I used to commute over an hour and arrive home frazzled and rushed. I thought that eliminating the commute would ease that frazzled/rushed feeling....and it does. But, I still arrive home each and every evening to the same dreaded question asked by a starving teenager (or two) - Mom, what's for dinner?
As part of my 'simplify our lives' efforts, I have been doing some serious analysis on our monthly expenses. If you don't have some kind of household financial software - like MS Money (which is what we use), get one. It will revolutionize your finances - I promise. I have really started to 'drill down' to the details of how we're spending our money. And my most recent revelation is the amount we are spending to eat out. We will go out almost every weekend for one meal - and that's fine. And I have dinner over the hill with my college friends now and then- and there's no way I'm giving that up. Occasional lunches with work friends - I still take my weekly $40 'allowance' and end up rarely spending more than $10. I'm so close to home that if I need food and don't have any available, I just drive home - so I don't eat out much for 'work' lately. But I have realized that since I took this job - the job that's closer to home and should seemingly give me more time to cook each evening - we are actually eating out more than we did before when I was commuting.
I attribute this to a couple things: I'm weak. The kids ask, in their best 'sweet' 'please, oh please mom' and I give in. They have both had me wrapped around their little fingers since the day they were born, so that shouldn't come as any surprise. Taco Bell is quick and nearby. Subway, too. Baja Fresh, etc. not too much further. It's quick, easy and the issue of 'what's for dinner' is resolved and done - picked up, served and cleaned up - in record time. And, I just don't 'like' having to get dinner on the table - night after night, day after day. Cooking is the last thing I want to do when I get home. I need some 'unwind' time - time that I don't have with two hungry young men beckoning for dinner. And don't think 'oh, they just need a snack'. They snack. They eat full meals for snacks. 4+ corn dogs as a 'snack' is not uncommon. They eat sandwiches, corn dogs, snacks - chips, fruit, etc. - and they are still completely famished when I get home.
But, this past weekend, I planned menus again (something I used to do every week) and we are sticking to 'The Plan'. Tonight, we had leftovers. The cries of protest were probably heard across the world - but they ate it. And I felt good - we ate a perfectly acceptable meal that was made up of other perfectly good meals that we hadn't quite finished. And tomorrow, we will have sweet and sour chicken with rice. The next night, talapia, steamed veggies and salad.
I told the kids that while going out was easy and quick and enjoyable, it was expensive - and when I told them the average amount per month we've been spending - an amount so shockingly huge I cannot bring myself to type it into this blog entry - they understood. Completely. We will still grab Taco Bell occasionally on nights when there are school events that require synchronizing of watches to ensure we all get where we need to be. But we're going to eat at home more. Weekday meals will be quick - easy things I know they like and know I can get on the table in 20 minutes or less. And weekends, I'll cook Sunday dinner which will usually have enough leftovers to get us through Mondays.
I will enter the house each evening and head to the kitchen - dinner will be my first priority. Getting them fed and crossing that off the 'evening home to-do list' is a good start to the evening. They will happily head upstairs to do homework, etc. and then AND only then, I can relax for a bit.
For just a few minutes, before I start cleaning up the kitchen.
Monday, April 30, 2007
I spent my Monday morning as I have pretty much every Monday morning since starting the new job - attempting to appease the MS Outlook Czar(s) who require me to keep my email files to a certain limit.
Failure to adhere to their standards results in all of my 'sent' emails failing to 'send'. And all my incoming emails being bounced back to the sender with a note stating that the 'recipient has exceeded their mailbox limit'. A productive first hour spent sending various emails to followup or initiate actions remained in my 'Out' box for an hour - which I didn't realize until I noticed the 'count' in my 'out' file wasn't changing. Ever.
I move things to folders as quickly as I can. I archive things that are over 90 days old. But no matter how hard I try, I can't keep up. It's even worse on weekends because when I log in through the Internet access, I can't move things into my 'private' folders. So time on weekends that would easily be available to do some filing/sorting/culling isn't utilized because I can't get to my private folders. The only alternative (well, I could go into the office on the weekend - and it's certainly do-able since my office is 4 minutes away but no, I'm not going to do that) is to use a flash drive that has my folders on it and move the items from my mailbox onto the drive - and then back into the folders on my work PC when I get there. Seems as much work as what I'm doing which is spending a chunk of every Monday (at least) moving emails. Next step is to write our county office and plead for additional space. I hear they are pretty stingy about it - it's how they limit folks from eating up server/system space because they're too lazy to move their emails into folders.
As I learned so many things from my old boss, I have now created a file called 'email clean up' - I just move a mass transfer of emails into that folder and there they sit.
So if I look for an email I swear I've seen and can't find, I now have to look in yet another folder to try to find it. Makes me crazy. CRAZY.
Failure to adhere to their standards results in all of my 'sent' emails failing to 'send'. And all my incoming emails being bounced back to the sender with a note stating that the 'recipient has exceeded their mailbox limit'. A productive first hour spent sending various emails to followup or initiate actions remained in my 'Out' box for an hour - which I didn't realize until I noticed the 'count' in my 'out' file wasn't changing. Ever.
I move things to folders as quickly as I can. I archive things that are over 90 days old. But no matter how hard I try, I can't keep up. It's even worse on weekends because when I log in through the Internet access, I can't move things into my 'private' folders. So time on weekends that would easily be available to do some filing/sorting/culling isn't utilized because I can't get to my private folders. The only alternative (well, I could go into the office on the weekend - and it's certainly do-able since my office is 4 minutes away but no, I'm not going to do that) is to use a flash drive that has my folders on it and move the items from my mailbox onto the drive - and then back into the folders on my work PC when I get there. Seems as much work as what I'm doing which is spending a chunk of every Monday (at least) moving emails. Next step is to write our county office and plead for additional space. I hear they are pretty stingy about it - it's how they limit folks from eating up server/system space because they're too lazy to move their emails into folders.
As I learned so many things from my old boss, I have now created a file called 'email clean up' - I just move a mass transfer of emails into that folder and there they sit.
So if I look for an email I swear I've seen and can't find, I now have to look in yet another folder to try to find it. Makes me crazy. CRAZY.
Sunday, April 29, 2007
Witness
In previous posts, I have talked about how I am 'quietly faithful'. My faith is something very personal and not something I share with the world on a regular basis.
There is a change happening in my soul that is a surprise to me. And before I write this post, I want to reassure all who read this and know me: don't worry. I'm not going to show up on my bike with pamphlets and my Bible and try to 'convert' you. That's not me. Never has been, never will.
But more and more, lately, the change in my heart is happening slowly. My faith is starting to show - and I'm letting it. I listen to KLOVE (Christian) music in my car and in my office. When I drove for a meeting at our county office of education and for lunch, I didn't change the station. When co-workers asked 'is this a Christian station?', I said 'yes it is'. I didn't offer to switch and I let the music play. I listen to KLOVE online in my office all the time and I don't turn it down or off when people come in my office.
It's a small change, admittedly. It's not going to change any one's life, but then again, I don't know that. Maybe seeing me acknowledging my belief in Jesus and God will prompt someone else to acknowledge theirs?
Pastor K. calls our church 'Mission Central'. He wants us to spread The Word. There was a time in my life - not too long ago, actually - when this 'request' would be the thing that drove me from a church. Proselytizing is not something I'm comfortable with. But I feel my faith more deeply than ever before. I am learning so much about my faith - about God and Jesus. Things that you'd think as a life long Christian I would have gotten before. But I didn't. And now, I am.
J. played bass in church this morning and had a great time. He signed up for another Sunday in May and then he and B. will play in June. It was fun to sit a bit closer to the front of the church (so J. could sit with us when he wasn't playing) and we enjoyed the visiting pastor. Pastor K. was in Tahoe with the 8th grade confirmation class - including H. They returned around 3 this afternoon. H. said they had a great time though he isn't all that talkative about the weekend and apparently didn't get a lot of sleep. He will head to bed early this evening and try to 'catch up' a bit before Monday AM. His Confirmation is only a few weeks away, followed by his 8th grade graduation a few weeks after that. May will be a busy month.
B. and his friend C. played golf today - got a bit sunburned. It's nice to have two really nice young men (I almost typed 'boys' but they aren't boys anymore, really) decide to spend the afternoon together playing golf. They had a great time and I'm glad there's a course nearby that is very inexpensive. It will be the perfect course for me to learn on someday - it's about 15 minutes away and less than $20/round, including a cart.
That's it for now. Stay faithful and thankful for the blessings God gives us everyday.
There is a change happening in my soul that is a surprise to me. And before I write this post, I want to reassure all who read this and know me: don't worry. I'm not going to show up on my bike with pamphlets and my Bible and try to 'convert' you. That's not me. Never has been, never will.
