Thursday, May 27, 2010

Red Hat

Yes, there was a party.... and it was absolutely WONDERFUL. A surprise party - and boy, was I surprised..... but first, I have to tell you how it all played out.....

Arrive at work around 6:30ish - hit the ground running. Office not decorated - and I have no thoughts about that at the time. It was OK. Thought 'well, I'll probably just delete my blog post 'cuz obviously, I was wrong. There's no plan....'. Moved on. Too much to do to give it another thought...and I truly didn't. I'm turning 50 next week regardless and I knew we would be 'celebrating' at some point - 'cuz we've had many milestone birthdays in our district this year and they are always celebrated appropriately.

Worked away.

Just before 9:30AM, my phone rang. And it was J. A conversation that starts with 'are you sitting down?' is usually not a good thing - though I did have a thought that perhaps we HAD finally won the lottery the night before. But no. H. was in trouble. I won't detail too much here in this post (more later) but I had to call the assistant principal. At 9:35AM, I closed my office door, called the AP, listened to the events and agreed that I would be leaving immediately to pick up H. at school. He was not allowed to stay for the remainder of the day (and 4 subsequent days....more on that later...maybe. Possibly not.)

At 9:40AM, I called my boss and let his assistant know that I had a personal emergency and was leaving my office and would return as soon as possible. She was concerned and said 'of course' and agreed to relay the message to my boss who was in a meeting. I grabbed my purse and went into our work area and said 'I have an emergency to take care of and I am leaving - not sure when I will be back'.

I pick up H. and take him home. Confiscate his cell phone and car keys. Give him a piece of my mind. Supervise him getting something to eat and send him to his room for the day where he is to remain. Call J. Ask him to come home because I feel H. shouldn't be unsupervised and I can't stay home all day.

I am upset. Teetering on the edge. I had actually had a good cry the night before - something I rarely do - but apparently needed. But the 'on the verge of tears' feeling was back. So I took a bit of time to compose myself. Got on my laptop and answered work emails. One was from my assistant - who inquired 'are you OK'? I write back 'I am but I'm not'. I explained what happened with H., let her know that I needed a bit of time to compose myself but I would be back. Said 'I need to eat something'.

A few minutes later, she writes back 'we were thinking we'd go out to eat when you got back - to get away from the office for a bit'.

I say 'well, that's nice - but I'm really not in the mood to be social today and I'm super swamped and now am even more behind having interrupted my day to retrieve my errant son from school. But thanks and if ya'll decide to go out and can bring me back something, I would really appreciate it'.

Next email is 'C. [HR Director] has been in here a couple times looking for you and I think it's kind of important'. I say 'OK' and ask her to have C. call me at home. In the mean time, I call C.'s office phone and our bosses assistant answers - I say I'm looking for C. and she says 'she must have stepped out to the restroom'. I ask her to let C. know I called and I'll be back in my office in about 30 minutes.

Another email from my assistant which says 'C. says she needs to talk to you in person so she'll wait until you get back'.

And I reply 'Ok, I'll be back in around 7 minutes - leaving momentarily'. I grabbed H.'s phone, keys, a package of Pop tarts ('cuz I really did need to eat and it was the quickest thing to grab), my purse and iced tea (homemade) and head back.

I proceed immediately to the Administration building where C.'s office is - and it's locked with a sign on it that says 'We are closed for an hour. If you need immediate assistance, please see Business Services next door'.

So I go back to my building. And walk in. And find myself being surprised by a party for the first time EVER. And what a party. They had a tea party for me - complete with china cups and saucers; scones; shortbread; little sandwiches, mini-cupcakes; cookies; lemon curd.....everything you think of when you think of a tea party. It was so awesome!! I was absolutely stunned because I never, ever imagined in a million years they would do all this - but they did. It was fantastic. My office was decked out with 30 red and purple balloons; red hat scarves had been used to make a valance over my office window. A red and purple kazoo hung from the window. There was a hat, a red feather boa and a t-shirt on my chair. Red and purple hat garlands everywhere. It was so great!!! Truly awesome. I was so stunned. I said 'everyone knows that today's not really my birthday, right? 'Cuz someone else emailed me a few minutes ago to wish me happy birthday - and it's NOT today. Ya'll know that, right? Oh, and thanks so much 'cuz now I don't need to eat POP TARTS for lunch!'

