Hadestown

Yesterday was the most jam-packed day (for me) on record lately.  

Started with me heading to our local casino for free play - arrived just before 9AM and on my first spin on $1 denom $5 bet, I hit this:  

  Thirteen minutes later, this:   

Always wonderful to be off to a good start.  I played a bit longer and came home up which is always a great day.  

I had a hair trim and a pedicure at 2PM.  Time with the always lovely and fun Gladesa is a treat.  Got home around 3PM and we headed to Reno around 4:30.  We headed to Atlantis for dinner before the show. 

I had to try my luck after dinner and the slot play was truly epicly not great - but the show at The Pioneer Center for the Arts in Reno was SPECTACULAR.  We didn't know anything about the musical but from the minute it started, it was impressive.  13 actors, 7 musicians (who are on stage and as much a part of the performance as the actors).  The set was magical in it's simple complexity - the things that suddenly morphed into something else at the most unexpected times.  I really have an appreciation for traveling Broadway musicals because the intricacy and planning that goes into creating what the show requires that can be packed up and move over and over is really something. 

The time with J.'s golf friend T. and his wife V. was pleasant.  We don't know them very well but we enjoyed chatting and getting to know them better.  

We arrived home around 11PM and I made an instant breakfast that we shared and we headed to bed.  I slept pretty much straight through until 7ish which is rare for me.  

The cleaning ladies arrived 45 minutes earlier than planned and it's the 'A' team - so they will be finished here before noon.  I seized the 'tidying before the cleaning ladies get here' mojo and J. helped me move two cat things to the donation stack in the garage and five other cat things to the trash.  I looked around our living room and realized just how 'cat-people-y' we are - and while we love those furry hooligans to bits and they fill our days with constant amusement (and some amusing irritation - more on that in a future post), their 'stuff ' sure takes over.  The things I buy thinking it will be 'their favorite'.  This 'box' with a little door in the front - I was sure Nala would be in there constantly.  She went into it twice - for a few seconds.  But as soon as I put it on the kitchen island to be grabbed when J. walked by heading to the garage, Muf jumps on top of it and sits there.  As if to say 'no, do not remove this.  I love it'.  But we removed it anyway.  'Cuz they don't go near it much.   

Megamillions rolled AGAIN and the prize for Friday's drawing is now over $1BILLION!  A drive to South Lake Tahoe is on the agenda for tomorrow. 

Sunday Spur of the Moment

The lottery Mega Millions is at an astronomical level ($790 million) - and while we gave up playing most California lottery games when we moved here, we still join the bandwagon when the jackpots get huge.  B. joined in and found a convenience store in New York (he is there for the weekend) and he and I had interesting text conversations about all the 'what if I win' scenarios. 

I told him my favorite part is the 'dreaming'.  All the things we could do with that money - organizations and people we could bless.  It would be epic and I'd enjoy it for sure.  And both J. and B. would buy epic new planes (and J. would get his license updated so he could fly). 

It rolled again (Friday night drawing) so we had to try again.  Last week, J. trekked to South Lake Tahoe but today I suggested we could drive to Verdi (pronounced Vur-Dye which coincidentally J. learned from a local this morning) with a stop at Atlantis for Sunday brunch.  Woot woot!  And it was declared (agreed) it was a 'date' which opens up the option to use some savings for 'fun money'.  Dates shouldn't come out of regular fun money - I mean, they just shouldn't.  

Brunch was (as usual) delicious.  The cost was $59 per person and we marveled at how many tables of 10-12 adults plus kids we saw.  There must be people with a lot of comps.  Like us.  (Only now our new tier level lets us get a free buffet every single day we are on the property which is amazing).  

After I ate, I headed out to play while J. finished up.  Instead of going to the downstairs bank of six Dragonlinks, I went upstairs to the bank of three and sat down at my current favorite - Ghengis Khan.   I put in $40 (I usually put in several hundred to start) and hit bonus after bonus right off the bat which was AMAZING!  

