Celebrating 31 Years

We had a great time at Atlantis celebrating us.  I spent 8 hours on Dragon Links - won two Majors which kept me going.  

Our steak house dinner was cancelled (just weren't feeling it).  J. headed for the buffet and I played on into the evening.  

Our room had a full on Jacuzzi in the room - which sounds great.  If it was our (much) earlier anniversaries, it would have been lots of fun.  But....I really was terrified to try to get in.  My body doesn't bend the way it would need to bend to do that - I was afraid my hip(s) would dislocate or I'd do a serious slip and wreck a knee.  J. managed to get in and do a soak.  I passed.  And we had to sleep together in a King Size bed - and we both slept OK and survived.  I felt sore the next day 'cuz I couldn't stretch out and stayed in positions too long to avoid waking him up. 

It was a nice time.   J. got up early to head to Carson for golf.  I played a bit before heading home, too...in the end, I came home up a smidge which was GREAT!  

Tonight, we're heading to Casino Fandango in Carson City to have dinner and slot play fun with our soon to be neighbors T. & G. .  They are at the tail end of their house being finished and just like we were, every day is a check in that often brings crushing disappointment.  So close.  But still at least a month away.  We are looking forward to having a fun time - they are really nice and fun.  And I'm relieved I didn't go broke during our anniversary casino junket - we can play as much as we want this evening which will be great.  This casino has machines called Dollar Storm - the only place I've seen that has them.  They are a lot like my favorite Dragon Links and I enjoy playing them.  

The weather is gorgeous today - it warmed up so much that I haven't needed the sweatshirt I always have handy for indoors.  I wore my jacket outside and we worked in the backyard a bit.  Got the bird baths cleaned and set up.  There was a songbird in the tree and s/he kept singing as I set the baths up.  I felt like maybe s/he was sending the signal 'hey, pool party at the M. manor!  The baths are out!  I repeat THE BATHS ARE OUT'!  We will watch and wait.  

We also did a little rock sorting, gave the backyard plants some hand water to give them a Spring boost, turned the drip system back on and swept the back patio.  We need to work on putting the shed together. 

Feels absolutely great to be outside with no coat needed and getting some good old fashioned Vitamin D via sun exposure.  It's been awhile.  

We got a call from H. on our anniversary - he was pretty emotional.  He then texted me 'can I call you again'.  I said yes, but he didn't.  We chatted yesterday.  Pleasantries.  And then 'I need to ask you a favor'. Some weird, drawn out story about him having sent money to a friend's brother - and now his account was frozen - could he borrow money?  And while they were always paid on Fridays (and actually previously said they were paid 'early' on Chime), they didn't get paid.  So he had no funds at all.  I said 'so did you lose your job 'cuz the last time you thought you'd be paid and weren't it was because you didn't actually have a job anymore'.  He said he was still working.  I said 'no' to loaning him money.  Explained (repeatedly) that we said we wouldn't send/loan/give him anymore money.  I said that I couldn't be sure what the actual situation was since for more than a year, he manipulated, lied and made up stories right and left so we would continue to financially support his transition to life in Texas.  The story morphed over and over....and then he said he was away from his friend that he'd been with and he said he was feeling pressured to ask me for money because his friend needed money.  To buy diapers for his kid.  H. said 'I feel trapped here'.  And I said 'you're not trapped, H. You are in control of your life - you just keep making really bad decisions'.  

(Sidenote:  he was to make the first $300 monthly payment to us a week ago today - he said he did the transfer from his Chime account to his Wells Fargo account.  Didn't appear in his Wells Fargo account Monday.  Or Tuesday.  No explanation.  Turns out he didn't have enough money in the account to cover the transfer - but he didn't fess up to that until he called to ask for money).

I wish I could say that I was sure he wasn't using - but I truly don't know.  He was very emotional when he phoned the evening before - I asked him about that yesterday and he said "I just really miss you guys so much".  I believe he misses us.  We miss him, too.  

