Tuesday, September 26, 2006

Braces

H. started 'Phase 2' today in his orthodontia treatment. After Phase I, they said they didn't think he'd need a Phase 2. But of course, that would mean they wouldn't have the excuse to charge us THIRTY EIGHT HUNDRED DOLLARS for treatment. So even though his teeth look completely fine to us, he 'needs' Phase 2. We aren't the type to 'argue' with professionals and want his teeth to be stellar - so he got his Phase 2 bands on today. His mouth is adorned with black and red bands - which are the coincidentally the school colors for where I work. He says his friends say he looks 'cool'. Braces are apparently still as big a deal today as they were in my day. Only now, they come in lots of colors and are glued to the front of your teeth instead of banded around the teeth. He still talks a bit funny at the moment and his lips look 'fat'. But we'll all adjust. He's glad to have them.

We upped J's 401K a bit with my soon to be raise. The remaining 'raise' will go to pay the monthly payment for the braces - so that raise is officially 'a wash'. So much for trading in the van for a new hybrid. J. will just have to share his hybrid Camry which I drive every chance I get - it has an MP3 hookup which I LOVE and it gets 35 MPG which I also love. And J. is very sweet about letting me drive it when he's not commuting. If I don't drive the Camry, I drive the Acura - better mileage than the van, which now sits somewhat 'retired' in the driveway. We are signing B. up for drivers training with a drivers ed school in town and before too long, HE will be driving the Acura and I'll be back in the van. Oh well. B. doesn't want to drive the van - what 16 year old boy wants to drive a Honda Odyssey VAN - a clear 'mom-wagon'. So he will drive the Acura - not too shabby for a 'first car'. It's approaching 100K miles but runs fine and will get him through commuting to high school.

AND, other exciting news is my sister K., my niece H. and their office gang (who we met in the summer while they visited San Francisco) had such a great time, they're coming BACK in December - so we will get to visit with them again and enjoy their company and their boss and his family. Can't wait.

Dani is still not great. The scope of her lungs last week (at a vet 40+ miles from home - a 'specialist') shows a lot of swelling and 'fluid' which so far, has not 'grown' into any specific organism they can identify. The specialist provided another stronger antibiotic and said she will keep us posted if the culture produces a specific organism. Dani is still pretty 'lethargic', though compared to last week, she is a bit more active. She eats very little (we have been enticing her with scrambled eggs mixed with her kibble) and sleeps a lot. If she's active, she will wheeze. And there have been moments in the past week when I'm sure this wheeze is the last wheeze and she will just not be able to breath anymore - but she always makes it through and trots to her bed. She's such a sweet dog. The total bill so far has exceeded $2K and we still have no diagnosis. But she's here and she's OK so we're all hanging in with 'no official cause'. We are grateful that we have the money to do what we need to do and so far, haven't had to consider any alternatives BUT finding out what's wrong and treating her. I'm thankful for that more than I can say.

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

Legacy

I attended a memorial service this afternoon for my friend Pam's dad. Never an easy thing to witness a family's grief and sadness over the loss of their beloved patriarch. But I have been there for Pam through a lot of her life's sadnesses and wanted to be there for her today. So I took a day off (personal) and trekked to Elk Grove.

I sort of dreaded it. Not that I considered not going - 'cuz I knew I would go. But I dreaded how memorial services or funerals always bring up all the grief ever felt at your own personal losses. And there was that - as soon as I walked in and saw the flowers and received the 'program' and signed the guest book, the grief of my own losses started to well up. Lump in the throat; tears in the eyes.