But more and more, lately, the change in my heart is happening slowly. My faith is starting to show - and I'm letting it. I listen to KLOVE (Christian) music in my car and in my office. When I drove for a meeting at our county office of education and for lunch, I didn't change the station. When co-workers asked 'is this a Christian station?', I said 'yes it is'. I didn't offer to switch and I let the music play. I listen to KLOVE online in my office all the time and I don't turn it down or off when people come in my office.
It's a small change, admittedly. It's not going to change any one's life, but then again, I don't know that. Maybe seeing me acknowledging my belief in Jesus and God will prompt someone else to acknowledge theirs?
Pastor K. calls our church 'Mission Central'. He wants us to spread The Word. There was a time in my life - not too long ago, actually - when this 'request' would be the thing that drove me from a church. Proselytizing is not something I'm comfortable with. But I feel my faith more deeply than ever before. I am learning so much about my faith - about God and Jesus. Things that you'd think as a life long Christian I would have gotten before. But I didn't. And now, I am.
J. played bass in church this morning and had a great time. He signed up for another Sunday in May and then he and B. will play in June. It was fun to sit a bit closer to the front of the church (so J. could sit with us when he wasn't playing) and we enjoyed the visiting pastor. Pastor K. was in Tahoe with the 8th grade confirmation class - including H. They returned around 3 this afternoon. H. said they had a great time though he isn't all that talkative about the weekend and apparently didn't get a lot of sleep. He will head to bed early this evening and try to 'catch up' a bit before Monday AM. His Confirmation is only a few weeks away, followed by his 8th grade graduation a few weeks after that. May will be a busy month.
B. and his friend C. played golf today - got a bit sunburned. It's nice to have two really nice young men (I almost typed 'boys' but they aren't boys anymore, really) decide to spend the afternoon together playing golf. They had a great time and I'm glad there's a course nearby that is very inexpensive. It will be the perfect course for me to learn on someday - it's about 15 minutes away and less than $20/round, including a cart.
That's it for now. Stay faithful and thankful for the blessings God gives us everyday.
Friday, April 27, 2007
Popsicles
It's a beautiful Friday. It is HOT! YEAH. The pool cover that we put on three weeks ago to warm the pool up is doing it's job. It did it's job 3 weeks ago also, but then the weather turned freakishly cold again and we had to start 'over'. We never took the cover off - just let it sit. And now the pool is 78 degrees. The kids will definitely swim this weekend. I'll have to wait for it to hit 80 or 82 but if it stays this hot, I just might jump in.
I arrived home to see the ice cream man turning the corner towards our house. I just couldn't resist. I ran in and got H. - B. was at a drum line practice - and treated him and I (and J. and B.) to a treat from the van. Nothing like Popsicles from the ice cream man on the first really warm day in awhile - and it's a FRIDAY. Two glorious days of NO WORK. Except the tons of work I brought home - but hey, I'll do it at home!! Possibly by the pool, even. With a refreshing beverage and another Popsicle. So it won't even feel like work.
H. is on his Confirmation retreat in Tahoe until Sunday afternoon. He was less than thrilled about going but he went - it's not optional. So it's just me and B. and J. until Sunday afternoon.
I don't usually splurge on things from the IC man. I get after the kids for spending $ on a Popsicle when we could get an entire box for that amount. They always say 'it's our money' - which it is. But today, running into the house to get H. to come back out with me and help me flag the van down was just what I needed to start the weekend. We got a Bomb pop (for me and J.), a Snowy Peak (H.), and a banana fudge pop (B.). YUMMY.
We're off to a great start and I'm so looking forward to sleeping in, working around the house, time by the pool and hanging out with my family.
I hope it is as great of a weekend as it feels like this evening.
I arrived home to see the ice cream man turning the corner towards our house. I just couldn't resist. I ran in and got H. - B. was at a drum line practice - and treated him and I (and J. and B.) to a treat from the van. Nothing like Popsicles from the ice cream man on the first really warm day in awhile - and it's a FRIDAY. Two glorious days of NO WORK. Except the tons of work I brought home - but hey, I'll do it at home!! Possibly by the pool, even. With a refreshing beverage and another Popsicle. So it won't even feel like work.
H. is on his Confirmation retreat in Tahoe until Sunday afternoon. He was less than thrilled about going but he went - it's not optional. So it's just me and B. and J. until Sunday afternoon.
I don't usually splurge on things from the IC man. I get after the kids for spending $ on a Popsicle when we could get an entire box for that amount. They always say 'it's our money' - which it is. But today, running into the house to get H. to come back out with me and help me flag the van down was just what I needed to start the weekend. We got a Bomb pop (for me and J.), a Snowy Peak (H.), and a banana fudge pop (B.). YUMMY.
We're off to a great start and I'm so looking forward to sleeping in, working around the house, time by the pool and hanging out with my family.
I hope it is as great of a weekend as it feels like this evening.
Thursday, April 26, 2007
Shorts
We lived in Hayward for the first 10 years of our marriage. The penthouse condo we bought when B. was 9 months old was immediately worth far less than we paid for it - the builder filed bankruptcy within a month of our closing on the unit. It was 3 bedrooms, 2 baths - 2300 square feet. Had a beautiful 'bay' view. But we had two babies - boys. And living in that condo was like a long, slow torture session. It was OK - but it never felt like home to me. We painted it and bought new furniture. It was still just 'the condo'. Never home. I hated that place. Really hated it.
Finally, the market turned. And my mother died. And the inheritance I received from her was what made bailing out of the condo possible. We actually ended up not 'needing' the inheritance to get into the house - our condo sold in only 3 days for more than we were asking. It was a unique place and I had a feeling it would sell quickly. It did. We were lucky - and I always felt my mom had a hand in how it all just came together. The money I received from her - not a fortune but just enough - was the cushion we needed to just take a leap of faith and sell the condo for whatever we could get for it and move on.
We found this house on Labor Day Weekend of 2000. We had looked and looked and had decided Tracy was where we would end up - we were priced out of new homes anywhere further West, even with the help from my mom's money. And Tracy felt like home. From the very beginning. J. and I looked at the model and the salesperson said 'there's only 3 lots with that model available so don't wait too long'. There were lots of people looking that day - so I went to the car, got the checkbook out of the glove compartment and wrote a check for the deposit. Right then. J. said 'don't you think we should keep looking'? I said 'No. This is it. This is where we're supposed to be. They accept contingent offers (no other builder in Tracy was doing that and we hadn't even listed our condo yet) and I'm done looking. The kids and I are moving to Tracy and I hope you'll be joining us'. And I signed the check and gave it to the lady. J. was 'stunned' - pleasantly, I think. We could have kept looking - there was another new development right in the same area. But I honestly felt like we were led to this place - to this home. I love it so much.
In Hayward, we were close to the Bay. Most mornings were foggy and most days, thankfully, the fog would burn off and the sun would shine. But it was often pretty 'chilly' - especially on the balcony of a penthouse condo. I never wore shorts in Hayward - ever. There were very few hot days and those we had, we dealt with by heading to the pool or turning the A/C on. I had a pretty big 'patio' garden - wine barrel pots with lots of pretty colors. I love to garden - even there.
One of my first Spring purchases when we moved to Tracy was a pair of flowered bike shorts. They are like bike shorts in cut and style but they are 'loose' fitting. I found them at WalMart - a store that I honestly rarely ever shop in. But my quest for shorts that first Spring led me to WM where I found my favorite shorts. I loved how it was so warm (hot) here that shorts were the only thing to wear most summer weekends. Especially before we put the pool in.
This is their 7th Spring in this house. They are still my favorite shorts to wear - they're comfortable and pretty and perfect for bumming around the house or working in the garden. I love those shorts. Mainly because they remind me of that first incredibly happy Spring in this house. Which has been followed by so many other great seasons and memories.
We couldn't afford this house if we were buying it now. At today's interest rates and the market price for this size house, we couldn't afford it. And while I've been thinking and honestly 'looking' at simplifying our life, moving to a smaller home won't be in that equation for now. A smaller home doesn't reduce our mortgage payment - we'd be paying the same amount out each month for half the house. Not worth it. We'll stay put for now. When it's just me and J. someday, we'll move to a smaller home. Possibly in another state and/or country.
But I'll bring the shorts with me. I plan to wear them until I'm too old to garden or putter around my house anymore. They are my 'happy shorts'. More memories in those faded, floral shorts than anything else I own. When Spring arrives each year and I can pull those shorts on again to start another season of planting and working in the yard and spending time outside with the kids and the dogs and J., it's the start of another Spring in this amazing home. With everything and everyone I love.
Finally, the market turned. And my mother died. And the inheritance I received from her was what made bailing out of the condo possible. We actually ended up not 'needing' the inheritance to get into the house - our condo sold in only 3 days for more than we were asking. It was a unique place and I had a feeling it would sell quickly. It did. We were lucky - and I always felt my mom had a hand in how it all just came together. The money I received from her - not a fortune but just enough - was the cushion we needed to just take a leap of faith and sell the condo for whatever we could get for it and move on.
