Another Saturday Night

and I ain't got nobody.  I've got some money 'cuz I just got paid.  Now I wish I had someone to talk to.  I'm in an awful way....

Name that tune?

News alert:  I am not working today!  Believe it or not.  The three day weekend which will allow for a Monday of no one else there (so I will get 10x as much done with no interruptions) lured me into deciding that being off today was do-able.  I plan to go in for a couple of hours tomorrow but that's mainly to prep things for Monday - 'cuz my new assistant volunteered to also work a couple of hours Monday to give us a head start on the week.

My new assistant has a lot to do with that cavalier approach to what's ahead this week 'cuz I am able to pass off so much to her - and that offloads my wee brain to a degree that I feel 'lighter'.

I am heading to Trader Joe's later today with stops at Krispy Kreme and Dave Wong's  - dinner tonight and breakfast tomorrow with two stops.

I am dressed and heading outside to work on some yard stuff.  We have two Japanese maples in the front yard that our gardener was pruning to be 'shrub-like'.  We are trying (hoping) to let them get more 'tree like' but at the moment, they are gangling, over-grown beasts that need immediate taming. I'm hoping to train H. to prune - so he can help.

I saw my old boss this week - and watching his face as I described a lot of the things that are already changing was hard on us both.  It made me sad for all of us - all that we've worked so hard for in the past four years is seemingly being undone in a matter of weeks.

I don't know what the future holds.  I know I am committed to doing all I can to move the district forward.  I just don't know what the district will look like in a year.  Or two.  Time will tell.

More and more, I think we will be selling this house in a year or two and moving - hopefully still in Tracy but not sure.  I don't think the refinance is going to happen - which is OK though it pisses me off.  It would definitely happen if we came up with $40K - but I'd rather save that cash for our next home.  I think it will help (me) to start thinking of a new place - the fun J. and I will have in putting it together.  Hoping for a second 'brand new home' to make our own - and incorporating a lot of things we learned in the mistakes we made with this house.  Maybe.  We'll see.

The President just gave his speech regarding Syria - I don't know what the answers are.  A part of me thinks we MUST act now - because the use of chemical weapons is just not something we can sit idly by and accept while people are dying.  Then again, seeking Congressional approval seems the 'right' course - 'cuz it will flush out the division that is paralyzing our country.

It will also solidify that President Obama is damned if he does and damned if he doesn't.  It doesn't matter what path he chooses - he will be crucified either way.

We went into Iraq with nothing close to the confirmation we have against Syria.   Everyone seems to forget that.

People are dying.  The use of poisonous gas killed 1000's.  The global community has to care about that.  Humanity has to care about that.

And the decision is now in the hands of the most divided Congress in our country's history.

Sons and Stuff

Chloe is a whiny mess this morning.  She wants to be fed which I cannot do since she's having 'surgery' today.  I can't distract her fast enough.  She knows the routine - and THIS IS NOT IT.  Even though we gave her a hearty snack at 8PM last night (which we never do though now she will probably think it the norm from now on), she is still famished and getting frantic that I'm ignoring her hunger pangs.  Poor baby.

B. called last night which was unusual 'cuz we'd talked to him over the weekend.  He needed to ask to borrow $50 for gas until he gets paid.  We gave him $50 and told him no repayment necessary.  Lord knows we've treated H. to a tank of gas or two (or three, four, five....) in the past months so spotting B. a tank is the least we could do.  Just wish he lived close enough to borrow the Costco card and go get gas there - but oh well.  B. said 'that's really generous Mom, thank you so much but I can pay you back' and I said 'no worries.  Just don't use the 'extra' $50 as an excuse to eat junk food'.  He's being very careful about what he eats...and training really hard.  That young man is driven.

We took the PS3 console to be repaired and are leaving the piece of junk at the repair place vs. paying $30 to pick it up.  It'll be close to $200 to repair it....so H. is getting an early Christmas present - a 500gb PS3 that should be here tomorrow.  We have promised him a bologna sandwich under the Christmas tree as a reminder that a big 'gift' was provided  months early.  The guy practically cart-wheeled out of the room.

One thing I will say about my job:  my days zoom by.  10-12 hour days gone in the blink of an eye and I do love that.  I can't imagine passing 8 hours being bored with not enough to do.  That never happens which is a wonderful thing.  The closing of the books is winding down and I'm working on the comparisons between this year and last year to make sense of the variances.  Am even managing to get a bit 'ahead' of my auditors (who will be here in four weeks) and start working on the things they will need to finish their report.