I go hot and cold with him at times - trying to find the balance between a mom's love for her son vs. realizing that I honestly can't believe anything he says.  The stories morph and change....and then it seems like when he realizes I'm not buying it, it morphs again and becomes about someone or something else entirely.  At the end of the conversation, via text, he apologized for asking us and said he felt pressured.  

I can't keep up with it all and honestly, reminded myself through a long night of so-so sleep that I don't HAVE TO keep up with it all anymore.  We mentally and emotionally work on some distancing from all of it while trying to encourage him - to take the steps he needs to take.  Get a better job.  Save money to find a place to live on your own.  Whatever those forward steps are, do them.  You can do them.  You just don't do them 'cuz it appears you'd rather stay where you are.  

It's a constant struggle and it exhausts me - truly.  Sucks the energy right out of me.

Well Oiled Machine

J. had golf planned for today - first time in weeks - but sadly, possible weather cancelled those plans.  Which worked out well for me 'cuz he was available to take me to my vaccination site this morning.  

The place was very well staffed with Army guys - we asked and they were based out of Reno.  Everything was super smooth and easy and I am so happy to have the first vaccine.  2nd scheduled 4 weeks from today!  So far, I feel OK.  I do feel a little bit tired and am very much looking forward to heading to bed in a few hours.  And as soon as they said we had to wait for fifteen minutes in case there was a reaction, I felt a bit woozy - pretty sure that was related more to not eating anything before we headed to appointment vs. any issue with the vaccine.  

We trekked to Costco (right across the street) after my shot - got some things on our list including potting soil.  We need 3 planters for our driveway but so far, we can't find anything we really like.  We have found lots of options we could 'settle' on - but this house feels like it has a specific 'vibe' and so far, I'm not willing to 'settle'.  

We got out of Costco for under $150 which might be a record.  Well....I had 7 prescriptions to pick up...rare to have them all be ready for a refill at the same time...and my Januvia was $335 out the door.  Always a shock - but that's my deductible for the calendar year for prescriptions so it's fine.  We got only the few things on our list (in addition to Rx's) and were home just after 10:30.  Felt super productive for the day and still well before noon. 

Glad to report that H. has made a payment towards his debt and will make another one on Monday.  He'll follow that up with his regular monthly payment in April plus a little extra from his most recent stimulus payment.  We're keeping him accountable for the money we've loaned him and while his repayment schedule will be long it will be something he does monthly for a long, long time to remind him that his parents were/are supportive of him but in light of recent events, he needs to make repaying us a priority.  

Him looking for a better paying job is up to him and we're leaving him to it. Doesn't make any difference in our expectation of a monthly payment - he owes and we expect him to pay.  He'll need to figure out his budget and will hopefully move to better paying jobs to ensure he has what he needs to live on.

There's been some wild weather lately - and weirdly, there are often dark clouds right over our neighborhood raining down while there are few (or any) clouds around other places.  We are so ready for Spring but it's taking it's sweet time.  Today, huge winds picked up mid-afternoon - the kind that 'whip' around and make all the windows (loudly) creak. 

I have to give a shout out to Muf and Nala.  Yesterday, I came into the office and Nala was on my chair.  As soon as I said 'oh, Nala', she quickly hopped off the chair and got comfy on the floor nearby.  Progress!  And Muf has decided I am her lap human and is doing a great job keeping her claws retracted to avoid hurting me.  When I know she wants to come up (pretty obvious 'cuz she lurks near me) I use my hand to signal 'no' until I get a protective cover on my lap.  She's finally figuring it out and waits until I'm ready and have something on my lap in case she forgets her claws are a lethal weapon.  

They love us and I have to admit that all these months of mostly staying home would have been a lot longer and less fun without them.  They are PITAs but they are OUR PITAs and we're happy to have them.

In Like Flynn

Immediately after the last post, I clicked on a Carson City County Health link reporting the status of Covid cases in the Quad County area.  Scrolled down and found a 'vaccine' link and EUREKA!  I was able to schedule a vaccination for Friday morning - Moderna two dose.  Second dose will be on April 16th!  I'm so happy to be scheduled!! 

