Wednesday, August 29, 2007

Panic

Dressed, showered and heading out the door momentarily - it's just after 6AM. I had one last 'panic' item on my list of panic items - this one a biggie.

We are attending a black tie formal wedding this weekend. J. rented a tux, which tells you the significance of the event 'cuz while he looks smashing in a tux (and I'll be pondering illicit activities all evening at the sight of him in one), we are not 'formal wear' people. He rented a tux, which is what guys do. Alterations, fittings, shoes, etc. are all taken care of in one nice stop. He asked the store (there's only a couple small places in town where a guy can rent a tux and this place isn't a 'formal wear' shop, it's a 'men's wear' shop) if they did alterations of ladies clothing and the clerk advised him, no, but such and such place does, but gee, your wife had better hurry. You think? So guys just go in, get fitted and viola! they are formalized - just like that.

Not true for us ladies. I have two dresses hanging on the door frame of the guest room upstairs. I ordered two sizes to be safe. And one fits, and looks pretty - but alterations are required because I'm a 'low of stature' person and these dresses are cut for basketball playing women, apparently. And since I've worked 26 of the last 28 calendar days, I haven't had a lot of time to get alterations taken care of - and it's not something 'quick' when it's a floor length gown and they'll have to detach the waist to shorten the hem. Yikes.

I have had a fair amount of panic these past few days as I realize the date is HERE and I have NOTHING to wear. So I just did some additional online shopping, found a suitable floor length gown with a suitable 'jacket' and ordered it in my size, 'petite'. And paid $55 shipping to get it here by Friday. I'm desperate. That desperate. I ordered a clutch handbag in two colors (in case I figure out how to wear the first dress, which is a mocha color) and a 'shaping' undergarment to tuck in all my mushy pieces. I'll have to get hose and shoes on Saturday - the website sold pantyhose in packs of 3 and since I NEVER wear hose, I'm not buying 3 pairs when I only need one. I don't even need a spare 'cuz it's a long gown and I could be wearing long underwear underneath and no one would know.

I tried to weasel out of going. There was whining, yes, I admit it. I am tired and exhausted and getting all dolled up and driving a significant distance in clothes I won't say I'll be comfortable in on a 3-day weekend (and I do hope to actually take a day or two off this weekend, God willing) isn't something I'm relishing. But my sweet love said 'honey, I really want my coworkers, boss, etc. to meet you and get to know you. I want to show you off'. So how can a girl not go when her guy is asking so sweetly?

I hope this mad dash package gets here in time ....and that it's an 'OK' dress. And it's a 'mother of the bride' kind of look so I could, theoretically, even wear it again someday at my son's wedding. Possibly. And we do have another evening wedding coming up (Hi, Bug!) so I might even wear it again next month. Maybe I should have ordered the 3 pack of hose.

PS

You know it's early when you're up and have had your first cup of coffee before you've received your 'SAT Question of the Day' in your email in box. I subscribed to some SAT updates for B. and added my email to the account also so now we both get our 'quiz' question daily. I'm 3 of 4 correct so far this week. We are signing B. up to take the SAT and ACT this year, and then again next year. His counselor recommended it - since he did so well on his PSAT last year, she said he should just take the test and colleges will include the highest score he submits. I told her he didn't even prepare for the PSAT - he never opened the test booklet to practice - so with a little study and prep, he'll do even better, we hope, on the actual tests. So we're signing him up and buying the 'study guide'.

OK, now it's almost 5, and I feel like I'm 'late', for some reason..so I really am getting ready for work now. Really. Yes, I am. OK, after one more cup of coffee and after I move the load of towels from the washer to the dryer. I thought I'd help J. with laundry only there's nothing much to wash - my king, my hero.

King

I rhapsodized in my last post about my 'behind the scenes' activities around here and completely neglected to acknowledge my better half, my partner in crime (tee hee), my soul mate who also does a gazillion things around here everyday and gets very little credit for them.

He is the LAUNDRY KING, my friends. He sorts, pretreats, washes, folds, puts away, hangs, irons - oh yes, he does. He's a whiz at the 15 second t-shirt folding method and keeps all our drawers neat and tidy with completely even, uniformly folded underwear, shirts, pants, etc. I don't think he likes doing laundry - who does? But he does it faithfully every weekend - load after load after never-ending load. This weekend, he started bright and early Saturday morning and he washed every blooming thing in this house by the time 60 Minutes started on Sunday evening. He told both boys 'there is nothing unwashed - so if you're looking for something, check your closet or your dresser 'cuz it's not in a hamper. There is NOTHING in any hamper'. He's the laundry zen-master and I'm lucky to have him (so lucky, for too many reasons to list here).

He is also the guy responsible for helping with getting the recycling out to the curb every other week. And that's not easy in this house 'cuz I am a FREAK about recycling. We recycle EVERYTHING - and anything that can be recycled gets put into various bins, etc. in the garage or out in the giant bin everyday. We are consumers and therefore, we consume - a lot...drinks, products in cardboard boxes like cereal, pasta, etc. It is a big job and by the night before the every two week pickup, the garage is littered with boxes ready to be cut down and put in the bin; bins of plastic bottles, soup cans, soda cans, etc.

We are frugal enough that we separate out cash value items (soda cans, bottles, glass, milk jugs, etc. ) and take those to a recycling center. This past Saturday, J. netted $32 from our recycling efforts...it's a lot of work to sort, and they certainly take up garage space in between visits to the recycle center, but recouping our CRV is important and worth it to me. It also saves people going through your recycle bin every Tuesday evening or Wednesday morning trying to find items they can recycle. We don't have any - and after they looked the first time, they don't check anymore. Anything with a cash value, we leave out of the pickup bins.