My new assistant is amazing and handing off big things to her and knowing I will get them back completed and 'right' is a blessing.  An extra brain is a wonderful thing.

We have company for the next few days and that means attempting to plan actual dinners.  Tonight might be leftovers 'cuz the fridge is jammed full.  We also have what we need to make gazpacho but I'm not sure the two carnivores in our midst will appreciate the effort to craft a delicious, cold tomato soup.  Even if it does have shrimp in it.

We continue to be jerked around by BofA.  I won't list the myriad of things they have been completely idiotic about - but there are plenty.  I continue to insist that they have no intention of underwriting a refinance....but J. still holds out hope.  We've been in process since the end of May.  Three months.  No new mortgage.  I'm not hopeful.  The lack of refinancing will make our 'retirement budget' a huge challenge - so that's concerning.  But I know we'll be fine.  We'll adjust.  Some how.  Some way.

OH - I bought a Bodum coffee press ages ago and then decided to take it back only never did.  So today, I used it.  J. says I should write a book on the 1000's of ways to end up with a cup of coffee 'cuz I've tried them all.  It is pretty good - though the key is probably to make just enough for a mug at a time.  That just seems like a lot of time and effort in the morning - heat water, make coffee, clean press, heat water again, make coffee.   Not sure I am up to that many steps twice a morning.  Though it probably doesn't actually take that much longer than the single cup brew process - it just seems more labor intensive.

Time to get showered.  My one hour of 'me' time is up.

Jays

We filled our new gourd bird feeder with cracked corn yesterday - to attract the zillions of jays we have living in the trees in our yard.  There are families of jays - moms, babies and dads - and they are frequently heard scolding anything or anyone that comes too close to them.  I hope the corn will attract them and I love that the feeder is supplying them with sustenance.

I also am thrilled that it's cracked corn vs. seed 'cuz I feared having a zillion unidentified plants growing in our garden.

And the feeder is so beautiful and I will post pics soon - it is hand crafted and it's unbelievably stunning.  It's very unique and one of a kind!  Love it!!

I did not work yesterday which will have me panicked and worried throughout today.  I did make huge progress on Saturday and I feel like I'm in a good place...and I also feel like I have the three day weekend next weekend as a 'fall back' if desperate.  I won't be - but just in case, you know?  I don't have too many meetings this week so I'm hopeful I can finish up the report part and move into the 'now what does it all mean' part.  Right after I finish calculating depreciation and then move on to reconciling our bond construction projects.

I have a headache now just writing the last sentence above.

Instead of heading upstairs to nap yesterday, I piddled around the house a bit.  Did a few things that needed doing and while it's not major things, I felt 'good' about doing something.  I did end up trying to sleep for a bit but ended up in the hazy doze state between true sleep and wake-fullness.

We watched Life of Pi on cable and really enjoyed it.

The ISS cruised overhead again last night at 8:18 and we watched it in between baking scones and malted milk chocolate chip cookies.  There's a birthday to celebrate in my department today so scones (homemade) and a Starbucks traveler of good, strong coffee will be a nice way to start off the day.

One meeting at 8:30 this morning and then it's just plowing through more year-end stuff.  I brought a bag of stuff home from my office - just 'stuff' that's been lurking in cupboards and drawers - not only did I haul it all home but it is now 'dispensed' with - Goodwill, trash, put away.

Chloe is getting two teeth pulled tomorrow - one is cracked and the other has a bad abscess.  The cracked one has been cracked for awhile.  When we cleaned out the pet cupboard after Klink died, we pulled out bags of hooves and pigs ears that H. gave to Chloe - and we think the chomping aggravated the cracked tooth.  She is eating better now that we switched to canned food and after tomorrow and a few days of discomfort, she should be back to her old self.  Since they're putting her under, they will also clean her teeth.  $800 later....

I slept in a bit this morning 'cuz as usual on work days, I get into a great sleep shortly before the alarm goes off.  Now I need to rush to get scones on trays and loaded into the car then to SB to pick up coffee.

Over and out for now.

Viewing

I've been up both days this weekend just after 6AM.  Realizing that if I went back to bed, I'd sleep until 9AM and I just can't do that.  I set goals of where I wanted to be on the year-end process and I don't want to give up on those goals - so I get up.

It's closing in on 9AM and here I sit - willing myself to head to the shower.  I just don't want to.  I want to head back to bed and sleep until noon -

I'm not going to do that.

