Wednesday, April 22, 2015

Rushing

Arising a full 45 minutes ahead of my alarm leads to me spending way too much time perusing the webosphere and before I know it, I feel 'late' and 'rushed'.  Heading directly to the county office for a meeting would usually give me at least an 'extra' 15 minutes at home vs. going in briefly and then leaving for my meeting.

Routine.  I need to stick to a consistent routine.  I've been thinking about routines a lot lately 'cuz if I could get in one and stick to it, I could wedge in exercise and/or a ton of other stuff that I'd really rather not be doing but think I would/could/should 'if only I had a better routine'.

Right now, my routine is just racing through day after day hoping it's all going to turn out OK.  Usual budget cycle thoughts.  My job is a wonderland of things to fret about and the routines that are automatic now after 8+ years are still incredibly stress-filled.  

Awakening with a majorly sore throat is not in my plans and I sure hope it's just allergy drip.  I'm convinced my bedroom is a dust-filled abyss 'cuz I usually wake up feeling awful.  I have 'vacuum thoroughly' on my list of weekend things to do - but now weekends are filling up with work and who knows when I'll get to it?  Yes, the house cleaning people vacuum but they don't do baseboards or under the bed...or dust things like the fan vents that are probably filled with the winter's dust.  

The thermostat downstairs totally went kaput, leading to discussions about 'wireless' this and that. Our new alarm system also had a 'feature' of thermostats that could be connected to the system thus allowing us to set/reset remotely - but the service adds monthly ongoing expense and we didn't want to do that.  Begrudgingly ('cuz we're trying hard NOT to spend money these days), we bought two Nests - and replaced both thermostats.  I have to admit that so far, I love waving my hand in front of it and having it light up - and resetting is just a quick twist of the dial.  Will make it very easy to readjust in the middle of the night after the 21 year old living here has lowered it to a brisk low 70's number when it would usually be around 80.  Sometimes 78 when it's really hot and we're just falling asleep.  The Nest supposedly learns our habits and self-adjusts - so I will report back if I find that actually happening.

I arrived home from work to the smell of bleach which can only mean one thing:  H. needs additional money for something.  He's been doing the tile grout and floors on his hands and knees for months and I have to admit, they look amazing.  The only problem is:  they look amazing a section of squares at a time and the full floor is never all done at once.  Sort of like painting a bridge - I get the concept that they won't look pristine forever but if he's committing to a job and wants to be paid, I think he should do the full job over a day or two and call it done.  I have issued that edict and we'll see how it goes.  (The floors really do look great and he does a really good job - I hope I can hire him when we're ready to sell 'cuz spotless tile grout is a good selling point).  

It's been a long week already (and only two days are officially over).  I wish I could share more but I won't.  Suffice it to say that people are often challenging and the things they do boggle the mind.  We are getting through things a day at a time and sometimes it's an hour at a time.  Long days feel like eternity at times - while also feeling like they are so 'full', they pass quickly - it's a paradox.  I know.  

Tuesday, April 21, 2015

Friday, April 17, 2015

Maginations

I'm up so early this morning - a full 45 minutes before my alarm and unlike yesterday when I went back to sleep, today I just decided to get up.  Dishwasher humming.  Dog fed and in and out twice. I took the time while she stood at alert scoping out her domain to give the sliding door track a quick wipe.

Finally! yesterday was a turning point for me.  My mental attitude is most definitely affected by my physical well being and the past week or so has been hard.  Haven't felt great for awhile - still snuffly and my ears are bothering me a bit.  I had my every three to five year procedures on Monday - grateful the prep was on Sunday so I didn't have to miss a day of work for it.  Like everyone on the planet, I detest the prep day - but I survived.  Procedures went fine.  But Tuesday morning, I awoke still just feeling like I'd been hit by a truck and my mind was mush.  Absolute mush.  So I did the unthinkable and phoned in sick.  On a board day.  And a Cabinet day.

Later that day, a couple things transpired - in hindsight the things were clearly 'people getting along fine without me and what else did you expect them to do' - but at the time, one thing in particular really bothered me.  And my mind immediately went to the dark places my mind can go and before I knew what was happening, I was totally fed up with my job; my boss; a host of other things and people...and the only logical solution was 'find another job'.  Which I realized I could totally do when a quick perusal at Edjoin.org turned up a couple completely possible jobs within commute distance.
I felt sad at the thought of leaving while simultaneously energized at the thought of 'all things new'.