We found this house on Labor Day Weekend of 2000. We had looked and looked and had decided Tracy was where we would end up - we were priced out of new homes anywhere further West, even with the help from my mom's money. And Tracy felt like home. From the very beginning. J. and I looked at the model and the salesperson said 'there's only 3 lots with that model available so don't wait too long'. There were lots of people looking that day - so I went to the car, got the checkbook out of the glove compartment and wrote a check for the deposit. Right then. J. said 'don't you think we should keep looking'? I said 'No. This is it. This is where we're supposed to be. They accept contingent offers (no other builder in Tracy was doing that and we hadn't even listed our condo yet) and I'm done looking. The kids and I are moving to Tracy and I hope you'll be joining us'. And I signed the check and gave it to the lady. J. was 'stunned' - pleasantly, I think. We could have kept looking - there was another new development right in the same area. But I honestly felt like we were led to this place - to this home. I love it so much.
In Hayward, we were close to the Bay. Most mornings were foggy and most days, thankfully, the fog would burn off and the sun would shine. But it was often pretty 'chilly' - especially on the balcony of a penthouse condo. I never wore shorts in Hayward - ever. There were very few hot days and those we had, we dealt with by heading to the pool or turning the A/C on. I had a pretty big 'patio' garden - wine barrel pots with lots of pretty colors. I love to garden - even there.
One of my first Spring purchases when we moved to Tracy was a pair of flowered bike shorts. They are like bike shorts in cut and style but they are 'loose' fitting. I found them at WalMart - a store that I honestly rarely ever shop in. But my quest for shorts that first Spring led me to WM where I found my favorite shorts. I loved how it was so warm (hot) here that shorts were the only thing to wear most summer weekends. Especially before we put the pool in.
This is their 7th Spring in this house. They are still my favorite shorts to wear - they're comfortable and pretty and perfect for bumming around the house or working in the garden. I love those shorts. Mainly because they remind me of that first incredibly happy Spring in this house. Which has been followed by so many other great seasons and memories.
We couldn't afford this house if we were buying it now. At today's interest rates and the market price for this size house, we couldn't afford it. And while I've been thinking and honestly 'looking' at simplifying our life, moving to a smaller home won't be in that equation for now. A smaller home doesn't reduce our mortgage payment - we'd be paying the same amount out each month for half the house. Not worth it. We'll stay put for now. When it's just me and J. someday, we'll move to a smaller home. Possibly in another state and/or country.
But I'll bring the shorts with me. I plan to wear them until I'm too old to garden or putter around my house anymore. They are my 'happy shorts'. More memories in those faded, floral shorts than anything else I own. When Spring arrives each year and I can pull those shorts on again to start another season of planting and working in the yard and spending time outside with the kids and the dogs and J., it's the start of another Spring in this amazing home. With everything and everyone I love.
Wednesday, April 25, 2007
Media
So, I am THRILLED to hear that Rosie is leaving The View. Which I never watched much before she joined the show and would NEVER watch since. She's a wacko, plain and simple. I couldn't believe ABC hired her to be on that show and I can't believe she lasted as long as she did. To hear that the 'issue' was ABC wanted to sign her for THREE years and she only wanted one - oh my gosh. I can't believe that. Is ABC insane? She's a nut job. I used to love her talk show but she has just deteriorated into a ranting, raving shell of a person. Glad she's moving on and hope her 'career' is over.
AND, while I'm carrying on about Rosie, I'll also add that Alec Baldwin is an incredible jerk. Have I lost my temper with my kids? Absolutely. Have I said things to them in anger that I regret? Of course. Do my 'moments' with them last for minutes and get more and more vile as time goes by? No. THIS is why Kim left him. THIS is WHO HE IS. A bullying, cruel buffoon who fathered a child. Biology made him a dad. But there isn't anything about him that is a decent parent. I hope his career self-implodes and we never hear from him again. And if Kim's 'side' did leak the tape - good job. Time for America to hear what you have been dealing with for YEARS. The man is in serious need of counseling and anger management. And he should be kept away from having any contact with his daughter - ever. I doubt she wants to be anywhere near him and it serves him right. She is old enough to decide who she does and doesn't want to talk to. Leave her alone. You big jerk.
AND, while I'm carrying on about Rosie, I'll also add that Alec Baldwin is an incredible jerk. Have I lost my temper with my kids? Absolutely. Have I said things to them in anger that I regret? Of course. Do my 'moments' with them last for minutes and get more and more vile as time goes by? No. THIS is why Kim left him. THIS is WHO HE IS. A bullying, cruel buffoon who fathered a child. Biology made him a dad. But there isn't anything about him that is a decent parent. I hope his career self-implodes and we never hear from him again. And if Kim's 'side' did leak the tape - good job. Time for America to hear what you have been dealing with for YEARS. The man is in serious need of counseling and anger management. And he should be kept away from having any contact with his daughter - ever. I doubt she wants to be anywhere near him and it serves him right. She is old enough to decide who she does and doesn't want to talk to. Leave her alone. You big jerk.
Sunday, April 22, 2007
Mugs
No secret to anyone reading this blog that I enjoy Starbucks. I have 'changed' my preferences from the frothy, fat & sugar filled frappucinos or lattes to the more 'lean', less expensive black iced teas.
I do, however, own and love a selection of mugs that are from Starbucks - and particularly gravitate towards their 'Spring' selection - just in time for Mother's Day, they always have pretty, large floral pastel mugs that I just love. I get one or two every year and little by little, Starbucks mugs are replacing the variety assortment we have owned before. Souvenir items or mugs from former (or current) employers are being replaced with pretty Starbucks mugs. They make weekday mornings a treat - open the cupboard, select today's pretty mug and start the day with happy thoughts and lots of coffee and vanilla soy milk. Pretty mugs make me happy - a small thing but it makes my day 'better'.
Today, we had to take Chloe back to the groomer - we took both dogs yesterday where they spent the afternoon - but the 'new' groomer forgot to trim Chloe, so we had to take her back. It was an excuse for J. and I to spend some time - just the two of us. We went to Linens and Things to get a new bath mat and a new shower 'storage shelf'. We went to Starbucks and had some iced tea. I picked out a new pretty mug - SIXTEEN ounces!!! It's GREAT. We also went to the outlet mall and each got a couple new 'short sleeved' shirts. We hardly EVER get to shop alone. And sitting in Starbucks people watching for a bit was fun.
The return trip to the groomer was already paid for the day before. The return trip accouterments cost a bit more. But it was a nice afternoon with my best friend. Those don't happen too often lately. But they will in retirement and we're only eight years away!!
I do, however, own and love a selection of mugs that are from Starbucks - and particularly gravitate towards their 'Spring' selection - just in time for Mother's Day, they always have pretty, large floral pastel mugs that I just love. I get one or two every year and little by little, Starbucks mugs are replacing the variety assortment we have owned before. Souvenir items or mugs from former (or current) employers are being replaced with pretty Starbucks mugs. They make weekday mornings a treat - open the cupboard, select today's pretty mug and start the day with happy thoughts and lots of coffee and vanilla soy milk. Pretty mugs make me happy - a small thing but it makes my day 'better'.
Today, we had to take Chloe back to the groomer - we took both dogs yesterday where they spent the afternoon - but the 'new' groomer forgot to trim Chloe, so we had to take her back. It was an excuse for J. and I to spend some time - just the two of us. We went to Linens and Things to get a new bath mat and a new shower 'storage shelf'. We went to Starbucks and had some iced tea. I picked out a new pretty mug - SIXTEEN ounces!!! It's GREAT. We also went to the outlet mall and each got a couple new 'short sleeved' shirts. We hardly EVER get to shop alone. And sitting in Starbucks people watching for a bit was fun.
The return trip to the groomer was already paid for the day before. The return trip accouterments cost a bit more. But it was a nice afternoon with my best friend. Those don't happen too often lately. But they will in retirement and we're only eight years away!!
Friday, April 20, 2007
Linens
A couple weeks ago, we swapped out our winter bed linens for Spring. The down comforters were taken out of their duvet covers, fluffed and aired out and then packed up in plastic bags for the summer. I had placed a bid at the 4-H spaghetti dinner for a beautiful spring-like quilt in shades of green and purple and I won. It's lovely and beautifully made and was to be my 'Spring/Summer' bedspread. Fairly light weight and just a bit of warmth when/if needed.
Of course, mother nature had other plans and shortly after the linen swap, the weather turned freezing cold again. It is bitterly cold outside with winds that are blowing down trees and sending the crazy 'Tracy tumbleweeds' skidding across the streets. And our bed linens are now completely inadequate. I have been freezing the past couple nights.
I hadn't quite gotten around to packing up the small electric 'heater' I had during the winter - so last night, I turned it on to warm the room a bit. I thought I had used the setting where the heater would turn off the heat when it hit a certain temp - but instead, I just hit the 'heat' button. I woke up at 2AM and felt like I was in a sauna. 'Cuz I was in a sauna. It was a balmy 79 degrees in the room. I shut off the heater and turned on the fan - to cool down. Which worked until about 4AM when I woke up cold again.