I willed myself to stay up until 9:00 last night so we could watch the ISS cruise by at 9:07PM.  It was early!  We'll have to go out earlier to be sure we don't miss it.  I said 'maybe there wasn't as much traffic'.  Ha ha ha.  It didn't get many laughs last night either.

Tomorrow is a birthday celebration for a coworker so I am baking scones and bringing in a Starbucks traveler.  Starting a Monday with good coffee and scones will help get us off to a good start.

J. is at church playing music and H. is at the gym.  We think his friend is coming sometime today and may be spending the night but I'm not really positive about any of it.

I'm working on going with the flow.

H.'s signed up for three online classes at the community college.  The second week of class is about to start - he's done nothing.  I think he's only signing up to appease J. vs. signing up because he really wants to work on school.

We'll see.

Blue jays in back screeching - we are getting bird seed today to put in the awesome bird feeder my cousin made me (Hi S.!).  I can't wait to post some pics (soon) - it's so pretty!

Irritants

Don't you hate it when you see a 'headline' link on a news page as you're moving somewhere else - and then you go back and that headline is gone?  Seemingly never to be seen again.  I will spend all day obsessing about the missing headline....hoping it will reappear.

And worse yet - in 10 minutes (or less.  Probably much less), I will have no recollection of what the headline was nor any inkling why it interested me in the first place.  That won't stop me from obsessing....it will just stop me from remembering what I am obsessing about.

H.'s former roommate J. is here visiting from Texas.  He is sporadically staying with us for a couple weeks...though the itinerary is 'fluid'.  Is it a plan that they don't have any plan?  Guess so.  I obsessed about what to fix for dinner last night for 'company' only to find out mid-morning that his plane didn't arrive until 10PM last night - making dinner moot.  Oh well.  We had chicken nachos.  They were good though a bit too spicy for my tastes.  Ro-Tel mild is still ON FIRE (for me).

It's been a couple hard days at work and I woke up very early this morning feeling somewhat panicked about a few things.  Hoping that an early rising combined with some time in my office with the door closed (a very rare thing for me) will help.  I have year-end under control - it's just all the other crap looming that is fragmenting my brain and zapping my willingness to co-exist.  With anyone.

Ahh...angst.  Welcome back.

Chloe is decidedly under the weather and heading to the vet today.  We've been putting it off 'cuz it will be $800 - at least - for blood work and xrays.  But her belly is clearly not doing well and while she's still somewhat perky and tail-wagging, she's a little 'low'.  So J. will take her in this morning.

J. has lovingly started pressing my clothes for me every evening - he walks upstairs with me every night and I pick out something to wear which he presses and has hanging for me each morning.  The walking upstairs together is a return to the nightly routine that existed when we had a cat that would get very vocal around 9 each night begging for dinner.  We miss walking upstairs together - so we've created a new reason to go up together.  He then goes back downstairs and stays up until 11 or so....I appreciate having 'pick out outfit and iron' off my morning to-do list.

I reached out to my former boss yesterday and within seconds of him answering the phone, I regretted it.  There's nothing he can do.  Surprisingly, talking to him didn't help one bit.  And that bothered me more than the stuff that made me think of calling him in the first place.

I feel like an uninhabited island attempting to survive against gales, hurricanes, typhoons, tsunamis...weathering it all day after day but starting to show a little wear around the edges.

I will be wearing peach today - it's cheery.

Changes in Attitudes

B. isn't coming home for Labor Day 'cuz it turns out that even though they have all been told they have a 4 day weekend, he is 'owned' by the Army and leaving the State isn't permitted.  That would be 'a leave' of four days duration and they aren't granting any leaves.  Mainly because they have lots of troops coming home - and homecomings are events for the entire base.  Huge gatherings; ceremonies; etc. and attendance isn't optional.

It's OK.

Bless his heart B.'s first concern (he reached J. before he reached me) was 'I'm worried Mom will be disappointed'.  And my first thought was 'darn it - why did you go and get his hopes up only to have them dashed by 'the man' '.

Sometimes I feel like the worst parent in the world.

But true to his resilient self, B. is fine.  We will just look forward to Christmas 'cuz it's looking like that's the best we can hope for.

Speaking of Christmas, he asked if he could bring a soldier buddy home with him for the week.  He said 'the guy doesn't have the best family situation, Mom, and he usually just stays in the barracks - by himself'.  So of course I said 'bring him'.  We can do the touristy San Fran things and enjoy company.

