Moving. One of life's stressors. J. and I both vividly recall moving out of our condo and moving to this house as several of the most exhausting days we have ever experienced in our lives....and for me, that includes having pushed two humans from my body.
H.'s move isn't at all like that. He hasn't 'packed' anything, really. He culled out his closet and dresser and will probably transport clothes (hangers and all) in garbage bags to the apartment. We could walk to his apartment, really - across a vacant field and over a fence. And even walking there along sidewalks (the long route) is pretty short.
I think it's different when you know your parents are 5 minutes away and anything you leave behind, you can pick up whenever you need to - and raid the pantry and/or do laundry at the same time!
I am making lists of things to get for them - cleaning supplies, etc.. J. says 'they don't need any of that stuff 'cuz they probably won't clean'. Um, they signed a six month lease and they paid a cleaning deposit - and they can't live like pigs. There will be a counter that needs wiping and a floor that needs sweeping at some point.
I'm also going to put down shelf paper in the kitchen cupboards and drawers - something they probably won't like (I'm using shelf paper we have on hand - it's not too 'frilly' but it's also not sports helmets and guns so that right there makes it 'girly'). I just can't not do it - it's what you do when you move into a house.
They need silverware trays, salt and pepper shakers, etc.. A Swiffer dry/wet mop to 'sweep' the floor now and then. We have an old vacuum they can have which will allow them to vacuum the carpets now and then.
J. and I went through the garage 'pantry' and put together a box of stuff - food storage bags, TP, etc.. Still a lot to shop for but trying to limit our cash out as much as possible. J.'s car has four brand new Michelin's on it and now H.'s car needs a new tire. And we are getting our sliding door replaced today. If it glides easily, it will be worth every penny - it's never been seated 'right' and it's a pain to open and close. J. and I both have shoulder/elbow issues and I think that damn door is a big part of why. So I'm hitting savings big time this month and anything we have around here to contribute to 'The Great Move of 2013' will help.
The week has been uber-busy and crazy and I come home exhausted and go up to bed just after 8. It's all I can do to watch something off my DVR (to clear it a bit) before I'm falling asleep. I'm still coughing and still have something 'off' in my ears and throat - but oh well. I feel like 'croaky/congested' may be my new norm?
H. got a letter from B. and H. let us read it - they are starting to work on their weaponry and learning to shoot really big guns. Exciting for them both 'cuz they love going to the shooting range....it was great to see B. writing to his brother.
He signed it: 'Peace, B.' . And I think that's the perfect closing from one brother to another...guys who often feud with each other over stupid things. 'Peace' is a good way to close...and to start. H. added a little note to my letter that we mailed yesterday so I'm hoping once the moving is done, we can encourage him to write a quick letter of his own back.
Well, the fire alarms at our school (in our neighborhood) are going off and I heard a fire truck....so I need to find out if anything's seriously wrong....and then get to work fixing it! My boss is at a conference this week and at 6AM yesterday, he emailed me 'any leaks?' - 'cuz every time he's gone, something happens. Gas leaks, etc. So I'm hoping this isn't 'something'.
Though at least my crisis management skills will get a workout.
Thursday, January 31, 2013
Sunday, January 27, 2013
Ahhh....The Weekend
A quiet Saturday of piddling around the house. I am working on cleaning the cabinets with orange glo! The wood soaks up the oil and everything looks clean and shiny! It's been awhile since I've done it and the wood really needed it.
In the spirit of recycling and reusing, J. cut up a gazillion of B.'s old t-shirts and made the best dusting rags on the planet! 100% soft cotton - perfect for polishing wood, granite, etc. . No lint!
I made a homemade lasagna using frozen spaghetti sauce. Added a creamy bechamel sauce with freshly grated nutmeg along with grated Parmesan. It was delicious! And then we froze 1/2 of the lasagna 'cuz it was too much for three people. And I cut back what I usually make. Cooking for two is going to be an interesting challenge - since I'm used to cooking for a virtual army, apparently.
Speaking of Army! We got a call from B. at around 4:40PMish our time. It was incredibly fast - he had 5 minutes and we think we spoke for 4 or so - but it was great to hear from him and I'll take any time over no time. He was excited to hear we've mailed some letters; also excited we've found websites with pictures and asked us to save them for him. He didn't need to worry about that 'cuz we check the website fanatically watching for new updates! I might even make some kind of scrapbook for him with pictures by week! B. also confirmed he's been sick for three weeks - but says 'I'm fine - I'm congested and coughing in the morning but most of the time, I'm fine'.
We gave thought to driving up north to look at houses but truthfully, I am still feeling off and didn't want to use energy for that. I'm pretty congested and still have something going on in my throat. I stopped taking Benadryl and the decongestants thinking that's why I feel 'murky'. But no - I just feel murky, apparently - 'cuz I feel the same. Sleeping is a challenge still and that doesn't help. Oh well.
Next weekend is H.'s big moving day! They haven't done a darn thing to get ready that I can see so it's likely going to be a very long weekend. Hoping H. remembers that his parents aren't exactly ready to schlep stuff out of a truck and up stairs. We will help - for sure - but hoping they are also recruiting other friends to assist.
It's a beautiful sunny day here - rare these days. Still chilly but manageable. I have much to do here and a couple things to take care of in my office (so easy and lucky to have my office be so close to home).
Ever since we went to the chicken and waffle place last weekend, J. has been craving a waffle. He's playing music at church today so we are going to have breakfast dinner and make waffles, eggs and bacon tonight for dinner! Yummy.
The garage is opening and my beloved is home! Happy Sunday!
In the spirit of recycling and reusing, J. cut up a gazillion of B.'s old t-shirts and made the best dusting rags on the planet! 100% soft cotton - perfect for polishing wood, granite, etc. . No lint!
I made a homemade lasagna using frozen spaghetti sauce. Added a creamy bechamel sauce with freshly grated nutmeg along with grated Parmesan. It was delicious! And then we froze 1/2 of the lasagna 'cuz it was too much for three people. And I cut back what I usually make. Cooking for two is going to be an interesting challenge - since I'm used to cooking for a virtual army, apparently.
Speaking of Army! We got a call from B. at around 4:40PMish our time. It was incredibly fast - he had 5 minutes and we think we spoke for 4 or so - but it was great to hear from him and I'll take any time over no time. He was excited to hear we've mailed some letters; also excited we've found websites with pictures and asked us to save them for him. He didn't need to worry about that 'cuz we check the website fanatically watching for new updates! I might even make some kind of scrapbook for him with pictures by week! B. also confirmed he's been sick for three weeks - but says 'I'm fine - I'm congested and coughing in the morning but most of the time, I'm fine'.
We gave thought to driving up north to look at houses but truthfully, I am still feeling off and didn't want to use energy for that. I'm pretty congested and still have something going on in my throat. I stopped taking Benadryl and the decongestants thinking that's why I feel 'murky'. But no - I just feel murky, apparently - 'cuz I feel the same. Sleeping is a challenge still and that doesn't help. Oh well.
Next weekend is H.'s big moving day! They haven't done a darn thing to get ready that I can see so it's likely going to be a very long weekend. Hoping H. remembers that his parents aren't exactly ready to schlep stuff out of a truck and up stairs. We will help - for sure - but hoping they are also recruiting other friends to assist.
It's a beautiful sunny day here - rare these days. Still chilly but manageable. I have much to do here and a couple things to take care of in my office (so easy and lucky to have my office be so close to home).
Ever since we went to the chicken and waffle place last weekend, J. has been craving a waffle. He's playing music at church today so we are going to have breakfast dinner and make waffles, eggs and bacon tonight for dinner! Yummy.
The garage is opening and my beloved is home! Happy Sunday!
Wednesday, January 23, 2013
In Abstentia
From this:
To this:
(Note: he is 22 today. We think the picture on the merry-go-round is when he was six or seven - we aren't positive....but it's handy and a favorite that had been on a computer so long, I forgot about it. He has always been so photogenic. I'm biased....). We tried to find baby pics of him and we have zillions but they aren't scanned so this will do for now.
