adding other days I would need to work to offset any days off I took at Christmas.  I'd get Christmas and New Years eve and day of - but that's it.  I'd really miss the full two weeks where you know you aren't getting behind 'cuz there's no one else working.

Very blessed with a job with this kind of time off -

Meal planning, wrapping, house tidying - all on the agenda this week.  Christmas is getting close!


Friday, December 11, 2015

Christmas Miracle

First, I have to tell you how I finally talked to B. and he said 'Mom, have you talked to Dad?'  'Yes, I have - I know it's pretty likely you won't be home for Christmas'.  'I'm sorry, Mom'.  'It's OK, honey. I'm already thinking of getting stuff ready to ship'.  'What?  You're going to send me stuff'?  I said 'of course I am, honey!'.  He said 'that's really great Mom, thank you!'.

Did he really think if he wasn't physically here that Christmas was cancelled?  The excitement and joy in his voice upon realizing that I would be sending him stuff was so sweet.

And I spent the next couple days plotting and planning and had a zillion ideas which led to a huge to-do list for this weekend.  A teeny bit stress inducing but I was up for it - baking cookies, making fudge and wrapping everything I could to ship.  Did find a plan for a flat tree - which I will tuck away for another time.  I was even ready to take pictures of things I couldn't ship (glass bottled Coca-Cola's - a Christmas tradition) and then attach an envelope with $ in it for him to go to the store and get them.

It's been a long week - with a surprise announcement late yesterday - that my Payroll person is retiring after 16 years with the district.  I'm strangely exhilarated and excited about the change while simultaneously being disappointed that she failed to give more notice (something she always said she intended to do).  But oh well.  No one is indispensable and we can make it work.  And I'm sort of excited because now I have two positions open and the opportunity to hire people myself (vs. inheriting them) is appealing.

J.'s car will be ready to be picked up tomorrow at 1PM so we will be spending our Saturday afternoon at Modesto Toyota and spending a fortune.  J.'s new Camry hybrid should be in the driveway by 5, I hope.

And then....late afternoon - I see J. on Facebook briefly and he messaged me 'B.'s pass was approved - he's coming home for Christmas'!  Yeah!!  So, so thrilled about that - and just like that, the weekend freed up tremendously -

So happy he will be home - I'll have to tuck all my ideas away for when he actually isn't home for a Christmas.  He will be 25 in January so it's bound to happen at some point.

Beer in hand; burgers and fries cooking in the kitchen; Amazing Race finale tonight.  It's going to be a great weekend -

Wednesday, December 09, 2015

The US Army Wrecked Christmas

Not really....but sort of.

B. won't be home for Christmas.  I'm pretty sure it was highly unlikely from the start that B. would be home for Christmas - but he was hoping for a Christmas miracle and held onto that hope vehemently, refusing to consider any other possibility.  But his pass request was immediately declined.

He is broken hearted - so I'm trying hard not to be.  It's a mom's duty to hold their crap in check while their child work's through their own - but it's hard.  I've got to regroup around getting things wrapped and shipped ASAP, so he'll have things there at Christmas.  Do I ship all the stocking stuffer stuff, including chocolate?  Will it all melt?  Guess I'll put it in Ziploc bags and hope for a cold front all the way to El Paso.

And then I have to smack myself over the head and continue planning all the same fun and festivities we had planned for four - only now it's three.

While simultaneously wishing we could just head to Arby's and skip the prime rib, popovers, augratin potatoes and other stuff planned for Christmas dinner.

We will continue to make it a very, merry Christmas - and we will Skype on Christmas morning! B. will be live via iPad and we will make a morning of it no matter what!

It was inevitable that one day, the boys wouldn't both be home for Christmas - and that day is approaching.  A huge adjustment for all of us -

I've got a hugely busy weekend ahead getting his stuff ready to send off to the UPS store on the base in time for him to pick it up and have it there by Christmas.  And coming up with an idea to send him a 'flat' Christmas tree. I could send one from Jackson Perkins or a place like that, but guess what? He's on maneuvers in Louisiana for the next 10 days -

Heading to Pinterest.

Tuesday, December 08, 2015

Tuesday Break

Managed to wedge in a little mid-day time at home...clear calendar and board meeting tonight (seriously long day) so was glad to see I could manage to take a little time away from the office. I do this rarely - can't always make it happen - but am always amazed when I DO make it happen how quickly an hour and half flies by.  I'm winding down my down time and heading back soon.

We had a nice office lunch to celebrate a 21st anniversary for one of our employees - and then quickly realized that there were two other employees who passed the 20 year mark and there was no lunch held specially for them.  I always think of those 'issues' when I get invites to things like these - but I'm trying to let HR be HR - and if they don't realize that that may have just hurt two other people's feelings (that their anniversary passed without much notice), oh well.  We all had a very fun time - tons of laughing (which felt really good - at work and mid-day) and we all commenced/confirmed the count down to break.  The person we were celebrating is actually retiring at the end of January so we weren't sure what break she was counting down to...but she's excited about Winter Break, too.

And then February forward will be always Winter Break.

Someday....

I might try to take a day off - either tomorrow or Monday - 'cuz at some point, we really do need to bite the bullet and buy a car.  It's so complicated...I'm really starting to think this 'program' through the insurance company is more pain than it's worth - $1,000 more for what we want vs. saving $1,000 trying to use the one dealer we can use who can't seem to get the car J. wants on the lot any time soon. It's starting to feel really ridiculous to me and feedback required to CSAA 'cuz the idea and concept are nice but the actual experience isn't.

I'm glad that my week is both full and busy but not crazily scheduled to the hilt - a little flexibility is good while still being busy enough that time doesn't drag.

At least time isn't dragging any more than time usually drags...counting down to 4PM and then counting down to the weekend.  Week after week after week.  Month after month after month.  You know what comes next.  :-)

It's threatening rain here but Sunday's forecasted rain never materialized and we turned off the sprinklers for nothing.  It's cloudy and chilly but sure doesn't look like rain.  Yes, I'm saying all this to let the rain God's prove me wrong - pour buckets, rain Gods 'cuz we're ready, willing and able to accommodate days and days of moisture.  And drop tons of snow up north while you're at it!

OK - sadly, I do need to get going back to the office.  It will be a long day but returning home will eventually be happening.  

Sunday, December 06, 2015

Busy Sunday

Last night, I took a Melatonin + before bed.  The plus is L-theanine which I had read about as something to add to get better quality sleep.  I could only find it 'with' Melatonin, which I've tried before for better sleep.  Whatever I read convinced me that L-theanine was going to solve all my bodily issues, so I bought it.