I also shred everything and anything with any personal information on it - yes, I'm that 'cautious' about trash. It is a time consuming process and I often wish I could afford to pay a company to come do it for me - like at my old corporate job, with the locked blue bins. The company came every couple weeks, rolled the bins out to their truck and shredded on the spot. Oh, how blissful that would be. Me, I use a small, though fairly decent shredder from Costco (where else?) and shred away. Then I bag the shred in clear bags and put with the recycling, hoping that shredded stuff ends up in a recycle bin somewhere vs. in the landfill, though I'm never really sure that's what they're going to do with it. But they hopefully will.

I shred a gazillion pieces of junk mail every week. I carefully remove all the items, and anything with personal info goes into the shred bin. I even tear off the address portion of things and put that small section in my shred bin (under my desk) and the rest of the mailing goes in my recycling tray to be taken out to our recycle bin. It takes forever. But I don't want to spend time shredding things I don't need to - and I don't want to just toss things with my name and address on them into the recycle bin. It's odd, I know. And I'm not sure if it really matters - but identity theft is not something I ever want to experience first hand and I do everything I can to protect us.

Since J.'s dad died, we're also getting mail for him - since J. is a Junior, it's inevitable. All kinds of magazine offers, insurance offers, financial advice offers, etc. Things I'm POSITIVE are really meant for J.'s dad - like a 'Fallen Heroes' DVD offer, complete with a 'sample' DVD that I had to mail back to them since we don't want it. And I don't want to note 'deceased' and just return it 'cuz J. isn't deceased (thank you, God) and I don't want to spend time writing a letter to a junk mail company or mass marketing firm to explain that they have the wrong J. - the J. you want is in heaven with his wife and my J. isn't interested in Fallen Heroes, or fallen anything, 'kay? So I now get twice as much junk mail to deal with. Yikes.

SO, it's 4:40am and I'm heading up to shower and get ready for work. The days have been long but productive and satisfying. School is in full swing again and the sound of kids playing and laughing and being kids is nice after the quiet of summer vacation. Schools are made to be full of kids and an empty school is kind of a lonely place. But they return, as kids do and I get to watch them at PE or at recess and enjoy their antics and their 'kid-ness'. It's a great distraction during long days and it's also a great reminder of why I'm working so hard. It helps to have that 'tangible benefit' of seeing them everyday, enjoying their school and their friends and their life. I love that part of the job...and remind myself everyday 'it's for the kids'.

I'm heading to a meeting in Stockton this morning and hope to wedge in 15 minutes to stop by Trader Joe's and pick up some Tea Java. I'm out and that's not a good thing - though I have enjoyed the 'excuse' to return to Starbucks daily for tea. But, they've raised their prices again and I just can't rationalize spending that much $$ on tea. Just can't do it....not when there's Tea Java in the world that is just as refreshing and tastes great!




Monday, August 27, 2007

Behind the Scenes

A quick post before heading to work - it's not even 6 yet. Much to do, much to do.

There are many things I do around here that are behind the scenes. I consider myself a sort of 'good fairy' who goes around looking for things that need doing and takes care of them. There's always toilet paper on the holder and plenty of back stock in various bathroom cupboards and the garage. The small, teeny bits of soap magically disappear and a new, fresh bar of soap appears in their place. Shampoos, conditioners always at the ready.

This morning, I noticed the boy's shampoo and conditioner was running low. No problem, I thought. I'll just swap them out for the two refills under the sink (which I'd noticed earlier this week while searching for body lotion). Only, apparently the last time I refilled their conditioner, I'd done the same thing I thought I'd do this morning: just replace the almost empty with the full and I'd rinse out and transfer the remaining conditioner from the old to the new bottle later 'when I have time'. SO what I really had were two, old, not all that full bottles. I combined them. I'm frugal that way. And the shampoo refill was a giant, impossible to manage in the shower with slippery hands flip-top version, which I judiciously poured into the pump container. So that's done. I'm careful about keeping shampoo and conditioner stocked and ready 'cuz if I don't, they'll resort to one of two options: using Mom's really expensive shampoo and conditioner or not using anything at all. Neither a good choice.

Like most things we buy for the care and feeding of the boys, everything is jumbo size. Toilet paper is bought in massive quantities at Costco, as are bath soap, shampoo, conditioner, deodorants, lotions, toothpaste, etc. I'm never really convinced Costco's prices are better than Target - but at least it's done, all at once and we never run out.

I like doing the 'little' things that they probably never notice. Someday, they will. Someday, they'll be in a dorm or their apartment and realize they have no toilet paper anywhere or no shampoo. And they'll think 'why didn't this ever happen when I lived at home?' And they'll realize 'it was Mom. That's why'. And they'll smile. As they're swearing about there being no toilet paper. And they'll start learning to take care of 'behind the scenes' stuff themselves. I hope.

Sunday, August 26, 2007

Nothing

I've got nothing to say at the moment. Plenty of posts ruminating in my head but no time to put them on 'paper' via blogging. Worked a full day yesterday and again today. I'm too pooped to write. This is going to be an incredibly long week.

J. is making me a hamburger and then we'll probably go to Modesto - I still have to figure out what I'll be wearing to next weekend's formal 'black tie' wedding, if I go. At this point, I'm inclined to let J. wear his tux and go 'stag'. But we'll see. Hopefully, I'll figure something out.

Talk to you on the flip side of the year end process. If I survive.