Brooks may drive Zoe (that's his truck) home - so having another person to share the driving with would be good.  He wants to show her off to his friends.  It's not that much cheaper to drive her home - she's a beast and I bet he only gets in the low teens on mileage - but it's not about the money.  He just wants to have his 'own' car when he's home.  And it's a long enough break that driving home is feasible.

Tonight is the first Board meeting for our new sup - and it's a bit nerve wracking.  We are also moving to 'all electronic' packets - meaning no paper.  I'm more nervous about that than anything 'cuz it's hard for me to follow along - and 8 items are mine to present.  Yikes.  Makes me nervous.

It will be fine...it always is.

I have penciled in some time off in September and October and I'm sure hoping I can make it happen. A stay-cation would be lovely - that's the one 'downside' to two weeks at the beach:  no time to piddle around the homestead.  The major culling continues and I want to get on board and work on closets and garage more.

Our refi is still in process and at this point, I'm pretty sure BofA has no intention of refinancing us. Our rate lock ends in six days and I suspect they will drag it out until they can up the rate - I still think it will be 'worth it' - any savings at this point will help.  But it irritates me and makes me NOT want to work with BofA anymore - and they sold our loan during the process so they may not be all that motivated to bother either.  The banks piss me off - all of them.  Especially the big ones.  We've been jerked around for THREE MONTHS and we're still nowhere close to actually being successful.  Credit scores in the 800's and plenty of assets - and they still won't refinance us.

My cell phone just chimed - daily absence report in my In box every morning at 6AM - so I need to get moving.  Today is a jam-packed meeting day - and I've got things that have to be wedged in to complete between meetings.

Off to the races.

Things I Love

Having worked both days of the weekend, I found myself reflecting on things that I love....distracting myself from the sad truth of the upcoming few weeks.  The annual trudge towards the end of September and October where I can breathe for a bit - I did make amazing progress today and I have a full 'no meeting' day tomorrow so there's hope!  I'm reasonably sure I will need to work the next couple weekends also - but after that, it will be a bit of a lull.  I could use a lull....

I love working on weekends when I can crank up my iPod and rock out while working.  Today was a Bohemian Rhapsody kind of day - LOUD with me moving to the groove as I worked.

I love thoughts of the beach.  And Vegas.  And Disneyland.  Places I love and places that when I think of them - and know that I will visit again and look forward to those trips - and immediately feel myself feel simultaneously blessed and content.

Life is good.  I love that I know that.

I love Sunday nights with dinner, 60 Minutes and Newsroom.  Even heading into a busy week, it's still a nice relaxing way to end the week.  Newsroom is fantastic - it's on HBO.  If you haven't discovered it, it's amazing.  We can't wait for each week's episode; watch them over and over before the next week gets here and then marvel at how quickly an hour goes.

I love my kids.  Even when they're making me a little bonkers.  We are hoping to get B. home for Labor Day weekend - something that he had resigned himself to not doing because he has not saved up for a ticket and his mom was being a butt head about it.  No, really.  I am.  Was.  Then I got on the computer and realized that we could use miles to get him here.  He'd have to fly United - which means flying into SFO vs. Oakland or Sacto - but oh well.  It's a $600 ticket for $80 - which we'll pay.

I just can't stand the thought of not seeing him until Christmas.

I also can't stand that he's spending all his money every paycheck - but oh well.  It is his money.  But when he called today to inquire about us buying him a new computer in advance of Christmas and his birthday - I said 'no'.  And then added that he was supposed to be saving for a ticket home as well - and he's not doing that either.

And then I decided being Mommy Dearest wasn't really my thing.

So now he's coming home for Labor Day (I hope) and I will surprise him by giving him the money I would have paid for the ticket but saved using mileage to pitch in for a new computer.  His is inoperable - the screen is non-functioning and the solution he's been using (a cable that connects the computer to his TV) doesn't work anymore either.

We are helping H. quite a bit - so it's OK.  I shouldn't begrudge B. a little financial assistance.  It's a fine line between teaching financial responsibility and augmenting.  Of course, by the time I was H.'s age, I was self supporting, living on my own AND putting myself through school. Both boys have a ways to go to that level of financial independence.

I always wanted to be a parent who graciously and willingly offers to assist - instead, I'm becoming my mother...which only pisses me off (at myself) more.

Pissing yourself off is never great.