My nights have been all about 'temperature' issues lately anyway, because it appears the hot flashes that I thought I'd finished with are back in full force. They wake me from a dead sleep and leave me feeling like I'm burning from the inside out. I spend the night going from comfortable to hot to cold to hot to cold - you get the picture. Sleep has become sporadic, at best. I think I'm averaging about 4 solid hours a night with 2-3 hours of 'dozing'. If I wake up after 4AM, I've been typically just getting up because if I go back to sleep (and that's a big if) and then have the alarm wake me up at 5:30AM, I'll feel horrible - I'll just be getting back into a good sleep about the time the alarm goes off - so I've just learned to not torture myself and I just get up. And even if I try to go back to sleep, I pretty much don't. I know the alarm is going off shortly (and the shortly gets shorter and shorter as the time creeps by) and I just can't get back to sleep.
I'm adjusting to this lack of sleep. Thankfully, I appear to not need as much sleep. I am rarely tired before 10PM and even waking from 3AM on fairly regularly, I'm still 'OK'. I do look forward to weekend mornings when I can just sleep in as long as I want - so on those mornings, when I wake up before 5, I do just go back to sleep and sleep until whenever. Heaven.
So it's Friday - and I get to sleep in tomorrow. So I'm heading up to bed shortly.
Sleep well.
Of course, mother nature had other plans and shortly after the linen swap, the weather turned freezing cold again. It is bitterly cold outside with winds that are blowing down trees and sending the crazy 'Tracy tumbleweeds' skidding across the streets. And our bed linens are now completely inadequate. I have been freezing the past couple nights.
I hadn't quite gotten around to packing up the small electric 'heater' I had during the winter - so last night, I turned it on to warm the room a bit. I thought I had used the setting where the heater would turn off the heat when it hit a certain temp - but instead, I just hit the 'heat' button. I woke up at 2AM and felt like I was in a sauna. 'Cuz I was in a sauna. It was a balmy 79 degrees in the room. I shut off the heater and turned on the fan - to cool down. Which worked until about 4AM when I woke up cold again.
My nights have been all about 'temperature' issues lately anyway, because it appears the hot flashes that I thought I'd finished with are back in full force. They wake me from a dead sleep and leave me feeling like I'm burning from the inside out. I spend the night going from comfortable to hot to cold to hot to cold - you get the picture. Sleep has become sporadic, at best. I think I'm averaging about 4 solid hours a night with 2-3 hours of 'dozing'. If I wake up after 4AM, I've been typically just getting up because if I go back to sleep (and that's a big if) and then have the alarm wake me up at 5:30AM, I'll feel horrible - I'll just be getting back into a good sleep about the time the alarm goes off - so I've just learned to not torture myself and I just get up. And even if I try to go back to sleep, I pretty much don't. I know the alarm is going off shortly (and the shortly gets shorter and shorter as the time creeps by) and I just can't get back to sleep.
I'm adjusting to this lack of sleep. Thankfully, I appear to not need as much sleep. I am rarely tired before 10PM and even waking from 3AM on fairly regularly, I'm still 'OK'. I do look forward to weekend mornings when I can just sleep in as long as I want - so on those mornings, when I wake up before 5, I do just go back to sleep and sleep until whenever. Heaven.
So it's Friday - and I get to sleep in tomorrow. So I'm heading up to bed shortly.
Sleep well.
Wednesday, April 18, 2007
Morning
It is 5:04 AM - I've been awake since 3. Finally just decided to get up and get going.
I am sitting here reading blogs on the internet, feeling a bit chilly but warming up with my vanilla soy latte (that I made AT HOME with my cool milk frother) and feeling content and thankful.
It amazes me how a human being can go from the lowest of lows (where I was Monday) back to contently content in just 48 hours. Our psych-ies are amazing creatures.
I am sitting here reading blogs on the internet, feeling a bit chilly but warming up with my vanilla soy latte (that I made AT HOME with my cool milk frother) and feeling content and thankful.
It amazes me how a human being can go from the lowest of lows (where I was Monday) back to contently content in just 48 hours. Our psych-ies are amazing creatures.
Tuesday, April 17, 2007
Damn
Sometimes, I just despise blogger.
I just wrote a terrific post (at home on my lunch break) and hit the wrong key and lost the ENTIRE thing. I don't even know what I did, where it went or why I lost it. It has happened before and it makes me sooooo mad.
I will try to recreate but the redos are never as good as the original.
I just wrote a terrific post (at home on my lunch break) and hit the wrong key and lost the ENTIRE thing. I don't even know what I did, where it went or why I lost it. It has happened before and it makes me sooooo mad.
I will try to recreate but the redos are never as good as the original.
Sorrow [Redo]
I am at home on lunch, lest you think that I am blogging on company time.
Yesterday was an incredibly challenging, difficult day. I had thought since I was in briefly on Wednesday last week that I would be 'over' the shock of C. I was wrong. I stepped into our building, saw his cubicle and the tears started. There are flowers, pictures, hand written notes and his obituary carefully placed in and on his cubicle walls. I checked my voice mails - and somehow made it into the 'saved' messages - and the first voice I heard was C. telling me that he was on his way back from lunch but he had a flat tire and so he didn't think he'd be back 'cuz 'I need to take care of my bike'. The bike that killed him. Tears commenced again and didn't let up for most of the day. I was a wreck. I wasn't doing a good job of 'leading through adversity' but I did the best I could. We all muddled through the day.
My frustration, anger and sadness about C. is showing itself in the usual way - with my family, I am short, out of patience and frazzled. I do my best - do what I can do but find the parenting component of my life to be particularly challenging. The teen years are fraught with issues and I struggle to deal. It's always a struggle but particularly when grief and sadness is lurking in the corner. Add to that a healthy dose of overwhelmed (with work) combined with a fair amount of (never far from the forefront) insecurity - I am the most securely insecure person around at times - and I can go from sublime to freaking out in a matter of hours. OK - minutes.
I know this to be a low. It will pass. The lows always do. I muddle through my days, try to get through it. Make extra efforts to 'take care' of myself - take vitamins, get some extra sleep, eat better. I even went for a walk yesterday. Trying to acknowledge to myself that I am in need of TLC and care and it starts with me. I'm worth it. I get up everyday, get myself to work, help get the kids out the door to school. What I'd rather do is crawl into bed, pull a pillow over my head and stay there for whatever length of time it takes for this 'interval' to pass. But I won't. I have two children to set an example for and myself to answer to - so pulling the covers over my head and 'ignoring' what will be a challenging day - is not an option.
B. and I talked for close to an hour last night after we'd both gone to bed frustrated and pissed. I went back into his room and said 'B., I don't think two people should go to sleep angry at each other so lets try to talk this through'. We made a bit of headway in sharing our respective 'positions' about certain things. For now, I reminded B. that we are his 'directors' and following our 'directives' is his job. It's not a job he likes nor wants to have - and frankly, it's not a responsibility I am particularly enjoying either. His adulthood will be here soon enough and when he is an adult, then he can give himself directives and choose to follow or not follow them. But until then, he lives by our 'rules' and our instructions. Plain and simple. It is what it is.
It is what it is - may be our new family phrase. You do what needs to be done. It's called life - it's a messy, complicated quagmire of opportunities and challenges and there's no way to get through but to just get through. Even the challenging times. Especially the challenging times. It's our responsibility as humans - to make it through for ourselves. For each other. It's the best we can do. It is what it is - some days incredibly challenging and you spend the day wanting it to be over and dreaming of other happier times. Other days sublime - which you never remember when you're in the midst of a crashing low. But if you just hold on and muddle through, you'll get to the other side of the 'bad day'. A bad day is just a bad day. That's all it is. It feels like a lot more than that when you're in the middle of it. But in the end, it is what it is - just a day that wasn't that great.
The memorial service for C. is Saturday. For now, my goal is to get through that. And the reception after which our district is hosting for the family. It will be a long, painful, sad day - but we will pull together and get through it. This new district is my 'new' [work] family and we will make it through. We want to honor C. and his memory and let his family know how much he was loved and how much we will miss him. Just get through it. That's my goal. One day at a time - or an hour at a time, if that's all I can manage.
We miss you, C. You are never far from our thoughts. Oh, and by the way, we found your 'secret' stash of Kit Kats and Reese's cups yesterday. For now, we have left them where we found them. We each took a couple and ate them while saying 'we can't believe he never shared'. And then we laughed and said 'of course he never shared. He worked in an office of all women. If he had told us where they were, he'd never have any left'.