Wednesday, August 22, 2007

Banking

I am suspicious by nature. I question everything. I'm good at it. I used to manage attorneys so I know when I'm being BS'd and how to 'dig' and get to the 'core root' of issues. I take nothing at face value.

And it worries me considerably, as an average US citizen, when a major bank 'invests' $2B in the country's largest mortgage holder on the same day that same major bank borrowed $500M from the federal reserve bank.

I don't think a major bank needing to borrow cash should be investing in a mortgage company that's on the brink of disaster.

And I also wonder why it is that as soon as the investment in the mortgage company was announced, the 'article' on the online news regarding the bank borrowing from the Federal Reserve Bank mysteriously moved 'off the charts'. I refound it just now but had to look pretty hard for it.

Something's not right in our economy, folks. Seriously not right. And someone, somewhere, is making efforts to make that as 'not obvious' as possible so that people won't notice.

Monday, August 20, 2007

Something

This post has been building for some time. I just have to write this. No, to those who read this and know me - I'm not losing it. I'm not. But I need to write this so it's known.

There's something happening to me, in my heart. This relationship with God is real for me. I don't know what His plan is for me or why it's taken 47 years for me to feel like this about Him. But I do. And I can't ignore this anymore.

There is a reason for this. I don't know the reason yet, and maybe I never will. Maybe it's just enough for me to put it out there into the blogosphere. So that those of you who read and know me will know that I know something is going to happen - something. God is urging me to draw ever closer to Him and while I question it and try to ignore it, I can't. He is with me every second of every day in a way that I've never experienced before. And it scares the crap out of me but at the same time, it makes me peaceful and so incredibly joy-filled, I honestly can't put it into words. I don't know what changes are afoot - I wish I did. I just know that there's a reason this 'calling' is happening and I have to listen. And do what He's asking, which at the moment seems to be 'trust Me'. So I am.

There are many songs I listen to now that I can't hear without tears. Some remind me of the kids. Some remind me of Jesus' sacrifice and His love for me - and for my family and friends. Some just fill me up to the brim with emotions that I've never had before - in this relationship with God that I've always had just under the surface but apparently, was never open enough to accept. I'm listening to "Mercy Reigns" at the moment with a smile on my lips and tears running down my cheeks.

I don't know what the 'something' is. I hope it's as joy-filled as it feels. There is more joy in my heart than I've ever known....like an ever-growing happiness and peace that just gets bigger and bigger everyday. I keep trying to 'lessen' it somehow. But the more I try to squash it, the bigger it gets. I'm not sure I 'get' it and I know I'm not explaining it well. It's truly the first indescribable feeling I've ever had. And it isn't something I was 'looking' for...or hoping for.
It's not like I have these feelings because I'm lacking something else - and that's what makes it so incredible to me, even more so. Because I know these feelings ARE God in my life. I'm not 'searching' or seeking or hoping to 'feel' him. I DO feel him. Everyday. In everything I do, in all I am. And I just can't get over that.

I just want all who read this blog to know: Jesus is Lord. I know that. And whatever is happening, it's all good. It's all OK. I will be fine. We will be fine. I know that.

When you see me again, I won't be noisy about this. That's not me. I've been quietly faithful my entire life. I won't become someone who irritates the heck out of people. More than anything, I just want it 'known' that this is what's happening to me - this is where my heart is. Because you never know. I want those around me to know that it - whatever 'it' is - it's all OK. I know that with every ounce of my being.

J., when you read this, there is no 'issue' that needs K's intervention. I'm great. Really great. And I'm not going to become an annoying Christian. I'm just going to continue to be your (occasionally) annoying wife and I'm so happy you are on this faith journey with me. And I love you very much. Just sayin'.

Your mercy reigns
Your mercy comes
Your mercy falls
and rises with the sun
Your mercy reigns
Your mercy comes
Your mercy falls
and rises with the sun

its new every morning
its new every morning
its good enough for me

"Mercy Reigns"
Shane & Shane


Unbelievable

This may be national news shortly and if it is, then this post will be removed to protect the anonymity of this blog. But, you heard it here first!

Our nephew just hit not one but TWO holes in one today at a golf course in Tulare - playing with his high school team. He hit the first hole in one on the front nine holes and was 'done' when a course employee said 'hey, you need to finish this round so you can post that great score'. So he played the back nine and hit ANOTHER hole in one. Both with a 7 iron. INCREDIBLE. I'm sure it will hit the news shortly. I'm hoping for a visit to the Letterman show. Or Leno. We'll see.

Way to go, AJ. Great job!!!

Saturday, August 18, 2007

Bruising

H. isn't that keen on the bruising/being bruised part of football after all. He opted out this morning, after a long night of thinking it through. Turns out the realization that the game is primarily about 'kill or be killed' (metaphorically speaking) just isn't his thing. When a guy coming at you is twice your size and is intending to deck you, you reconsider why you wanted to play the game in the first place. It's just not his cup of tea and we're fine with that. We are immensely proud of how hard he worked during the summer (the ENTIRE summer) to make the team and also proud of how he handled himself. He showed up at the practice this morning to let the coaches know that he wasn't enjoying it at this point and he opted out. They sent him home to wash all his gear and he'll return everything on Monday. J. overheard one of the coaches saying 'well, at least he told us instead of just being miserable'.

It's unfortunate that it's too late for him to join a soccer team. The kid needs some sports as an 'outlet'. But he'll manage. He has freshman PE everyday so that's something. Hopefully, he'll find a sport he enjoys during PE and can try out for a different school team of some kind.

