Channel Your Inner Optimist

Here we are approaching the end of May - my draft folder has several posts and I will try to refine them and post them soon....so at some point, look back a bit if you're reading this post to see if I post the rest.  

We have intense heat this weekend - Spring was barely a whisper and now it's broiling hot.  So many weather alerts flashing - high heat greatly increases the snow melt and flash floods are happening.  We're fine here but some areas near us are flooding.  J.'s golf group had to scramble to reschedule their upcoming Tuesday play because the course they were playing has two or three holes completely underwater.  Thankfully, golf courses provide a lot of open area for pooling water.  Better on a golf course then someone's street or house. 

We've had to turn on the AC because it's too hot for open windows to give any kind of break in the heat.  

The 20th of every month is the day the local casino I play at gives me a bit more 'extra' free play.  I haven't played at this casino much lately but I do go once in a while and I definitely didn't want to miss out on today's extra boost.  

I left the house around 9:15 and told myself the entire way to the casino 'I will stick to my budget'.  I'm working (very) hard on not leaving broke - something that's easy to do and something that lately has made me feel horrible on some days.  The machine I would have preferred to play (with the highest Major on the bank of Dragonlinks) was 'out of service' - secret code for someone saved it.  Drat!  I went to the next highest Major - Autumn Moon - and started playing.  I hit a bonus round right away and was glad for that!  Then I played up and down all the denoms - including $1 and $2 denoms which I mostly stay away from lately.  If/when I play those high denoms (where there are only five pay lines vs. 50 or 25 pay lines on the lower denoms), I would always head back down to lower denoms and bet big - to see what happens.  

Nothing happened.  Drat!  I nervously unclipped another $100 from my stash - and told myself 'This is it for today'.  [We are playing at Atlantis tomorrow and I had a good day yesterday so didn't want to put too much back today].  

I got an Orb bonus round and was ecstatic!  Told myself 'no matter what, take the winnings and leave'.  I would be down - but a smidge better after the bonus round - 

14 orbs dropped - and then the 15th dropped.  Holy Cow!  

I let out a small 'oh wow' and everyone at the machine bank said congratulations.  Except the lady who'd saved the machine I would have played if she hadn't saved it.  She stood up, cashed out her ticket and said 'I could have sat at that machine when I got here - it was available'.  And she stormed off.  I've played with her before - she's an Eeyore on her best day - always upset about her play.  Not winning.  Not winning enough.  

Her storming off cost her a bit 'cuz I would have shared the luck - and I did share the luck with another player who then played the machine Eeyore had left and promptly hit the Major!  Woot woot! 

I drove to the casino thinking 'I could have great luck.  And even if I don't have great luck, I will have fun and enjoy the play'. Win, lose or draw, I always feel grateful.  Always.

Today was an awesome luck day and I am so glad!

Why I Blog

Wednesday morning, doing my usual 'bunch of stuff about mostly nothing' on my computer, I saw a face I recognized on a news 'tile' - a blogger I've followed for years.  I clicked and saw 'dead at 47' and froze.  Gasped out loud.  And immediately thought 'please let it be she was ill for some time or it was a tragic accident'.  But no.  She killed herself.  Leaving behind two daughters 19 & 13 and her partner Pete who loved her fiercely. 

Heather Armstrong is the reason I started blogging.  I'd found her blog when she first started writing and followed along as she shared about motherhood, marriage, work challenges, etc. .  Her writing is so much more intricate than mine - a masterful story teller, she could create post after post that was spellbinding. She shared her mental health issues honestly and frequently - something I always admired her for.  Her issues were very severe - and she tried a lot of things to mitigate the crushing depression. 

I even emailed her a few times and she always wrote back - which always surprised me as much as it thrilled me.  

She earned a living via her blog.  One of the first to monetize her blog.  She created an entire career as a "Mommy Blog" influencer and was able to grow her business to include appearances at various blog forums around the world.  She also wrote three books.  

Heather's openly sharing her mental health struggles got me to be more honest about mine - first with myself and then a little sharing on my blog.  My blog has never and will never be 'famous' for anything - I never had any desire to put myself out there in that way.  It's basically an online diary that helps me remember things I want to remember and gives me a way to put thoughts on paper.  For myself.  For my kids.  

I am thinking of her family and how incredibly difficult her death is for them.  And I've been thinking about her - how she did everything she could do to stay here until she reached a point when she couldn't.  

She will be greatly missed.

 

Creeping Anxiety

Little by little, the anxiousness I feel regarding anything remotely resembling travel is creeping in.  Our trip to Paso Robles for our niece's wedding is less than a month away and as we coordinate all the things surrounding that trip, I feel more and more unsettled.  

This will be the first road trip I've taken since we moved here.  Other than our weekly treks to Reno (half hour north) and our occasional trips to Minden (half hour south), I haven't been on any driving trip anywhere.  J.'s made some treks to California and other places for golf and concerts.  I've been home.  I like home.

I will absolutely power through the anxiety to make the trip - we are honored to be invited (it's a small wedding with not a lot of family) and we've been excited to attend since we knew she was getting married.

When we spent time with our neighbors a couple weeks ago, G. volunteered their son N. (who is living with them after he was laid off from his job) to take care of the cats while we are gone.  It will (in theory) save money - boarding two cats is expensive - and they will be happier in their own home.  I worry because lately, even when we're home, sitting in the office with the door closed, the cats (mostly Nala) wander the house crying seeking people.  I think about them being alone and lonely for five days - and I worry leaving them at home isn't the best for them.  But then again, home is where they are the most settled and N. is a great guy who loves cats and will probably spoil them rotten.  

I finally went through the process to renew my Trusted Traveler (including International travel) - I submitted my application and a few days later, received an email about setting up an interview.  I did that process too and then last night, I received an email that my status had changed.  I logged in this morning and am officially renewed.  Interview not needed!  

J. did the same process a month ago - and he's still waiting.  No 'conditional approval' yet and when he inquires, they write back that 'due to overwhelming volume, your request may take up to 11 months'.  They are dealing with that by reassuring everyone they will extend the expiration date of your current membership.  So if we were traveling, J. would still be OK.  I don't know how I lucked out to get mine approved so quickly - 

I'm about to make myself a third hamburger (this week) for dinner.  Turns out when I'm craving a good hamburger, my best option is to make one for myself.  It's delicious, flavorful and juicy - something I have not been able to find in town, even at In & Out.  

The cats are starting each day sitting in the dining area window watching nature outside.  We've got water in the bird trays and they sit and watch for hours sometimes.  Even with very few birds visiting (so far).  Things will pick up as soon as the weather stabilizes.  We've had some back tracking to colder weather - I should have known since I washed all the winter bed linens in preparation to pack them up for the season and now they are all (still) back on the beds.  

Our hair stylist and pedicure specialist retired and I'm trying a new place.  I'm not sold so far.  The lady doing my hair asks 'what would you like me to do?' - other than 'trim the ends', I have no input 'cuz I'm not a hairstylist.  The pedicure seems good - but it takes a lot longer than our previous person -  and the massaging of feet and calves is almost always a little too much.  

I think I will try Atlantis Salon - way more expensive (though in theory we could use comps) but it might be better all around.  Will check into it and decide.