Time for bed.  I am heading in to work by 6:30 'cuz the tech guy needs to load the State accounting software on my computer.  It was supposedly already done - but it wasn't installed correctly - which put a serious crimp in my timeline.  I had to reverse the order of some things - but managed to modify my 'method' to accommodate not being able to do a download.

Plenty of time for downloads tomorrow -

Let's Make it Three

Even in silence, there are still things happening that I want to document.  Today's topic is parenting. Specifically parenting from a distance.  Fasten your seat belts.

B. is doing well.  He's not crazy about El Paso though it's far better than Georgia (where it rains a lot and re-defines 'muggy'.  It's wet there this time of year.  El Paso is dry).  From what we know, he isn't on any list to be deployed anywhere - in fact, other soldiers assigned to the 'head quarters' unit (the only infantry unit not deployed when B. arrived at Ft. Bliss) have all been assigned to 'regular' units. Not B.  We weren't sure if that was a good or bad thing - but now we're pretty sure it was a good thing - though not a good thing I'm going to mention here for fear of jinxing it.  B. has a plan - and as long as B. has a plan and goals to focus on, he's a happy camper.  He still boasts that he loves his job 'cuz he gets paid for working out.  And he volunteers for whatever is needed - like church painting, etc. .

I don't text him or Facebook message him too much - though I'm his mom and I think of him all day, every day.  I try to keep in touch with short texts now and then - so he knows that he is being thought of and missed.  He misses us.  He called last night and when it was time to say goodbye, I could hear the choked up-ness of his voice - and it always breaks my heart.  I resist the urge to call him back 'cuz I know that just makes it harder.  I sent him a long, rambling Facebook email though - which was stupid 'cuz he's probably thinking 'Mom, give it a rest'.  He encountered some 'people management' challenges (translation:  dealing with a complete jerk) and I offered my two cents.  He didn't write back - and as you know, FB tells you when you're email has been read.  So I am convinced he's pissed that I gave him advice that differed from how he approached the situation.  I don't know - it's just trying to impart wisdom 'cuz if I had learned/mastered more people skills as a young adult, I think I could have really been a much better manager throughout my careers....and life would have been so much easier. People skills help you just 'accept' things you can't change better....at least for me, that's been a key difference.

I try not to obsess.  If I over-communicate, it appears to be just as bad as under-communicating.  He is desperate for time to come home - and of course, we'd love to see him.  He has absolutely no money available - in fact, he used the last of his savings to make it to payday and has 16 more days until he's paid again.  Having wheels gives him so much 'freedom' to go around base and eat out.  (They have more restaurants on the base than we have in our town!).  I try to just gently remind - but it's his money.  Except I know the call will come where he says he can come home - and he won't have money for a ticket...and then I'll have to decide what to do.  Probably loan him money for a ticket home.

And that reminds me to remind him that I will transfer his monthly car payment today as well.  :-)  We are happy to assist via loans - but loans are expected to be repaid.  And he will.

I am surprised that he misses us so much 'cuz when he lived here, he couldn't wait to leave - and we couldn't wait for him to leave.  Those 'angst filled' years of young adult-ness were a constant battle of wills and it was exhausting.

Guess it's true that they 'come around'.  Now, family is everything to him.  This family.  This home.  These parents.  This sibling.  Shocking how he misses us so much he's choked up at the end of every phone conversation.

I wrote him a letter a couple weeks ago - because I felt more connected to him via letters during Basic Training than I have since he's out of Basic.  Unlike Basic, though, they don't bring the mail to him - he has to go get it - so the letter sat there for a week (or more).  He says he's writing back soon.  Not sure if he will or not...but he says he will.  I would love a letter from him.

He gets so excited about the 'plans' he has - and yet I know he's guarding his heart against further disappointment.  But I see him being more responsible - yes, he overdrew his account - but a week ago, he called me to sketch out his budget for the rest of the month and he knew it would be close given that he'd finally paid the taxes on the truck and gotten it registered in his name.  That would have never happened when he lived here - so having it happen two states away was awesome.  He is truly learning responsibility and little by little, he's growing up.  He's making plans - and setting goals - and working towards them with intent and purpose and it's so exciting to see.  He also shared his goals and then said 'and Mom, I know that you have been wanting me to consider training in something I could do when I'm out - so I'm looking at things like EMT; Medic; etc.'.  My little boy is growing up.

Having a car payment and paying your own insurance will sure get your head on straight about the long term requirement in life of earning a living.