And then we started. And I witnessed an entire family involved in memorializing their dad, grandpa, uncle. The ENTIRE family. One son presided over the service - he is attending seminary and will soon be a pastor. Another son sang during the services - beautifully and fittingly - the songs a reflection of the sadness but also the joy. Another son spoke in a tribute to his dad. Pam and her son and nephew read scriptures. And the family became united in their grief but more importantly, united in their faith. Their faith that has seen them through more losses than most families ever go through. Pam has lost a brother. She lost her first husband to illness and her second husband to a motorcycle accident. And now her dad. I can't imagine how she manages - but she does. And she does it all while 'being there' for everyone in her family and her friends. She is an amazing person and I am blessed to know her. And her family - who, as was commented on during the services 'sort of suck you in'. The Lawrences are like that - united in faith and family and so steadfast in their support and love and respect for each other. It has in the past inspired me and made me awed - and it did so again today. The service was joy-full and a true celebration and that's exactly how Ronnie would have wanted it. A celebration of his life. And celebrating the joy in his death because he is in heaven now - and they know they will see him again. They will miss him and would rather he be here with them on earth - but they take comfort - real, honest, deeply felt comfort - in knowing that they will see him again and that he's 'having a great time'. And I'm sure he is. He raised some amazing kids and shared 51 years of happy marriage with his beloved wife Jean.

In memory - Ronnie C. Lawrence 1934-2006

Monday, September 18, 2006

Update II

2nd blood test came back negative. They are now referring us to an 'internal specialist' who will put Dani under and 'scope' her airway and lungs. Try to 'extract' a sample of any 'stuff' in there in the hopes they can run tests and figure out what this is. Don't know how much it will be and didn't ask. We're doing it. She is declining pretty significantly - didn't come out of her 'burrow' when I got home - didn't move until I went up to her kennel and called her. She's not feeling very well. I want to know WHAT this is we're dealing with and then we'll know what we can or cannot do.

Say prayers, please. She's a sweet dog and has already had her share of health issues.

Update

Dani has a fungal infection in her lungs. First thought was 'Valley Fever' but blood test for that is negative - but that is still the most likely diagnosis and the tests do come back 'negative' and then are postive at a later date. The vet is running an additional test for a different 'fungal' strain - but that is what she appears to have. Her lungs are hazy and she is wheezing a lot - making it clear that she is not 'clearing her throat' - she is wheezing. She's not eating, is lethargic, tired and listless. Poor puppy. She perks up if she's being held and will sometimes go into her 'protective barking mode' long enough to be the 'old Dani'. But for the most part, she is a very sick dog.

We are treating her with antibiotics and anti-fungals and we hope they will 'work'. She's been on the meds for not quite a week and as of this AM, doesn't seem any better. We are hopeful but cautious. She is getting lots of TLC and being 'spoiled' by her human brothers.

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

Yoga

I'm taking a yoga class at the college on Wednesdays during lunch. It's only once per week - but I have to say that I absolutely cannot believe how much it is 'helping' the way I think about my body and it's limitations.

I have bursitis in both hips. Knee issues. Back issues. I walk with constant pain, pretty much. It's just the way I am. And I've used that as an excuse to not exercise. It's 'too hard'. Or it hurts (yes, it does hurt, all the time).

But yoga is making me 'push' myself to move in ways I never imagine. I can sit cross legged on the floor. I CAN. I can't do it 'well' or perfectly comfortably - but I CAN do it. And I can stretch my back and my hips and my shoulders into and out of positions I never imagined I'd be able to. BUT I AM.

It's a start. I found a yoga class in Tracy on Monday evenings and I'm strongly considering signing up for that as well. Then I'd have two times each week that I'm forcing my body to MOVE.

Yoga is powerful stuff. Anyone who thinks it can't possibly be an effective 'workout' has never tried it. It makes your muscles sore and stretched and feels so, so GOOD.

Tuesday, September 12, 2006

Jazz

B. is taking a jazz class as a concurrent enrollment student at the college where I work. So every Monday, I work 8-noon then drive home to get B. after his high school band class. He does homework for a couple hours; I do housework. Then we head back over the hill to the campus where I work from 6PM to 10PM. It's working out OK. My boss' son is also in the jazz class so my boss stays late also. So we get a lot of work done - it's quiet, no interruptions. B. and I drive home after his class and get home around 10:30. The hardest part is unwinding enough to be asleep by shortly after 11. The alarm on Tuesday mornings goes off really early.