B. had his wisdom teeth out on Friday morning. I had a class and when I called to check in, I felt bad not being there for him. So instead of going back to the office for the afternoon, I called my boss and explained and he said 'hey, you're the Mom - you need to be home with him'. So I came home with a gallon of draft A&W root beer for him to enjoy. With vanilla ice cream that J. had bought earlier, along with Jello, pudding, etc. He's actually doing really well - taking some pain meds pretty regularly but he's been to the mall (J. drove) and is playing drums a lot. So that's good. He used a lot of ice packs yesterday and so far, he doesn't have a lot of swelling or bruising. He looks fine. He woke us up at 4:30 this morning in a fair amount of pain - it woke him up. But after some ibuprofen, he went back to sleep and slept until after 9.

I worked most of the morning and into the afternoon and will do the same tomorrow. There's just a lot to do and it's time to bite the bullet and put in some serious effort on getting the year wrapped up. It's full steam ahead. There is no 'break' in this job. Maybe December will finally calm down - and I'm planning to take 3 full weeks off in December, which will be heavenly. But that's 4 months away. Seems like forever. I have 3 days off for Thanksgiving and am planning to take off that Monday and Tuesday also, for a full week off. Hope that's do-able. And then there's a week in Hawaii in March! YEAH!

J. plays bass at church tomorrow for the 3rd Sunday in a row. He's enjoying it - and we all enjoy going even more when he and/or B. are playing - but sometimes, we just want a weekend off. Just to be 'attending' church, not a part of the service. We made our Costco run this evening so at least that is crossed off the list for the weekend.

We took the dogs for a walk to the park. They just LOVE running around the park - they get so excited when we step up the curb onto the grass and they start running full tilt. They run, leap, weave in and out. Just have a blast, smiling the entire way. It was a good brisk walk and we're going to try to do it more often. They need it, we need it.

Dinner was Costco pizza. Tomorrow is steak and salad. We had thought about going out to celebrate J. hitting the -30 lb. mark but then thought 'we can make great steaks here and if we don't go out, it will be easier to eat meat and salad. No bread, no potatoes, etc.'. Saves money and our waistlines. Good planning on two fronts.

American President is on so gotta run.





Friday, August 17, 2007

Bruised

H. arrived home from his first full practice an hour later than usual. It apparently takes quite awhile to take all that gear off and hang it up.

His only request was 'could I please have a some money above the $20 lunch money so I can buy some cold water before practice? They have a drinking fountain but it doesn't flow very fast and it's warm water. I'd really appreciate it. I only have $2 left for tomorrow because I've used lunch money for water before practice'. I resisted the urge to correct him to 'may I please' and said 'of course' and handed him $5 and will give him more money for next week. It's only 10 weeks. The kid's got to be hydrated 'cuz he's losing body fluids. Including blood.

He has a cut/scrape (with blood showing) on his right upper arm from some guy's face plate. Various other scrapes and bruises. He shows them to J. matter of factly. While I sit across from them, with my back to them thinking 'oh my gosh - this was a PRACTICE - they are ON THE SAME TEAM, NOT EVEN COMPETING YET. What will he look like when it's the arch-rival team staring him down and smashing him to the ground? '

I shudder to think of it. And feel strangely proud at how happy he is to be battered and bruised. The kid's tough. Insane to voluntarily choose to be 'hurt'. But he's tough as nails and loves the game. And I secretly can't wait for the first kickoff. I'm going to be screaming my head off. And praying a lot. And I'm already planning my 'first aid' kit for my purse - bandaids, antiseptic wipes, a couple 'instant' cold packs, ibuprofen, etc. I'll be prepared for anything.

Thursday, August 16, 2007

Parenting

The thing I love the most about this 'new' job (which I realize I can't really call 'new' anymore since I've been there almost 8 months...I'm just going to have it start calling it 'my job') is being so close to home.

It's allowing me to be there for the kids in ways that never would have happened before in the 'commuting life' I was leading.

B. is participating in the AVID program at school. It's designed to prepare kids for college. Helps them set their goals, stay focused and organized, gives them a lot of skills to help them with those things. Provides some structure and gives content to what 'college bound' really means. Far more than the IB program does - which seems ironic, but oh well. Anyway, B. taking AVID because last year was a constant struggle for him. The work was challenging, his motivation wasn't there and his organizational skills suck (he got them from me, sadly).

AVID is going great so far and B. is very motivated. He called me at work yesterday to tell me 'did you know that it's not an acceptable goal as an AVID student for me to say I plan to go to a two year college?'. I said 'no, I didn't know that' followed with 'I can't really have this conversation right now so we can talk about it later'.

So I arrived home and it was just me and B. and I suggested we sit down at the dining room table and talk about it. I said 'I know the AVID program is designed to get you into a 4 year school because those criteria are far stricter than admittance to a 2 year school - so from that perspective, I get it. And you can certainly apply anywhere you'd like. And we will see - but you know that finances for college are not unlimited and a two year stint at a much lower rate is not a bad idea. That being said, if you want a 4 year 'live in a dorm' experience, you will work hard to get it and AVID will help you accomplish that.' He seems very excited about college and about doing well over these next two years. AVID has very specific grade requirements and extra curricular and community service components which I think are great. And B. says he feels so much more motivated than last year and I said 'that's half the battle. So keep it up'. We had a nice, long talk about what he wants to do - and he said 'I don't know what I want to do and I worry about that'. I said 'you're only 16 and you're not supposed to be positive you know what you want to do. That's part of the college experience - you get to explore and learn new things and find things you might be interested in that you didn't know you were.'