It may have worked - in that I slept in until 9:30AM this morning which is very, VERY late for me.  I vaguely recall waking around 7 and thinking 'I should get up' but then I thought 'J. can't be the one doing the dog this morning if you get up before him'.  (It's stupid, I know - but I covet just one day of the week when I'm not the one getting her outside, feeding her, getting her outside again, rewarding her with her 1/2 biscuit per day for having completed her morning routine successfully and then getting her to settle in her burrow so I can commence my morning routine:  coffee, more coffee, Facebook time, budgeting and banking (for home, not work) and finally, getting myself ready to head out the door).  It's silly, but I wanted just one day where it wasn't me tending to her morning needs - when I'm barely awake and it's cold -

Anyway - I guess I succeeded 'cuz I woke pretty close to mid-morning, which made the day fly by. However, I also had trouble falling asleep - tossed and turned until midnight was approaching so I think that late night made sleeping in that late not really all that late considering when I fell asleep.

J. and I headed out to the mall to get some shopping off our list.  He headed to the 'newish' sports store and I headed for Target.  We got quite a few things off the list - and added a few things not on the list that are now plugged into the spreadsheet.  We planned to head to another store at the other end of the mall and then the grocery store across the street - but we gave up after finishing at Target. It was close to 70 here today - lovely and clear when rain had been forecasted.  (We were so confident there would be rain, we turned off the sprinklers).  I was so warm (having dressed in many wintery layers), I couldn't imagine trekking to Winco and loading up groceries there - and I had chocolate in the car (stockings) and didn't want things to melt.  So we headed home.

For H., we went through the new Dunkin Donuts drive through and brought home a dozen donuts. I felt terribly guilty about doing this - there is a locally owned donut shop in the strip mall where Dunkin is located and there's been a 'movement' around town to boycott Dunkin and go to the locally owned store instead.  Thankfully (for them), Dunkin Donuts aren't really all that good - so we won't be going there much.  The donuts felt and tasted greasy - not at all what we were expecting.

I feel apprehensive about work this week - no particular reason.  Just lots going on.  One of the departments I supervise will be undergoing an audit by the State in February and we have quite a few things to work through this week to finalize the 'prep' for the audit.  The director of the department is new in this role so it's working through a lot of little things with her - helping her think through the way to approach things and then guiding her through the completion.  It's time consuming  - and I had to put her off quite a bit this past week 'cuz board prep nearly killed me.

Far fewer meetings and no board prep should make getting caught up and assisting her with the projects she needs to do should make things easier this week.  I sure hope so.

Two weeks until the break and I can hardly wait -



Festivities

Still feeling on pins and needles about Christmas 'cuz as of this writing, B.'s 4-day pass is not approved.  From what I can gather, he is one of a very few people in his unit who may have any time off at Christmas - and he had to exchange Thanksgiving for Christmas as well.  But he still isn't confirmed for his Christmas Eve morning arrival.

The work week went by quickly enough - it was incredibly busy and long and I was so, so ready for the weekend by the time Friday arrived.

It's official - my amazing assistant C. is going to be the assistant to the Superintendent at the start of the year.  My best friend G. is retiring at the end of January and C. will replace her.  I convince myself it's a 'win-win' - C. is moving to a new role but still in our district and she will be awesome in that new role of supporting my boss as she has been for me.  And we aren't losing her as an employee, which we might have if this job hadn't become available.  She is divorcing and she needs more money - so it worked out well.

I am depressed about it - finding someone to help me is the easy part.  Finding someone to fit into the merry band of quirky people I work with is another.  I convinced HR that it would be better to go ahead and post the job but not interview until after we're back from Winter Break in January.  We could have rushed through the process and interviewed the last couple days we are there this month, but I told HR 'I will spend my entire two weeks off fretting about how it's going to go' - and I'd really rather just hire someone in January and enjoy my two weeks off.  She agreed - so that's the plan.  My boss is adamant that we find someone to fill that job ASAP 'cuz he doesn't want me to be without support - and I totally agree.  But I'd rather go slow and find the right person vs. rushing to find a body.

Tomorrow, I have a list of things to do - a couple of errands to run.  I keep saying I'm going to work on culling out and cleaning my room but I just never feel like I have the intertia to do that.  J. helped me move some of my summer clothes into the playroom and move my winter clothes into my bedroom closet.  The playroom is absolutely freezing (it's over the garage) and I dread going in there at 5AM daily to find what I'm wearing to work.

I need to clean the room, though, 'cuz my sinuses are acting up again and I feel like the room is killing me.  Need to move everything away from the walls, vacuum under and behind and do a good job on the edges.  And blinds, lampshades and the tops of the high armoire that I can't reach.

H. had a newly scheduled oncology appointment to follow-up on his swallow study.  He says he's having trouble (and discomfort) swallowing so they did a study where they film him swallowing barium.  The study was totally normal and his blood work was, too!  Whew.  He had lost quite a bit of weight but he gained some back so now, we just have to keep reminding him to make time to eat and to take the time to fix something decent.  I don't expect him to eat Paleo or totally 'clean' - he's 22 and that's not realistic.  But I wish he would try to find things that are reasonably nutritious and then be willing to take the time to cook them.  Otherwise, he lives on cereal, chocolate milk and frozen corn dogs.  There's a wide variety of food here - not that he's ever noticed.

He and J. put the lights and decorations up outside today and J. has the tree out of the box, lights added and ready for ornaments.  We're drinking Swiss Miss cocoa in the Keurig and soon will add hot cider to the winter beverage selection.  It's feeling festive and the weather is cooperating 'cuz it's really cold.

One week down, two to go.  Board meeting Tuesday.  It will be really hard to have the board meeting and then realize we still have the rest of the week PLUS another full week - usually, the timing is that after the board meeting, we finish that Friday and we're on break.  The calendar just didn't work out that way this year - bummer.

Saturday, December 05, 2015

Requires Definition?

On the heels of the tragedy in Paris last month, a new tragedy in San Bernardino.  Much closer to home.  Some of our family were in lock down all day at their schools (where they work).  They are all fine.  Scary to have something of this magnitude closer than close to people we love.

There's a map floating around Facebook showing the location of mass shootings in the US this year.

And a debate over what 'qualifies' as a 'mass shooting'.  We have to have a definition of what is considered 'mass' shooting.  I'll let that sink in a minute.

We have to define a magnitude of death that qualifies as 'mass'.

What the hell are we becoming, world?

Both of those incidents are not only mass shootings, they are considered 'terrorist' in nature. Extremists killed people - no other reason.  They believe in their reason so zealously, they were willing to kill for it.  And die for it.

And Facebook lights up with the gun control debates....and I just 'hide' all the posts 'cuz I'm sick of it. Something has changed - I've been on this earth 55 1/2 years and I didn't grow up hearing about mass shootings.  Maybe they happened?  I doubt my parents ever imagined a world where guns cause so much pain and death.  Something is different.  Can people get guns more easily?  There are still laws about that - permits required and such.  But what is happening in our world isn't about a woman wanting a small hand gun to keep in her purse for protection or a hunter wanting the latest state-of-the-art rifle for shooting.  Or even about a guy living in a home on property that he wants to protect in the event of intrusion.