It was a great time. Truly a party/celebration I will never, ever forget and definitely made my 50th very memorable.

It was a great day.....

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Birthday?

All day yesterday, people kept mentioning 'your birthday tomorrow'. But my birthday isn't today....it's 10 days away. So I'm not sure - and certainly don't think so - but I suspect there's something 'afoot' today surrounding my big five-o birthday. Through an odd series of events, most of my team is off that specific day - vacations, graduations, etc. So perhaps there's a bit of planning happening 'cuz one of my team's last day before a 10 day vacation happens to be today.

So maybe that's why everyone kept asking me about my 'birthday tomorrow'. When it isn't.

Hmmm.....

I foresee tombstones, walking canes, black streamers, etc. I'm not the first person in our group to have turned 50 this year - in fact, I'm the third! And we're very big on recycling! And we're frugal, too.....

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Will There Be Summer?

It is May 25th today - late May. You'd never know it's spring - it's overcast and raining! Not sprinkling - it's a deluge. My poor zucchinis will die AGAIN - they are getting too much water and it's not me watering them....it's Mother Nature. This weather is strange. And I'm loving it for the savings on the electric bills (both my home and at work) but we really are starting to wonder if there will be a summer? Usually by now, we've had the pool cover on for a couple weeks and the pool is approaching 'swimming temp'. This year, it's still been in the 40's, 50's or 60's day and night with cold, overcast, windy days.

Heading to the kitchen to frost H.'s birthday cake. Plenty of frosting! Bought extra so I can really make it well-iced. J. is procuring Panda Express. H. is at the chiropractor and due home shortly. The birthday celebration will commence soon!

As He Turns

H. is 17 years old today! (Happy birthday, my sweet, challenging, kind, funny son....)

I had so many plans for this day/week....had been thinking about it regularly. He was frequently reminding us/me regularly. But then, he stopped. Stopped reminding. Stopped mentioning it altogether. And until J. asked 'are we going out to dinner tomorrow night?' last evening, I really, truly had sort of totally forgotten it. Bad Mommy. Bad....

I can't really understand a mind that truly, literally forgets things like this. I mean, how is it possible to really have one of the three most important people in your world - to have their birthday totally slip away - poof! One minute, there. The next umpteen minutes, hours, days, weeks not there - until it's upon you and you're reminded 'hey, there are other people in the world - and they are counting on YOU to make them feel special'. Wow.

I know why this happens - this is budget time in my job. An all consuming marathon of work to do that no matter how many times I do it (this is my 4th budget cycle, in case you're counting) always catches me off guard in the immensity of the project. Working 7 days a week, multiple weeks with no end in sight really does 'wear' on a person - and I think my mind just sort of 'zones out' all other things. Sad, but true. At some point, my brain is completely overloaded and fried. I'm up at 4ish, at my desk as soon after 6 as I can get there, home by 6 and attempt to stay awake until 8ish or 9ish. Lather, rinse, repeat - for weeks and weeks and weeks. It's my least favorite time of my job - and it trumps all the other least favorite times by a landslide. Truly. It is not fun.

So this morning, I've already baked a chocolate cake. Raley's opens in 28 minutes and I will be there to get fresh maple bars and Nesquick chocolate milk (several). Also chocolate frosting for the cake (we don't have any in my baking arsenal and I could make it from scratch but seriously, canned frosting is the best). He wants 'chocolate, chocolate, chocolate' - and so it shall be. His dinner request is easy - perhaps sensing his mother was on the brink of a major melt-down, he requested his favorite Chinese food - Panda Express. We'll get him mountains of orange chicken, fried rice and BBQ pork. His gift needs are also easy - he is saving up for speakers and an amped up stereo system for his car - so he'll get some money towards that. And possibly another surprise or two if J. has time to run an errand at lunch today. He really hasn't asked for anything but $$ towards the stereo....so while I feel 'badly' that there's not a lot to wrap, I realize he's 17 and cash is king.

We will make the day special - and I'm truly grateful that this isn't his 18th....better start setting alarms on my Blackberry well in advance of next year's BIG, HUGE celebration. We threw a small surprise party for B.'s 18th so we'll have to figure out what to do for H. I have a year to plan....