Yesterday was an incredibly challenging, difficult day. I had thought since I was in briefly on Wednesday last week that I would be 'over' the shock of C. I was wrong. I stepped into our building, saw his cubicle and the tears started. There are flowers, pictures, hand written notes and his obituary carefully placed in and on his cubicle walls. I checked my voice mails - and somehow made it into the 'saved' messages - and the first voice I heard was C. telling me that he was on his way back from lunch but he had a flat tire and so he didn't think he'd be back 'cuz 'I need to take care of my bike'. The bike that killed him. Tears commenced again and didn't let up for most of the day. I was a wreck. I wasn't doing a good job of 'leading through adversity' but I did the best I could. We all muddled through the day.
My frustration, anger and sadness about C. is showing itself in the usual way - with my family, I am short, out of patience and frazzled. I do my best - do what I can do but find the parenting component of my life to be particularly challenging. The teen years are fraught with issues and I struggle to deal. It's always a struggle but particularly when grief and sadness is lurking in the corner. Add to that a healthy dose of overwhelmed (with work) combined with a fair amount of (never far from the forefront) insecurity - I am the most securely insecure person around at times - and I can go from sublime to freaking out in a matter of hours. OK - minutes.
I know this to be a low. It will pass. The lows always do. I muddle through my days, try to get through it. Make extra efforts to 'take care' of myself - take vitamins, get some extra sleep, eat better. I even went for a walk yesterday. Trying to acknowledge to myself that I am in need of TLC and care and it starts with me. I'm worth it. I get up everyday, get myself to work, help get the kids out the door to school. What I'd rather do is crawl into bed, pull a pillow over my head and stay there for whatever length of time it takes for this 'interval' to pass. But I won't. I have two children to set an example for and myself to answer to - so pulling the covers over my head and 'ignoring' what will be a challenging day - is not an option.
B. and I talked for close to an hour last night after we'd both gone to bed frustrated and pissed. I went back into his room and said 'B., I don't think two people should go to sleep angry at each other so lets try to talk this through'. We made a bit of headway in sharing our respective 'positions' about certain things. For now, I reminded B. that we are his 'directors' and following our 'directives' is his job. It's not a job he likes nor wants to have - and frankly, it's not a responsibility I am particularly enjoying either. His adulthood will be here soon enough and when he is an adult, then he can give himself directives and choose to follow or not follow them. But until then, he lives by our 'rules' and our instructions. Plain and simple. It is what it is.
It is what it is - may be our new family phrase. You do what needs to be done. It's called life - it's a messy, complicated quagmire of opportunities and challenges and there's no way to get through but to just get through. Even the challenging times. Especially the challenging times. It's our responsibility as humans - to make it through for ourselves. For each other. It's the best we can do. It is what it is - some days incredibly challenging and you spend the day wanting it to be over and dreaming of other happier times. Other days sublime - which you never remember when you're in the midst of a crashing low. But if you just hold on and muddle through, you'll get to the other side of the 'bad day'. A bad day is just a bad day. That's all it is. It feels like a lot more than that when you're in the middle of it. But in the end, it is what it is - just a day that wasn't that great.
The memorial service for C. is Saturday. For now, my goal is to get through that. And the reception after which our district is hosting for the family. It will be a long, painful, sad day - but we will pull together and get through it. This new district is my 'new' [work] family and we will make it through. We want to honor C. and his memory and let his family know how much he was loved and how much we will miss him. Just get through it. That's my goal. One day at a time - or an hour at a time, if that's all I can manage.
We miss you, C. You are never far from our thoughts. Oh, and by the way, we found your 'secret' stash of Kit Kats and Reese's cups yesterday. For now, we have left them where we found them. We each took a couple and ate them while saying 'we can't believe he never shared'. And then we laughed and said 'of course he never shared. He worked in an office of all women. If he had told us where they were, he'd never have any left'.
Saturday, April 14, 2007
Tension
So, my evening went something like this:
I watch TV, tidy up the kitchen, make coffee for morning, set the timer on the coffee pot, get the dogs outside and in their kennel for the night. Proceed upstairs, feed the cats, cover the bird, get ready for bed. Close the bedroom door.
The cats don't like this. They don't like that they cannot enter where I am and since there's no one else home to snuggle with, they start doing body slams against the door. I am sort of in and out of sleepiness and can't figure out if the noise is coming from inside the house or out. This startles me awake. I jump from the bed and my feet get cramps - not sure what that is about but it is becoming a recurrent event - and the toes on my right foot are so cramped, they are curling up towards the ceiling. I hobble into the bathroom - cats gleefully following - and proceed to stand, twist, bend, massage - anything I can think of to get my feet to uncramp and my toes to return to a 'normal' position. This takes 20 minutes.
I decide that it's probably a good idea to have a phone near my bed - after all, I am alone in a large house and while our neighborhood is pretty quiet, you never know. I retrieve the phone from the nightstand in the other bedroom and 'lo and behold, it's dead. Dead, dead, DEAD. Won't respond to any attempts to activate it. So there goes my 'security blanket'. I return to my bed and spend about an hour pondering 'should I lock the bedroom door, or shouldn't I. On the one hand, if I lock it, it will give me some 'time' to avoid an intruder by - hmm, by ....by jumping out the window onto the concrete below. Not that great of a plan but heck, I have no phone so if my home is invaded, jumping out the window may be my best shot. BUT then I think 'if I do lock the door, then it will be obvious to an intruder that there is someone in here...so maybe I shouldn't do that'. In the end, I fall asleep before I can decide.
I awake a few hours later hearing a sort of 'scratching' noise. I turn on the lamp and see a small, furry grey paw sliding under the door. Klink has realized that the body slams have completely pissed me off so he's now trying the more subtle approach. I open the door to go to the bathroom and he bolts in, victorious. I then have to use the 'treat' bottle (rattling it is my signal to the cats that I will give them a treat) to get him to exit the room. He obediently saunters back out - all 16 pounds of him - and his brother follows. They get a treat, I pee as quickly as possible and head back to my bed before they can follow me. I am moving gingerly because the slightest mis-step and odd flexing of my feet causes the cramps again and I don't want that again.
Unfortunately, the sound of the treat jar rattling upstairs has awakened the hounds who now fiercely protect me against intruders by barking their fool heads off. Dani sounds like she's ready to rip some one's head off. I quiet them down - 'shhh. Quiet. It's me. Go back to sleep.' and head back to bed. For the night. Finally.
It has rained all night and my planned activities of hanging around the yard with the dogs - me pulling weeds, planting, etc. while they do their laps around the perimeter of the yard - is foiled by wet, soggy weather.
I decide to be productive and pull out the kennel bedding - and find two socks, a few twigs, clumps of grass and 1/2 eaten cows hooves. Chloe is gleeful at the discovery of all the hooves and proceeds to play 'hoof hockey' - she picks up a hoof in her mouth and swings her head, tossing the hoof across the tile floor. This does not sit well with me because while I honestly didn't feel a single 'effect' of the banana daiquiri, my head does. I have a bit of a headache - probably from restless sleep - but the daiquiri could be a factor. I rarely drink and my body's reaction to alcohol is unpredictable. So who knows. In any event, the racket created by the hoof hockey is not sitting well with me.
A teeny tiny bit of sun is trying to come out. I will head upstairs to shower, dress and prepare for the day. I miss J. and the kids. The house is always so darn quiet when they aren't here. I look forward to these 'alone' times more than I can describe and yet, invariably, I end up just missing the guys like crazy. Can't wait to see them tomorrow.
Love you, J. Hurry home 'cuz me and the cats miss you.
I watch TV, tidy up the kitchen, make coffee for morning, set the timer on the coffee pot, get the dogs outside and in their kennel for the night. Proceed upstairs, feed the cats, cover the bird, get ready for bed. Close the bedroom door.
The cats don't like this. They don't like that they cannot enter where I am and since there's no one else home to snuggle with, they start doing body slams against the door. I am sort of in and out of sleepiness and can't figure out if the noise is coming from inside the house or out. This startles me awake. I jump from the bed and my feet get cramps - not sure what that is about but it is becoming a recurrent event - and the toes on my right foot are so cramped, they are curling up towards the ceiling. I hobble into the bathroom - cats gleefully following - and proceed to stand, twist, bend, massage - anything I can think of to get my feet to uncramp and my toes to return to a 'normal' position. This takes 20 minutes.
I decide that it's probably a good idea to have a phone near my bed - after all, I am alone in a large house and while our neighborhood is pretty quiet, you never know. I retrieve the phone from the nightstand in the other bedroom and 'lo and behold, it's dead. Dead, dead, DEAD. Won't respond to any attempts to activate it. So there goes my 'security blanket'. I return to my bed and spend about an hour pondering 'should I lock the bedroom door, or shouldn't I. On the one hand, if I lock it, it will give me some 'time' to avoid an intruder by - hmm, by ....by jumping out the window onto the concrete below. Not that great of a plan but heck, I have no phone so if my home is invaded, jumping out the window may be my best shot. BUT then I think 'if I do lock the door, then it will be obvious to an intruder that there is someone in here...so maybe I shouldn't do that'. In the end, I fall asleep before I can decide.