At lunch with friends, I got a text picture from J. that he found on the Internet. My immediate reaction was 'oh, he doesn't look good' - but then I saw the gas mask in his hand and I knew he had just come out of the gas chamber...and compared to the soldiers who exit projectile vomiting, he looked really great!
And then J. texted me more info - his roster # - and I knew! We got a letter!! J. had waited to read it - but he opened it and read it to me and then of course, I read it a million times when I got home. So relieved.
It was the letter every Mom wants to get - especially from a son who just left home - that he really, really misses us; that he has a new appreciation for home and family; that he is fine and enjoying it; it is challenging but very rewarding and he is doing well. And would we please send family pics and include a pic of the dog? He misses my lattes and talking to his dad (including the political stuff!). He loves us and it's 'pretty intense' and 'made me realize how much I like having you near'. Made my heart just ache and yet fill with pure joy at the same time.
He's growing up - into such a fine person.
Happy Birthday, B.! We sure miss you and are so incredibly proud of you!
(PS - what the picture above doesn't show is that B. is leading the pack - he is out front and looks ready to run for miles vs. others behind him who don't. He worked really hard training and I think it's really paying off for him now!)
Monday, January 21, 2013
198th
We've narrowed down B.'s placement to be part of the 198th Infantry Battalion - and either A, D or E units. All this via whittling down via the website and knowing the official start date. They just finished week 1 and depending on which unit, they have done a lot - including the gas chamber, confidence challenge and other things. The E unit has virtually no pictures - which sucks - 'cuz if that's the unit he's in, there's no info on their activities. But it's only the first week - so there's still plenty of time. He won't graduate for another 12 so I can't imagine what else they'll be doing. The first week looked amazing.
The pics are what I expected - even the guys throwing up after the gas chamber didn't phase me. Nor the pics of teary-eyed young men being screamed at by a drill sergeant. It helps to at least have a glimpse of what his days are like and is also a good reminder that he is incredibly busy. The Facebook pages have posts from other families that are in the same time frame - seeking info - or some from those who've been there before. That also helps - reminders that they are incredibly tired and busy and the one hour a day they get to themselves, they are usually just too worn out.
We also saw copies of the letters that were mailed so I sure hope ours arrives this week. We know the family day and graduation days and once we have all of it in writing, we will make reservations. They caution you about reserving too far in advance - soldiers do fail to graduate at times. But we aren't too worried about that and the unrestricted, totally refundable airfare is $2K each which is ridiculous. I'd rather pay $450 each and risk that we'll have a credit to use on a different trip after paying a fee to change.
The three day weekend passed quickly. Both J. and I did WinCo stock up shops using $10 off coupons that we got in the mail! We are well stocked for a month or so. We didn't need a Costco trip since Son #1 isn't here. The 2 dozen eggs we have are lasting incredibly long - going on two weeks, I think vs. the one week they usually lasted. J. bought just one gallon of milk - even with H. here, we aren't going through it nearly as fast.
We have a wild idea - well, I had the wild idea and when I shared it with my husband, he actually thought it was worth considering...so next weekend, we are heading north to start looking for a 2nd house...a home we think we could be happy living in once I also retire. It makes sense to buy a new house now on a 'down' of the market and then eventually sell this house when we have more equity. Our ability to consider doing that is surely a blessing - and it's exciting to think of having a weekend home to enjoy as well as this house. We'll see. It can't hurt to look and it will give us an excuse to spend a day a weekend a couple times a month exploring the foothills and places north. If we wait until this house is worth selling, we will be paying $100's of thousands more for our retirement home, which doesn't make sense.
Tomorrow is a board meeting day - hard after a three day weekend to also add a late evening to the mix. Thankfully, it's only 4 days until the next weekend! And February is fast approaching and it has two three day weekends to look forward to!
Hard (very) not to hear from B. again this weekend - but it's OK. Hoping for the first letter and I already have one ready to mail right back to him.
I tried to change the channel to 60 Minutes at 6PM thinking it was Sunday! I'll be off by a day all week, probably.
The inauguration was great to see and I can't wait to see what the next four years brings!
Saturday, January 19, 2013
Parenthood
I watched some old episodes of Parenthood on my DVR last night as I let the cough syrup and Benadryl enter my blood stream. I went to bed without those meds in my system but 30 minutes of coughing my head off convinced me to just give in and take them. I need sleep.
I watched the episode that was in mid-December and had to find a song that was playing during a beautiful scene at the end of the show - and of course, you can find anything on the Internet including a website that assists viewers in identifying songs from TV shows.
The song is "Glorious" by Melissa Ethridge and I quickly purchased it on iTunes.
So now I'm sitting here crying 'cuz the last time B. was home, it was Christmas. And he would have loved this song - we often like the same things. Not always, but often.
If he were at college, I'm sure he would respond to texts. I'm sure he would call more often. It's just this time of him being unable to communicate that is killing me.
In my irrational head, I fear my relationship with him will become like my brother's was with our mom - non-existent. Every mother of sons knows it's different with them - they move on and another woman eventually (hopefully) enters and consumes their lives. I've been preparing for that as all mothers of sons do - but you are hopeful the new woman in your sons life might be a communicator so there's still hope.
I hope we hear from him this weekend. I am almost afraid to leave the house lest we miss a call - but life goes on and we have plans that we want to make happen. Heading to Walnut Creek to use a Groupon for lunch and then a trip to some of the stores there - it's a great shopping location. We have some ideas for our pantry.
There is nothing greater than your husband also agreeing that a trip to The Container Store is in order!
Time to shower and dress and head out. It's a beautiful, sunny day - crystal clear and over 50* outside!
I watched the episode that was in mid-December and had to find a song that was playing during a beautiful scene at the end of the show - and of course, you can find anything on the Internet including a website that assists viewers in identifying songs from TV shows.
The song is "Glorious" by Melissa Ethridge and I quickly purchased it on iTunes.
So now I'm sitting here crying 'cuz the last time B. was home, it was Christmas. And he would have loved this song - we often like the same things. Not always, but often.
If he were at college, I'm sure he would respond to texts. I'm sure he would call more often. It's just this time of him being unable to communicate that is killing me.
In my irrational head, I fear my relationship with him will become like my brother's was with our mom - non-existent. Every mother of sons knows it's different with them - they move on and another woman eventually (hopefully) enters and consumes their lives. I've been preparing for that as all mothers of sons do - but you are hopeful the new woman in your sons life might be a communicator so there's still hope.
I hope we hear from him this weekend. I am almost afraid to leave the house lest we miss a call - but life goes on and we have plans that we want to make happen. Heading to Walnut Creek to use a Groupon for lunch and then a trip to some of the stores there - it's a great shopping location. We have some ideas for our pantry.
There is nothing greater than your husband also agreeing that a trip to The Container Store is in order!
Time to shower and dress and head out. It's a beautiful, sunny day - crystal clear and over 50* outside!
Friday, January 18, 2013
Pony Express
On Sunday evening, our soldier son let me know 'a letter is going out tonight with all the information including my address'.
It is now Friday.
On Monday, I knew to expect nothing.
On Tuesday, I had slight hope but understood when there wasn't any mail from him.
On Wednesday, I was disappointed and grumbling about 'are they sending it west on a bike'?
On Thursday, I was disgruntled and mumbling things like 'I could have driven to Georgia and back myself'.
Today, I am worried that he doesn't know how to address an envelope - or they can't read his writing - and the letter and all the info about graduation and parent's day that was to be included are sitting in a 'dead letter' bin somewhere between here and Georgia...
And we may never hear from him again.
Argh!
We miss him.....
J. talks about how 'well, there may be a big semi truck parked in the corner of the base and when it's full, it will pull out'. I am incredulous at that...I mean really? So if I put a letter in our mailbox, the post office waits until they have a full truck to Georgia before my letter starts moving? Come on...really. That's absurd.
And J. says 'it's the Army, honey. It's not supposed to make sense'.
Great.
The week is over. We are having fried chicken and frozen peach daiquiris for dinner. I am going to enjoy more Downton Abby while my new antibiotics kick the ass of the microbes in my body. This is day 15 of what started as just a little sniffle.
It is now Friday.
On Monday, I knew to expect nothing.
