We had a great time at Atlantis celebrating us. I spent 8 hours on Dragon Links - won two Majors which kept me going.
Our steak house dinner was cancelled (just weren't feeling it). J. headed for the buffet and I played on into the evening.
Our room had a full on Jacuzzi in the room - which sounds great. If it was our (much) earlier anniversaries, it would have been lots of fun. But....I really was terrified to try to get in. My body doesn't bend the way it would need to bend to do that - I was afraid my hip(s) would dislocate or I'd do a serious slip and wreck a knee. J. managed to get in and do a soak. I passed. And we had to sleep together in a King Size bed - and we both slept OK and survived. I felt sore the next day 'cuz I couldn't stretch out and stayed in positions too long to avoid waking him up.
It was a nice time. J. got up early to head to Carson for golf. I played a bit before heading home, too...in the end, I came home up a smidge which was GREAT!
Tonight, we're heading to Casino Fandango in Carson City to have dinner and slot play fun with our soon to be neighbors T. & G. . They are at the tail end of their house being finished and just like we were, every day is a check in that often brings crushing disappointment. So close. But still at least a month away. We are looking forward to having a fun time - they are really nice and fun. And I'm relieved I didn't go broke during our anniversary casino junket - we can play as much as we want this evening which will be great. This casino has machines called Dollar Storm - the only place I've seen that has them. They are a lot like my favorite Dragon Links and I enjoy playing them.
The weather is gorgeous today - it warmed up so much that I haven't needed the sweatshirt I always have handy for indoors. I wore my jacket outside and we worked in the backyard a bit. Got the bird baths cleaned and set up. There was a songbird in the tree and s/he kept singing as I set the baths up. I felt like maybe s/he was sending the signal 'hey, pool party at the M. manor! The baths are out! I repeat THE BATHS ARE OUT'! We will watch and wait.
We also did a little rock sorting, gave the backyard plants some hand water to give them a Spring boost, turned the drip system back on and swept the back patio. We need to work on putting the shed together.
Feels absolutely great to be outside with no coat needed and getting some good old fashioned Vitamin D via sun exposure. It's been awhile.
We got a call from H. on our anniversary - he was pretty emotional. He then texted me 'can I call you again'. I said yes, but he didn't. We chatted yesterday. Pleasantries. And then 'I need to ask you a favor'. Some weird, drawn out story about him having sent money to a friend's brother - and now his account was frozen - could he borrow money? And while they were always paid on Fridays (and actually previously said they were paid 'early' on Chime), they didn't get paid. So he had no funds at all. I said 'so did you lose your job 'cuz the last time you thought you'd be paid and weren't it was because you didn't actually have a job anymore'. He said he was still working. I said 'no' to loaning him money. Explained (repeatedly) that we said we wouldn't send/loan/give him anymore money. I said that I couldn't be sure what the actual situation was since for more than a year, he manipulated, lied and made up stories right and left so we would continue to financially support his transition to life in Texas. The story morphed over and over....and then he said he was away from his friend that he'd been with and he said he was feeling pressured to ask me for money because his friend needed money. To buy diapers for his kid. H. said 'I feel trapped here'. And I said 'you're not trapped, H. You are in control of your life - you just keep making really bad decisions'.
(Sidenote: he was to make the first $300 monthly payment to us a week ago today - he said he did the transfer from his Chime account to his Wells Fargo account. Didn't appear in his Wells Fargo account Monday. Or Tuesday. No explanation. Turns out he didn't have enough money in the account to cover the transfer - but he didn't fess up to that until he called to ask for money).
I wish I could say that I was sure he wasn't using - but I truly don't know. He was very emotional when he phoned the evening before - I asked him about that yesterday and he said "I just really miss you guys so much". I believe he misses us. We miss him, too.
I go hot and cold with him at times - trying to find the balance between a mom's love for her son vs. realizing that I honestly can't believe anything he says. The stories morph and change....and then it seems like when he realizes I'm not buying it, it morphs again and becomes about someone or something else entirely. At the end of the conversation, via text, he apologized for asking us and said he felt pressured.
I can't keep up with it all and honestly, reminded myself through a long night of so-so sleep that I don't HAVE TO keep up with it all anymore. We mentally and emotionally work on some distancing from all of it while trying to encourage him - to take the steps he needs to take. Get a better job. Save money to find a place to live on your own. Whatever those forward steps are, do them. You can do them. You just don't do them 'cuz it appears you'd rather stay where you are.
It's a constant struggle and it exhausts me - truly. Sucks the energy right out of me.
No comments:
Post a Comment