I awake a few hours later hearing a sort of 'scratching' noise. I turn on the lamp and see a small, furry grey paw sliding under the door. Klink has realized that the body slams have completely pissed me off so he's now trying the more subtle approach. I open the door to go to the bathroom and he bolts in, victorious. I then have to use the 'treat' bottle (rattling it is my signal to the cats that I will give them a treat) to get him to exit the room. He obediently saunters back out - all 16 pounds of him - and his brother follows. They get a treat, I pee as quickly as possible and head back to my bed before they can follow me. I am moving gingerly because the slightest mis-step and odd flexing of my feet causes the cramps again and I don't want that again.
Unfortunately, the sound of the treat jar rattling upstairs has awakened the hounds who now fiercely protect me against intruders by barking their fool heads off. Dani sounds like she's ready to rip some one's head off. I quiet them down - 'shhh. Quiet. It's me. Go back to sleep.' and head back to bed. For the night. Finally.
It has rained all night and my planned activities of hanging around the yard with the dogs - me pulling weeds, planting, etc. while they do their laps around the perimeter of the yard - is foiled by wet, soggy weather.
I decide to be productive and pull out the kennel bedding - and find two socks, a few twigs, clumps of grass and 1/2 eaten cows hooves. Chloe is gleeful at the discovery of all the hooves and proceeds to play 'hoof hockey' - she picks up a hoof in her mouth and swings her head, tossing the hoof across the tile floor. This does not sit well with me because while I honestly didn't feel a single 'effect' of the banana daiquiri, my head does. I have a bit of a headache - probably from restless sleep - but the daiquiri could be a factor. I rarely drink and my body's reaction to alcohol is unpredictable. So who knows. In any event, the racket created by the hoof hockey is not sitting well with me.
A teeny tiny bit of sun is trying to come out. I will head upstairs to shower, dress and prepare for the day. I miss J. and the kids. The house is always so darn quiet when they aren't here. I look forward to these 'alone' times more than I can describe and yet, invariably, I end up just missing the guys like crazy. Can't wait to see them tomorrow.
Love you, J. Hurry home 'cuz me and the cats miss you.
Friday, April 13, 2007
Seizing
I went to Jackson today for a little play on the slots. Took my usual budget and returned +100 so that's a good day. Of course, there were moments when I was up more than that so I could beat myself up for not 'stopping' even more ahead. But I won't. I go up fully intending to lose what I've budgeted to lose and frequently return even and sometimes, like today, return a bit ahead. It was a beautiful drive - the wildflowers are in full bloom and the hills are still green - so pretty. And they opened up a new road that by my estimation, saved about 20 minutes of the drive so that's cool, too. Had some play time, ate lunch on my player's points and headed home.
Had a message from N. at my old job this morning and tried to call her a couple times. Finally reached her this evening and we chatted and chatted. I miss her and we just pick up where we left off. Wedding plans, latest frustrations at our respective jobs, etc. I'm so blessed to know her and she's just so much fun -
So she wanted me to meet her for dinner - spur of the moment. I'm not good at 'unplanned' things - just not like me to drop everything and do something on a moment's notice. I'm in my late 40's now and I've never been that good at seizing the moment - but I did. I quickly fed the dogs, took them out, kenneled them and headed over the hill. We met at Los Vaqueros Grill in Livermore and had dinner. And banana daiquiris. Just one combined with a lot of food and chips...so no worries. The company was fun, the dinner was good (except for when I bit into a huge chunk of ginger thinking it was pineapple and almost died from the 'spice' of it). Had pulled pork tacos with pineapple chutney - delicious and the banana daiquiri was the perfect accompaniment. N. is working hard on her wedding plans and the 'big' day is only 6 months away. Time flies.
I wish I got to see her more often. She keeps me young. She's got a good head on her shoulders and a sweet heart. She's just such a good friend and I never would have imagined that we would be so close. We just love to laugh and agree that's what we miss most - neither of us is laughing at our jobs as much these days without the other. So we'll have to try to keep in touch via phone and the occasional get together so we can laugh more.
It was fun. I'm stuffed and heading to bed shortly. The dogs are missing the kids. They are mopey and whiney and not too sure why the house is so quiet. I sort of miss the kids (and J. of couse), too, but I don't mind the quiet. It's a nice change from the typical chaos.
Had a message from N. at my old job this morning and tried to call her a couple times. Finally reached her this evening and we chatted and chatted. I miss her and we just pick up where we left off. Wedding plans, latest frustrations at our respective jobs, etc. I'm so blessed to know her and she's just so much fun -
So she wanted me to meet her for dinner - spur of the moment. I'm not good at 'unplanned' things - just not like me to drop everything and do something on a moment's notice. I'm in my late 40's now and I've never been that good at seizing the moment - but I did. I quickly fed the dogs, took them out, kenneled them and headed over the hill. We met at Los Vaqueros Grill in Livermore and had dinner. And banana daiquiris. Just one combined with a lot of food and chips...so no worries. The company was fun, the dinner was good (except for when I bit into a huge chunk of ginger thinking it was pineapple and almost died from the 'spice' of it). Had pulled pork tacos with pineapple chutney - delicious and the banana daiquiri was the perfect accompaniment. N. is working hard on her wedding plans and the 'big' day is only 6 months away. Time flies.
I wish I got to see her more often. She keeps me young. She's got a good head on her shoulders and a sweet heart. She's just such a good friend and I never would have imagined that we would be so close. We just love to laugh and agree that's what we miss most - neither of us is laughing at our jobs as much these days without the other. So we'll have to try to keep in touch via phone and the occasional get together so we can laugh more.
It was fun. I'm stuffed and heading to bed shortly. The dogs are missing the kids. They are mopey and whiney and not too sure why the house is so quiet. I sort of miss the kids (and J. of couse), too, but I don't mind the quiet. It's a nice change from the typical chaos.
Wednesday, April 11, 2007
Dream
This morning, I dreamed about the beach house. We were there visiting 'neighbors' up the hill - and I saw our 'old' cabin down the hill. It looked the same - just a small 'square' building. It seemed to be 'placed' differently in relation to the road but there were other changes - new buildings, etc. so I thought it was just the changes to the 'neighborhood'. The friends said 'it's for sale' and I tore off down the hill with J. to take a look. It was a 'strange' layout - not a lot of windows, which didn't make sense for a beach house. A bedroom on one level. A kitchen/eating area on the other and the top floor was just a big 'sitting' area - with windows. The colors were just what I would choose - bright oranges and reds, bright blues and sea colors. I love it - it seemed small but the price was right. I was so happy and so wanted it. I still wasn't sure about the 'layout' but figured we could make it work. 'There must be more outside' and I anxiously went out around the side - and there were lots of chaise lounges and chairs - perfect for the beach. And then I walked around the corner and there it was - the ocean. RIGHT THERE, lapping at the patio. I was so ecstatic and joy-filled that in my dream, I started sobbing immediately. Tears of pure joy. While in the back of my mind, I was thinking 'this house will be submerged by the first big storm' and also 'so is this global warming, too?' 'cuz the water used to be a walk away and high tides came somewhat close, but never that close. This shoreline was at the house, basically. But this was a dream and I didn't care - I was ready to buy it on the spot - even with it's lack of windows, strange layout and the water lapping at the patio. I wanted it and was ready to write the check then and there....
And then, I heard the door open and J. was coming in to wake me up - to tell me that my assistant K. had called and said it was an emergency and asked him to please have me call as soon as possible. The dream was over and reality was setting in.
I called her right back - before I'd said a word to anyone and before I'd had coffee. My voice was crackly and gruff. She called to tell me that a young man who worked with me, reported to me, actually, had been killed last night in a motorcycle/car accident. As soon as she said 'Majah, C. died last night' I said 'it was the bike, wasn't it'? And it was. C. had already been in one accident shortly before I started working there - he had been extremely lucky that time and had only fractured his wrist. This time, his luck was out and he tried to pass a car and ended up hitting a car turning left. He was barely alive when paramedics got there and was pronounced dead at the hospital a short time later. I am stunned and sad. He was a great young man and had so much potential. All of us at work 'mothered' him about the bike. Cautioned him to be careful. I had it on my 'list of things to do' to talk to him about it because kids were watching him and he often did wheelies, etc. down the street. I never talked to him about the wheelies - but I did tell him as often as I could 'be careful'. He wasn't - or he was, but just this one time, he wasn't.
I am sad for his family and for his work family. We will all miss him so much. At the same time, I'm pissed. Angry at him for being careless and for thinking he was invincible. Angry that he didn't listen to us, or his mom - that he continued to not drive carefully and cautiously. Angry at myself for not talking to him sooner - for not trying one more time to impress on him the seriousness of his actions on that bike. I don't think it would have made any difference - he was a kid and he had already had one accident - if that didn't make him slow down and be more cautious, nothing would. But I wish I had tried.