But he still misses his Mom.  And his Dad.  And even his brother....and the dog.  And the recently departed cat.

It's a constant letting go process that is hard - and I realize that I'm protecting my heart as much as his. It is hard to hear from him - then not - then hear - then not....over and over.  I don't know what to talk about sometimes when he calls - I worry news from home makes him homesick.  And I don't know much about his days - it's hard.  I want to know - but then, do I?

I made it all week with early risings and it's 5AM and I'm heading to the shower.  A morning meeting and then finalizing board prep all day - and hoping I can head home by 4 or so 'cuz I'm working all weekend and I'd love a quiet evening and an early bedtime.  It's been a long week....they always are but this year in particular the first week back has been harder.

The kids are fun though - the always are.

Two Days in a Row!

In honor of another cousin (Hi D.!) who Facebook messaged me to say 'glad your cousin S. scolded you for not blogging 'cuz I've missed you'....I love you both!!  Isn't it amazing how we're miles apart but still 'close' at times?  I appreciate you both read!  My life is so boring I'm shocked...but then, I'd read anything the two of you wrote, too, 'cuz it keeps us updated and in touch.  :Like Christmas cards only more often than annually.  It's a joy to be 'missed' - and thank you both for reading....

(I ramble)...

In honor of D. reaching out, I will shock you and post two days in a row!

Today was a day of reaching out.  Spent most of the day in meetings - some good - some not great. There's so much transition these days - new Superintendent; new procedures; new changes in roles in some department.  It's hard to get folks who are in the thick of it day after day to see that it's not easy ever to change a bunch of stuff around.  But we're going to - and in my role, sometimes my job is to say 'this is the way it is - get on the bus or get off - but decide 'cuz the bus is moving with or without you on it'.  I work very hard at always taking the high road - assume the best of folks (that you know are bad mouthing you to anyone who will listen three seconds after you stop talking to them); build relationships because that's what leaders do (though you know it's futile effort in some cases).  It's not easy.  But oh well.  Things worth doing are worth doing well.

And in a simple twist of my own psyche, I applied the above to me....stepped back and remembered the early days of when my former boss joined us.  He turned the place upside down in the first month of his tenure - and I remember thinking at the time 'he is absolutely nuts if he thinks....  '.  And guess what?  He wasn't nuts.  He was leading.  He saw things that needed doing - and he made them happen. And he counted on his administrators to also make it happen.  Some got on the bus and rode for awhile and left.  Others were never on and fought kicking and screaming for awhile...and left eventually. Maybe some were nudged....that's possible.  Some of us got on, stayed on and learned to help him drive because he needed us to do that.  So we did.

My new boss is a good person.  He's nice.  He doesn't yell or scream.  He's a novice at most of his current responsibilities and he's learning everyday.  I still learn huge amounts of stuff everyday - and I've been at this for close to seven years....but I still remember how hard it was at first when everything was new and the days blurred as you were bombarded with so much information and 'stuff' you suddenly realized you were responsible for.  All while you try to lead people who struggle wanting to be led.

I emailed him an opinion today for the first time.  It was about something he said in a meeting - and I decided that there were other things in the equation to consider so I emailed him my thoughts.  And he came into my office at the end of the day and we talked about it - and Eureka! - he had some perspectives and ideas that I totally had NEVER thought of about it - and it was a great conversation. We appreciated each other's perspectives - and we talked through options - and realized we aren't ready to decide yet...and we'll keep gathering info and reconvene.

He was kind; supportive; humble; appreciative - and I had never seen any of those things when he was a peer in the prior 6.75 years I've known him.

I 'coached' a friend yesterday that we need to take off the glasses that we wore when we knew him as a peer - and put on brand new fresh glasses.  Take away any 'impressions' we have of him; any preconceived ideas about 'how he is'....and start over.  Give him a chance.  He deserves it - because he's who the board chose.  This is his dream - he has the job he dreamed of from when he was fresh out of college and taught for the very first time in front of a class.  He wanted to be the Superintendent of our district - where he started his career and in the town where he grew up and where his parents still live.

I feel proud of myself for taking my own advice - and walking out on a limb - and testing the waters of being 'myself' with him.  I'm not supposed to be his 'yes-person'.  I'm supposed to be the person that provides 'balance' and ideas that round out his decision making process.  That's my job - I support the Superintendent and have to balance that with all the other 'stuff' that makes up my day.

