Saturday, April 28, 2018

Family Dynamics

Whenever I’m having a particularly hard day on the home front, I’m going to remember the postings we’ve seen lately of cousins – as their daughter trashes them and posts things on Facebook (including entire text conversations taken off her phone and shared for all the world to see) – and remember that we’re not that bad, at least not currently.  I feel for the family – they are clearly in crisis.  And considering one of them is a counselor themselves, it’s super hard to imagine how they got to where they are with the situation?  Kids make choices we don’t always agree with.  We’re living that, too, so we get it.  I know how much they love their child and how hurt they are about the approach she’s taking to things lately.  And while things in our home are frequently tense, we aren’t trashing any party on Facebook – so that’s something to be thankful for. 

We finally had the discussion with our ‘roommates’ that’s been building for a couple weeks and I guess all parties brought up some things that need attention (on all sides) and we’ve agreed to keep on keeping on and see how it goes.  I made my points about how disrespectful it is to be completely disregarded and while there was some explanation, there remains some further conversations to ensure all understand.  Essentially, it’s about the basics of any relationship – communication – and they have challenges within their relationship about how they communicate that they navigate simultaneously to the challenges we have as a group.  Living together under one roof is never easy – they are adults and independent while being somewhat dependent on us.  And that isn’t likely to change in the near future. 

For now, they stay.  I realized that I struggle because somedays, I can handle the constant up and downs and put offs that happen better than others.  One night, I’m tired, not wanting to spend the evening on pins and needles and completely bat-shit crazy about them putting us off again.  And the next, I’m either too beaten down about it all to give a crap?  Or just in general more tolerant of things.  So I need to work on that.

The coworker and I had a good conversation and worked through the major (MAJOR) blowup that happened last week and got back to our usual secure footing.  We both saw each other’s perspective; both acknowledged the things we could have done differently in the moments we were conversing about the issue and realize that we have to keep checking in with each other about where we are.  To their credit, earlier this week when we were discussing something, he realized his ‘tone’ was moving in a direction that could be misinterpreted and he stopped himself and said ‘I have that tone that implies I’m upset with you and I’m not.  I’m just upset with the issue – and we will solve it together’.  That’s progress!  And I thanked him for checking in with me about it mid-sentence. 

I’m working this weekend and every weekend in May because in addition to the annual madness known as Budget, we have a tentative agreement with our teacher’s union – so I have to start plowing through the paperwork related to that AND incorporate all that into budget.  Budget also includes ‘Estimated Actuals’ where we estimate our ending balance for the current year so that’s also a HUGE process made even more huge by the possible settlement.  It’s a lot of work and it’s going to take a lot of effort to make it through.  Thankfully, I’m working when it’s quiet and no interruptions so I can make copious lists, consider things I can delegate to people and hand off and I’m sure it will all get done.  And I’m looking forward to the ‘reward’ when it is all done – five nights in Reno with my best beloved. 

H. cut his hand pretty badly last weekend – not sure of the timing, exactly?  He said he woke up in the middle of the night and it was a huge, open-gapped wound that was bleeding like crazy so he went to the ER.  With J. sleeping in the other room.  $636 later for using wound glue on his hand.  The two of them are absolutely clueless about insurance – about how something like that – inconvenient for sure but not life threatening – is something they should have waited until daylight.  Wrap it in a towel if you have to and wait until you can get to your regular doctor or even urgent care.  Our doctor’s office now has an urgent care center here in town so you can be seen without an appointment 16 hours of the day.  But no – they headed to ER.  Grrr. 

I'm home alone this evening - J. is at a concert in Stockton.  Time to reorganize the desk a bit, work on some paperwork that needs handling, open a weeks' worth of mail and pay the bills - including the ER bill.  Adding it to our 'amount owed' (from H., not R.).  My generosity is the 'living here rent free' but he has to pay his own bills.  

Tuesday, April 24, 2018

Too Much

Yes, I'm alive.  Some days, barely.  But I breathe.  I eat.  I (try to) sleep.  Vacation is a very faint memory.  Everything is too much at the moment.  Every.single.damn.thing.

Something happened at work last week that has shaken me to my core and I'm still reeling from it.  Not sure what to 'do' (if anything).  But I feel compelled TO DO something.  Talk with the person involved and express my very deeply felt feelings on the issue.  That's at the least.  I've toyed with walking out - give two weeks notice and leave - but that doesn't feel 'right' for the district - and we need the money my job brings.  Though we could live without it.  Still....really wish I could.  Take some time off and find something else, somewhere else.  Maybe move to Reno sooner than we'd planned.

All those things are possible and when I'm frantic about what happened, I just try to realize that there are options.  And in the mean time, there's so much work to do.