On Tuesday, I had slight hope but understood when there wasn't any mail from him.
On Wednesday, I was disappointed and grumbling about 'are they sending it west on a bike'?
On Thursday, I was disgruntled and mumbling things like 'I could have driven to Georgia and back myself'.
Today, I am worried that he doesn't know how to address an envelope - or they can't read his writing - and the letter and all the info about graduation and parent's day that was to be included are sitting in a 'dead letter' bin somewhere between here and Georgia...
And we may never hear from him again.
Argh!
We miss him.....
J. talks about how 'well, there may be a big semi truck parked in the corner of the base and when it's full, it will pull out'. I am incredulous at that...I mean really? So if I put a letter in our mailbox, the post office waits until they have a full truck to Georgia before my letter starts moving? Come on...really. That's absurd.
And J. says 'it's the Army, honey. It's not supposed to make sense'.
Great.
The week is over. We are having fried chicken and frozen peach daiquiris for dinner. I am going to enjoy more Downton Abby while my new antibiotics kick the ass of the microbes in my body. This is day 15 of what started as just a little sniffle.
Thursday, January 17, 2013
Re-Do
Today dawned with me drifting off to sleep again around 4:30 and waking at 6 when the alarm went off ...and finding myself not feeling too well again. And coughing a bit more than I had the past couple days. Not good signs.
I called and made a Dr. appointment - hoping to get in sometime this morning but my doctor was in at noon today - so I took a 5:15PM appointment.
I love our Doctor. We all love him. And he confirmed that I still had a lot of congestion in my chest and given that, I could opt to get a shot....which I immediately agreed to do. A shot of an antibiotic I can't pronounce and a 10 day prescription for another (different) antibiotic. I should be feeling great after three rounds of various antibiotics so I look forward to steady improvement over the next 10 days.
There were no LVNs or RNs at the office tonight so my doctor had to give me the shot. He came in with the injection on the tray and said 'don't worry! I just refreshed my skills watching You Tube!' I cracked up. As he was injecting the thick fluid into my left hip, he was jiggling the skin quickly and constantly. When he was done, I said 'what was all the jiggling?' He explained it's something he picked up from his dentist. They 'wiggle' your cheek as they are injecting into your gums. The brain's path for pain and jiggling eventually join up - and the jiggling confuses the pain receptors, so you aren't experiencing as much of a pain response as you would without the jiggling. Those thick liquid injections hurt like the dickens! It's still aching and it's been an hour and half.
I am heading to bed shortly. First meeting at 7:30 so I absolutely have to get up before 6. I'm going to get my clothes out and ready and also get the coffee set up so it's ready right away. If I do sleep in until 6, I can still make it - I'll just have to hurry a bit.
Two prescriptions are waiting at Rite Aid and J. will get them tonight or tomorrow. I'm sure the shot will be working well and I should feel a lot better by morning. I sure hope.
It's a three day weekend and I don't want to waste it! Though I'm sure I'll sleep a lot 'cuz that's what I need.
I called and made a Dr. appointment - hoping to get in sometime this morning but my doctor was in at noon today - so I took a 5:15PM appointment.
I love our Doctor. We all love him. And he confirmed that I still had a lot of congestion in my chest and given that, I could opt to get a shot....which I immediately agreed to do. A shot of an antibiotic I can't pronounce and a 10 day prescription for another (different) antibiotic. I should be feeling great after three rounds of various antibiotics so I look forward to steady improvement over the next 10 days.
There were no LVNs or RNs at the office tonight so my doctor had to give me the shot. He came in with the injection on the tray and said 'don't worry! I just refreshed my skills watching You Tube!' I cracked up. As he was injecting the thick fluid into my left hip, he was jiggling the skin quickly and constantly. When he was done, I said 'what was all the jiggling?' He explained it's something he picked up from his dentist. They 'wiggle' your cheek as they are injecting into your gums. The brain's path for pain and jiggling eventually join up - and the jiggling confuses the pain receptors, so you aren't experiencing as much of a pain response as you would without the jiggling. Those thick liquid injections hurt like the dickens! It's still aching and it's been an hour and half.
I am heading to bed shortly. First meeting at 7:30 so I absolutely have to get up before 6. I'm going to get my clothes out and ready and also get the coffee set up so it's ready right away. If I do sleep in until 6, I can still make it - I'll just have to hurry a bit.
Two prescriptions are waiting at Rite Aid and J. will get them tonight or tomorrow. I'm sure the shot will be working well and I should feel a lot better by morning. I sure hope.
It's a three day weekend and I don't want to waste it! Though I'm sure I'll sleep a lot 'cuz that's what I need.
Tuesday, January 15, 2013
Road to....
I started a post yesterday wherein I informed everyone that by the end of work day, I was unable to talk without ending with a choky, coughy mess. Choky isn't a typo. It's also not a word - but it's accurate. It's not croaky - it is really choking - can't keep talking or even breath because suddenly, you are seized with coughing so much - from tickles that come out of nowhere So, so congested. And my throat was a mess (again). I was positive I was heading in the wrong direction and thought 'this is so not good'. But I didn't publish it - decided it was too whiny to be readable. I waited.
Yesterday passed with a whole lot of people saying 'OMG you sound HORRIBLE. Why are you here?'. And me replying 'this is a vast, huge improvement over the past few days and I am here because we have a board meeting next week and I have eight agenda items that are mine. That's a lot. Really a lot. I have tons to do'. I wasn't feverish (anymore) and yes, I did sound horrible and didn't look all that great either 'cuz with no eye makeup (there was no point - first coughing fit and it would be down my face), I sort of just look washed out. But oh well. Beauty contestant is not a job requirement.
Here we are on Tuesday and I am joyous to say that I had a reasonably decent night's sleep last night - the first one in over a week! Could be I found the right drug combination - took both a teaspoon of the wicked tasting codeine cough syrup [disguised in purple liquid - like we'll think 'Grape!' and it will taste yummy. It's so awful] and a Benadryl (just one) and slept pretty well for at least five hours straight. Then another two hours off and on. One night of actual sleep made a world of difference and while I am still congested, a little coughy and definitely still sound 'stuffy' and under the weather (and am blowing my nose like crazy), I think I am officially 'on the mend'. The Great Plague of 2013 is winding down - at least for me. So happy about that. It's been a long, long week.
I am repeating the same drug combo tonight. I have also been giving myself a break and sleeping in until 6AM (VERY late for me)...but tomorrow, I am aiming for an earlier departure so hoping I can get up at least an hour earlier. We'll see. Sleep = Recovery - so I will sleep late if the quality of sleep isn't good. Here's hoping it will be.
My boss took pity on my yesterday and said to me in a meeting (while we were on a 7 minute break) 'Hey, if you don't want to go to Sacramento with me tomorrow, I will go alone - I'll take notes' (it's a budget workshop). I said 'That would be great, thanks!' so quickly, he sort of did a little startle reaction. It could have been that I was sitting next to him during the 3 hour meeting, wheezing and trying so hard not to cough (impossible) that he decided riding anywhere with me in a closed car was unwise for HIS health. But whatever! I was glad to not have to get up uber-early and drive 1.5 hours north in the traffic and instead, spent the morning working on board prep.
I did get a lot done today - and enlisted my assistant's help on several things. The quiet (no boss!) was lovely and it was a good day.
I arrived home just in time to say Hi to a long time family friend (I met him when J. and I were dating a quarter of a century ago and J. has known him much longer than that) as he and J. headed to Modesto Gallo Center for the Arts for a concert. I am enjoying a quiet evening of no one here! It's like a mini-vacation - I love time alone. Always have!
And a double bonus - Zynga has apparently fallen off the planet and none of my games are working - so I've spent time going through work emails, clearing out things and making lists. And sending a few emails to move other stuff forward....so that feels great. An hour of effort lightened the load - or at least put the load in perspective and provided clarity - helpful. I only play a couple games lately - and I am very quick - but oh well. It's OK. Plenty to do. I do actually feel the teeniest bit of energy present - another thing lacking for over a week - so I should seize the moment!
I could unload the dishwasher.....but I'd rather play with the dog.