I don't know what our future holds - two months is very 'new'.  But I know that I personally feel a teeny bit more hopeful today than I have in a long, long time....

I still miss my old boss.  I love him - he is a dear friend and I still talk to him a lot - and I think I will always be in touch with him 'cuz he is a friend.  But I think I've turned a corner....I want to try.  I have to try.

Some may say I'm 'drinking the Kool-Aid' - deciding to like him (our new boss) when others hold on to maybe not liking him so much.  But if you want to work in our district for the next 10 or more years, you kind of have to jump on the damn bus with both feet.  There's no 'sort-of' in this.  It's all or nothing.

I love our district.  This is my home.  I want to work here until I retire - and I have to do whatever needs to be done to make that happen.

Thanks for listening.  And for being patient while I sorted things out in my head.  Change is hard even for those responsible for making it seem easy to all the rest of the folks working their hearts out.  I have been broken hearted about my old boss leaving....but I think I'm getting better about it now.  Little by little.

What's Up?

Having just enjoyed a cyber-chat with my cousin S. (the most wonderful way to start the day!) and having her comment she misses the musings, I will attempt to do something remotely resembling a post.  I'm becoming one of those bloggers who doesn't update much - irritates the heck out of me when a 'family' I've been following goes silent for weeks on end.  I am apparently of that ilk these days.  There's much news afoot - but none of it is blog material.  It would be blog material if I were inclined to risk being easily identified...but I'm not....so I stay silent.

Yesterday was the first day of school and the teachers were tanned and happy to be back!  In back-to-school mode, I wore a new, pretty outfit that added some brightness to my day even if it was only in appearance.  I do love how the kids have a way of re-invigorating all of us around them - hard not to feel excited with so many young people off to a great start.  And as always, I marvel at the teachers who are 'on' 8 hours a day and will be for the next 180 days - I couldn't do that job.  I really couldn't.

H. has a lead on a job so we'll see how that works out.  He's also still in the running for an Amazon job so we're crossing fingers he will get an interview.  With a nationally recognized company in our little town - it's an amazing opportunity - but there are thousands of applicants so we'll see.  In the mean time, he works for United Bank of Your Parents and is managing to keep somewhat busy.  Barely.

In another chat with a friend last night, we were shown info on apprenticeships - H. is thinking he wants to learn a trade - so J. will work on scoping those out as well.  H. is struggling with 'but how do I know that's what I want to do forever?'...and I keep saying 'you don't.  But you pick something you can do and will do and you do it.  Then you see what comes next'.  Oh...the difficulties of being 20.  

B. is fine.  I know that because he overdrew his checking account (I get his email alerts).  He gets paid tomorrow....but he is low on cash 'cuz he finally paid the sales tax on the new truck.  Still, he called me to tell me his plan to make it from the first of the month to now - and at least he has an awareness of his dwindling cash flow.  H. is cash unaware 24/7....and it's a constant struggle of monitoring and watching....

I have 'fare-locked' our tickets to Cancun and in a weird twist of fate, it's far less expensive if our trip starts in June and ends in July vs. both start and end being in July - so we've adjusted the dates a bit. And in another strange twist of fate, it's only a few hundred dollars more to fly Business Class (essentially first class) to and from - so we're doing it!  We easily spend a few hundred upgrading to the 'more leg room' seats - so we'll just pay it in advance and be in first class - for the entire trip.  I'm so excited I was giggly at work yesterday. We paid to 'fare lock' the tickets while we confirmed with the condo owner the date change would work - and now it's a  'book it Dano!' moment as I will purchase them shortly.  

I keep saying 'two weeks a year in Cancun will help make it 'worth it' '.  The 'it' being working at a job that is not as fun as it used to be (for reasons I won't go into).  

I hope if I keep saying that, it will be.  

Have a great day - I will do the same.  The choice is mine.  I know that.  

Slowly

Exhibiting some small signs of what could be called forward momentum today.  Guess that's a step in the right direction.

We've got a box of stuff to take to the animal shelter this week.  Remnants of caring for Klink.  J. made a trip to Petsmart and returned what we could.  While a part of me thinks we should hold onto things like litter boxes and water and food bowls ' 'cuz you never know - we may end up with another cat someday', we figure if that ever happens (unlikely), we'll just get what we need.

I've worked on my desk and finally figured out how to use the fancy label maker.  Culled out the file drawer a bit so the files are neater.  Feel accomplished with just that small step.

Spaghetti dinner is on the stove and scone dough is getting cold in the freezer in preparation to make scones for the first Cabinet meeting of the new school year.