We Just Lost Alaska (Again)

NCL announced this morning they have suspended cruises through June 30, 2021 so...we're not going to Alaska in June.   

Part of me feels 'relieved' that NCL made the call to cancel and now we don't have to.  I wasn't really feeling to 'ok' about cruising even if we were both vaccinated against COVID - so them taking that decision off the table is nice.  It's resolved.  No thinking (over-thinking which is my super power) to be done.  

Very excited to report that I am now eligible to be vaccinated too - over 55 with secondary condition.  Now it's just the mad dash/shuffle of checking Smith's, Walmart & Walgreens websites over and over trying to get a vaccination shot booked.  

Yesterday was blue skies with clouds at time - including some light snow now and then.  Too cold to work outside.  I went to the ATM down the street and was miserable in the biting wind/cold.  We hunkered down and worked inside mostly.  All the things you do post house guest - laundry, etc. .  

Today it's sunny and clear so maybe it will warm up enough to go out back and start working on tidying the yard in preparation for Spring.  There are dark small stones in the white small stone path (and vice versa) needing to be fixed.  It sure looks like we've lost a ton of plant - but it's hard to know for sure since things aren't greening up yet.  I'm actually really looking forward to watching the process this year - all of our plants look completely dead but so do everybody else's so we're anxious to see how they green up.  

That won't happen until the earth warms up a bit and so far, it's still pretty cold.  

I'm making Chrissy Tiegen's Chicken Pot Pie Soup with Pie Crust crackers today - I love trying new recipes.  I'm also going to whip up a batch of hummus to have around for snacks and lunches this week.  

I made a cake when B. was here - and realized after it baked that the baking powder I used was 7 years old and seriously inactive.  It ended up being more of a 'dump' cake - but put some chocolate ganache on anything and it tastes decent.  I also soaked some dried cherries in spiced rum and added them to the top of the cake (under the ganache).  B. ate the whole thing - so....it turned out pretty OK considering.  

J. is playing golf on Friday with friends and then playing again next Tuesday - which is great because they haven't played much the past couple weeks and everyone is anxious to get back out on the courses and get Spring going!  

(Coincidentally, J. just got a text from his friend about Friday - questionable weather....so we'll see).

Until Next Time B.

I set an alarm for 7AM this morning - which yesterday was 6AM 'cuz we did Daylight Savings Time Spring ahead an hour last night.  I felt GREAT - wide awake, not groggy at all.  Felt rested and ready to go - so perhaps setting a wakeup 'alarm' isn't a bad thing.  

A fun morning at Atlantis Buffet with B. and his friend R..  Food was excellent (as always) and while I never eat enough to make it worth the price tag (full brunch buffet including shrimp, crab, etc.), I made up for it enjoying Mimosas.  With J. as our designated driver, it was fun to splurge - and I added a bit of cotton candy to my drink for extra sweetness.

I played slots for a bit and came pretty close to doubling my money so that was a great day.  Genghis came through including a $1000 win on six free games.  When Ghengis is hot, it's like no other - 

I decided to head to the airport with B. and J. to avoid putting a lot of my winnings back - so the choked up feeling was hard (as usual).  Hugging him as we dropped him off was the best - but goodbyes are so fricking hard.  

My heart hurts.  

When we got home yesterday, I logged on to Facebook and there it was.  My former boss' wife had died on Friday - after a not quite three year battle against Stage 4 colon cancer.  They knew when she was diagnosed that her life span was greatly reduced - but her goal was to do any and all treatments possible to have as much time on earth as she could.  She was very young and leaves behind 4 children including one in college, one about to graduate from high school, one a freshman in high school (I think) and a four year old.  It's so incredibly hard to fathom the depth of the loss for that family - even with years to know it would happen, it still feels shocking and sudden.  

Tomorrow is not promised and I really feel that so much more lately - my mind goes to all the 'what ifs' of life.  What if that was the last hug I will ever have with B. ?  

