Parenting

The thing I love the most about this 'new' job (which I realize I can't really call 'new' anymore since I've been there almost 8 months...I'm just going to have it start calling it 'my job') is being so close to home.

It's allowing me to be there for the kids in ways that never would have happened before in the 'commuting life' I was leading.

B. is participating in the AVID program at school. It's designed to prepare kids for college. Helps them set their goals, stay focused and organized, gives them a lot of skills to help them with those things. Provides some structure and gives content to what 'college bound' really means. Far more than the IB program does - which seems ironic, but oh well. Anyway, B. taking AVID because last year was a constant struggle for him. The work was challenging, his motivation wasn't there and his organizational skills suck (he got them from me, sadly).

AVID is going great so far and B. is very motivated. He called me at work yesterday to tell me 'did you know that it's not an acceptable goal as an AVID student for me to say I plan to go to a two year college?'. I said 'no, I didn't know that' followed with 'I can't really have this conversation right now so we can talk about it later'.

So I arrived home and it was just me and B. and I suggested we sit down at the dining room table and talk about it. I said 'I know the AVID program is designed to get you into a 4 year school because those criteria are far stricter than admittance to a 2 year school - so from that perspective, I get it. And you can certainly apply anywhere you'd like. And we will see - but you know that finances for college are not unlimited and a two year stint at a much lower rate is not a bad idea. That being said, if you want a 4 year 'live in a dorm' experience, you will work hard to get it and AVID will help you accomplish that.' He seems very excited about college and about doing well over these next two years. AVID has very specific grade requirements and extra curricular and community service components which I think are great. And B. says he feels so much more motivated than last year and I said 'that's half the battle. So keep it up'. We had a nice, long talk about what he wants to do - and he said 'I don't know what I want to do and I worry about that'. I said 'you're only 16 and you're not supposed to be positive you know what you want to do. That's part of the college experience - you get to explore and learn new things and find things you might be interested in that you didn't know you were.'

He also is worried about girls. A girl, specifically. And I said 'so it's not that you want a girlfriend, really. You want that girl, and only that girl. And honey, I'm sorry to tell you this, but she's just not into you that way. So if you wait around for her, you may wait a long time. He said 'but what if it's fate'? I said 'it's only fate if you're not pining away waiting for it to happen. If you're waiting for it to happen, it's not fate. It's just wasted time. Don't do that. Move on. If it is fate, it will happen. You just have to wait to see how it all turns out. Don't rush.'

I told him how I was as a kid. He and I are so much alike. I told him I only regret a couple things in my life and one of them is spending so much of my teen/early adult years fretting and worrying and making myself nuts about how it was all going to turn out. Or trying to make people act or be what I wanted or who I wanted - and who wanted me. I wished I had just lived more and worried less...and I see him doing the same thing. And I told him I do remember how hard it was to be a teen and to want to know how it all ends up - what will he do for a living? Will he be married with kids? Will be play drums? Etc. It's just torture to keep fretting about that stuff - let it go, live your life, make good choices, have fun. Wait for love to find you instead of trying to force it - and it will happen. I promise.

I reassured him that whatever his college dream was, we would do as much as we could to help him - and he will help himself by doing work study, taking out student loans, applying for scholarships, etc. If he wants it badly enough, it will happen - but it will take effort. I said 'the B. of last year that was barely passing is not someone I'm going to cash in retirement savings for or work an extra 5 years for. But the B. I talked to today is someone I want to support and help reach his goals and so you keep it up and we'll figure it out'.

As the conversation was wrapping up, I said 'so give me a high five' and he said 'Mom, come on, this conversation deserves to be ended with a hug'. And he gave me a bear hug to end all bear hugs.

I sent him an email today - which I rarely do - it said:

Hang in there. Life is like a roller coaster. Just hang on and enjoy the ride. It’s exhilarating and fun and scary. But you love that! And you’ll be fine! It’s going to be great! And I’m looking forward to all of your future. It’s going to be spectacular! Because YOU are spectacular.

And a whole lot of other mushy 'mom' stuff. And I got another bear hug this evening as I was fixing dinner. He said 'got your email, Mom. Thanks.'

I love this young man more than words can say. I will do everything in my power to help him. I will put off retiring, sell my worldly possessions and cash in my corporate retirement savings if I have to. I want him to have his dreams fulfilled. And I know it will all work out and he'll be fine. 'Cuz dreams really do come true.

If I'd been commuting, this entire conversation would have never happened. And I'm so glad it did.