Yesterday passed with a whole lot of people saying 'OMG you sound HORRIBLE. Why are you here?'. And me replying 'this is a vast, huge improvement over the past few days and I am here because we have a board meeting next week and I have eight agenda items that are mine. That's a lot. Really a lot. I have tons to do'. I wasn't feverish (anymore) and yes, I did sound horrible and didn't look all that great either 'cuz with no eye makeup (there was no point - first coughing fit and it would be down my face), I sort of just look washed out. But oh well. Beauty contestant is not a job requirement.
Here we are on Tuesday and I am joyous to say that I had a reasonably decent night's sleep last night - the first one in over a week! Could be I found the right drug combination - took both a teaspoon of the wicked tasting codeine cough syrup [disguised in purple liquid - like we'll think 'Grape!' and it will taste yummy. It's so awful] and a Benadryl (just one) and slept pretty well for at least five hours straight. Then another two hours off and on. One night of actual sleep made a world of difference and while I am still congested, a little coughy and definitely still sound 'stuffy' and under the weather (and am blowing my nose like crazy), I think I am officially 'on the mend'. The Great Plague of 2013 is winding down - at least for me. So happy about that. It's been a long, long week.
I am repeating the same drug combo tonight. I have also been giving myself a break and sleeping in until 6AM (VERY late for me)...but tomorrow, I am aiming for an earlier departure so hoping I can get up at least an hour earlier. We'll see. Sleep = Recovery - so I will sleep late if the quality of sleep isn't good. Here's hoping it will be.
My boss took pity on my yesterday and said to me in a meeting (while we were on a 7 minute break) 'Hey, if you don't want to go to Sacramento with me tomorrow, I will go alone - I'll take notes' (it's a budget workshop). I said 'That would be great, thanks!' so quickly, he sort of did a little startle reaction. It could have been that I was sitting next to him during the 3 hour meeting, wheezing and trying so hard not to cough (impossible) that he decided riding anywhere with me in a closed car was unwise for HIS health. But whatever! I was glad to not have to get up uber-early and drive 1.5 hours north in the traffic and instead, spent the morning working on board prep.
I did get a lot done today - and enlisted my assistant's help on several things. The quiet (no boss!) was lovely and it was a good day.
I arrived home just in time to say Hi to a long time family friend (I met him when J. and I were dating a quarter of a century ago and J. has known him much longer than that) as he and J. headed to Modesto Gallo Center for the Arts for a concert. I am enjoying a quiet evening of no one here! It's like a mini-vacation - I love time alone. Always have!
And a double bonus - Zynga has apparently fallen off the planet and none of my games are working - so I've spent time going through work emails, clearing out things and making lists. And sending a few emails to move other stuff forward....so that feels great. An hour of effort lightened the load - or at least put the load in perspective and provided clarity - helpful. I only play a couple games lately - and I am very quick - but oh well. It's OK. Plenty to do. I do actually feel the teeniest bit of energy present - another thing lacking for over a week - so I should seize the moment!
I could unload the dishwasher.....but I'd rather play with the dog.
Sunday, January 13, 2013
60 Seconds
Having spent four days in my PJ's - except for the hour or so I dressed to get to the doctor on Friday - I can say it's been the laziest of weekends. I feel better - still not great - but better and plan to work tomorrow. There were moments in the past few days - especially yesterday when I got chills and fever in the afternoon and started to be convinced I had pneumonia - where I thought I would be ill forever. Isn't that how it is? We so rarely appreciate our bodies and our health when we feel fine. We start to have vague appreciation of how important it is to not have aches and pains. But when you end up flat on your back sick as you can be, you really start to focus on all the 'what if's' of living and you sure get to the stage of 'if I ever feel better again, I promise [insert hollow promises here].
I fear going to work tomorrow - because if I start coughing, I have a hard time stopping. But oh well. I will just get up and leave meetings if needed.
Another milestone occurred this evening as J. accompanied H. and his friend J. to the apartment complex nearby to officially apply for a 2 bedroom, 2 bath apartment. It's bigger than they need - they could live with just one bathroom - but it's what's available and what they are (we hope) budgeting for. It's looking like they will be moving at the end of the month - and it happened quickly. I'm looking forward to doing all the things parents do when their kids set out on their own. My mom took me shopping when she visited my first apartment - she stocked me up on spices and cleaning supplies, toiletries, food, toaster, can opener, coffee pot, etc. Sure, they will already have a lot of that from hand-me-downs from us and other friends/family. But it will be fun to take them on a shopping trip and help them get started. They know that to afford this unit, they will be living on Top Ramen, Easy Mac, peanut butter and chocolate milk. Their budgets will be very tight but they are determined to do it and have talked a lot about keeping each other on budget. "Splurging" on a $5 Little Caesar pizza now and then.
I can't wait for a big box of granola bars to somehow mistakenly make it into our Costco cart to later find a home with two hungry young men. Same with extra milk, fresh fruit, hamburgers now and then, etc. . I told H. 'if you don't visit your Mama, you don't get spoiled rotten' and he said 'Mom, I'm moving just down the way - I'm still here and will still be around all the time'. I hope so.
As I convalesced, I missed B. even more - and wondered if/when we would ever hear from him again. And of course, he called when J. was out with H. . It was truly 60 seconds of a 'conversation' - if that. It might have even been less. It wasn't 'satisfying' in any way - 'Hi Mom. I am at Ft. Benning and I am fine'. When I asked for his address, he said 'a letter is going out tonight with all the info on Family Day, graduation and my address'. I asked if he was OK and liking it and he said 'I am doing fine and like it'. It was sort of like talking to a robot - maybe that's what a soldier is? I knew/felt that someone was clearly standing right there (though he was calling from his cell phone - thanks to caller ID I knew it was him 'cuz I don't usually answer the phone if I don't know the number)...and someone probably was. So now we wait for the letter so we can write him. And then pray he writes back 'cuz no information and long gaps in between are going to kill me. It's worse than his trip to Europe - which I knew was temporary and I knew he wouldn't be in touch much during those few weeks. But this 'not knowing' and hoping all the time only to be disappointed every night at 6PM (their curfew is 9PM EST) when another day has passed without hearing from him is really hard. Not just for me - but for J. too.
Time to head up to bed for sleep (hopefully - it's still a crap shoot on what the sleep vs. coughing ratio will be nightly). Then a long, long work day.....
I fear going to work tomorrow - because if I start coughing, I have a hard time stopping. But oh well. I will just get up and leave meetings if needed.
Another milestone occurred this evening as J. accompanied H. and his friend J. to the apartment complex nearby to officially apply for a 2 bedroom, 2 bath apartment. It's bigger than they need - they could live with just one bathroom - but it's what's available and what they are (we hope) budgeting for. It's looking like they will be moving at the end of the month - and it happened quickly. I'm looking forward to doing all the things parents do when their kids set out on their own. My mom took me shopping when she visited my first apartment - she stocked me up on spices and cleaning supplies, toiletries, food, toaster, can opener, coffee pot, etc. Sure, they will already have a lot of that from hand-me-downs from us and other friends/family. But it will be fun to take them on a shopping trip and help them get started. They know that to afford this unit, they will be living on Top Ramen, Easy Mac, peanut butter and chocolate milk. Their budgets will be very tight but they are determined to do it and have talked a lot about keeping each other on budget. "Splurging" on a $5 Little Caesar pizza now and then.
I can't wait for a big box of granola bars to somehow mistakenly make it into our Costco cart to later find a home with two hungry young men. Same with extra milk, fresh fruit, hamburgers now and then, etc. . I told H. 'if you don't visit your Mama, you don't get spoiled rotten' and he said 'Mom, I'm moving just down the way - I'm still here and will still be around all the time'. I hope so.