We will miss you, C. God is lucky to have you and I hope He has a lot of IT issues He needs help with. You are really good at figuring out computers and I hope you'll be doing everything you love in heaven. Even if that means doing wheelies. Just please watch out for other angels, 'kay?
And then, I heard the door open and J. was coming in to wake me up - to tell me that my assistant K. had called and said it was an emergency and asked him to please have me call as soon as possible. The dream was over and reality was setting in.
I called her right back - before I'd said a word to anyone and before I'd had coffee. My voice was crackly and gruff. She called to tell me that a young man who worked with me, reported to me, actually, had been killed last night in a motorcycle/car accident. As soon as she said 'Majah, C. died last night' I said 'it was the bike, wasn't it'? And it was. C. had already been in one accident shortly before I started working there - he had been extremely lucky that time and had only fractured his wrist. This time, his luck was out and he tried to pass a car and ended up hitting a car turning left. He was barely alive when paramedics got there and was pronounced dead at the hospital a short time later. I am stunned and sad. He was a great young man and had so much potential. All of us at work 'mothered' him about the bike. Cautioned him to be careful. I had it on my 'list of things to do' to talk to him about it because kids were watching him and he often did wheelies, etc. down the street. I never talked to him about the wheelies - but I did tell him as often as I could 'be careful'. He wasn't - or he was, but just this one time, he wasn't.
I am sad for his family and for his work family. We will all miss him so much. At the same time, I'm pissed. Angry at him for being careless and for thinking he was invincible. Angry that he didn't listen to us, or his mom - that he continued to not drive carefully and cautiously. Angry at myself for not talking to him sooner - for not trying one more time to impress on him the seriousness of his actions on that bike. I don't think it would have made any difference - he was a kid and he had already had one accident - if that didn't make him slow down and be more cautious, nothing would. But I wish I had tried.
We will miss you, C. God is lucky to have you and I hope He has a lot of IT issues He needs help with. You are really good at figuring out computers and I hope you'll be doing everything you love in heaven. Even if that means doing wheelies. Just please watch out for other angels, 'kay?
Keys
My relatively new laptop lost the left shift key - completely and totally lost it. Unlike a desktop keyboard, the keys on the laptop do not just 'pop in' - the thing is 'gone'. Completely and totally gone. What is showing is just metal and plastic - like a 'chip' of some kind - but it will not respond to a keystroke. The key is off and cannot be attached again - we've tried - several times.
You wouldn't think the loss of that key could be such a havoc-wreaking issue, but it is. I cannot train my right pinky to use the right shift key - after 30+ years of using the left shift key exclusively, changing to the right (even though I am right handed) is a challenge.
I learned to type on an old manual typewriter - black and heavy. I would write my grandmother in Oklahoma pretty regularly and always typed my letters. My first line was always 'How are you? I am fine. What have you been doing?' I was really fast on that sentence using two fingers.
My mom taught 'business machines' at a community college and she insisted that I learn to type 'properly'. I took typing in high school and practiced at home and eventually learned to type by touch. I remember 'grousing' about it, insisting that my two finger method was just fine and I couldn't see the value in practicing and taking classes - but she persisted so I took them. She was right. The last time I tested (when I was job hunting after leaving the corporate world), I typed 78 WPM with no errors. Not bad. I was sure grateful to my mom for making me learn to type - she must have 'seen' the future and realized that soon, we would all be using computers in everyday life and typing would become a necessity. In her day, the only folks who really learned to type by touch were those who had decided that being 'assistants' of some kind was their life goal. Now, you need typing for virtually any job in pretty much any field. So I'm grateful that I have that 'skill' and don't have to rely on two fingers to get my words to appear.
I never did learn shorthand (which she was also very proficient at) but I've never regretted it. I worked in collections for many years and have my own 'shorthand' learned from years of typing notes about conversations and agreements keeping things brief and short. Sort of like what kids use to text message these days - no vowels. Sets of letters 'defined' as a phrase. It works.
We will eventually be taking the laptop to the Geek Squad to see if they can repair it. I am adjusting but my right hand is 'cramping' and I'm convinced it's because my pinky is not used to being 'used' in this fashion and it is rebelling. The muscles that control that motion have not been used for this keystroke ever and it's going to take a lot of time and effort to retrain. So I have to get the left key fixed before I really 'switch'.
It's already going better 'cuz I've typed this entire post using the right pinky - never needed to 'contribute' another finger or method to using caps. Which is a marked improvement because most of the communications I've sent the past week have been all lower case - and I have to admit when I receive communications without caps I just think 'what is so hard about capitalizing when appropriate'. Now I know - maybe their left shift key died and they can't retrain their right pinky. It's a lot harder than you would think.
You wouldn't think the loss of that key could be such a havoc-wreaking issue, but it is. I cannot train my right pinky to use the right shift key - after 30+ years of using the left shift key exclusively, changing to the right (even though I am right handed) is a challenge.
I learned to type on an old manual typewriter - black and heavy. I would write my grandmother in Oklahoma pretty regularly and always typed my letters. My first line was always 'How are you? I am fine. What have you been doing?' I was really fast on that sentence using two fingers.
My mom taught 'business machines' at a community college and she insisted that I learn to type 'properly'. I took typing in high school and practiced at home and eventually learned to type by touch. I remember 'grousing' about it, insisting that my two finger method was just fine and I couldn't see the value in practicing and taking classes - but she persisted so I took them. She was right. The last time I tested (when I was job hunting after leaving the corporate world), I typed 78 WPM with no errors. Not bad. I was sure grateful to my mom for making me learn to type - she must have 'seen' the future and realized that soon, we would all be using computers in everyday life and typing would become a necessity. In her day, the only folks who really learned to type by touch were those who had decided that being 'assistants' of some kind was their life goal. Now, you need typing for virtually any job in pretty much any field. So I'm grateful that I have that 'skill' and don't have to rely on two fingers to get my words to appear.
I never did learn shorthand (which she was also very proficient at) but I've never regretted it. I worked in collections for many years and have my own 'shorthand' learned from years of typing notes about conversations and agreements keeping things brief and short. Sort of like what kids use to text message these days - no vowels. Sets of letters 'defined' as a phrase. It works.
We will eventually be taking the laptop to the Geek Squad to see if they can repair it. I am adjusting but my right hand is 'cramping' and I'm convinced it's because my pinky is not used to being 'used' in this fashion and it is rebelling. The muscles that control that motion have not been used for this keystroke ever and it's going to take a lot of time and effort to retrain. So I have to get the left key fixed before I really 'switch'.
It's already going better 'cuz I've typed this entire post using the right pinky - never needed to 'contribute' another finger or method to using caps. Which is a marked improvement because most of the communications I've sent the past week have been all lower case - and I have to admit when I receive communications without caps I just think 'what is so hard about capitalizing when appropriate'. Now I know - maybe their left shift key died and they can't retrain their right pinky. It's a lot harder than you would think.
Tuesday, April 10, 2007
Taxi
B. drove us to Sacramento today to Arden Fair mall - a big mall worth the hour+ drive. To make it through this drive, we took the Acura, since that's the car B. is most comfortable driving. And, I took my iPod and a couple magazines to pass the time. I used my 'taxi technique' - iPod in my ears so I don't hear the conversations between J. and B. and eyes straight out the side window. I don't look forward - just out the side at the passing farms, vineyards, passing traffic, etc. B. is a good driver - he's careful, doesn't speed, uses his signal appropriately, looks over his shoulder before changing lanes. But it's not ME driving and therefore, I have 'issues' with someone else - in this case, a 16 year old - being in 'control' of the car. He does a good job, though - and I was all ready for the ride home when he decided to let J. drive so he (B.) could 'chill'. I admit I was secretly so relieved and the drive home was much, MUCH faster than the drive there - completely and totally related to my ability to just relax and enjoy the drive.
B. had a lot to 'prepare' for mentally on the drive home and I think he just needed a break. He is on his official 'first date' this evening with his friend S. J. took B. to her house to meet her parents and then he took her and her friend (visiting for the week) and B. to the movies - they were meeting another group of friends at the mall. S.' parents don't let her 'date' - but a group 'date' is OK - so that's what was arranged. B. seemed nervous about meeting her parents - he says he doesn't have good 'luck' with parents - and what he means by that is girls are always telling him they can't go out with him because their parents won't let them date. And for 16 year old girls, I think that sounds appropriate - but to a 16 year old boy, it's all about the 'parents'. I hope it goes well. J. said she seems very nice and seemed to obviously 'like' B. She seemed 'affectionate' towards him. I'm happy for him 'cuz the kid's been making himself crazy about how all of his friends have 'girlfriends' and he doesn't. So now, maybe he does. We'll see. We're entering new and uncharted waters (at least in our family) and I'm sure that like most things related to raising a teenager, we are in for some shocks, jolts, bumps, bruises and hair-pulling, gut wrenching issues. That's pretty much what everyday is lately - the joy of raising teens is in full swing here. Chaos reigns and we just try to come through each day as unscathed as possible.