One more quick mention.....so having just confessed that in my entire, crazy, lunacy-filled Monday, my son's birthday was not top of my list of things to remember, I also have to admit that there was another milestone of sorts yesterday, and it never entered my mind, either. Yesterday was the 10th anniversary of my mom's death....and I have a post in draft form that didn't get posted....and now, I don't think I will. And I realize that I had been thinking about the date(s) - had been thinking about how close H.'s birthday is to the day she died - and in fact, I prayed that God would take her soon because I truly did not want my son's birthday to be forever tied to the day I lost my mother (on this earth). God made sure H. would have a day all his own....and my mom died early the morning of the day before his birthday.

I'm glad that the day she went to heaven isn't a day that I curl up in a ball and grieve all over again. I'm glad that my life takes precedence over mourning her every year on May 24th all over again. It's been 10 years.....and it seems like yesterday in so many ways. And I do miss her....everyday. I miss her. But as someone said to me before she died 'your day-to-day life won't change that much - it really won't'. And while I felt shocked and stunned by that statement, it's turned out to be very true. We already had very 'separate' lives - and my life is much the same as it was. I wasn't seeing her or talking to her everyday when she died....so it was 'easier' and 'simpler', in many ways.

I really thought (a month or so ago) that I'd attempt to take yesterday off. That spending a quiet day remembering [and also, in those thoughts thinking I could use the day to get ready for H.'s birthday] would be nice. But those thoughts never entered my mind once Sunday or yesterday. They just weren't there. And maybe that's a gift from God - to make the 10th anniversary much like zillions of other days....just a regular day.

The only bad thing about that 'gift' is that it also allowed H.'s birthday to sort of meld into the melting pot of my wee brain....and that's not something I feel good about....

I will make it up to him - and honestly, until he reads this someday when I'm no longer on this earth - he won't know that I really feel like I totally 'forgot'. It was in my memory bank at some point last week - but yesterday, it was nowhere. Nada. Zip. Zippity-doo-da.

Poor kid. Two aging parents with feeble brains. His 21st birthday might truly suck....and by his 30th, he may be cleaning drool off the chins of both his parents.

H., I love you more than words can say - and from the absolute minute you existed, and then 1,000,000,000 [insert never ending zeroes] times more than that when I saw your sweet face and held you in my arms, I have loved you and cherished you beyond what I can express in writing. This past year has been our most challenging yet as parents - it is a year that will go down in the family history book and be yanked out at your wedding; the birth of your own kids; the 'you're getting your come-uppance' when your own kids are having a year like we've just had. But from the bottom of my heart, I'd do the entire year over again - I wouldn't change a thing...because it's been hard but also good. Good for you to learn to 'say the hard thing' - so we'll know when you're not ok and know that you need us. It's that simple - you need us. And if all the things that have happened this past 6 months had never happened, you might still not know how to say those hard things. You might still not know when to express the things you've been afraid to express - but you have, and you know. And you know that we love you enough to do virtually anything we can to help you. To help us. Being your parents is a tough job but we love you and would literally walk through fire for you. And we mean it. And I know you know that. And none of that would have happened if we hadn't gone through the hard time we've been living through. I know it's not all puppies and flowers all the time - but it's so much better. And we've all worked really hard for that.

Let's remember that as you start your 18th year.....we'll all keep working hard.

And this time next year, we'll be planning a great trip to Cancun in honor of your birthday and your high school graduation!!! (Graduate, 'kay? 'Cuz we've already put the deposit on the beach-front condo and I really, really want to go....and I know you do, too. So work hard!).

Love you, my sweet pumpernickel. Happy 17th!

Thursday, May 20, 2010

Tequila? Margaritas? Martinis?

Two weeks from tomorrow, I celebrate my 50th birthday.

A half a century.

Five decades.

One thousand three hundred fortnights.

You see where I'm going with this.....

I'm fine with 'the number'. It is, truly, just a number. And 50 is the new 40. So they say.....