By far the BEST part of this arrangement is the drive to and from the college with B. We don't get a lot of time to just 'talk' lately. During the drive, B. really talks - and he doesn't do that much lately. B. has always had a gift for conversation. But he's a typical teenager - and he's not usually keen on sharing a lot with his parents. But on the way to and from, he talks a lot. And it's so good for us 'cuz I'm realizing that underneath all the teenage angst, he is still the same sweet, thoughtful, fun, smart, interesting person he was when he was a pre-teen.

He is so, so like me in so many ways. He confessed that he's having a lot of trouble getting to sleep - he can't shut his mind off. THAT is his mother. Totally. I reassured him that he 'inherited' that from me and he needs to 'learn' to shut his mind down. He says he listens to his radio because sometimes he just wants to think. I've been harping on him to NOT listen to the radio because he frequently leaves it on all night - and I think his subconcious listening to noise all night can't be restful. But I suggested - fine, then set your radio to play for 1/2 hour - and when the radio goes off, tell yourself 'night, self. I'm shutting down now' - training himself and his brain to stop for the night. I told him I know it's hard to stop thinking - 'cuz I do it all the time. I call it 'ruminating'. So I told him to work on NOT ruminating about things he can't control - if you're going to spend your psychic energy fretting, think through things you CAN control. At least that's productive rumination.

He is such a teen. Wants to have his whole life all figured out and nailed down. And he knows he can't know - but the wanting to know is taking up a lot of his time. I encouraged him to 'let go'. And reminded/reassured him that it does all work out - he'll find something he loves to do (or at least likes) and make a living doing it. He'll have plenty of hobbies, friends, family, adventures, love, surprise. It'll all work out - just the way it's supposed to. Just take one day at a time and have a good time. You only get one go round - so enjoy it.

I spent most of my younger years worried. Worried sick a lot of the time - about my life, my future, my family, my friends. I was a nervous wreck a good part of the time and I realized much later in life that it didn't help. Pre-planning every possible scenario didn't 'change' anything - it just ate up a lot of time and energy. If there's one thing I want my kids to know, it's to just let life unfold. Do the best you can at everything you choose to do. Be kind, thoughtful and friendly. Do good. Work hard at being happy and you'll help everyone around you to be happy. And don't worry. Don't fret. If you can't control it, let it go. The only person you can control in any situation is you - that's it. Spend your psychic energy controlling yourself - your expectations, your reactions. You'll be happier and healthier and live a full, productive life.

I'm looking forward to the semester of drives to and from. And I'm hoping he'll want to enroll next semester. And the semester after that. And even when he can drive himself in the not too distant future, I hope we'll still carpool. If for no other reason then the excuse to spend some one on one time together. I think we both need it.

Monday, September 11, 2006

Remembering

As most of America is today, I am remembering 5 years ago. Where I was, what I was doing when I heard. I was in my car on the way to work and called J. to say 'hey, turn on the news - something's happened in New York - they say a plane has hit to World Trade Center'. I imagined it was a private plane, small and an accident - something completely not planned. I was so wrong. When the 2nd plane hit, I heard about that, too, on the radio on the way into work. I couldn't believe it. Just couldn't 'get it'. Even when I got to work and watched what was happening on the TV set up in the cafeteria, I couldn't fathom it.

I came home mid-morning - my corporate company did the 'right thing' and offered for folks to go home - to be with family, check on relatives, if needed. J. and I sat in the family room of our 'new' home and watched. And I commented 'they won't collapse, will they?'. And then, they did. Incredibly. Terrifyingly. And I just sat there and thought "I can't believe this is happening". Like so many of us. I mourned for those lives then and I do today, still.

I watched the documentary last night done by the two French brothers who were filming the fire crews. I had never watched it before - always turned the TV off saying 'no, I can't watch it'. But I did last night, in memory of all those that died. I also watched the "Primetime" segment on the children of 9/11 - those born after the attacks to a widowed mother. And I remembered. I will never forget.