What is happening is way, way beyond that - it's people able to acquire masses of weapons and ammunition using high speed rifles and inflicting rapid, high power, dozens of rounds in minutes. Seconds, even.

You can debate all you want about 'bad people kill people, guns don't'....but the thing is:  bad people ARE out there...and when it's easier for them to get armed to the hilt and live the things they fantasize about doing to other people, they will do it.  They are doing it.  And it's got to be stopped.

Sure, you may be thinking 'they'll just blow themselves up and take others with them' - that happened yesterday in Africa.  I know we can't stop bad people from doing harm.  I know that.  Someone convinced that killing others is what they are on earth to do will do just that.  And we can't stop that. We can't stop the situations and ideals and influences that lead to that.  Our world is full of hate - and hate is hard to stop.

But could we possibly make it harder for them to arm themselves in ways that are only intended to slaughter as many people as possible in the shortest amount of time?  Could we consider doing that? No one needs a high power rifle and hundreds of rounds of ammunition.  No one.

Let's be like Australia - make all guns illegal.  It's extreme.  But it's time to get extreme.

Prayers for Paris and San Bernardino.  And Africa.  Prayers for our world.

I debate over publishing or not.  I know guns aren't the root cause of the issue.  Deranged, extremist people justifying their actions in the name of whatever they can use to rationalize the terror they inflict are the cause.  I'm not sure there's anything anyone can do about that -

But I can pray.  And I will.

Sunday, November 29, 2015

Three Weeks and Counting

It's been a nice week mostly off - though I did work a bit on Friday and a bit today...better to over-prep for the busy week ahead then to assume I will be OK this week and get it all done.  Sure, I will...but I prefer to skip all-nighters when possible.  It's a massive board prep week for me and it feels good to have spent some time getting some things off the list in advance. Also a week of many, many meetings - 1/2 day meetings three of the days and not things I can bump or skip.

Three work weeks ahead before Winter Break.  In my 3AM ruminations, I contemplate maybe taking off some time the third week to start the break early - but I know it's not likely.  I have a meeting on the last work day that I don't want to miss so....vacation days will have to wait.

We have no big trips planned - a trip to Disneyland in April is all that's on the agenda for the foreseeable future.  I've checked out airfares to Paris but haven't purchased yet.  All cash in reserve for the upcoming car deal - still in process.

B. called on Thanksgiving day and had no plans - not many folks on the base since most took time for Thanksgiving given that all have been told Christmas is a 'no'.  B. is still hopeful his 4 day pass will be approved - but it's still not official.  We asked if he would be OK with us transferring him some $ to host him and a friend going out for a nice dinner - he said he'd love that and then promptly apologized.  ??  He's trying so hard to not 'need' help from us - so we reminded him that we would really like to buy him dinner; that we offered - so no apology needed.

It's hard to shop for him when we aren't sure where he'll be - and we know he won't have a lot of room for 'stuff'.  H.'s big gift is purchased and that's pretty much 'it' for him this year - it's pricey.

We had a really nice week - yesterday, we gave some thought to going out and looking at houses.  As J. said 'it's getting us out of the house; it's something to do together; it will help us get ideas about how much space do we want in our retirement home'.  Ultimately, I had no inertia - mainly because looking at houses makes me covet something we don't want to spend money on at the moment.  We've decided to stay here absolutely as long as we can - it's the most financially responsible thing we can do.  So we didn't go look at other places to live since we don't plan to go anywhere else.

I've had a relaxing series of days off and it's been lovely -

Wednesday, November 25, 2015

With Thanks



For each morning with its light, For rest and shelter of the night, For health and food, For love and friends, For everything Thy goodness sends.  ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

Tuesday, November 24, 2015

Never Too Old

I am pleasantly inebriated - I know I shouldn't admit that but it's true.  Three Blue Moons in a casino which I could only indulge in knowing I wasn't going anywhere tonight.  I would never do this in front of my 22 year old son....well, there was that one time with the wine on a work night -  but for the most part, I don't over-indulge often or with my kids around.  It feels really good to 'let my hair down' (well, it's short but looks a little tousled) and have a fun night -

I'm not winning so that's the only not great thing.  But losing is helping me 'let go' - I'm winding down my gambling and this will be the last trip anywhere with slots for awhile.  I've got better things to do with my time (not to mention our money).

It's approaching 11PM and dinner was at 10:20 - a great cheeseburger, fries and pumpkin pie milkshake.  A pre-hangover cure, I hope.  (I really don't feel that 'under the influence' but you never know).

My only regret may well be that I did not bring any meds with me - so a heartburn filled night awaits. Time for sleeping with big, cushy pillows to prop me up - and sleeping mostly on my left side....

I have a noon check out time so will sleep in, get some work items going, play a little more (watching for machines with set progressives that hit by a certain amount - if I can catch one that's close, it could be mine...) and then head home.

It's been really fun to have this early-week get away.  I needed it.  But I've sure missed hubby.  And son.  And other son though he's far away.

Time for sleep.

Monday, November 23, 2015

This Feels Strange

It's Monday evening and I am technically now on 'vacation' for the rest of the week.  However, judging by the stack of stuff I brought home to work on and my plans for also being in the office F-Sat-Sun (hopefully not all but we'll see) make it feel not all that vaction-y.  It feels weird to have a Monday evening be 'vacation-eve'.

After what can only be described as a weird day (that will leave me feeling unsettled and unsure for all the upcoming days off), I was able to head home just after 2PM.  I trekked to the bank and Starbucks on the way home only to realize that I had left my wallet in my desk drawer at home - so I had to just head home.  J. and I headed straight out together and went back to the bank and Starbucks, then across town for Winco shopping.  We'd synced our lists, checked our pantry, adjusted our lists and got the shopping done in record time - have everything we need to get us through the week and all the fixings for Thanksgiving.  Glad that to-do item is crossed off both our lists.

Tomorrow, J. and H. head to Modesto for H.'s swallow study...and blood work here in town soon, too.  His oncology appointment is next Thursday.  I think he's lost more weight.  :-(

I'm probably going to bed pretty soon and will get up when I wake up around 6ish or so.  It's better if I just get up when I first wake up vs. going back to sleep - going back to sleep leaves me groggy and fuzzy for most of the day so I'm trying to just get up, even on weekends and days off.

We got Chloe's 'burrow bed' off the garage shelf today, thinking she'd jump right in and snuggle into the warmth - but no.  She won't go near it!  Reminding myself that she wouldn't get in it when we first got it so maybe she has to just think it over.  I'm not covering her up in her day-bed like I have been, trying to encourage her to get into the burrow.  I even put a dog biscuit w-a-y in the back of the burrow bed - but she just slinked in headfirst, grabbed the biscuit and backed out as quickly as she'd gone in.  She'll do anything for a dog biscuit.

Tomorrow through Thursday will definitely be down time so I'm just going to focus on that for now and enjoy it.

Happy Heaven Birthday to my mom - she would have been 91 today.  Miss her.