I want to do something to celebrate this milestone. Not anything 'lavish'. Just something. Maybe a couple shots of tequila (really good tequila)? It's a Friday birthday so I could sleep in the next day and recover from the inevitable aftermath. Maybe go to the martini bar I've been hearing so much about - they have a 'sampler' you can try of lots of different kinds of martinis? Maybe dinner with my friends? Or my family? (the family celebration will definitely happen 'cuz we always go out for birthdays!). Buy a frozen margarita machine and whip up a big batch?

I can't decide. And I know what I will most likely do: come home from a 12+ hour day and go to bed around 8ish (and that's IF I can keep myself awake that long. I went to bed at 6:30 last night!).

Not sure what I'm going to do to ring in the passing of my 50th year and the start of my sixth decade of life. I'll think of something.....maybe chocolate martinis at home? Followed the next night by margaritas? And wrapping up the weekend with a Sunday shot of tequila? Hmmm.....

Saturday, May 15, 2010

Law & Order

I am stunned and grieving over the cancellation of Law & Order - the original. The one that started it all. I came to my Law & Order fandom late in the franchise's history, but here I am, firmly entrenched. Grateful that you can find some Law & Order episode on somewhere pretty much 24/7....and the frequent marathons make for additional frequent viewing. It is an exquisite show with compelling story lines and awesome cast and I am really, truly disappointed that it's gone. The final episode is in a couple weeks.....darn it all to heck.

There are so many things happening in my life (largely related to my job) and I can't write about any of them. It's been a roller coaster couple weeks....let's leave it at that. Still all is well on the job front and I remain happy and entertained and busier than would seem humanly possible. Yet, I continue to march forward. Hoping for a couple 'down' weeks in early July, if at all possible.

I had a minor procedure done this week which required stitches - and boy, howdy, I'd totally forgotten how much those things hurt! I have not missed any work time - but I have had many moments of 'Holy Crap, that's a major owie'. It's improving, I think. It's very sore today but I suspect it's more bruising vs. incision pain. All is well. Nothing to worry about. Glad it's been taken care of -

We have new neighbors behind us who purchased their home (same model as ours) for 1/2 what we paid - oh well. It sort of makes us sick but there's nothing we can do about it. Their kids are outside enjoying their new pool. They've stained their side of the fence with a really gross stain - somewhere between terracotta and Pepto Bismol pink - we're just grateful that we don't notice it at all when we're outside and only notice if/when we are looking outside our bedroom windows. They also built a built-in gas BBQ complete with 10 feet high huge bamboo 'poles' next to it. We think they're putting in some kind of 'cover' over the cooking area? But we're not sure. At the moment, it just looks like some possible Survivor Challenge set up. Can't figure it out yet - but it will reveal itself shortly, I'm sure. Chloe is going to have to adjust to a whole lot more noise - the kids are squealers and screamers. Yeah!

Today will be yard work, errands, housework, errands, work-work, errands and hopefully a nap! Dinner out, possibly. Not sure yet. We'll see. B. was off yesterday and was trying to wedge into his busy schedule a family dinner out - but his idea of when was 3:40 in the afternoon and I vetoed that pretty quickly. I had arrived home shortly before that, weary and sore and ready to unwind - and not the least bit hungry at that point. So we opted for Subway sandwiches around 6:30 - I ended up going to bed to 'lie down and read' for a bit - and slept two+ hours! I needed it!

I'm planting a couple patio blueberry bushes today - one pot of our lettuce is not surviving and I'm removing those plants shortly. I think I need to add some 'fertilizer' to the mix before adding any more plants back in - they just failed to 'thrive' and I think the soil in the pot is 'old' and no longer as nutrient-rich as it should be. We are continuing our journey into composting and as far as I can tell, things are going OK. We are adding green and brown layers regularly, moistening slightly now and then; mixing occasionally and adding kitchen scraps (coffee grounds, egg shells, veggie peels, etc.) as we can. The bin seems 'full' and then recedes, so it sure appears the appropriate decomposition is happening. And it's getting plenty of air - it doesn't smell bad at all and that's a good sign. So maybe this time next year, we'll have plenty of our own soil amendment material to add! Hope so.

Monday, May 10, 2010

Quick Updates

Relative peace and harmony at our home these days....and too busy/unmotivated (perhaps) to write much. Here are a few quick updates of 'happenings' (if you can call them that).