He also is worried about girls. A girl, specifically. And I said 'so it's not that you want a girlfriend, really. You want that girl, and only that girl. And honey, I'm sorry to tell you this, but she's just not into you that way. So if you wait around for her, you may wait a long time. He said 'but what if it's fate'? I said 'it's only fate if you're not pining away waiting for it to happen. If you're waiting for it to happen, it's not fate. It's just wasted time. Don't do that. Move on. If it is fate, it will happen. You just have to wait to see how it all turns out. Don't rush.'

I told him how I was as a kid. He and I are so much alike. I told him I only regret a couple things in my life and one of them is spending so much of my teen/early adult years fretting and worrying and making myself nuts about how it was all going to turn out. Or trying to make people act or be what I wanted or who I wanted - and who wanted me. I wished I had just lived more and worried less...and I see him doing the same thing. And I told him I do remember how hard it was to be a teen and to want to know how it all ends up - what will he do for a living? Will he be married with kids? Will be play drums? Etc. It's just torture to keep fretting about that stuff - let it go, live your life, make good choices, have fun. Wait for love to find you instead of trying to force it - and it will happen. I promise.

I reassured him that whatever his college dream was, we would do as much as we could to help him - and he will help himself by doing work study, taking out student loans, applying for scholarships, etc. If he wants it badly enough, it will happen - but it will take effort. I said 'the B. of last year that was barely passing is not someone I'm going to cash in retirement savings for or work an extra 5 years for. But the B. I talked to today is someone I want to support and help reach his goals and so you keep it up and we'll figure it out'.

As the conversation was wrapping up, I said 'so give me a high five' and he said 'Mom, come on, this conversation deserves to be ended with a hug'. And he gave me a bear hug to end all bear hugs.

I sent him an email today - which I rarely do - it said:

Hang in there. Life is like a roller coaster. Just hang on and enjoy the ride. It’s exhilarating and fun and scary. But you love that! And you’ll be fine! It’s going to be great! And I’m looking forward to all of your future. It’s going to be spectacular! Because YOU are spectacular.

And a whole lot of other mushy 'mom' stuff. And I got another bear hug this evening as I was fixing dinner. He said 'got your email, Mom. Thanks.'

I love this young man more than words can say. I will do everything in my power to help him. I will put off retiring, sell my worldly possessions and cash in my corporate retirement savings if I have to. I want him to have his dreams fulfilled. And I know it will all work out and he'll be fine. 'Cuz dreams really do come true.

If I'd been commuting, this entire conversation would have never happened. And I'm so glad it did.




Bling

The post below (see blue type) has been edited to ensure that no one in any way thinks that I painted this:

Teddies
Noun
1. A woman's sleeveless undergarment

on a child's comfort hanky.

Wednesday, August 15, 2007

Jinx

I'm almost afraid to say this. But I will. H. made it past 'first cuts' for the freshman football team. There are still two more 'cuts' to go - they need to be down 10 players by this time next week. If they have kids drop out (when the tackling, wearing 20 lbs. of pads and helmet with heat, heat, HEAT, etc. becomes reality), then they won't have to do additional cuts. We are cautiously optimistic. H. got his pads and uniform today. J.'s heating up water to fit the mouthpiece and H. is trying on his pads, etc. in the living room. It's a bit strange to see my 'sweet' boy decked out in his gear. We are so incredibly proud of him - he's wanted this for a really long time (since 5th grade) and he set his mind to it and made it happen. He's come home this week bone tired - exhausted. But he's enjoying playing and is glad to (hopefully) be a member of the THS Freshman Football Team - an official Bulldog! GO THS! He said last night (after he'd found out he'd made it past first cuts and was 'on the team') 'even if I end up not making it through the next two cuts, I'm still really proud of myself for trying and making it this far'. It has been a HUGE effort on his part - practicing most evenings during the summer, attending a skills camp for a week. He's really worked for it and he has every reason to be proud. And I'm pretty confident he won't be cut. He's good at catching and he's really motivated and that's 1/2 the battle. He's playing wide receiver.

The first three days of school have been a bit harried. Turned out I had a late meeting last night and J. ended up being recruited to play at church again this weekend, so he had rehearsal last night. The house looked a bit neglected. I've been coming home for lunch but only for 1/2 hour - just enough time to let the dogs out and grab something quick. Not enough time to do any picking up, etc. But we'll catch up soon. I hope.

My school district started school yesterday. It's fun to have the kids back on the playground. Watching them do PE and enjoy recess. The summer flew by but I do know I missed the kids. They're the reason I'm doing my job and it's nice to have that reminder back.

We have a preschool on our site and those kids were there all summer. They are a hoot. I saw a little boy earlier this week carrying his blanket to the playground - and immediately flashed on B. at that age, with his 'magic hanky'. B. had a very, VERY hard time transitioning from a home daycare to a preschool. He pretty much freaked out every morning...and unlike most kids who are quickly 'fine' once the parent leaves, B. would periodically freak out throughout the day. So I wanted to give him a way to have us 'near' him. I took white cotton hankies and used fabric paint and stencils. I painted teddy bears and hearts and smiles. He'd have one tucked in his pocket and the teachers said whenever he'd get a bit 'worried' or stressed, he'd reach in his pocket and grab his hanky. And it seemed to help. B. eventually outgrew the need for that 'touchstone' - he stopped wanting me to 'present' it to him when I dropped him off - and he moved on to becoming a 'leader', which he still is today. When I saw the little boy with his blanky, I remember B. and thought 'that's good. You keep what you need near you and when you're ready, you can let it go'. Like B. They eventually find their own way. Little by little.