Sunday, November 22, 2015

Sticking to a Budget

Lively discussions have been held about the new car.  We sketched out our taxes and realized, sadly, that the withdrawal we made from retirement savings the first part of 2015 has nudged us up - it wasn't even 1/3 of what J. made when he worked and we did have them withhold - but not enough. So our thought of maybe withdrawing more this year to make a nice down payment on the car is now 'what can we cash in to scrape together a down payment on a car?'.  (And I acknowledge with a grateful heart that we are blessed to have options such as these).

I'm on a frugality kick - which I promptly almost blew upon seeing a Facebook link to specially packaged Oreo cookies - winter theme - you 'customize' the packaging and they make it and add Oreos.  I had $40 worth of cookies in my 'cart' when I stopped myself and said 'this is what you do at Christmas ever year.  Buying two for 'the boys' isn't enough.  You have to buy one for every person unwrapping under the tree and before you know it, you've spent an absolute fortune on Christmas'.  So I stopped myself.

I've also stopped myself from ordering one or two cases of our favorite wine - it was 25% off AND free shipping so the deal of a lifetime - but I looked at the notepad by my desk where we've been writing down what we've spent this month (so far) and said 'no, not going to do that, either'.  Yes, I really want that wine because I love it - but no, I don't want to spend $240 a case for it - not now, and probably not ever.  (Well, maybe when I'm sure there's no young adults looming around that finish a bottle off really quickly).

Yesterday, H. performed meaningful chores in exchange for money we'd advanced him - and I have to say that if he worked this hard and diligently every time we've tried him earning money through chores, I'd do it weekly in a heart beat.  He took the list seriously and worked constantly and well for hours yesterday - got some things done that needed doing.  His 'getting the place all sparkly' gave me inertia to also do some things.  We've been piling up boxes and packaging materials in the garage for awhile 'cuz I have gifts to ship for Christmas.  I decided to tackle the box graveyard and started breaking down boxes to put out for recycling this week.  Sadly, I couldn't actually find the box of gifts that was also out there and I mis-judged the size of boxes I would need to ship them - so I broke down a lot of 'right size' boxes before realizing (upon finally finding THE BOX) that I now don't have boxes to actually ship.  Grrr....  .  And also grrr - the gifts are 1 inch off from every box I can find that's close - thus necessitating using a larger box.  More packing material.  Oh well.  We still have plenty of shipments coming in so we'll see where we end up in a week or two.  I hope we can figure out something vs. having to buy boxes.

We were supposed to be brunching with H. and his new girlfriend today - but she got called into work so had to cancel.  Hoping for a dinner sometime this week -

We're also heading to Gallo today for a mid-afternoon show - Jeanne Robertson is in town!!  Ready to laugh my head off.

Working tomorrow because I was asked to participate in an interview committee and if I'm getting up early and dressing for work, I might as well make a day of it.  No one else in my office there so should be able to make steady progress.

Tuesday, I'm heading up to Thunder Valley (not Jackson!  Surprise) for a free hotel night and some play time.  I am taking work items with me - reviewing and writing what needs writing for our annual audit as well as some other projects I can tackle in the quiet.  The room is free so why not?

J.'s car shopping is stalled - they found a car that's what he wants but 'it's 300 miles away'.  (I'm not entirely sure why they aren't moving heaven and earth to get that car here 'cuz if they want to make a sale, they should).  They are discussing ordering it but I foresee the 0% financing offer will not be available when the car arrives and though they may insist it will be, they don't control their financing company so....  we can make it with one car, honestly - very few days I actually need a car so J. can just use mine.  Though I know he's excited about a new car (so am I even though it's not 'mine') -

J. took the french horn to the music store in Modesto that accept consignments and they encouraged him to put it on eBay - so we're going to go back to trying to do that.  Today, maybe, now that our morning is unexpectedly free.

That's all the news here....it's cold and time to either get moving or get dressed.  I think I'll try moving.  Making a recipe for dinner tonight that my cousin shared with me and there are some prep items I can start on to get the dish completely ready to pop in the oven when we get back from the show this evening.

Sunday, November 15, 2015

Scion is No More

H.'s car is confirmed as a total loss.  The insurance company has a department that handles everything.  We sheepishly admit we were shocked at the amount - and no, not because it was so little.  It was considerably more than we ever imagined recouping and though they said the 'total loss department' was very backed up and to expect a delay, the funds for the car are already pending in our bank account - so start to finish, it's been about 10 days.  Not bad considering -

H. paid for 50% of the car but we felt he should pay the full deductible since it's his fault the car is now junk - still, he got a boost to his bank account which will get him through many weeks without drawing on his long-term savings.  We got a boost in savings too - and my sweet hubby gave the OK to also move some to my fun $ account, which makes me happy.  Very happy.

The insurance company also has a department that helps policy holders replace their car - so now J. has to tell them what he wants (a fully-loaded Honda Accord hybrid) and they will find it, negotiate a price for us and arrange financing.  Yes, really.  That's full-service insurance right there.  Not a 'name your price' policy.  I don't think we would ever insure our cars through any other carrier besides AAA.  They have been stellar through this entire process.

I was sort of hoping to put off the new car purchase until January - to avoid an annual registration payment in the same month we have Christmas - and to give us until the next tax year to make a retirement savings withdrawal - but whenever it happens, it's fine.  We'll manage.  I think this car buying process has produced sort of a 'break through' with the two of us - 'cuz all I really want to know is how much can we withdraw annually and be comfortable about the money lasting the rest of our lives.  No one wants to commit to giving us said number - they always ask a zillion questions about our expenses, etc. - and I'm at the point where I want to say 'no, you don't need to concern yourself with the outflow we need to cover - you just need to tell us what is a comfortable, safe withdrawal number and we'll figure out the rest'.  And then I want to withdraw that amount every year - even in years when we don't 'need it'....to start building up after tax cash.  That's a critical component of the 'Majah isn't working anymore' scenarios - having adequate cash to cushion unexpected things that we all know happen in day-to-day life'.  I felt like J. finally 'got that' - we keep avoiding withdrawing and technically, he's been retired for a few years now and we should be able to withdraw annually - and hopefully not need it.

J. and H. and a friend of H. ventured to the body shop where the Scion was towed and took out the stereo - I was picturing the dash unit and arrived home on Friday night to find a HUGE (really, I don't know how they ever fit in the car) set of speakers that had been custom installed behind the back seat of the car.  J. says H. wants to store them in the rafters of the garage in case he ever has a car where they can be re-installed.  I am suggesting he try to list them on Craig's list and sell them - if/when he gets a car he wants to customize again with an over-the-top stereo system, he can do that then.

I'm really averse to more junk in the rafters of the garage.

I came downstairs this morning to rain and a dog who would not go out.  She'd left presents on the throw rugs in the family room...so....yeah, it's Sunday...it has cleared up now and is sunny and clear. More wind expected later today.