Saw our host M. who said to J. 'I thought you guys weren't going to be here this weekend'.  There is an 'event' - earn tier points and get a flat screen TV - and when she asked me about participating weeks ago, I was a hard, cold, edgy like steel 'no.  Thank you, but we aren't interested'.  Another event designed to part guests from loads of cash while attempting to 'earn/win' a TV you can buy at Costco for a fraction of what you would need to play to get a 'free' one.  M. texted me on Friday to say 'are you going to come for the TV event?'.  She had apparently signed us up.  I said 'no, and we have no plans to be there this weekend'.  So she was surprised to see J. in the VIP lounge picking up some bottled waters.  I have no idea if we earned enough to get a TV.  Don't care either way.  But we went and we played and if we get one, OK.  A free TV is a good TV.   

We had a fun day of play, drove to Verdi where J. patiently waited in the (very long) line and then we headed home.  Both of us slightly up for the day - so we set aside the date money and let it roll forward and we'll do another brunch date in August.  Maybe a new 'play day' to add to our usual.  (Most of our play at Atlantis is driven by free play and/or free play events throughout the month). 

My friend C. is very happy to take the Tupperware canisters - she said she and her son O. were just talking about how their hodge podge of containers could use an update - and I'm thrilled she might use them.  Also (even more) thrilled that she wants to come up here for a couple nights in October which will be really fun!!  Can't wait!  

J. has his monthly golfing group meeting tomorrow and plays golf on Tuesday.  I will (I REALLY WILL) continue working on the pantry update - J.'s help has opened the flood gates of my motivation and I'm ready to make it epic.  It already looks AMAZING - floor is clear (might change if I store a few things under the bottom shelf) - feels good to have made some actual progress.  I'm creating major project lists and hope to keep the momentum going.

Circular Organizing

Months ago, I bought all new storage canisters for the pantry.  They've been sitting in their box on the floor of the pantry for ages.  

Most days J. plays golf, I proclaim 'I will tackle the pantry today'.  And then I don't.  

I wanted to move some small appliances out of the pantry and made room on shelves in the utility closet (which is mammoth) so I open the utility closet doors and realize just how much reorganizing that space needs before I can move anything from the pantry into that closet.  I think 'well, it's a lot of cleaning supplies - I can move those to the garage'.  So I head to the garage - which has a gazillion issues that we are miles from tackling - and I think 'great, I'm stuck again'.  

I did move a bin of pet stuff from the utility closet and that sent me on a boondoggle - setting up a cat toys.  Then reorganizing the cupboard in the kitchen where we keep pet stuff.   Twenty minutes later, I still don't have the bin from the utility closet into the cupboard where we keep the pet stuff.  

It goes on and on. And I feel so overwhelmed with not knowing really how to begin, I mostly don't.  

But today - thanks to J. being home and him helping me - we were able to make some progress.  We had huge amounts of room in the laundry room cabinets and even though that is space I am reluctant to use because I cannot reach any of those items once they are in the cupboards above the washer/dryer, J. moved a bunch of seldom used cleaning stuff from the utility closet into the cupboard over the washer and dryer.  Huge help.  That cleared almost a full three shelves in the utility closet - so we started moving small appliances to that shelf from the floor or lower shelves of the pantry.  

I ran the dishwasher to get the pannini grill accessories and grill plates clean.  It's running again full of the old Tupperware canisters and other storage bins that will likely be boxed up and donated to the charity thrift shop.  It's really hard to let those things go - classic Tupperware is a thing of the past (though you can order from their website). I know I could try to sell them and likely make some cash - but I never feel comfortable doing that.  I don't like people showing up to pick things up and I don't like using any site that requires an online payment.  Our new neighbor used Facebook Marketplace and has sold a bunch of stuff they don't need using that site - but I am not convinced it's worth the effort.  We can always use more donation write off so I lean towards that.  

It's just hard to let things go - even when I know we don't need them anymore.  

I took a trouncing at Atlantis on Wednesday and as my cash dwindles, I realize that the hardest part of all the big wins I've had is when the big wins are minimal.  I need wins to keep playing at the level that generates big wins - and it's not happening lately so it's been hard.  