My youngest is on his way, too. With massive amounts of protective gear. And a mom who will be proudly freaking out in the stands every Thursday night for the next 10 weeks. Maybe I need to make myself a hanky for my pocket. Or a blindfold. Possibly both?

Tuesday, August 14, 2007

Now There are Two

Two in high school. My baby went to high school yesterday. And unlike the 'sadness' of two years ago when it was B. going, it's H. And H. is my baby - my last. And he headed out to 'play with the big kids' yesterday morning. Being 'chauffeured' by his older brother. J. quickly grabbed the camera and we managed to get a photo of the boys before they headed out. One of the very rare times lately they were being cordial to each other. No more days of going into their classroom, writing their grade and the date on the whiteboard and getting a back to school photo. We had to run out to the driveway and torture them to get a pic - with B. saying 'we've really got to go' over and over. But that pic is a treasure - my young men going off to the trenches for another year of learning.

H. arrived home after football practice completely wiped out. Exhausted. Dragging through homework, paperwork, a trip to the mall for a pair of PE sneakers. Yet somehow perked up enough to be hanging out with B. until after 11. They were 'talking' about high school - being 'sweet' to each other, which they rarely are. So I scolded them slightly, reminded them what time it was and let them be. If high school gives them something to talk about that doesn't involve arguing, then I'm all for it and I'll let them chat all night long if they like. Though they will regret it in a few minutes when it's time to get up.

H. finds out tonight if he made the freshman football team. I have mixed feelings about it - but in general, I hope he makes it because he hopes he makes it. And I want them both to have what they desire. Even if it may result in bones being crushed. And most certainly will result in me worrying my way through 10 weeks of Thursday nights.

In theory, we have 4 more years of kids at home. Assuming they go away to college, which is a big assumption since we have no idea how we're going to pay for that. But we're taking it one day at a time, saving what we can as quickly as we can - but they will need to borrow and work through school and as that reality looms ever-closer, it's harder and harder for me to 'deal' with it. I am suggesting, strongly at times, that a community college for a couple years would be an awesome idea. They can live here, work part time and save up for two (or three) final years of an 'away' college. I hope they'll listen. I hate to have to put my foot down and insist on it, but it is really the most logical, feasible approach to the whole college thing. Phoenix College got me off to a great start and I finished my A.A. at Chaffey and then transferred to Cal Poly. And I know from personal experience that LPC is an amazingly fine institution.

So I continue to lobby strongly for 2 years at a far lower cost. I hope they'll listen. I don't want to disappoint them, but we have to be realistic.

I just have to have faith it will all work out. What will be, will be, and me fretting and worrying about it for 2-4 more years won't change it. We'll figure something out. I've even started resigning myself to working longer to 'make up' what we might have to withdraw from retirement savings to help them through college - something I never dreamed we'd need to or I'd be willing to do - but as the college expenses loom closer, I'm starting to think of any feasible option. Including hitting some retirement money which I'll have to work longer to replace. Not what I'd hoped for, but I'd do just about anything for those kids. I want them to have what I didn't have - an amazing college experience. Not working full time and going to school at the same time for 6 years to finally finish. I want them to have fun, work part time, live in a dorm. Have that college experience.

For now, we focus on the high school experience. B. is an 'upper class man' monitoring his freshman brother's every move. He'll keep a watchful eye out 'cuz B. is a great older brother. And they do love each other, in spite of the typical sibling angst that rears it's head in this house fairly frequently.

We'll survive. I'll keep you posted. At the moment, the biggest challenge is getting to school in time to get a parking space in the front lot. The school is finally 'under construction' and the main parking lot is closed. The school district has rented space at the old Heinz plant but it's a bit of a walk from that lot to the campus. And there's not enough spaces in that lot, either. The boys are aiming for a shortly after 7 departure each morning to get a prime spot. We'll see how long that lasts.

Sunday, August 12, 2007

Sis

My sister has a new 'boyfriend'. I find that hard to type - not because he's not a great guy - he most definitely is. And she is certainly deserving of finding happiness. Of being loved. And that appears to be the case. But she is my older sister. And it's just odd waiting for updates on their most recent date. Opening my email account praying there's a recent note confirming all is still going swimmingly. And it most certainly appears to be. When a guy calls her sister just to tell the sister how much he loves the lady, I think that bodes well for a relationship.

The Sunday I left Arizona, K. and B. went to (yet another) lunch. They were still lunching a couple hours later when I called just to check in and said my flight was delayed. By all accounts, this was the lunch that 'sealed the deal'. B. told K. that he feels like he's in high school - and if he were in high school, he'd give her his class ring and ask her to go steady. The waitress thought they were such a cute couple, she brought balloons and confetti to their table. It was shortly after this date, their plan to 'take it slow' landed squarely on the bedroom floor...quite possibly a trail of things on the floor. And I couldn't be happier about that, either.

A few days after this Sunday date, I confessed to my sister that this was like my own private soap opera and I really wanted/needed more updates. She obliged.

They went to dinner a few nights after that lunch date. And B. got down on bended knee and presented K. with .......you know what's coming....yes, he gave her his high school class ring. Which he'd had to search his entire house to find. She accepted. And they are officially going steady.

I think the high school ring story is what I will use as a toast to the happy couple at their wedding. Oh, there's no date yet, and they're 'taking it slow'. But we all know how that will end up. Their version of slow isn't. And that's completely fine because when you've found love later in life, it makes it even sweeter and more sublime. They deserve much happiness and I won't be at all surprised to hear wedding bells sooner rather than later.

As long as my sister is happy, it's all good with me. She is deserving of being loved and taken care of and cared for. And she is so much fun and full of life and I think that's good for him, too.