I am heading to work shortly - thanks to my cousin for the Facebook pep talk.  A few hours of stuff will help cover for the time I will not be in the office this week - all day conference tomorrow.  We are all in pre-Thanksgiving week off mode - actually, I'm not sure who's going to be off.  We have to use paid time off for the M-T of the week - but most will.  Use two days vacation and get 10 days off in a row - it's a 'bargain' on the paid time off scale.

Last night for dinner, J. and I made cheese bread sticks - and the crust was made with cauliflower! Tonight, we are going to use additional 'riced' (just chopped up in a food processor to the size of rice grans) to make stir fried cauliflower rice.  (I actually think I might throw in a little brown rice, too but we'll see).  Last night's effort was pretty good - though I overdid the cheese on top so it was a bit 'heavy'.  Homemade marinara sauce to dunk - everyone seemed OK with it so we might try it again and use pizza toppings like pepperoni and sausage next time, too.

Alright - I'm heading out.  Well, first I have to get dressed..but then I'm really going.  :-)

Saturday, November 14, 2015

DVR Madness

Awhile back, Dish Network forced me to swap out the DVR in my bedroom for a new unit.  I didn't give it much thought - which was sort of a breakthrough for me 'cuz I had totally freaked out the last time this happened.  That time, I made Jim put all the things on the box onto DVDs - a process that included him moving the box into the room with the recorder and playing every recorded item to get it onto a DVD.

I have no idea where that DVD is and have lived happily without all those shows I couldn't live without.  So second time around, I was way more nonchalant about it all.  

I lost William and Kate's wedding events which crushes me every time I think of it - but oh well.  J. said he was sure I could find the wedding on DVD - but there was one particular part of the NBC recording where an American there pointed out what was the sweetest moment for her - as Kate and William were leaving the balcony, she stopped for one last look out - and William sweetly took her hand and guided her inside.  Such an endearing moment and I don't think any video will have it.  But I remember, right?  So that's good enough.

This topic of the DVR also reminds me of something else I've been meaning to mention - the new DVR box has a bright blue 'power' light....and after a couple freakish late night moments, I realized that if that light remains on, it casts very odd shadows across the ceiling of the room and when you are trying to go to sleep or wake up in the middle of the night, those shadows appear to move - and scared the crap out of me more times than I should admit to.

All this DVR talk is to get to the issue that surfaced this week - all my timers are gone and I've been neglectful in setting them back up.  I've totally, completely missed this year's Best British Baking Show - the entire event off my radar.  I somehow noticed - maybe a Facebook link - the show was on and the final is this week - then I scrambled to watch as many episodes as I could on PBS - but I've missed one through four and won't be able to watch them until they are on Netflix next year.  

And coincidentally, my cousin loves the show, too!!  I was going to tell her my sad saga of having missed a favorite show and she mentioned that she's enjoying a 'new' show - and it was the same show!

I've had a completely lazy day and while I felt a little guilt and was hard on myself about it, my sweet husband said 'you've worked a long, hard week - so it's OK.  Be lazy today'.  Ahhhh....that's love right there.  

We went to dinner and Gallo last night with friends - Kathleen Madigan was so, so funny.  The evening was very fun and the couple we spent time with our two of the dearest people on the planet. We really need to try to get together more often.  J. and the husband (R.) get together monthly for lunch - I jokingly refer to R. as 'your other wife' 'cuz J. says things like 'I need to go there with R.'...even the boys are like 'Dad, go there with your wife!!'.  But it's all in good fun and they are great, many decades together friends and it shows.  

The many terrorist events in Paris yesterday make my stomach sink - so sad.  So wrong.  I feel like a lot of people - I've just run out of words.  There are no words.  


Wednesday, November 11, 2015

Happy Veterans Day

Veterans Day is the day to honor our military forces for their service.  I've been thinking a lot about this day as it's approached because it does take on new meaning being the mom of a soldier.  B. is uncomfortable when people thank him for his service.  In his mind, not being deployed means he's not really done anything to deserve the thank you?  He's not realizing how selfless and serving enlisting in the military truly is.  He chose this career - he felt called to serve, really.  As his mom, I wrestled with his enlisting quite a bit - but when your child tells you they want to serve, how can you argue with that.  So he is.  And thousands of others are, too.  And we remember all those loved ones we've known who've also served - and fought. It's a very meaningful day for me these days.

I was thinking back to his graduation from Basic - how it felt to see the hundreds of newly minted soldiers taking the field and the huge lump in my throat I had - this tremendous sense of pride that one of those young men was ours....and also just the sheer magnitude of realizing that all those young people volunteered to do this.  They stepped up and into a world they knew would challenge them in ways they'd never imagined - and they still said yes.

I looked back in my blog for recollections of that trip and found this post in draft state - so in honor of Veterans Day, I will share it.  It truly can't convey the pride and joy we felt watching these young people become official soldiers - B. included.

B., people thank soldiers for their service because you are serving - you've chosen to serve.  Of all the other zillions of thing you could do, you have chosen to be in the United States Army and that's no small feat.  You are a great young man and a soldier - and you deserve thanks and acknowledgement for that.  Your reply of 'thank you for your support' is perfect - and all soldiers past, present and future deserve our warm thanks - on this day and every day.

Here's the post from April, 2013.


The Turning Blue and Graduation ceremonies were amazing.  B. was right in front of us at the Turning Blue - we had left some papers and a Dunkin Donuts bag on two chairs in the front row before we went to the family orientation meeting - and miraculously, they were still there when we returned.  He was literally 15 feet from us - though sometimes hidden by his drill Sargent who was standing directly in front of B. .  Oh well.  I teared up when I saw him and he smiled a brief smile and then stared up and straight ahead.  He later told me he had to do that 'cuz it was emotional for him to see us, too.....

After the Turning Blue, we went to the National Infantry Museum and toured and had a nice lunch. There were a lot of families there with new graduates and it was fun to see so many smiling faces. All of us with grads knew what they've endured - at least not first hand but watching from afar - and there were proud faces everywhere.  The museum was amazing - it's hard to describe but it would be impossible to go through it and not have a lump in your throat through most of your walk.  When you think of the magnitude of what soldiers do - and now, that they do it voluntarily - it's pretty incredible.

B. went back to the hotel with us with all his 'gear' and then we had dinner at a small sports bar.  We hung out in the hotel room for a bit and then it was time to take him back to base.  B. found out that immediately after graduation on Friday morning, he had to report to Airborne School for 'processing'.  We pre-agreed not to try to find each other after the ceremony -

The graduation ceremony was incredible....the base band played and entertained us (they were AWESOME) and the speeches were brief and meaningful.  Again, lump in the throat most of the time because you just can't imagine these 400+ young men volunteering to put themselves in harms way - but they are.  The new soldiers marched off the field and headed to the front of the museum to have their group photos taken - and then they were off.  We got to the front of the museum in time to see hundreds of soldiers running towards the buses that awaited them - so we were very glad we had already agreed not to try to meet up.  Wouldn't have wanted B. to be worried that he didn't have time to find us - 'cuz he had to get where he needed to be.

