Can't believe it's the end of October and not a single post this month. I have a couple drafts pending but pretty sure I won't post them. I find myself editing and second guessing myself about putting stuff out into the cosmos. Chalk it up to having re-read a lot of old posts and feeling so often that I wish I hadn't posted. All of the history of H. that now seems stupid to have shared. Fake jobs. Fake school activities.
It's hard going through all of it over and over.
On that note, I told H. (when he called on Saturday) that I felt like the best approach was to try to just go forward, taking one day at a time. I flash angry (to myself and sometimes sharing with J.) pretty often but I have to just let all that go. I'm still holding onto a huge amount of anger about things that happened when we still lived in Tracy way back when - and Lord knows there's way more than that now to still have to work through.
H. sounds really good and seems to be doing OK. He was moved from 'intake' (where he spent two weeks) to 'the program' where he will be until early April (at least). J. and I are so glad this type of program exists - yes, it is his 'sentence' for his possession charge but it's a program designed to give people who are willing to change the opportunity to do that. They have reassured him they will find him a bed in a sober living environment and assist with job placement as well because they don't want to waste resources by sending someone out to the streets again.
Of course, even as I write the above I think 'we have absolutely no way to know if anything H. has said about the situation is true'. That's what's so hard about sharing anything lately - realizing that there's a chance it's all bull shit.
And still have to try to give the benefit of the doubt and hope he is being truthful.
October gave us a good glimmer of winter. As I type this, the skies are overcast. We've had the heater on a bit - taking the chill off the rooms we are in. There is a storm heading our way tonight and snow is predicted - we still hope to get to Atlantis for free play on Wednesday.
This morning, I ended the month with a hand pay at our local Gold Dust West. Had a fun hour or so of play on my last spin of my free play.
(It's now November 1st technically). Not a single trick-or-treater last night - disappointed a bit but not really surprised. This is a neighborhood with very few little people - some, but not many. And those that are in the neighborhood must either be not participating in Halloween at all? Or going somewhere else to celebrate.
Time to post! Hello, November!