So carry on, K. and B. Carry on. Who would have ever imagined K.'s first foray into Internet dating (thanks, Yahoo Personals) would have found a keeper so quickly! And he's definitely a keeper.


Friday, August 10, 2007

Two Guys and a Waffle Iron

[I break from my one word title rule with this entry. May return to one word. May not. May 'mix it up'. Wait and see. Keeps us all on our toes].

This entry was worth multiple words in the title 'cuz the title says it all.

B. and C. are best friends and have been since the 5th grade. They are like brothers, from different families. But as close as two kids I've ever seen. They are guys - typical guys. They don't talk about feelings, or emotions. They laugh about body sounds and other silly things. They hang out at the beach together eyeing their prospects. They have been there for each other going on 7 years and they are really fun to watch - they care about each other so much, in a 'cool' way and through thick and thin, they stick together. B. helped C. down off the ski slope when he cracked his pelvis while snowboarding. When B. dislocated his knee, C. was one of the first to call him and visit him and C. still went snowboarding with H. and J. that weekend because that was the plan and B. thought of that before anything else when he got home from the hospital. They're good for each other and have already agreed they will be at each others wedding no matter what, no matter how far apart they live.

C. has a girlfriend now - and he also plays on many competitive traveling sport teams. His schedule is jam packed and now that he's added a girl to his list of priorities, his time with B. is even more infrequent. Unlike girls that would get all bent out of shape about not having 'time' for each other, B. and C. just look forward to the next opportunity they'll have to hang out together. They've seen each other more this summer than they have in months...but still, finding time to get together has been a challenge.

I arrived home this evening after a long Friday. House continues to be relatively tidy, given the cleaning crew was here a few days ago and we are all working hard at putting things away when we're done, etc. [and it's so incredibly nice to feel like the house IS in good shape - no stressing out about it when H. wants to have a friend over; no feeling like the entire weekend should be spent cleaning - it's the best $170 a month we've EVER spent and I don't know why we didn't do it years and years ago].

There was a plate of some waffles on the kitchen table - yes, at 5PM. And I noticed they weren't 'round' waffles - they're square. We have a round waffle iron. I asked J. about the waffles. He said 'C. showed up at 8 AM this morning with a box of Bisquick and the waffle iron'. He and B. had apparently decided that getting together for breakfast was their best option, so C. showed up ready to cook. And so they did. J. said the first waffle, C. covered the entire surface of the waffle iron with batter - so you know how that turned out - waffle batter oozing over the edges and getting all over the counter...but C. very carefully cleaned it up as he worked. They apparently got better as they went and they fixed two batches.

I just think this is so cute. And B. doesn't like me to use the word 'cute' to describe ANY of his activities - but it's just so sweet. And then I think 'well, it's not unexpected - they are two very kind, thoughtful, generous young men and they wedge in time with each other wherever and whenever possible'. A breakfast together the Friday before school starts was their last 'summer fling' before they're back to adding tons of school work and school activities to their already jammed schedules. So they seized the moment and spent a couple hours together mixing batter, making a mess, eating a lot and then cleaning up. They had a great time.

And I got a blog post for the memory books out of the deal. Oh, and a couple leftover waffles. Which I'm glad were left on the table 'cuz if they hadn't been there, I might have never known the story of two guys and a waffle iron.

Wednesday, August 08, 2007

Daring

Since I have firmly committed to working in Tracy, I am slowly but surely transitioning my life to this side of the Altamont.

I've been traveling to Danville every 5 weeks for the past 7 months - sticking with a hair stylist I love. She's helped me grow my hair long and also gotten me to embrace my inner blondness. But maintaining long, blond hair requires frequent trims and touch ups. It's an hour and fifteen minutes or more each way plus an hour and a half in the chair. That's a big chunk of time and more and more, I've found myself reluctant to make the 'commute'. At first, it felt like a 'treat' - a reason to work an earlier day and leave in the late afternoon, stop for a bite to eat and some Starbucks iced tea and enjoy an evening of me time. But more and more, when evening rolls around, I just want to be home. As soon as possible. So the journey to and from Danville has been less about pleasure and more about necessity for the past few months. I was sort of on the fence about it since I was still pondering which job to do - but now that I'm firmly committed to staying where I'm at, it's time to take the plunge.

Thing is, it's HARD to trust another 'unknown' stylist with color. It took me forty years to be brave enough to try it. So trusting someone to 'match' it well and do a good job was hard. But, I did it - she was recommended by a coworker and she did a great job. The cut is more layered, still plenty of length. And she matched the color really well. I love it. And I was in and out in just over an hour and it was a 13 minute drive from my office to her shop. YEAH! Oh, and she was half price! including the tip!! YIPPEE!!

Next big change is to find a doctor out this way. I'm going to work on that in the next week. Need to get my annual and my current Dr. is also in Danville - thankfully, I don't have to go there often but it's still an all day thing. And a mammogram is needed and that's all the way to Hayward. I'll have to take time off work to go there and back, for sure.

Once I've located a doctor (and I have a pretty good head start on that - J. loves his Dr. and the medical group he's in), that'll be it. I won't be going out that way except to meet friends for dinner.

WHICH, I did last Friday - a spur of the moment dinner with the lovely N. Tons of fun. We actually just had coffee (wink, wink) in case her fiancee M. is reading this. But we had Mexican food and great conversation. The wedding is only a couple months away!! Can't wait!