I am enjoying Spring Break. I will go into the office for 1/2 day tomorrow to take care of a few things and be back home by lunch. Then off the remainder of the week - J. and the boys are going to Tulare to visit the cousins and I'll be piddling around home with the dogs. Might go up to Jackson for the morning on Friday.
We are expecting rain again tomorrow - ugh. It's been so pretty here the past week - the trees and flowers are in bloom, and the yard is greening up from the winter brown. Hopefully we'll just have the one day and then it will be back to lovely for the weekend.
B. had a lot to 'prepare' for mentally on the drive home and I think he just needed a break. He is on his official 'first date' this evening with his friend S. J. took B. to her house to meet her parents and then he took her and her friend (visiting for the week) and B. to the movies - they were meeting another group of friends at the mall. S.' parents don't let her 'date' - but a group 'date' is OK - so that's what was arranged. B. seemed nervous about meeting her parents - he says he doesn't have good 'luck' with parents - and what he means by that is girls are always telling him they can't go out with him because their parents won't let them date. And for 16 year old girls, I think that sounds appropriate - but to a 16 year old boy, it's all about the 'parents'. I hope it goes well. J. said she seems very nice and seemed to obviously 'like' B. She seemed 'affectionate' towards him. I'm happy for him 'cuz the kid's been making himself crazy about how all of his friends have 'girlfriends' and he doesn't. So now, maybe he does. We'll see. We're entering new and uncharted waters (at least in our family) and I'm sure that like most things related to raising a teenager, we are in for some shocks, jolts, bumps, bruises and hair-pulling, gut wrenching issues. That's pretty much what everyday is lately - the joy of raising teens is in full swing here. Chaos reigns and we just try to come through each day as unscathed as possible.
I am enjoying Spring Break. I will go into the office for 1/2 day tomorrow to take care of a few things and be back home by lunch. Then off the remainder of the week - J. and the boys are going to Tulare to visit the cousins and I'll be piddling around home with the dogs. Might go up to Jackson for the morning on Friday.
We are expecting rain again tomorrow - ugh. It's been so pretty here the past week - the trees and flowers are in bloom, and the yard is greening up from the winter brown. Hopefully we'll just have the one day and then it will be back to lovely for the weekend.
Monday, April 09, 2007
Break
We are all on Spring Break together - something that has NEVER happened before. On my new job, I am paid for a certain number of days per year - I don't accrue vacation time. So normal 'school breaks' (except summer break - I work summer break) I am 'off'. Spring Break days are not technically days I'm expected to work - so I took it off. And then, so did Jim. And since I'm working for the kids' school district, they are off, too. So we have the entire week off. No plans - just hanging out. Tomorrow, we're going to the Arden Fair mall in Sacramento for the day - it's a huge mall and we've never been. So we're planning to go up mid-morning and shop a bit, grab some lunch and then head home. The kids need Spring clothes and I'm in the mood for a trip to Sephora for whatever strikes my fancy.
Easter was lovely. We went to church and then to brunch. Then we fixed a great dinner - ham, cheesy mashed potatoes, green bean casserole and chocolate cake for dessert. We had sparking cider and wine - and let the kids mix a bit of our Merlot with their cider. It was a festive dinner and we enjoyed the family time and the food.
The kids have been reasonably pleasant since we've been on break and we've been making progress on things around the house. Closets have been culled, floors have been mopped. The pool cover was unpacked, scrubbed and rinsed and put on the pool to trap some heat. Flowers have been planted, weeds pulled, etc. It's been lovely to sleep in every morning (though I have been still waking up at 5:30 but then remember that I don't have to get up so I roll over and go back to sleep).
I had lunch with a friend today and then came home and took a nap - the first nap I've had this weekend.
We've been working on taxes and J. decided to go to our old accountant to get some 'advice'. Turns out we will have to file an amended return for 2005 and file for an extension for 2006 - things related to Js dad's trust need to be modified. Our accountant will do it for us but he can't get it done before taxes are due so for the 2nd year in a row, we are filing for an extension. And this year, we will be getting a refund so it will delay our getting our $$ back. Oh well. Better to have it done and wrapped up correctly.
Easter was lovely. We went to church and then to brunch. Then we fixed a great dinner - ham, cheesy mashed potatoes, green bean casserole and chocolate cake for dessert. We had sparking cider and wine - and let the kids mix a bit of our Merlot with their cider. It was a festive dinner and we enjoyed the family time and the food.
The kids have been reasonably pleasant since we've been on break and we've been making progress on things around the house. Closets have been culled, floors have been mopped. The pool cover was unpacked, scrubbed and rinsed and put on the pool to trap some heat. Flowers have been planted, weeds pulled, etc. It's been lovely to sleep in every morning (though I have been still waking up at 5:30 but then remember that I don't have to get up so I roll over and go back to sleep).
I had lunch with a friend today and then came home and took a nap - the first nap I've had this weekend.
We've been working on taxes and J. decided to go to our old accountant to get some 'advice'. Turns out we will have to file an amended return for 2005 and file for an extension for 2006 - things related to Js dad's trust need to be modified. Our accountant will do it for us but he can't get it done before taxes are due so for the 2nd year in a row, we are filing for an extension. And this year, we will be getting a refund so it will delay our getting our $$ back. Oh well. Better to have it done and wrapped up correctly.
Wednesday, April 04, 2007
Blooms
My mom always said I had a green thumb. I don't really think it's a green thumb - it's just the desire to have pretty, blooming things around me - and the willingness to plant whatever I choose and see what happens. Many things I've planted have not done well and I just replace them with other plants. So it's not really that I have a skill to grow things. I'm just too stubborn to accept failure and willing to drive to Home Depot or OSH for 'reinforcements' as needed.
When J. and I were first dating, we took a trip to our local mall. The "event" that weekend was an African Violet show. I'd always heard they were impossibly hard to grow and had never tried them. But cuttings were only a dollar a pack so we bought a couple cuttings, one plant, some soil and an instruction booklet. Those violets were the first live thing we purchased together and agreed to be responsible for as a couple. The lady who sold us the stuff said 'follow these two simple rules and they'll do great; 1) they don't like going to bed with wet roots so don't water at night and 2) water from the bottom - always put the pot in a saucer and water the 'saucer'. The plant 'sucks up' what it needs. Those cuttings flourished. At one point, we had over a dozen violets from just those starter plants. They ended up being very 'easy' to grow - just kept them inside, watered every week, fertilized monthly and viola - beautiful violets.
I bought an orchid a few years back at Target. It was around Easter when there was an end unit display with beautiful orchids in full bloom.
I immediately pictured an orchid carefully placed in my home, looking just like the Real Simple magazine cover - and it did, for about a month. Then the blossoms died. And it never bloomed again. I received another orchid as a gift and it was blooming when I received it and then didn't bloom again. Ever.
Until this past week - and 'lo and behold - BOTH orchids are blooming - a beautiful yellow and a delicate white - both in full bloom. AT THE SAME TIME - which is all the more amazing because neither has shown any indication of blooming in over 4 years. I walk by them in the kitchen and I can't believe they are in my home. I have my own 'cover shot' in my kitchen - beautiful orchids in beautiful glass pots in bloom.
Happy Spring!!
When J. and I were first dating, we took a trip to our local mall. The "event" that weekend was an African Violet show. I'd always heard they were impossibly hard to grow and had never tried them. But cuttings were only a dollar a pack so we bought a couple cuttings, one plant, some soil and an instruction booklet. Those violets were the first live thing we purchased together and agreed to be responsible for as a couple. The lady who sold us the stuff said 'follow these two simple rules and they'll do great; 1) they don't like going to bed with wet roots so don't water at night and 2) water from the bottom - always put the pot in a saucer and water the 'saucer'. The plant 'sucks up' what it needs. Those cuttings flourished. At one point, we had over a dozen violets from just those starter plants. They ended up being very 'easy' to grow - just kept them inside, watered every week, fertilized monthly and viola - beautiful violets.
I bought an orchid a few years back at Target. It was around Easter when there was an end unit display with beautiful orchids in full bloom.
I immediately pictured an orchid carefully placed in my home, looking just like the Real Simple magazine cover - and it did, for about a month. Then the blossoms died. And it never bloomed again. I received another orchid as a gift and it was blooming when I received it and then didn't bloom again. Ever.
Until this past week - and 'lo and behold - BOTH orchids are blooming - a beautiful yellow and a delicate white - both in full bloom. AT THE SAME TIME - which is all the more amazing because neither has shown any indication of blooming in over 4 years. I walk by them in the kitchen and I can't believe they are in my home. I have my own 'cover shot' in my kitchen - beautiful orchids in beautiful glass pots in bloom.
Happy Spring!!
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