Then I (internally) slap myself and say 'life is short and tomorrow isn't promised - nothing is - but live every day and continue to love hard 'cuz it's worth it'.  

Losses happen and they are brutally hard - but I can't let the fear of losing or someone else losing someone stop me from living.  

I think about mortality a lot more lately - aging, I guess.

We're having lobster mac 'n cheese tonight using up the extra lobster tails we had from our surf and turf extravaganza.  Decided on the way home from Reno and told J. 'I don't think we have elbow macaroni so I'll have to make a grocery run'.  He said 'let's just use the Annie's mac 'n cheese we (always) have in our pantry and add lobster to it'.  AWESOME!  Add a salad and maybe some wine and we're good to go.

We've already tackled a couple house tasks and got the dishwasher running.  I stayed at the computer a bit watching B.'s plane take off - hoping he would fly overhead - but they veered left by Washoe lake so missed flying over Carson by a long ways so we waved from afar. 

Now it's time to tidy up the kitchen - wipe counters, sweep floor, etc. -  

B., when you read this - it was a lovely visit and we treasure our time with you SO MUCH!  You are always in our thoughts, prayers and hearts and we can't wait to visit again soon - and YES to us coming out your way and hanging out in Nashville with you - as soon as we're both vaccinated for COVID and can get out there, it's happening!!  

Hey, and/or could you meet us in Orlando?  Maybe someday? 

B.'s Departure-Eve

His stay feels like we blinked and it's already coming to an end.  I'm tamping down the constant lump in my throat today and am sure there will be (much) more of the same tomorrow.  

He is spending tonight at Atlantis with his friend R. who drove from California to spend some time with his friend.   B. also lunched in South Lake Tahoe with a California friend who has a job that discourages hanging out in crowded places (Covid guidance) so that was a quick visit but nice.  It's so great to see your adult son hanging out with his adult friends - both of whom are married but still make time to spend time with B. .  It warmed my heart, truly.  Childhood friends that stay friends.  

On Wednesday, we did a surf & turf extravaganza - steaks expertly cooked by B. with broiled lobster and roasted asparagus.  We enjoyed the food and the company and polished off a bottle of Rombauer Merlot (which may be my new favorite wine).  We broached sensitive subjects and talked through things because as the oldest, it will be B. who handles things in the far off future of not having his parents on this planet anymore.  (Absolutely, positively planning to hang around for decades but...life is short and uncertain).  The conversations were a bit hard on all of us - but we made it through and we feel better to have had some discussions which needed to be had.  

On Thursday, we pondered what to have for dinner and decided to do In & Out - B.'s favorite.  He and I drove there together in some pretty heavy snow fall - and on the way, he said 'Mom, those kind of things that are way in the future - I'll file it away in my brain but I won't think about it much'.  I'm glad he does that because it's hard to think all the time about your parents mortality.  

He loves the house and did a couple hikes up the hills behind us - all the way to the very top - and says on his next visit, he wants to go further South and climb some of the other big hills in town.  He loves being outside in nature and loves where we live now because there's always so much to do and see.  We love that, too.  This week's views also included a hawk sitting on the golf course for hours - J. looked and realized he was guarding his kill - a rabbit.  Poor rabbit.  Circle of life, etc..  

J. and I stayed at Atlantis with B. last night - we did a steakhouse dinner that was (as always) extraordinary.  We happened to be there on a drawing night and I won $500 CASH!!  Woot woot!! We played into the night - J. and B. at Blackjack and me at Dragonlink.  I'd lost quite a bit when I first got there trying out a Dragonlink they put upstairs near the sushi bar - there were no machines available downstairs when I arrived - but when I came downstairs, I sat at Peacock Princess and on my third spin hit a $742 Major!  Woot Woot!  It was the start of a very fun day.  

We came home today - had decided earlier in the week to cancel our room for tonight - B. will hang out with his friend and we're glad to be home.  We will go to Reno early tomorrow for a 9:30 brunch at the buffet - then R. will head back to California and we will get B. to the airport.  