On Wednesday, I had a planned day off to go into San Francisco with J. and meet our 'new' finance guy.  We've been with a company since J. retired a few years ago and our account rep sent us a letter that he was branching out on his own and would we like to move our accounts to his new firm.  We like the guy but there were some things about his move and his setup on his own that made us a bit wary - so he encouraged us to meet the CEO of our current company and see what we felt after that meeting.  We'd never met the CEO before - scratch that - J. had met him because he did a transition seminar when J. left the bank - but I'd never met him.  And this is a big deal for us, obviously. Decisions about our life savings are not to be taken lightly - and we want to feel comfortable about who we are working with.

I was totally rooting for the underdog - our account rep who was going out on his own - but a few minutes with the CEO of our current company changed my mind.  Turns out our account rep wasn't doing all that great on our behalf in some areas - once J. moved his retirement savings into an account with this firm, some things should have happened that didn't.  We should have been moved to a new 'tier' of services and we should have started receiving a lot of things for free - no trade fees.  Our prior account rep hadn't done that for us - he should have.  The CEO saved the account 'cuz he will handle it personally - he should have been handling it for awhile (they decide who handles what based on account value and our account should have been with the CEO from the start - only we transitioned my accounts first and J.'s later [he couldn't move his 401(k) until he had officially separated from the bank so we had to wait while J. was on severance pay]) - so the handling of our account went to the account rep we've been working with vs. the CEO.

We talked through a lot of things that had come up over the few years we were working with the other rep and we decided to stay with the firm we've worked with from the start.  Our former account rep had indicated his departure was 'all good - we parted amicably' - and we got plenty of indications that was not necessarily the truth.

So a day of planning our financial future and talking a lot of things through combined with a nice lunch with J. in San Fran was a positive.

Back to the office yesterday and my day started with a seminar with CBO's from five other counties in our area all together.  It was quickly obvious that most of the CBO's in the room are burned out and exhausted.  There's camaraderie in a job that few do and not many want to do.  I felt tired and burned out myself - still ruminating over the things that had transpired while I was away and my lens was definitely 'I'm so sick of this crap' still.

At 1PM (the seminar was really great, by the way), I pulled into the parking lot and entered my office building - and was greeted by a friend/peer/fellow admin who gave me a huge hug and said 'oh, I missed you so much - are you feeling OK? We need to do lunch!!'....and then my team who were warm and funny and said 'she's alive!' with great enthusiasm.  A slew of people in and out all with 'yeah, Majah's back!  We missed you!'....it was like sixty minutes of warmth.  I won't lie - it felt great.

And just like that, my mood lifted.  The thing I was irritated about was quickly resolved when I did the right thing - I marched over to the office of the person involved, closed the door and we talked it through.  She was immediately contrite and said 'no, that wasn't the intent'...and like everyone else, had said 'yeah, you are back - we missed you!!'....sincerely and warmly.

It was a good reminder how quickly I can get into my own head and make mountains out of nothing. It was a good reminder that everyone I work with (well, almost everyone) are genuinely nice people who are all doing the best they can at their respective jobs.  Also a reminder that we all have stuff and at any moment, that stuff can really color our lenses and impact (greatly) how we see things at any moment.

I'm still overworked; tired; burned out; irritated with the State of California and the changes being made to education funding; frustrated about things in our district that will take a long time to sort out and resolve - but I feel renewed energy and hope.  I know that building a new team to tackle all of it takes time but we're going to get there.  By hook or by crook - we will get there.

Which is a good thing 'cuz I'm not retiring yet.  I'm too young.  I knew when we got married that I would work well past J. and I'm going to do my best to hold up that end of the bargain for as long as I can.  

Tomorrow, H. and I are going to Jackson!  I'm still 'even' - gambling on the same money I've been gambling on for over a month - not winning hugely but not losing, either - so we're going up.  I had a very exciting weekend last week when the machine next to me rewarded one guy with a $900 jackpot.  He was so excited.  I played that machine a bit too when he left....and then about 20 minutes later, another guy sat down and he won $10,890!  Like the guy who'd won $900, he had no idea what he'd won so I had to tell him 'hey, congratulations - you just won $10,890!!'.  Chaos ensued.  The guy was such a nice person - and so thrilled to have won - he needs a new car and was so excited to have money to 'buy a better car'.  And he said 'I'm so sorry because I know you were playing that machine a little off and on and it could have been you'.  I said 'I'm so happy for your win and it's OK!'...and I really meant it.  It was a nice day of watching other people win.  And maybe tomorrow, it will be me winning a big one.  I love to dream...