Sansar Indian Restaurant - the 5-Star place in Livermore that we love and rarely get to anymore 'cuz I don't work in Livermore OPENED IN TRACY!! I've been there twice already and it is just as great as their Livermore location.....hoping they make it here. Will probably take awhile to catch on but it is excellent food - their lunch buffet is not to be missed!

Mother's Day was good. Not great. But OK. First, I spent most of the day in bed sleeping off a Claritin/Sudafed induced coma. My sinuses continue to be a mess. Was very disappointed that the one thing I asked B. for - to clean his room - was not something he could wedge in to his 'hectic' schedule. He made a perfunctory attempt at tidying up but it's still a mess. J. stepped in and attempted to assist. But that made the 'present' more from J. than from B. . It disappoints me how he can't take time to do the one thing I really wanted - the ability to walk into his room and not want to scream.

We got H.'s ticket 'courtesy notice' - so he did not avoid answering to the authorities. $491! Wow! J. is going to go to the court clerk tomorrow to inquire about if he is eligible for traffic school - not sure that he is but it's worth asking. Those points on his record are going to hurt.....

H. cooked breakfast yesterday as his gift - and it was delicious! Crispy bacon, french toast, roast beef hash. Yummy! It was sweet - though I'm pretty sure J. had a lot to do with the final product. Still, it was a nice thought.

Work is busy, busy, BUSY. I keep hoping to be able to wedge in a day off at some point- but that doesn't happen. And I only compound the craziness when I don't work a bit on the weekends - but I am desperately attempting to NOT do that. It just makes the work days 'merge' too much with any 'down time' - and I crave down time.

Wicked has announced it's closing in September - so we are planning to see it at least one more time before that happens.

I turn 50 in a few weeks. I'm coping well. I think. It's just a number, right? Age-spots be damned!

Saturday, May 01, 2010

Tension

Last night was the first time I can recall where J. and I were on each others 'last nerve' the majority of the evening....it's not normal for us to be snarky with each other....but we were. Maybe because it was Friday and we found ourselves spending our wind-down evening full of activity. We went to the open house at the Charter High School we are enrolling H. in for fall - so instead of having a beer (or two) and sort of easing into the weekend, we drove out to the 'country' and attended a meeting. Filled out paperwork. And then stopped for dinner.

J.'s driving makes me nervous....not sure why. But it does. And as we pulled into the parking lot of the restaurant, there was a car coming out of an alley - and I had a startle response. And J. snapped at me - saying 'I'm observant and I can drive' (something like that). I got out of the car and said nothing. And as we passed the little market next to the restaurant, he said, 'we can get Lotto there'. To which I replied 'it's closed'.

So the guy who's observant and can drive doesn't notice the bright red 'We're Closed' sign on the door of the market....a door we were walking past with a sign that was less than 6 inches from his eyes.....

He makes me nuts sometimes. Last night was the first time ever, in our entire relationship, where I thought: I sure hope I can deal with this for the rest of my life 'cuz the man makes me bonkers.

And I'm sure he felt the exact same way 'cuz I was snarky. I had 'commitments' 4 of 5 nights this past week - and my stress level was off the charts. I'm fighting some weird cold/sinus thing that has me waking up periodically thinking my head is going to explode and literally every morning this week, I've awakened thinking 'I'm sure I shouldn't go to work today' - but I've gone. So it's not been a great week - and I'm tired. And I'm sick of people needing me to hold their hand and walk them through every little thing that needs doing. It's like having a second - third - and fourth job every single day - the long list of things to do and then having to tell someone step by step what to do and how to do it. Just like at work, I find myself thinking 'it's faster for me to do it myself. Just do it all myself'.

On that note, I am writing out a massive to-do list for H. for tomorrow - I will be at work and he's been doing yard work every weekend to earn extra money. So he needs instructions on what to do. So I'm doing that for him.

And I'm home alone tonight (J. is in Oregon for a funeral - we are officially budgeting monthly for funeral expenses) and the kids are with friends for the night. So I'm going to clean the carpets on the landing and let them dry overnight since there's no one here to walk on them!!

March

I'm starting to think maybe I will just do a monthly post and call it what it is - whatever month we're in.  Here we are winding dow...