He has three weeks of leave still left and hopes to do a trip to Thailand in the summer - and I'm secretly hoping maybe he'll stop here for a few days at some point - we'll see.  And of course, we'd love to go visit him in Tennessee and as soon as we're both vaccinated for Covid and feel more confident about flying, we will arrange a visit.  We need to also spend time with H. in Texas. 

J. got his 2nd vaccination and had a few days of feeling 'off' with mild flu symptoms.  Chills and aches (no fever) and a pretty bad rash around the injection site.  He's feeling much better now and is officially done with both vaccinations.  My turn soon, we hope.  

It's been wonderful having B. here and he's a pretty stellar 30 year old human.  We are so very proud of him - there are few words to describe how much we love him and miss him.  I'm reminding myself what he said when we were dropping him off form his basic training graduation - 'Mom, it's hard on me, too'.  I can't get too overwhelmed 'cuz it's hard on a guy to see his Mom sad....and it's hard for him to say goodbye, too.  Goodbyes suck.  

We are going to make sure it isn't another 16 months between visits.

Free Play Weekly

For the 2nd week in a row, I turned my trek to Atlantis for free play into cold, hard cash.  

Last week, I had a hand pay on Fu Dai Lian Lian (AKA The Bag Game)!  It was amazing!  

Today, I hit a fantastic bonus round on Dragon Link and then, two spins later hit a $923 Major!  AWESOME!  I had played quite a bit already and wasn't winning - should have left.  But sometimes, something just says 'don't give up yet'.  I put in $200 and changed to dime denomination and woot woot!  Hitting a free game bonus round (which I completely expected to be nothing great - I play this game a lot and the free game bonus rounds are usually 'meh'), I ended up with $900+ for that bonus round.  Considering it was super close to the Major, I thought 'time to leave - take the money and run 'cuz you've won close to the Major already - don't risk it'.  But I had a smidge over $1200 on my ticket so I decided I'd play down to $1200.  And BOOM - two spins later was a ball drop round and the first ball to drop was the Major!  5 other balls followed - it was a great bonus round just under the $1200 hand pay trigger.  

Then I went to do my free play (can't use Free Play on Dragon Links) on the Bag Game again and won another $200.  

I brought food home for dinner and had a great day!  

If only it were always like this, right?  

We are T-minus 3 days from B.'s arrival for his first visit ever to the new house - so the next couple of days will be super busy getting everything tidied up and readied for 'company'.  It's a relief to know he will take us as we are - I've been worried he might be bored given that we are in a new city and his friends aren't around to hang with.  He told J. he's looking forward to just relaxing and hanging out so that's good.  We may do a trip to Virginia City (on our exploration list but we haven't made it there yet) and possibly a day in Lake Tahoe area.  B. has friends coming from California on the 12th so we'll get him settled at Atlantis for the weekend - we'll come back on Sunday morning to have breakfast with him and his friend(s) and then we'll get him to the airport for his trip home.

We spoke via Zoom with an estate planning attorney yesterday who is working on updating our trust.  Things are more complex now that we know H. hasn't stayed clean and sober - which translates to we honestly have no idea how long he (ever) stopped using for.  We will be putting things in place to ensure that he will inherit but will not have access or control over any funds as 'cash'.  It's a complex mess that will add a ton of expenses over his lifetime but oh well.  A good chunk of whatever he inherits will be paid to an unbiased, hired fiduciary agent who will ensure H. complies with the terms required for the trust to assist with his expenses.  

And of course, we are still on the planet and hope to be for many more years - so there's still a chance that he'll get his shit together and we'll pay another chunk of money in the future to have the plan change to him receiving his inheritance outright.  We'll see.  

It's been a lot of stuff to deal with and I'm honestly not feeling all that 'great' emotionally or mentally.  I'd give anything to have my long-time counselor available but she isn't so.....I should probably look into finding someone local here.  I might.