He was 'processed' for the next six hours and we picked him up in time to have a nice dinner.  He arrived with all his gear - much of it soaking wet 'cuz it rained off and on that day and while they were being processed, the gear sat outside in the rain!  After dinner, we headed back to the hotel to do some laundry and help B. get his gear tidied up and readied.  Though he wanted us to take some stuff home, we decided it would be better to keep everything issued so far - even though he's pretty sure he won't need it....we did take some papers and his boot camp year book home with us.


The post is a bit choppy - I actually sort of told parts of the story in a few other posts - but the Turning Blue ceremony on the field at Ft. Benning is what I will never forget about my soldier. Having survived the hardest 13 weeks of his life up to that point - including absolutely no phone or social media direct contact with anyone in his circle of friends and family - was reason to celebrate. The field, completely full of new soldiers was such a proud moment for me as a mom - but really, more as an American.  I didn't expect to feel so overwhelmed by the events that weekend, but it was truly an awe-inspiring weekend.  

B., I'm so, so proud of you and your service.  You are an amazing young man and I am so honored to be your mom.


Sunday, November 08, 2015

Post-Beethoven

You know it was an amazing concert when you can't stop humming.  The 2nd movement of Beethoven's 7th is one of my most treasured and beloved pieces of music and it's playing in my head over and over this morning.  Lovely evening - and considering I wasn't feeling stellar most of yesterday and wasn't sure about getting there last night, I'm so glad I/we made it - it was beautiful.

I'm heading out this morning for some errands that I didn't get to yesterday and then back upstairs to continue working in tidying up my bedroom.  I've got a box of books for the library filling up and soon, bags of clothing will be added to the donation pile.  Hoping to create a better 'sanctuary' vs. 'the place you sleep that's also where you stash stuff you don't know what to do with'.

And I might need to retract the EBay post about the french horn...it makes me nervous to list it and then be on pins and needles hoping nothing goes wrong.  Like someone 'wins' and somehow manages to not pay - I think J. is going to take it to a music store in Modesto that accepts consignments and we'll see what happens.  Bidding on EBay may increase the price vs. consigning it - but it's a lot less nerve wracking to just have it sell in a store and they send us a check (net their commission).

The free fish that we've purchased a small tank for also got a new heater yesterday - he's not doing all that well and I keep trying to gently remind H. that fish are fraught with all kinds of things that can go wrong - and there's no way to take them to the vet so....we watch and wait.  We were hoping the heater would help but poor Bowzer is still lurking on the bottom of the tank, not moving much and not eating.  Not good signs.

I dread getting in the shower - wait, that's not true - I'm fine with getting IN the shower, I just dread getting OUT of the shower 'cuz it's freezing cold.

Long week ahead, which I also dread.  Sundays have become mostly about dreading Mondays (even more) and all that comes after Monday, too.  Here's to better days ahead, at some point.

Saturday, November 07, 2015

First Timer

I'm marching out boldly - after decades of tiptoeing lightly - into the world of trying to sell something on EBay.  It's time for my french horn to find a new home and hopefully, there will be a little cash to us in exchange.  I've considered (carefully) donating it to the district I work for - but there are multiple schools with music programs and it's hard to go random on the selection of who gets it. You'd think I would lean towards the school my kids attended - but I lean way far from that school these days so....I just can't decide and I'm not willing to draw straws.  I'm setting a minimum and a reserve but it's reasonably priced - though I hope it will be bid on aggressively and sell for much more than my minimum.  I just can't bring myself to risk it and list it as a straight auction 'cuz if I had to let it go for very little, it would break my heart.  It's approaching 39 years new - I got it around Christmas time my Junior year of high school.... 1976!

It's cold here.  I'm dressed in a short sleeve shirt and jeans and wishing I'd remembered to bring a sweatshirt or something downstairs this morning, 'cuz even with the heat on, it feels cold.

As I've been expecting all week, I'm dealing with a side effect of the antibiotics that has me desiring to stick close to home.  Plenty of errands I need to run but I'm not venturing out of the house..yet. Concert tonight will be challenging but I hope I'll be OK.  Made Cracker Crumb buttered pasta for lunch - comfort food.  Hoping the pasta helps slow things down a bit.

J. is car shopping online and says 'I'm going to not get the parking assist feature'.  Um, OK.  But he is looking at the 'lane change' and rear view camera, etc. .  We've managed our entire lives without all these razzmatazz features but now, they're embedded into the other package features he does want, so...you end up getting things you really wish you didn't have to get (and pay for).  I don't begrudge him getting what he wants - something nice - but maybe my stomach is all knotted up and clenchy today trying to figure out how we will pay for it.

We will.  We will be fine.  :-)   We just won't be taking as many trips for a bit - we've had a trip to Paris, a trip to Rome (J. and H.), a trip to Cancun, a trip to Phoenix and Disneyland in April - so that's a lot of expense in one year that we most definitely won't be doing when there's a car payment in the monthly budget again.

I warned J. that my next car will likely be the Toyota Highlander hybrid - Escape Hybrid is no longer made - and that's going to be pricey.  But five to seven years from now - who knows what will be out there!  Maybe it will be a hover-car of some kind.

H. wants a hover-board for Christmas.  And Playstation 4.  Nothing inexpensive on his list at all.

We will depart for Modesto in a few hours so I think I'll try to take a quick nap.

A New Car on the Horizon Anyway

We got B. through his new-car-itis and feel reasonably sure he is realizing that buying a very expensive truck and committing himself to long term debt is probably not the best decision.  Dodoged the 'new car bullet' on that one - at least we thought we had.

H. was in a car accident on Wednesday - he rear ended the guy in front of him and the guy in back of H. hit him.  As the three cars were moving over to get out of the main road, the guy who hit H. hit the gas and took off - H. is at fault so....he was a little sore (and pissed off that his air bag didn't deploy) but he's fine physically.  And that's what's most important.

We are reasonably sure the car will be considered totaled - the repairs are $5500 and it's not worth that - so....

Our current plan is to let H. drive J.'s current car (a Hybrid Toyota Camry) and J. will be getting a new car.  We're trying to postpone until after the holidays 'cuz we'd like to make a savings withdrawal to make a large down payment - but we'll see what kind of 'great deals' come up during the next couple months.  I know our monthly budget can handle a car payment 'cuz it's only been a little over a year since we paid off my car - but I'd really like to avoid a $700 a month payment if at all possible. Under $400 is my goal.