As I convalesced, I missed B. even more - and wondered if/when we would ever hear from him again. And of course, he called when J. was out with H. . It was truly 60 seconds of a 'conversation' - if that. It might have even been less. It wasn't 'satisfying' in any way - 'Hi Mom. I am at Ft. Benning and I am fine'. When I asked for his address, he said 'a letter is going out tonight with all the info on Family Day, graduation and my address'. I asked if he was OK and liking it and he said 'I am doing fine and like it'. It was sort of like talking to a robot - maybe that's what a soldier is? I knew/felt that someone was clearly standing right there (though he was calling from his cell phone - thanks to caller ID I knew it was him 'cuz I don't usually answer the phone if I don't know the number)...and someone probably was. So now we wait for the letter so we can write him. And then pray he writes back 'cuz no information and long gaps in between are going to kill me. It's worse than his trip to Europe - which I knew was temporary and I knew he wouldn't be in touch much during those few weeks. But this 'not knowing' and hoping all the time only to be disappointed every night at 6PM (their curfew is 9PM EST) when another day has passed without hearing from him is really hard. Not just for me - but for J. too.
Time to head up to bed for sleep (hopefully - it's still a crap shoot on what the sleep vs. coughing ratio will be nightly). Then a long, long work day.....
Friday, January 11, 2013
Silence is.....
Well, it's just silent.
Majah's going 'dark' this weekend - today's visit to the Dr. confirmed bronchitis, laryngitis, likely sinus infection - and it all probably started with 'the flu'. I think it's important to keep saying to anyone who will listen: I have not been running a fever. Maybe 99 - that's it. No fever. But holy crap - I am sick. Antibiotics, an inhaler and codeine cough syrup are at the ready for what I can only say will likely be another long, long night. Sleep? What's that? I sleep in bursts of minutes - followed by hours of just laying there in the silence willing myself not to cough. It's harder than it sounds when your body is telling you to cough with every breath. The doctor made me feel a little better re: the lack of flu shot 'cuz he said 'it might not have helped - this year's vaccine missed one entire strain of what's out there - and we are seeing a lot of really sick people who got shots'. So take that, flu vaccine.
That being said, it's already on my calendar for next October to GET ONE - no excuses.
I was home yesterday and today - two days out of the office that I can't afford. Those two days were my 'lighter' meetings days - and they are gone. I want to/need to work this weekend but I'm not sure that will be physically possible - so next week is really going to be something.
My boss volunteered to assist me in providing food for a potluck my department hosted today - and I couldn't thank him enough. Not that J. couldn't have/wouldn't have done a bang up job - but the last evening, the thought of 'directing' the preparation of a multi-step soup was just more than I could handle. So my boss stepped in and volunteered - when I saw his email, I texted him and said 'I hope you mean it 'cuz I need help'...and of course, he said he did - so he made soup for today.
Sounds like I missed a really fun luncheon and I'm sorry to have missed it.
I love having the iPad which provide hours of entertainment in the comfort of my bed. I've been watching Downton Abbey - having heard a lot about it, I was curious - and it is terrific. Really enjoying it!
Tonight, I hope the meds will assist in getting a little better quality sleep - and I'm hoping 24 hours on antibiotics will have me feeling much better by mid-to-late afternoon tomorrow. I sure hope so.
Majah's going 'dark' this weekend - today's visit to the Dr. confirmed bronchitis, laryngitis, likely sinus infection - and it all probably started with 'the flu'. I think it's important to keep saying to anyone who will listen: I have not been running a fever. Maybe 99 - that's it. No fever. But holy crap - I am sick. Antibiotics, an inhaler and codeine cough syrup are at the ready for what I can only say will likely be another long, long night. Sleep? What's that? I sleep in bursts of minutes - followed by hours of just laying there in the silence willing myself not to cough. It's harder than it sounds when your body is telling you to cough with every breath. The doctor made me feel a little better re: the lack of flu shot 'cuz he said 'it might not have helped - this year's vaccine missed one entire strain of what's out there - and we are seeing a lot of really sick people who got shots'. So take that, flu vaccine.
That being said, it's already on my calendar for next October to GET ONE - no excuses.
I was home yesterday and today - two days out of the office that I can't afford. Those two days were my 'lighter' meetings days - and they are gone. I want to/need to work this weekend but I'm not sure that will be physically possible - so next week is really going to be something.
My boss volunteered to assist me in providing food for a potluck my department hosted today - and I couldn't thank him enough. Not that J. couldn't have/wouldn't have done a bang up job - but the last evening, the thought of 'directing' the preparation of a multi-step soup was just more than I could handle. So my boss stepped in and volunteered - when I saw his email, I texted him and said 'I hope you mean it 'cuz I need help'...and of course, he said he did - so he made soup for today.
Sounds like I missed a really fun luncheon and I'm sorry to have missed it.
I love having the iPad which provide hours of entertainment in the comfort of my bed. I've been watching Downton Abbey - having heard a lot about it, I was curious - and it is terrific. Really enjoying it!
Tonight, I hope the meds will assist in getting a little better quality sleep - and I'm hoping 24 hours on antibiotics will have me feeling much better by mid-to-late afternoon tomorrow. I sure hope so.
Wednesday, January 09, 2013
Sickie-Poo
I cavalierly didn't get a flu shot this year - I ALWAYS get a flu shot but for reasons that escape me at the moment, I didn't take the time to do it this year. Stupid Majah. So, so stupid.
I am siiickkkkk.......coughing up a storm. Throat really sore. Achy head. I managed to make it through the day and assured everyone I will be in tomorrow - and I will! But it's 6:30PM and I am heading to bed very soon. I hope I sleep -
J. is a Hall's cough drop zealot. He would eat them like candy - all the time. For the close to 23 years we've been married, I refuse to ingest them. They are just too, too strong. Or they were...until today....turns out when you are hugely congested and coughing so much you are sure your head is going to come off your neck, Hall's work like a miracle. Really. When you are really congested, they aren't strong at all - they are perfect. So that's a good thing to know - use Hall's when you think you are dying. And you won't!
Here is another difference between me and my beloved. The Dreamliner Boeing 787 is in the news 'cuz in the last three days, three separate jets have had: an electrical fire, a fuel leak and brake problems. J. says 'well, it's a new plane - they're just getting the bugs out'. I say 'I think a plane with that many incidents of issues needs to be grounded. Period'. That is the significant, key difference between us: I will fly reluctantly and think a plane should be fully vetted with NO passengers on board while J. would see it as the adventure of a lifetime to be on a plane with issues and would most certainly offer his help. He was a pilot - not of jetliners - but he understands the physics of flight. He would love nothing more than to be on board a brand new plane when it has issues. I don't think passengers should be subjected to that...ever.
There are too many bugs to risk flying those mammoth jets anywhere....
My bug (the one infecting my being) is heading upstairs for the night.
I am siiickkkkk.......coughing up a storm. Throat really sore. Achy head. I managed to make it through the day and assured everyone I will be in tomorrow - and I will! But it's 6:30PM and I am heading to bed very soon. I hope I sleep -
J. is a Hall's cough drop zealot. He would eat them like candy - all the time. For the close to 23 years we've been married, I refuse to ingest them. They are just too, too strong. Or they were...until today....turns out when you are hugely congested and coughing so much you are sure your head is going to come off your neck, Hall's work like a miracle. Really. When you are really congested, they aren't strong at all - they are perfect. So that's a good thing to know - use Hall's when you think you are dying. And you won't!
Here is another difference between me and my beloved. The Dreamliner Boeing 787 is in the news 'cuz in the last three days, three separate jets have had: an electrical fire, a fuel leak and brake problems. J. says 'well, it's a new plane - they're just getting the bugs out'. I say 'I think a plane with that many incidents of issues needs to be grounded. Period'. That is the significant, key difference between us: I will fly reluctantly and think a plane should be fully vetted with NO passengers on board while J. would see it as the adventure of a lifetime to be on a plane with issues and would most certainly offer his help. He was a pilot - not of jetliners - but he understands the physics of flight. He would love nothing more than to be on board a brand new plane when it has issues. I don't think passengers should be subjected to that...ever.
There are too many bugs to risk flying those mammoth jets anywhere....
My bug (the one infecting my being) is heading upstairs for the night.
Tuesday, January 08, 2013
Enough Said
This is good advice (to/for me). I am going to follow it religiously in the upcoming weeks.