Dani

Dani is our blind 'miniature' dachschund. I put the miniature in quotes 'cuz she's anything but. She weighed in a healthy 16 pounds at the vet this afternoon and she is so close to a 'normal' full size dachschund that continuing the charade of calling her a miniature must end. Today. Chloe IS a miniature as evidenced by the fact that I can carry her under the crook of my arm and she fits just perfectly - all 7.5 pounds of her 12 inch petiteness. Dani, not so much. She is a 'giant' dog that thinks she isn't. And when she's at the vet, she's a 'giant' dog who wants to be as close to me as humanly possible. She wants to tuck her chin up under mine and 'nestle' closely lest the 'bad people' touch her in any way. The vet said 'she can't get any closer to you'. No, but she tried.

Dani went to the vet today because she has developed a 'cough'. Finding a shredded popsicle stick in the family room this morning convinced me that Dani had ingested part of it and was trying to 'hack' it out. Turns out, she has some kind of lung infection. What kind, they're not sure of - but the tests to find out (hopefully) what it is specifcally just set us back $600. Yikes. We have antibiotics and they added a $150 blood test for a fungal infection - I'm convinced that's what she'll have 'cuz it's way more expensive to treat and takes longer to 'cure' her. Great.

Dani has cost us a small fortune in her almost 5 years. Eye surgeries, follow-ups, etc. We did everything possible to save her eyesight and drained our savings to pay for a surgery that was hopefully going to help. It didn't. She is totally blind - she's our 'special needs' puppy. She is the sweetest dog on the planet - and we all love her. But she is/has been one expensive dog. Oh well. She's a part of the family so we'll do what we have to do. We've (thankfully) built our savings back up - so we're good.

Dani's keen sense of smell lets her ferret out the 'creatures' in our yard. Dani finds them and coaxes them into revealing themselves - then Chloe 'chases' them around the yard until they can hide again. Last night's 'find' was a fairly decent sized toad - who looked none too happy to have been 'found'. Chloe and Dani make a good team - Chloe's the eyes for the team and Dani's the 'sniffer'.

When I took Dani to the vet sans Chloe, Chloe literally howled in her kennel as we walked out the door. I'm not sure if she was upset 'cuz she thought Dani was going on a walk without her (which is impossible since Chloe leads the way and Dani follows - without Chloe, Dani walks into literally everything in her path) or was just completely freaked out that Dani is leaving without me. Either way, Chloe was freaked and very worried when I returned home without Dani (while they did chest xrays, etc. and I picked up B. from school) and very relieved when Dani returned.

Our special needs puppy is just that - special. She's the first dog I've ever loved...I'm a cat person and never imagined I could love a dog. But I do. She's like my 'baby' - they both are - and whatever they need, we'll do. Hopefully, the $15 in antibiotics will do the trick. If not, I'll have to start selling off my Cow Parade cows on eBay to pay for her treatment. And it'd be totally worth doing that. And easier to dust the dining room!

Saturday, September 02, 2006

Soon

We made our weekly trip to Costco today for 'groceries'. We rarely shop at the actual grocery store anymore - Costco fulfills the weekly shopping list and more importantly, fills the two teenage boys who seem intent to bankrupt us with their need for food. We are always out of something or on the verge of being out of something.

Costco now has Christmas stuff and we got two new decorations. A set of 'drums' that sit in the front yard and light up-B. loves them. And a Santa that carries lights up and down a ladder - he really climbs! Jim said when he came around the corner and saw my face, he knew that I was 'smitten' with yet another decoration.

And when we pulled in the driveway, he rhetorically asked "where will we be storing these new Christmas decorations?". I just smiled as he said "I know - that's my job". Yes, honey, it is. I find them and buy them and you store them. And you're really good at it and I love you for it.

March

I'm starting to think maybe I will just do a monthly post and call it what it is - whatever month we're in.  Here we are winding dow...