It sort of makes me consider leasing (which we've never, ever done) but I really don't like renting a car....even though J.'s mileage is fairly low, I just don't want to pay every month for the 'use' of a car. I much prefer investing in a car and when the monthly payments are done, we have something that's an asset -

J. loves shopping for cars so he's a happy camper and will be well occupied in upcoming months.  He does want a hybrid and there are a lot more options out there now than when he purchased his Camry (9.5 years ago), so he's happily looking over car after car -

Since H. pitched in for his car, the check we will get from the insurance company will beef up his savings.  And depending on his final report card this semester, we plan to greatly assist him with expenses for his next semester.  He's really done an amazing job - keeping up with assignments; attending classes regularly and forming friendships with others in the class to help with studying; reading and studying often.  It's a joy to see him 'getting' that if you put the effort into the process of learning, it really makes a huge difference.  He loves his math teacher and he's really working hard at mastering the things he needs to 'get'.  Finally!

Tonight, we head to Modesto for Beethoven's 7th at Gallo Center for the Arts.  Looking forward to an evening out - we may eat here in town or just eat at home.  Probably home 'cuz we are going to a show next Friday evening with friends (Kathleen Madigan also at Gallo) and we plan to enjoy dinner out with them before the show.

Work is work lately - there's so much going on that I can't write about and some days, I feel so 'done' with things....I love my boss, love my job - but the same 'stuff' from the same people day after day gets to me.  When people you think you know and trust start doing things that are just so completely wrong - and there's really not much you can do except think 'what a train wreck of a person' - it's hard.

We are working in the yard this weekend - we have a bunch of plants that arrived before we left for Cancun - they are doing well keeping moist in a bin of water but it's time to get them in the ground and then cross our fingers we don't experience a huge freeze before they get settled in the beds.

I'm still dealing with my sinus issues.  I'm religiously taking my antibiotics and am less congested than I was but the nights are back to being a challenge - trying not to cough through the night.  I see a repeat visit to the doctor in the future.

Wednesday, November 04, 2015

Fortuitous Absence

At 5AM yesterday, I woke myself up enough to get the iPad off my nightstand and go to our district website....then the HR department link...and then the link to our Substitute/Time Off system - and officially 'called in sick'.  Normally, I would have also phoned my boss and left a message on his office phone - but for the first time ever, I just used the system everyone uses and skipped the phone call.  If it's good enough for other staff, it's good enough for me.  I got an email from my boss at 8:02 acknowledging he saw the absence with two words 'feel better'.

Knowing the housecleaning crew was coming for the first time in four weeks (we cancelled during our trip to Playa 'cuz the logistics of getting H. to get things tidied up for them combined with the risk of having no idea what the house would look like when they arrived and not wanting to put them through that) would be enough reason for me to not want to hang out at the house on a day I feel punky - I don't really do well when other people are doing things I should be doing.  But I stayed home anyway. J. said he thought they'd be here 11ish....but 11 came and went and so did noon.  I wanted so badly to crawl into bed and sleep - but their 1PM arrival made that not doable.  So I piddled around trying to help J. get things ready for them - all the suitcases are officially unpacked; the 'Vamos a la Playa' box in the garage is restocked for the next trip - .

J. fields a lot of things with the 'boys' and I leave him to it.  Our family dynamic is one of avoiding talking to mom about 90% of things at all costs and it's worked for us.  They are 'men' and they know that my reaction might be significantly different compared to their dad's....maybe I shouldn't admit that in these missives but whatever.  I'm the mom.  I point out the illogicality of much of their stuff and they don't like that - so they go to their dad.  He's a good listener, smart, also a guy....

B. had somehow convinced himself that - because his truck needs 'another' $500 in repairs (rear brakes this time) - that it's time to buy a new truck.  He apparently had found one at a dealership...and been told they could get him into it for $150 per paycheck.  'Around 2-3% interest'.  He actually had no idea about the specific terms of the loan - interest rate, length of the loan, out the door price of the vehicle being considered.  I inserted myself into the equation pronto by requesting J. switch the call to speaker phone mode (iPhone)....and tried to gently, though firmly, but with as little bat-shit-crazy-banshee as I could point out how ridiculous it is for him to want to avoid a $500 expense by buying a $35K vehicle.

I then also proceeded to use Edmunds and Kelly Blue Book with J. - and we couldn't find any inventory within 250 miles of El Paso close to what B. was being told (over the phone only, I think) about the truck.

J. wrote a list of things for B. to consider and emailed it to him - and B. wrote back (finally) and said 'you're right, I'm stupid'.  So I hope that means he's not planning to buy a truck.  I added a FB message (not revealing that I knew he had just messaged his dad an indication he was realizing how ridiculous it was) that confirmed that if he locked himself in to $300 a month for a car payment, plus increased insurance (which he hadn't scoped out yet) combined with savings monthly for maintenance (because yes, even new cars require maintenance and if you'd been saving monthly for maintenance of your current vehicle like you were going to when you bought it a couple years ago (with us loaning him the $ for a ridiculously low interest rate and payment), you would have the $500 you need for brakes that you can't afford now thus deciding going into debt $35K is 'better'), your budget would be so tight, you would have no $ to travel home; no $ for tattoos and golf (his latest obsession); no $ for time with friends going out and enjoying food and beverages; or a movie; or anything 'extra'.  For a to-be-determined number of months - though J. and I surmised the terms of the loan must be at least an 8-10 year obligation to make the $300 a month work.

And somewhere in all that, B. also confirmed with J. that it's looking not likely on coming home at Christmas - but he hasn't told me that yet.

We quickly offered to come up with the $ for the brake job (driving an unsafe truck is unwise) but he refused to accept the loan.  Leaving me with nail biting nightmares about an accident....but J. drove the truck when he was there and said that with the front breaks fixed, it's likely far better and it should be fine until B. can make repairs.

If I hadn't called in sick, I would have missed all the 'fun' and B. might own a new truck by now - so it was worth the 8 hours charged against my sick time.  :-)

It's now 6:30ish and I need to hop in the shower to get going for a very busy day....


Monday, November 02, 2015

It's Raining, It's Pouring

And lightening and thundering, too!  I awoke in the middle of the night (Awoke!  as in I was actually sleeping!!  Yeah!) hearing strange noises.  Unfamiliar sounds.  I decided to get up and go to the bathroom and realized when my feet hit the carpet that it was coming from outside....and then a couple steps towards the bathroom, it hit me - it was raining!  I did a little happy dance between my bed and the bathroom and then snuggled back in bed and went right back to sleep.  Nothing like a rainy night to promote sound sleep.

The Benadryl I took also probably had something to do with it - but that's OK.  I plan to repeat again tonight in hopes of another good night's sleep.  I also added my inhaler to the mix which took away the tickle that makes me cough with every breath.

I made it until 1PM today which was pretty good considering at 8:30 this morning, I was pretty sure I wouldn't make it until 9...but I had things I had to do so I just kept doing them -

I'm still coughing a little but things are improving...but it's only 6:19PM, pitch black outside and I'm so ready for bed....so I think I'm heading upstairs pretty soon -

This week has daily meetings across the entire week along with board prep and starting on my report due to the Board in December.  It's going to be busy so I sure hope I start to feel better soon -

I read back this time last year and it also rained a fair amount in November - which gave us all hope for a good snow year...and that didn't happen.  Sure hope this year will be continuous snow and rain - one major year of snow won't really get us out of the drought but it might help.  I'm looking into ways to store the shower water we have everyday 'cuz Mother Nature is watering our plants at the moment. I know J. thinks I'm crazy - but if we could use a huge bin with a lid or a barrel of some kind, we could store water to have when the rain stops - whether that's in a week or six months.  I just hate to waste the water now that I see how much we have been wasting.