For tonight, I am taking my cold-ridden, croaky self to bed early -
Sunday, January 06, 2013
Down One
Without much fanfare, I started 2013 making a personal commitment to some things that could be construed as 'resolutions'. I don't want to call them that, though...'cuz this blog is living proof that most resolutions didn't pan out all that well.
I am drastically cutting back on my Facebook time - still checking in on a few games that I enjoy - but doing that morning and night, quickly, expediently and then moving on. I love chatting with friends and family and won't give that up - ever. I just don't want to spend time during my days off sitting here doing nothing - so I'm working hard on keeping busy. I have a notepad here next to me and I jot down things I think of that need doing throughout the day - and I make the same effort to cross what I can off the list each day. When I take Chloe out, I try to find a bush or shrub that needs pruning or something that needs doing - and I do it. Admittedly, this is a small change - but for me, it's a big step to keep a running list of things I want to accomplish and work towards accomplishing them.
It's like not quite 22 years of being responsible for another person who is now out on his own has opened up brain cells and motivation nooks and crannies that have been occupied until now.
I spent last evening working on B.'s room! Never more grateful for the power of 409! And my Dyson vac. Cleaned the surfaces of desks and tables - and then worked on vacuuming the floors near the baseboards. Very, very dusty - confirmation that the cleaning crew didn't do a lot in that room 'cuz prior to B.'s departure, they could barely get into the room. It is neat and tidy and now we work on the deep cleaning the room has needed for a really long time.
On Friday night, I worked on the guest room a lot, too....getting stuff bagged for Goodwill. Could have beaten myself up about not doing this in time for 2012 donations but didn't go there - just kept plowing through and figured this will help our 2013 tax bill. Old purses...panty hose! Remember those? Shoes...all kinds of 'stuff'. I actually headed up to bed very early - but then got busy on culling stuff which was a great accomplishment for a Friday night!
We heard from B. via texts yesterday - he confirmed he got some phone time and used it to talk to friends - and I was glad he did that 'cuz I think he's missing folks. He said he is seeing a lot of the 'funny stuff' he's heard about happen right before his eyes - and he misses my lattes. Hopefully he's getting some sleep. Basic Training officially starts next Friday - so I guess they keep them busy with other things between now and then.
I have The Weather Channel on my computer so I can check the weather at Ft. Benning daily - a small thing to make me feel like I know how is day is going.
I plan to head home daily at 4PM so that if he calls, I will hopefully be here for the call.
Time to head upstairs to get dressed and officially ready for a busy day. Son #2 just asked to go shopping! He needs more pants and likes the Levi's we just bought for him...so perhaps we will head to the big mall in Pleasanton and that will be a great reason to use the Cheesecake Factory gift card and have dinner there! An early dinner - 'cuz tomorrow is officially the first day I MUST wake up by 5AM. To accommodate leaving by 4PM everyday, I moved my meeting schedule to start at 7AM - more than 1/2 of my direct reports start their days by then - so that's the price I pay for an 'early' departure.
When he calls, it will be worth it. We miss him....
I am drastically cutting back on my Facebook time - still checking in on a few games that I enjoy - but doing that morning and night, quickly, expediently and then moving on. I love chatting with friends and family and won't give that up - ever. I just don't want to spend time during my days off sitting here doing nothing - so I'm working hard on keeping busy. I have a notepad here next to me and I jot down things I think of that need doing throughout the day - and I make the same effort to cross what I can off the list each day. When I take Chloe out, I try to find a bush or shrub that needs pruning or something that needs doing - and I do it. Admittedly, this is a small change - but for me, it's a big step to keep a running list of things I want to accomplish and work towards accomplishing them.
It's like not quite 22 years of being responsible for another person who is now out on his own has opened up brain cells and motivation nooks and crannies that have been occupied until now.
I spent last evening working on B.'s room! Never more grateful for the power of 409! And my Dyson vac. Cleaned the surfaces of desks and tables - and then worked on vacuuming the floors near the baseboards. Very, very dusty - confirmation that the cleaning crew didn't do a lot in that room 'cuz prior to B.'s departure, they could barely get into the room. It is neat and tidy and now we work on the deep cleaning the room has needed for a really long time.
On Friday night, I worked on the guest room a lot, too....getting stuff bagged for Goodwill. Could have beaten myself up about not doing this in time for 2012 donations but didn't go there - just kept plowing through and figured this will help our 2013 tax bill. Old purses...panty hose! Remember those? Shoes...all kinds of 'stuff'. I actually headed up to bed very early - but then got busy on culling stuff which was a great accomplishment for a Friday night!
We heard from B. via texts yesterday - he confirmed he got some phone time and used it to talk to friends - and I was glad he did that 'cuz I think he's missing folks. He said he is seeing a lot of the 'funny stuff' he's heard about happen right before his eyes - and he misses my lattes. Hopefully he's getting some sleep. Basic Training officially starts next Friday - so I guess they keep them busy with other things between now and then.
I have The Weather Channel on my computer so I can check the weather at Ft. Benning daily - a small thing to make me feel like I know how is day is going.
I plan to head home daily at 4PM so that if he calls, I will hopefully be here for the call.
Time to head upstairs to get dressed and officially ready for a busy day. Son #2 just asked to go shopping! He needs more pants and likes the Levi's we just bought for him...so perhaps we will head to the big mall in Pleasanton and that will be a great reason to use the Cheesecake Factory gift card and have dinner there! An early dinner - 'cuz tomorrow is officially the first day I MUST wake up by 5AM. To accommodate leaving by 4PM everyday, I moved my meeting schedule to start at 7AM - more than 1/2 of my direct reports start their days by then - so that's the price I pay for an 'early' departure.
When he calls, it will be worth it. We miss him....
Friday, January 04, 2013
First Day Back
I survived a short-ish day at work - attempting to undig my desk; prioritize projects; get things ready for Monday. My issue is memory - hard to recall where I left off. But little by little, it comes back. The few times I've been away for an extended break, I think upon returning 'I can't be gone this long - it's too hard to remember all of it when I come back' - but it was lovely to be away and it will all come back to me.
The perfect end to a hard week and the perfect beginning to a weekend was a brief call from B. - they were given a couple minutes on their cell phones. SO GLAD he took his phone with him! He sounds very tired - but that is to be expected. They arrived at the base around 11PM and spent 8 hours in 'processing' - sitting around, waiting for things. Then breakfast and getting their day started. He is tired but will get some sleep tonight, though he has to patrol the barracks at intervals so it will be broken sleep.
He said it's a 'huge shock' but then quickly confirmed he is doing fine, feels good about it and is 'proud' to be there....so relieved to know he is OK. And I think the 'shock' is to be expected. A lot of change in a very condensed time frame. He said a couple times 'I miss you guys'...and we miss him, too.
This weekend, we plan to enjoy a lunch or dinner at The Cheesecake Factory. We have made great progress on organizational things that I want to keep working on - while my motivation is strong. I plan to work at least a part of a day to continue starting to get things ready to delegate out on Monday. I filled up my assistant's 'in' box (she doesn't work on Fridays) and have more ready to talk through with her. A couple meetings scheduled to delegate additional items and before I know it, I'll be powering through the huge list of 'must-do's' that litter my desk.
This week has been emotionally draining - and I'm easing into the weekend with a glass of red wine....which is lovely. I am proud of B. - and know this is what he wanted. We miss him a lot but we know he's OK. He will be fine -
I appreciate so much how my wonderful husband has my computer powered up; gets me wine when he confirms I'm interested; fixes dinner. I love having him home!
The perfect end to a hard week and the perfect beginning to a weekend was a brief call from B. - they were given a couple minutes on their cell phones. SO GLAD he took his phone with him! He sounds very tired - but that is to be expected. They arrived at the base around 11PM and spent 8 hours in 'processing' - sitting around, waiting for things. Then breakfast and getting their day started. He is tired but will get some sleep tonight, though he has to patrol the barracks at intervals so it will be broken sleep.
He said it's a 'huge shock' but then quickly confirmed he is doing fine, feels good about it and is 'proud' to be there....so relieved to know he is OK. And I think the 'shock' is to be expected. A lot of change in a very condensed time frame. He said a couple times 'I miss you guys'...and we miss him, too.