In the tidying, I found this:

Finish every day and be done with it.  You have done what you could; some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can.  Tomorrow is a new day; you shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense - Ralph Waldo Emerson

I'm going to work really hard on embracing that this next week.  Just take one day at a time.  Don't think about all that is to come.  Don't think about the myriad of complicated, difficult, problematic stuff that may lie ahead.  Just do today.  Just this one day.

I can do that.  I'm pretty sure if I can just shift off the switch in my brain that links to all the complicated stuff that looms, I can manage a day at a time.  The stuff looming is going to arrive when it's ready and fretting about it all at once won't change any of it.

OK - other stuff -

We did see the International Space Station last night and it was as incredible as ever.  It travels 17,000 miles per hour and circles Earth once every 90 minutes.  We didn't get up early enough to see it this morning - but we watched it for six minutes last night until it faded.  It fascinates me.  Totally...and I feel so glad for the Internet which brings us information that we would otherwise never know.  I can't wait for the next alert.

J. has made several trips over to the neighbors behind us - their dog has been howling for days.  Today, we all noticed it wasn't as much howling as crying - and we all became concerned.  The crying stopped.  The dog's been totally silent for hours now.  J. hasn't wanted to risk going into their yard (we don't know them) - but a neighbor does know them and is going to go check.  I sure pray the dog is OK.  It pisses me off so much that people can leave a dog unattended and uncared for days on end.  We aren't bothered by the noise - but we know animals don't howl or cry without reason....and it's just so damn sad to hear his mournful baying - and then so darn terrifying to hear nothing at all for hours now.

I sure hope he's OK.

I rented the movie Beautiful Creatures on Amazon - the movie that I watched on the plane flight home that I didn't get to see the ending of.  It was worth the rental - and now I can't wait to read the books.

Dinner time!!  Yum!  J. says it's 'the best sauce ever'.  I think making big batches and freezing it in Ziploc bags (flat) in the freezer is the best idea I've had from watching The Pioneer Woman.  Chili, spaghetti sauce, sloppy joes - make them in bulk, cool, bag, flatten and freeze.  Take a bag out in the morning and dinner is ready in no time.  The sauces actually get better tasting as the flavors blend more in the freezing and thawing out process.  Amazingly delicious!!

Space!

Hello!  I'm still here!  I say that just to remind myself.  All is well.  All is change.  Change is hard.

I'm trying to stay awake long enough to enjoy watching the Space Station with J. in 53 minutes.  And if we're really astronomically motivated, we can get up 75 minutes before sunrise tomorrow and see not only the Space Station AGAIN at 4:26AM - AND a super bonus of Mars, Jupiter and Mercury all visible in the early morning sky.  A triple planetary extravaganza.

I will make it for the Space Station tonight.  I doubt we will be up that early in the morning - but we'll see.

Guess the biggest thing to happen in the past couple weeks is that Klink is in heaven with his sweet brother Snow.  It's been a steady stream of events since we got home from Cancun that clearly showed Klink was not well.  And thankfully, the vet finally (FINALLY) agreed that it was time.  It was hardest on J. who ends up being the person who takes the pets to the vet.  It was hard on all of us - but it was the right thing to do.

B. is doing well - working hard at whatever the tasks are assigned.  He's been spending time painting churches in El Paso vs. sitting around doing not much of anything.  He doesn't like to be bored.  While we are relieved that it sure looks like a foreign deployment isn't in his near future, he is less so - though I do think he's OK with not going anywhere.  He just doesn't do well with being bored.  I wrote him an old fashioned letter this week 'cuz he's a bit lonely.  He desperately wants to come home - but no vacation is scheduled and he doesn't want to risk getting a vacation slot now which might mean he wouldn't have Christmas off.

H. is good too.  He's been doing odd jobs for us and others.  He's currently house sitting and dog sitting for a work friend of mine ...and he's been doing yard work for another work friend.  Helps give him a little money that isn't from United Bank of My Parents.  Amazon is hiring and he's submitted two apps for two positions there.  They are receiving thousands of applications so the process could take awhile....but we hope.  He's also applied at the Home Depot for a couple positions.

J. and I made a date of running errands today.  Groceries are restocked.  I realized how low we were on food when J. said Thursday night's dinner was going to be tuna sandwiches.

That's it for now...posts will be sporadic at best.  That's a good theme these days - sporadic at best describes so many things....