So many little changes we've made that I realize we could have and should have made 'standard practice' for our entire lives - it's amazing the amount of water wasted that we've never thought about.

It's time to head to bed....hoping for another decent night's sleep.

Sunday, November 01, 2015

So True



The only difference is:  we just take all the Reese's out of the candy bags and don't give them out.

It was pretty quiet last night - things seemed to start much later (probably because it wasn't a school night) and wrapped up pretty quickly -

There's plenty of leftover candy to take to work - so it will be a busy but chocolate filled week.

I had another rough night but am going to get cleaned up and head out to Petsmart - I came downstairs and noticed Bowzer's bowl had a crack - with two ends approaching the meeting point (moving in a circular direction) - which would have been a disaster if I hadn't noticed.  We moved him into his temporary apartment (a clear Tupperware bowl) to give me time to get to the store.  He will be enjoying a significant upgrade to his digs today.

Always enjoy this Sunday with the extra hour - usually, I feel like we get so much more accomplished in the extra time - but today will be low key and I won't be doing much.  Just trying to stay vertical and not break a rib coughing my guts out.  :-)

Saturday, October 31, 2015

On the Skids

Wednesday afternoon, as I was wrapping up the day full of meetings, I felt a decidedly 'sudden' sore throat.  Killer sore throat which hit out of the blue.  I had just initiated an impromptu meeting with my boss so I hung around as he came over to my office.  The meeting was good.  I wrapped up signatures and other things that couldn't wait and headed home.

Thursday was busy with...I have no idea what I did on Thursday.  I was home.  Off work.  But can't recall much of anything that we did. I felt bad and tried to book an appointment online with my doctor for Friday, but his scheduled was already full well into next week.  Thursday night was horrible - no sleep.  Massive congestion, raging headache, coughing myself to death (I felt).  I awoke Friday morning feeling absolutely awful so I called in and made an appointment with any doctor available.

Sinus and ear infection AGAIN.  The doctor I saw (new, female, young, very nice) counted back and said 'you've had five infections this year which is a lot.  If the things we are going to try this time don't work, I think you may want to get your sinuses imaged so we can find out if there's something happening that's preventing them to drain properly'.

Antibiotics and a nasal spray (which used to be prescription but is now OTC).  I did finally (FINALLY) sleep a little better last night (thank you, God!) though I still feel pretty cruddy and am heading upstairs shortly to go back to sleep (I hope).  Or just watch all the things on my DVR and rest today.

I'm planning to go back to my doctor when this abates (oh, and he was in and saw me in the exam room as the nurse brought me in and said 'hey, what's up?' and I said 'I tried to schedule with you but you are booked - and I have my usual' to which he replied 'but it didn't wreck Cancun, right?' and I said 'anything that doesn't feel great in Cancun is easily fixed with a(nother) margarita!') and suggest we do blood work to rule out anything else.  'Cuz the thing is, in between these acute things that make me miserable, I feel pretty awful most of the time.  I've been trying vitamins and supplements and anything else I can think of - but I feel pretty bad a lot of the time - so something is off in the all around-ness of my body that just makes fighting off infections impossible, apparently.

So we'll see.

For now, it's Augmentin three times a day (they are the size of horse pills) and Flonase once a day with lots of fluids and rest.  I am so glad I was off Thursday and Friday so I didn't have to phone in sick ('cuz I would have had to phone in sick)....but it's been a couple low-key days and stuff around the homestead is still piling up.  My desk is horrible - really awful - and I have no energy to deal with any of it.

B. is also under the weather trying to pass a 4.6mm kidney stone.  He's on pain killers and was sent home to try to pass it.  If it won't pass, they're going to do a new laser procedure (don't ask how - you don't want to know) and try to blast it away.  He's hoping he won't have to do the procedure.  Can't blame him a bit.

And H. said this morning 'Mom, I'm not feeling great either - my nose and head are all congested'. Great.  Maybe the sweet baby I played with and held on the flight home gave me some new germ to which our entire family has been previously unexposed - so it will work it's way through our house making us all miserable -

OH! and on Wednesday, J. had a fall getting out of the shower and attempting to 'run' to answer the phone.  He pulled a bunch of muscles - I arrived home Wednesday expecting to see him virtually immobile - but he's been doing pretty well - sore when he gets up from sitting and/or has sudden movements - but he's been doing OK and no doctor visit required.

Something has released a plague upon our house....

J. is heading out to purchase supplies for creating some new yard decor for Halloween.  He (thankfully) did get out yesterday to purchase some food and supplies (including candy for tonight). He got out our Halloween decorations and many of them are well past their prime - so he's procuring new ones.  If your house isn't decorated, kids won't come - so we have to do something.

My head feels fuzzy......(name that movie).


Tuesday, October 27, 2015

Sadly, It Ends

Our last day dawned a bit cloudy (easier to leave) only to clear into crystal clear skies and the calmest waters we've had all week.  Paddle boarders out this morning - and the condo owner made a deal with the guy (who just opened this week and is from Southern California) that Luna Encantada guests get a discount on renting boards.

The last day being so perfect seems to be God's way of saying 'come back soonest'....and we sure hope to.  We'll have to save paddle boarding for next time.

I am prune like post a couple hours soaking in the pool and now it's time to get things tidied up around here and packed to go -

I had a great chat with the condo owner - about owning property in Playa and the pros and cons of buying vs. renting.  They own two units in this complex and they make income above and beyond expenses on both - something they never imagined would happen when they bought them - they just hoped they would cover the costs and appreciate (which they have).

It's lovely here and I'd love to own so we could (someday) live here six months out of the year but as always, it comes down to wanting more flexibility - to go where we want, when we want.

But we won the lottery or came into some unexpected cash, I'd do it in a heart beat.  Visiting here a few times a year would be wonderful - and then someday, we could be here for months at a time instead of weeks.

It's paradise....really.  It's always so hard to leave, even though I know we will be back.

Also excited to be going home...'cuz home is best and I've missed it - and the young adult who lives there with us.

(I miss B. too, of course....).  That goes without saying....but I'll say it just in case -

Our airplane doesn't have 'in seat' entertainment (the travesty!) so we'll be doing a lot of reading and maybe sleeping on our flight.  Hoping for clear skies and an easy flight home - one hour longer on the return.  We arrive SFO at 9PM...which is 11PM here.  It's going to be a long night.

March

I'm starting to think maybe I will just do a monthly post and call it what it is - whatever month we're in.  Here we are winding dow...