This weekend, we plan to enjoy a lunch or dinner at The Cheesecake Factory. We have made great progress on organizational things that I want to keep working on - while my motivation is strong. I plan to work at least a part of a day to continue starting to get things ready to delegate out on Monday. I filled up my assistant's 'in' box (she doesn't work on Fridays) and have more ready to talk through with her. A couple meetings scheduled to delegate additional items and before I know it, I'll be powering through the huge list of 'must-do's' that litter my desk.
This week has been emotionally draining - and I'm easing into the weekend with a glass of red wine....which is lovely. I am proud of B. - and know this is what he wanted. We miss him a lot but we know he's OK. He will be fine -
I appreciate so much how my wonderful husband has my computer powered up; gets me wine when he confirms I'm interested; fixes dinner. I love having him home!
Thursday, January 03, 2013
Last Winter Break Day
I am designating this the last official day of Winter Break, 2012 - tomorrow, I plan to be up at my usual un-Godly early morning time and head in for a day of fun and merriment. It will be easier to 'ease in' without making a Monday the first day of transition. No one is expecting me back and while I won't be exactly able to 'hide', I will have a full day of no meetings - time to dig in and get stuff ready for my assistant - next week will kick off one of the busiest couple months in my history there. Crazy busy with more projects in process than ever. My juggling skills are really going to be tested. I feel ready!
In exchange, I am leaving today as a non-work day - spending the morning tidying things. We cleaned out the refrigerator as much as we can. We have items purchased for creating two meals that will likely end up in the freezer - but feel proud that we actually have room in the freezer for those meals to be stored. Back to planning meals; freezing leftovers for another night; living off the land as much as possible. We have 10 more months of severance and then it's
The cleaning crew arrives sometime today but we are not exactly sure when - they're usual day was New Years Day so they are catching up for us and others. They'll be here when they get here.
I have been watching B.'s flight cross over to Texas and they are now officially in their descent to DFW. We aren't sure which Atlanta flight he's on - so we will track the two that we think he's on. He will have a very long day because it's a 3 hour drive from the airport to Ft. Benning and his flight doesn't get to Atlanta until 6PM (earliest) or 8PM (latest). Welcome to the Army! where you will be perpetually exhausted for the next few weeks. For sure!
I found my old poetry file in the file drawers near my desk and decided it was time to let it go - so I shredded much of it. It wasn't that it was bad poetry - but it was written in my late teens, early 20's - and no one needs that much evidence of that much angst lying around in perpetuity. It's been stored in the file cabinet to the right of my desk and since I am now dutifully filing monthly bills, correspondence, etc. (it's the new me!), I need the space in that drawer. Reliving those tumultuous, emotional times felt somehow familiar - sort of like the past week or so, I guess. Only thankfully with three decades of life experience to buoy me up a bit more easily than when I was 20. Time is a wonderful gift - to learn how to work through all the crap life throws our way....and to learn to cherish and appreciate all the joy thrown our way, too. Those skills didn't exist much in that poetry...and it was a good reminder for me of considering the inability to process a lot is typical in young adults...I need to remember that. I stopped myself from reading it all - just piled it in the shredder and watched it be chopped to bits. Liberating!
Not sure what I will do to fill the afternoon hours - possibly a movie? Maybe a trek to the 'big mall' in Pleasanton? Not that there's anything truly urgent to shop for - though wandering through Sephora is always fun and I did get a sample of a new makeup that I truly LOVE. I am scraping the leavings out of the sample tube and would love to have a new bottle to start with tomorrow.
It's going to take some pretty amazing makeup artistry to fake joy at returning to work. It's been a great not quite three week break....and it's time to get 2013 moving!
Plane just landed @ DFW....and thankfully, the next flight is only 4 gates away in the same terminal. Thankful that B. and his 'team' won't have to navigate DFW 'cuz it can be pretty darn complicated.
In exchange, I am leaving today as a non-work day - spending the morning tidying things. We cleaned out the refrigerator as much as we can. We have items purchased for creating two meals that will likely end up in the freezer - but feel proud that we actually have room in the freezer for those meals to be stored. Back to planning meals; freezing leftovers for another night; living off the land as much as possible. We have 10 more months of severance and then it's
The cleaning crew arrives sometime today but we are not exactly sure when - they're usual day was New Years Day so they are catching up for us and others. They'll be here when they get here.
I have been watching B.'s flight cross over to Texas and they are now officially in their descent to DFW. We aren't sure which Atlanta flight he's on - so we will track the two that we think he's on. He will have a very long day because it's a 3 hour drive from the airport to Ft. Benning and his flight doesn't get to Atlanta until 6PM (earliest) or 8PM (latest). Welcome to the Army! where you will be perpetually exhausted for the next few weeks. For sure!
I found my old poetry file in the file drawers near my desk and decided it was time to let it go - so I shredded much of it. It wasn't that it was bad poetry - but it was written in my late teens, early 20's - and no one needs that much evidence of that much angst lying around in perpetuity. It's been stored in the file cabinet to the right of my desk and since I am now dutifully filing monthly bills, correspondence, etc. (it's the new me!), I need the space in that drawer. Reliving those tumultuous, emotional times felt somehow familiar - sort of like the past week or so, I guess. Only thankfully with three decades of life experience to buoy me up a bit more easily than when I was 20. Time is a wonderful gift - to learn how to work through all the crap life throws our way....and to learn to cherish and appreciate all the joy thrown our way, too. Those skills didn't exist much in that poetry...and it was a good reminder for me of considering the inability to process a lot is typical in young adults...I need to remember that. I stopped myself from reading it all - just piled it in the shredder and watched it be chopped to bits. Liberating!
Not sure what I will do to fill the afternoon hours - possibly a movie? Maybe a trek to the 'big mall' in Pleasanton? Not that there's anything truly urgent to shop for - though wandering through Sephora is always fun and I did get a sample of a new makeup that I truly LOVE. I am scraping the leavings out of the sample tube and would love to have a new bottle to start with tomorrow.
It's going to take some pretty amazing makeup artistry to fake joy at returning to work. It's been a great not quite three week break....and it's time to get 2013 moving!
Plane just landed @ DFW....and thankfully, the next flight is only 4 gates away in the same terminal. Thankful that B. and his 'team' won't have to navigate DFW 'cuz it can be pretty darn complicated.
Wednesday, January 02, 2013
Dinner
We had dinner with B. in San Jose this evening. They spent the day going to Moffitt Airbase for their medical exam, signing their 'official' contract, etc. . He texted us to ask about coming for dinner - requesting In & Out (he couldn't leave the hotel they were staying in) and asked J. to bring some extra shirts, a pair of gym shorts, extra underwear and socks - so he could work out tonight and still have clean clothes for the trip tomorrow.
We were still planning to go to the airport tomorrow - but it's a 2 hour drive in morning commute traffic - and he has to be at the airport at 6AM. He also asked us to consider not coming - because he's a bit older than many of the new recruits and is coming in at a slightly higher 'rank' - so he's automatically probably going to be assigned a 'group' to be in charge of tomorrow morning and he'd like to 'just have to deal with that'.
So tonight we said the last goodbye for 12-14 weeks - and I really, truly was glad it was the last. I don't think my heart could handle another long goodbye tomorrow at the airport. All this emotion in a condensed time period has me exhausted.
That - and I got up at 5:45 this morning to be 'ready' to go in case he called - and to test the waters of early morning rising after 20 plus days of 8-10 hours of blissful sleep each night. This morning sucked....I made espresso for the first time in a couple weeks just to give myself a jump start. It didn't work all that well - so getting up uber-early tomorrow to leave the house by 4 to get there on time would be really hard....
I am planning to be off most of tomorrow - possibly working in the afternoon as a way to have a place to go while the housekeepers are here. I really should work - but with every ounce of my being, I don't want to....
But I have to -
B. seems very excited about it all - and that really helps send him off. It also helped a bit that he was tired and cranky - making the goodbye easier than yesterday.
I grocery shopped today and filled up my car.
It's been a wonderful break - and sending off one of the children is certainly hard. It is very different sending him far, far away to a career that truly may someday put his life in danger. Intentionally. He is making this choice to serve intentionally.