Home?  It's a nightmare.  Tonight, another postponed meeting with a gazillion excuses.  So I 'pulled the plug' and told H. 'this is it.  We're done.  We're asking you both to leave and we're not going to keep doing this'.  He quickly did a 360 and admitted that despite his conversations with us, he apparently hasn't made it super clear to her how serious things have become.  So supposedly, we meet tomorrow.  I told him under no uncertain terms that the meeting tomorrow is not guaranteed to change the outcome.  Their behavior needs to change in an identifiable, witnessed daily, extended, meaningful way and short of that, we're going to reclaim our peaceful home and life and they will move on.  Even with no jobs, nowhere to go.  Won't be our problem anymore, at that point.

And R. washed a load of blankets and broke the washer.  $1200 in repairs.  We could almost buy a new one for that.  We ended up going with the full house warranty - got 50% off the repair and can now have every single appliance, HVAC unit, etc. checked out and serviced for a year.

I have a meeting at the County office in the morning and then in the office all day with my nose to the grindstone.  I'm entering the time of year when it's work six or seven days a week from now until mid to late June.

I did enjoy a fun weekend in Reno - just me.  But even that didn't really bring any joy to my troubled, sad, exhausted heart - it was fun...but.  Sort of not.  All the events (both home and work) sort of muddled the 'fun' and 'relaxation' I usually feel.  And I might feel differently if I'd come home with a big win in my purse - but that didn't happen, either.  Though I did have a couple good days of small wins that kept me playing - and those 'runs' are always loads of fun.

I'm trekking to my counselor again next weekend 'cuz then it's May and it will be super hard to get to Hayward on days I need to plow through work.  I have been looking at some ways to 'short cut' some of the things that are super time consuming about our budget process - found a new report on our system that I've never been able to configure correctly - but I took some time yesterday and played with it and viola!  A relatively easy way to run some numbers for a huge report that is a part of this year's budget timing.

Time for sleep.  Or a night of trying to sleep.  I want to drop of some surprises for my work mates (Admin Assistant Day tomorrow and I have a lot of people who assist) - need to leave the house at 7 to get to work briefly and then head to the COE.

Sunday, April 01, 2018

Easter Weekend

Our travel day home was super long.  Connecting flight delayed an hour before we even arrived - and then ANOTHER hour for them to pound out a small 'dent' in one of the engine blades.  Considering the first delay was related to a 'plane swap', seems like they swapped for another not great plane.  Both of our airplanes were super low tech - we missed the TV screen on the back of the seat in front of us and the variety of entertainment options provided on the flight to Miami.  The planes home had zero video entertainment - you could get 'free' video via your own device - J. got it to work on his phone but it never worked on mine. 

I read an entire book - which was nice.  But I would have preferred movies.

Our delay resulted in hitting CRAZY traffic all the way home from SFO - and we did make the stop in Livermore to pick up Chloe.  She was super happy to see us - and probably even more happy to be back in her quiet, relaxing home.  There were six other dogs there and while we know she had an absolute blast, she also had the look of 'get me out of here'.  Ready for some quiet time in her bed(s) which is how she has spent the past few days.

I spent yesterday unpacking, paying bills, working on taxes and grocery shopping.  Today is more of the same with cooking replacing the shopping.  Roast beef, au gratin potatoes, pea salad and cream puffs with chocolate sauce for Easter dinner.  And hopefully popovers to go with the roast.

Things at home are....well...we're home so that's nice.  Our two visitors did very little on the list of things we offered to have them do for compensation.  Considering the drama related to their need for funds and us attempting to make that happen from across the country - as loans, obviously, though who knows when we'll get paid back - you'd think they would be working their hardest to earn their keep.  But they seemingly spent two weeks doing as little as possible.  Some things are done - the kitchen cupboards have been reorganized and a lot of things that were on the counter are in cupboards.  Totally nice; however, I a) can't reach many things now; b) have been unable to figure out where stuff is and c) there's no 'sense' to things being where they are but oh well. 

I'm super happy to have taxes pretty much 'done' and we owe about 1/3 what I thought we would.  Helped by prepaying 1/2 of 2018's property taxes - so that's a big swing to remember for 2018.  Need to try to make as many charitable donations as we can this year to offset that change. 

I am super tan and feel great to have evidence of the wonderful vacation!  I am looking forward to a busy, productive week at work and am glad it's Spring Break so it will be a very quiet, low phone, low meeting week.  Nice way to ease back into the daily grind!

Going to make popovers and chocolate sauce.  Good wine, great food and catching up over a nice dinner.  Then a great night's sleep to prepare for tomorrow.

Life is good.  I got a couple tops from that clothing company on the cruise and I love it - it's a great reminder to reflect daily on the things that are good - and there are so many, even in an average day. 


March

I'm starting to think maybe I will just do a monthly post and call it what it is - whatever month we're in.  Here we are winding dow...