Speaking of weddings, J. and I are attending a commitment ceremony [can't call it a wedding 'cuz it won't be legal - but someday, hopefully, it will be] for a coworker of J's on Sept. 1st. Black tie. I can't recall when I last wore a dress much less a 'gown'. I've ordered the dress (should be here next week - cutting it a bit close 'cuz I know it's going to need to be altered) and will start the shoes and handbag quest soon. And the new hair stylist will do an updo or braid for the wedding, which will be cool. I've never had hair long enough to 'updo' OR braid, so a 'fancy' hairdo will make the fancy event even more fun. I think J. is considering renting a tux though his dark suit will do in a pinch. We're looking forward to it - an evening of adult conversation and fancy to boot. That should be fun. And I'll get to meet J.'s coworkers, and I'm really looking forward to that as well.

We're having Trader Joe's meatless meatballs for dinner. DELICIOUS. I'm not going to tell the kids they aren't really meat 'cuz they'll never know. They are GREAT. We're making a trip to TJ's a weekly event! Last night, we had Tempura for dinner - also from TJ's. I owe the refresher course on how great it is from my aunt's visit - she pointed out all the 'good' things, most of which I wouldn't have tried without her recommendation.

And I'm drinking Tejava iced tea (also a TJ find) instead of Starbucks - saving $3/day!

But I'm winning the $56M lottery this evening and once that money's in the bank, I'll probably go back to SB tea - it's just easier.

Talk to you later -

Sunday, August 05, 2007

Caution

One of my pet peeves in life are people who refuse to accept responsibility for ending up exactly where their actions led them to be. I have no patience for people who think the world (or specific individuals in the world) has dealt them a bad hand; created the situation they find themselves in; is out to get them.

Get a grip. We are all responsible for ourselves. And responsible is the key word in that sentence - be responsible. For your words, your actions, your beliefs. We're all just doing the best we can to make it through life and we are all a product of our upbringing and life experiences - and all those things have led us to where we are 'now'. And the 'now' is the important part.

I read a lot of blogs - have a list of favorites. One of the blogs I read (and no, I won't name it and don't ask me to) is written by a woman who has lost more jobs in the past 18 months than I can count. Her most recent foray into employment lasted FIVE DAYS. And I knew she was going to lose this job. KNEW IT on her 2nd day. It was like watching a train wreck. She did a kind of 'video' rap (in words set to music - not her singing or anything like that) in which she disclosed some components of her compensation. No amounts, no specifics numerically. But she disclosed that she was getting 'oodles' (I can't remember the actual word she used and the post is no longer their so I can't check it out again) of stock options. And as soon as I saw that, I knew they were going to fire her. You can't disclose compensation in any way. Because some other worker for that company, who's been there for a dozen years toiling away in the mail room for $11 an hour doesn't get stock options - or at least not 'oodles' and they are going to be very pissed. So you just have to keep your mouth shut.

She didn't. And the thing that really bugged me about this is: after she removed all references to her company - the link to their website, the video she posted, the references to the company in her writings - she wrote a post with words 'I just can not catch a break'. Huh? You've had plenty of breaks. Yes, you've had a rough 18 months - but you have lost all those jobs for a reason. Step back and really LOOK at your performance and your approach. You are the person who was in the job and either blogged about too many things you shouldn't have or didn't do the work. Didn't fulfill the job requirements. Your readers don't know the whole story nor should they. But making errors in judgment over and over - that is what is causing your jobs to 'not work out'.

So quit asking your readers to pony up support for you during this (yet again) difficult time. Get a grip. Don't blog about compensation or workload or how you're too busy with your kids to wedge in working during the day. And most of all, own it. You screwed up. Posting that video about how excited you were about the compensation package was wrong. That's what got you fired, I'm pretty sure. And you did that. No bad karma, misaligned chakras...none of that. Just your actions. Leading you to where you are. Your blog has advertisements to make you money - and I for one have basically stopped reading. I don't want to watch the next train wreck. It's just around the corner. And I'm tired of watching. And hearing about it. And listening to you whine about how hard it is and how you just don't get why all this 'stuff' keeps happening to you.

I feel this way about lots of areas in my life lately. I had a conversation with a family member recently about how 'sad' it is that another family member and I aren't communicating. I replied 'yes, it is very sad'. What I wanted to say - but didn't is: 'yes, it is very sad. And s/he did that. All by themselves. With their actions and their words. And I finally, not lightly, or without being repeatedly pushed toward cutting the ties - I finally just said 'enough'. I put my pole in the stand and said 'that's it for me'.' I didn't go there because what's the point? The family member I'm not communicating with has been lobbying for the sympathy vote their entire life. And many family members continue to offer it (including the one I was speaking to). Making others in the family - those who have put the pole in the sand and firmly affixed it there - the 'heavy' in a situation they were forced into. You don't cut ties with family easily or without a lot of thought and angst and pain. You don't. You cut ties with family members when your soul can't handle the crap anymore. When you've tolerated verbal and emotional abuse over and over and over. And one day, you just stop. Self preservation kicks in and you stop.

And it is sad. Train wrecks are sad. But watching train wrecks - and returning to watch again and again is even more sad. And I'm not doing that anymore. And I accept that responsibility - it's my choice, my decision. It has consequences and I'll pay them.

Saturday, August 04, 2007

Shopping

"How did I end up here?", I said to no one in particular. "How is it that I'm almost 50 years old and I'm spending a Saturday afternoon sitting in Zumiez trying to get the XBox to work to pass the time. How?"

"We had unprotected sex seventeen and a half years ago", the almost 60 year old man sitting next to me replied.

So we sat and waited until we were summoned to the register to pay the bill.

School shopping has begun.

March

I'm starting to think maybe I will just do a monthly post and call it what it is - whatever month we're in.  Here we are winding dow...