I'm on an interview committee ALL DAY today so the day will be busy and full - just the way I like them.

Wednesday, April 08, 2015

Air France

Morning!  I've been up since 4AM!  You?

I'm working hard on getting back into the work groove and early morning hours help the groove become the groove..so...here I am.

It's in the news today that Air France is cancelling about 50% of their flights due to an air traffic controller strike in their country today and that reminded me of a story from our Paris trip.

The King of Spain visited Paris - which I realized when I took a long, meandering bus route through the city only to end up completely stuck near the Eiffel Tower because they cancelled all city buses for most of the day for security for the King.  I had seen his motorcade earlier that day - not realizing who it was in the Maybach surrounded by policeman - and then spent quite a bit of time trying to figure how to get back to my hotel in the absence of the bus that brought me (mostly) there. Thankfully, the tourist bus routes were all running so I paid for another three day hop on/hop off bus pass and was all set.

The King returned to Spain early because of the airliner crash - so his State visit of several days was just one day.

The air traffic controllers agreed not to strike as well - though J. and I would have been fine with a reason to have been 'trapped' in Paris.

Paris....feels like a distant memory.

H.'s scans are all looking good and he's doing well.  Tomorrow is the one year 'anniversary' of his health incident - can't believe it's been a year already.  He has blood work and a check-in appointment with his oncologist in three months and the next scans are planned for six months from now. Everything looks 'good' and though there is still some 'thickening' of tissue in his neck, that is the area radiated and so the radiologist thinks things look pretty much the same scan to scan.  'Pretty much the same' is a good thing - no changes in lymph nodes; his labs look good.  Yeah!

We tried a new approach - I didn't go to the appointment.  45+ minutes there and another 45+ back and then the waiting time - they waited close to an hour past their appointment time to see the doctor. That time was put to good use with me plowing through things in my office while keeping in touch with J. via text - and when the doctor was ready, they speaker phoned me in so I could hear what was being said and ask any questions.  It worked pretty well and while I plan to go to appointments as much as I can, it's a good option when trying to get away to do that is a challenge.

We celebrated H,'s clean bill of health by buying new tires for his car.  Well, we bought new tires for his car and he'll pay 50% of it back now and the rest over time - now that he has a job!

It's after 5AM now and I'd better get going on getting ready for work - big meeting today - all day work session with my boss on things for budget; board....it will be a long, productive day -

There are a lot of changes afoot at work - none of which I can really talk about - and it's hard trying to work through all these things.  I miss when even hard things seemed easy - now hard things are just plain hard.  That's leadership defined - strong leaders make everything easy and not-so-strong leaders make easy things hard.  Growing pains are inevitable in transition but sometimes lately, I just want to say "Geez, can't we just figure this out and do it instead of spending so much time talking about doing it".

If only.


Friday, April 03, 2015

And the Doctor Said

Chatting with my cousin on Wednesday morning and describing how miserable I felt....and she said 'go to the doctor'.  Sounded like a good idea....though I really was sure it was 'flu' vs. anything else - the 'my skin hurts' feeling is almost always viral and flu. My plan was to just gut it out -

But I made the appointment online while (still) Facebook chatting with her -

The doctor took one look at my raging ears and listened to my lungs and said 'bronchitis and double ear infection'.  Antibiotics and cough syrup with codeine.

I asked if he'd give me a note for work 'through the week'...thinking/meaning through today, Friday. But he wrote the note for a full week so as of now, I'm not to return to work until Wednesday 4/8. I've already made an appointment for early Monday morning to get my ears rechecked and hopefully get a note that allows me to go to work on Monday.  As it stands now, I'm not sure - still unsteady on my feet and coughing quite a bit.  But I am eating a bit and that's helping some - I really ate very little for most of five days.

I don't think I have a fever today (first time since Monday) and while I don't feel great, I have been downstairs all of today (so far) and did manage to get showered, too.

Hubby has been doing everything he can to help - runs out whenever any craving hits that I might be inclined to eat - and then is patient when I eat one or two bites and call it done.  Last night, a Raley's meatloaf and mashed potato dinner hit the spot and today, I've had breakfast and lunch so far.

We are keeping Easter uber low-key.  H. is totally ambivalent about a holiday dinner so I think we're going to roast a chicken and then I will glaze a ham steak we have.  Chicken, ham, stuffing, green bean casserole and something TBD for dessert.

March

I'm starting to think maybe I will just do a monthly post and call it what it is - whatever month we're in.  Here we are winding dow...