When H. leaves, it will be another milestone and that will be hard, too - but he will be here in town. He'll still come for Sunday dinner and other dinners and to raid the pantry or the fridge. He will come and do laundry and help out with stuff we need help with. He will text us regularly and call often...no restrictions on when he can and when he can't do those things.
B. won't do any of those things for a long, long time. Who knows where he will end up. And when. He promises he will write - but who knows? He has a long list of people he intends to write to and it's hard for me to think he will put 'parents' at the top of that list. But you never know. He was already pining away for Chloe like crazy - yet admonishing us to not send him pics of her lest he be teased unmercifully. He asked what we would be sending him for his birthday - hinting he wants an iPad. THAT is not happening. No way. And the day before he was just stressing how he wanted NOTHING to be sent - not a single thing - not even a card - 'cuz he doesn't want to be hazed or teased when it's his birthday. He's a murky mess of conflicting emotions....and we won't be in town and nearby to help him sort stuff out. He's truly on his own.
It's different with him. It's much different. We've known this was coming for a long time - so we are 'ready'. As ready as we can be, anyway....
For now, I am incredibly tired after the first really long day I've had in close to three weeks...and I'm heading up to my last night of sleeping in with wild abandon! Tomorrow, it will be a low key morning and then lunch with a co-worker followed by easing into work for a 1/2 day. I truly did not work much at all (for me) over the break - and that was wonderful and I needed it. But reality looms large and there is much to do.
It's a new year and I feel motivated. J. is making great progress on things and I find myself pitching in and doing what I can. I head outside and work in the yard a bit - it's not a lot but it's something. I figure doing things as I can, when I can - even small things done consistently - will help.
God speed, B. . Be safe and happy and respectful. Remember who you are.... We love you very much and are so, so proud of you. You are amazing! And you are going to do great things -
We were still planning to go to the airport tomorrow - but it's a 2 hour drive in morning commute traffic - and he has to be at the airport at 6AM. He also asked us to consider not coming - because he's a bit older than many of the new recruits and is coming in at a slightly higher 'rank' - so he's automatically probably going to be assigned a 'group' to be in charge of tomorrow morning and he'd like to 'just have to deal with that'.
So tonight we said the last goodbye for 12-14 weeks - and I really, truly was glad it was the last. I don't think my heart could handle another long goodbye tomorrow at the airport. All this emotion in a condensed time period has me exhausted.
That - and I got up at 5:45 this morning to be 'ready' to go in case he called - and to test the waters of early morning rising after 20 plus days of 8-10 hours of blissful sleep each night. This morning sucked....I made espresso for the first time in a couple weeks just to give myself a jump start. It didn't work all that well - so getting up uber-early tomorrow to leave the house by 4 to get there on time would be really hard....
I am planning to be off most of tomorrow - possibly working in the afternoon as a way to have a place to go while the housekeepers are here. I really should work - but with every ounce of my being, I don't want to....
But I have to -
B. seems very excited about it all - and that really helps send him off. It also helped a bit that he was tired and cranky - making the goodbye easier than yesterday.
I grocery shopped today and filled up my car.
It's been a wonderful break - and sending off one of the children is certainly hard. It is very different sending him far, far away to a career that truly may someday put his life in danger. Intentionally. He is making this choice to serve intentionally.
When H. leaves, it will be another milestone and that will be hard, too - but he will be here in town. He'll still come for Sunday dinner and other dinners and to raid the pantry or the fridge. He will come and do laundry and help out with stuff we need help with. He will text us regularly and call often...no restrictions on when he can and when he can't do those things.
B. won't do any of those things for a long, long time. Who knows where he will end up. And when. He promises he will write - but who knows? He has a long list of people he intends to write to and it's hard for me to think he will put 'parents' at the top of that list. But you never know. He was already pining away for Chloe like crazy - yet admonishing us to not send him pics of her lest he be teased unmercifully. He asked what we would be sending him for his birthday - hinting he wants an iPad. THAT is not happening. No way. And the day before he was just stressing how he wanted NOTHING to be sent - not a single thing - not even a card - 'cuz he doesn't want to be hazed or teased when it's his birthday. He's a murky mess of conflicting emotions....and we won't be in town and nearby to help him sort stuff out. He's truly on his own.
It's different with him. It's much different. We've known this was coming for a long time - so we are 'ready'. As ready as we can be, anyway....
For now, I am incredibly tired after the first really long day I've had in close to three weeks...and I'm heading up to my last night of sleeping in with wild abandon! Tomorrow, it will be a low key morning and then lunch with a co-worker followed by easing into work for a 1/2 day. I truly did not work much at all (for me) over the break - and that was wonderful and I needed it. But reality looms large and there is much to do.
It's a new year and I feel motivated. J. is making great progress on things and I find myself pitching in and doing what I can. I head outside and work in the yard a bit - it's not a lot but it's something. I figure doing things as I can, when I can - even small things done consistently - will help.
God speed, B. . Be safe and happy and respectful. Remember who you are.... We love you very much and are so, so proud of you. You are amazing! And you are going to do great things -
Tuesday, January 01, 2013
And Just Like That
He is gone.....
It helped that he ended up coming home last night (called J. for a ride at 2AM 'cuz there was nowhere for him to sleep where he was) and spent the morning with friends. Had breakfast out with them and then they all 'chilled' here. Watching Southpark and laughing their heads off. It was fun to have his friends be here for him - and I do think it helped me 'cuz I left him to enjoy his friends...vs. torturing him with all the things I could have filled the time with. Yes, there were tears. I cried when he came in the study to give me a hug - and I cried when we hugged goodbye before he got in the car with the officer who was driving him to his next stop.
When B. gave me all his cash to put in his checking account along with the gift cards he got for Christmas, I could see his hand shaking bit....he was nervous. But excited nervous.
We have no idea where he is flying out from tomorrow and hope we will know in time to get there. The Sgt. that picked him up said that often, they will allow families of military staff to be at the gate to see them off - so there's hope for that. We think it will be San Jose but we don't know - and San Jose is a hellish drive from here - but that's fine. We will do it.
If he texts us in time.
And then I realized that we didn't get a picture of him alone - pics with him and his friends; a family pic; pic with the recruiter picking him up - and no pic of just him. And I'm so, so sad about that. J. cropped a pic - but it's not the same. How could I forget to get a pic of him alone? How?
If we don't see him tomorrow, my heart is going to be broken in a gazillion tiny pieces over not having a picture of him alone.....
And it's already a wee bit broken as it is....
So please send prayers that he is able to notify us in time so we can get there to tell him goodbye before his plane departs for Georgia.
It helped that he ended up coming home last night (called J. for a ride at 2AM 'cuz there was nowhere for him to sleep where he was) and spent the morning with friends. Had breakfast out with them and then they all 'chilled' here. Watching Southpark and laughing their heads off. It was fun to have his friends be here for him - and I do think it helped me 'cuz I left him to enjoy his friends...vs. torturing him with all the things I could have filled the time with. Yes, there were tears. I cried when he came in the study to give me a hug - and I cried when we hugged goodbye before he got in the car with the officer who was driving him to his next stop.
When B. gave me all his cash to put in his checking account along with the gift cards he got for Christmas, I could see his hand shaking bit....he was nervous. But excited nervous.
We have no idea where he is flying out from tomorrow and hope we will know in time to get there. The Sgt. that picked him up said that often, they will allow families of military staff to be at the gate to see them off - so there's hope for that. We think it will be San Jose but we don't know - and San Jose is a hellish drive from here - but that's fine. We will do it.
If he texts us in time.
And then I realized that we didn't get a picture of him alone - pics with him and his friends; a family pic; pic with the recruiter picking him up - and no pic of just him. And I'm so, so sad about that. J. cropped a pic - but it's not the same. How could I forget to get a pic of him alone? How?
If we don't see him tomorrow, my heart is going to be broken in a gazillion tiny pieces over not having a picture of him alone.....
And it's already a wee bit broken as it is....
So please send prayers that he is able to notify us in time so we can get there to tell him goodbye before his plane departs for Georgia.
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