I will have extra play money starting in August (thank you, Social Security and a retirement budget that doesn't 'need' those funds to live on at the moment) so I'm looking forward to that.  

I'm going to use the electric pressure cooker to cook pork ribs tomorrow for dinner.  We had planned that for tonight but the kitchen is a disaster at the moment with canisters everywhere so J. drove to the south part of town for Panda Express.  I'm nervous about using the "Instant Pot" but I know if I can get more comfortable with using it, our meal options will drastically improve.  We're trying to eat off the freezers and there's lots of pork roasts, ribs, etc. - things that are so easy to cook in a pressure cooker. 

This morning, J. sent me a picture of a tiny bird on the sidewalk just outside our dining room window (in the backyard).  Then he said 'please come to the patio'.  I did but was still in my PJ's (tank top and boy shorts) so I didn't go outside all the way.  (There were golfers and I'm not hanging out on the patio in essentially underwear.  Ever.  Even when there aren't golfers but most especially when they are).  The small (baby) bird had hit our dining room window.  J. said he appeared to be in shock - he was moving, hopping and eventually flew to the fence.  But then he dropped to the river rock and stayed there awhile.  He moved a couple times - I got dressed so I could check on him - and eventually flew to the wood fence and hung out there for a bit.  Then he was gone.  So we think he was OK.  

B. is in New York having the time of his life.  He's been sharing pics and using Facetime to share the fantastic views.  We sure want to go and spend time with him there and we will make that happen ASAP.  Hopefully, he can plan a long weekend off in the Spring and we can get there for some family time and sight seeing.

Thinking of You & Be Well

M. (H.'s friend from rehab) reached out again - sent two pictures.  

H. gave M. this when they were in rehab together.  She said 'H. gave me this in New Hope (rehab facility)....just wanted to let you know I'm still praying for him every day and I pray that one day soon, I can show him I still have it!  

Bless her heart.  

I have one of these in my desk drawer here - I gave this to H. (along with an extra, I think) when he was in rehab to remind him we were always thinking of him.  

So sweet that M. kept it all these years.  

She said she really feels in her heart that he will come around soon.  Time will tell. 

Non-Stop Thinking

There have been moments lately when I think 'I wish we knew someone in Texas who might be able to try to find H. so we know he is OK.  (OK = alive.  Never imagined in a zillion years I would have to think that about one of my kids but here we are.  That's where we are pretty much most of the time).  

Yesterday, out of the blue, a friend of H.'s from when he was in rehab in Modesto in 2018 reached out.  She had just celebrated her 4th year of sobriety and shared that she had a six month old baby and had left her husband because he started using drugs and she refused to be around that.   She moved to Texas to live with her mother temporarily.  

Her mother travels to Houston for business all the time - they live in the Dallas area so it's a 4 hour drive but M. said her mom will keep an eye out for H. when she's in Houston.  We sent her a snip-it pic of the area where we think he was hanging out.  

As expected, her contact brought everything back to the surface.  Trying to explain to her all the things that happened (keeping it brief) and also wanting to be sure she protects her sobriety above all else.  Trying to gently explain how little trust we have in anything H. does or says.  And not saying (but wishing we had) that while we would love to know someone has seen him, we aren't looking to step back on the daily roller coaster of his life.  He has to help himself - first and foremost - and I'm hoping we didn't just introduce people into the 'story' that might decide helping him is their priority.  We've been there.  But we can't go there anymore.  We won't.  

We did tell her that we won't be at all surprised to learn if they do see him that he 'doesn't want contact with his family at this time'.  That's a line he used with his friend P. (who we met when he was in rehab in 2010).  P. hasn't heard from him in ages either.  

My heart which hasn't felt light in a very long time feels staggeringly more heavy today.  I remind myself I'm fretting about something that may never happen - Houston is a huge city and we have no idea where H. is exactly - so the odds of M.'s mom seeing him are slim.  

Other happenings:  we have to pay for our Bahama cruise in 7 days so we're in a constant state of all the what ifs.  I'm pretty sure when we booked the cruise (which is Thanksgiving week), we were assuming we would spend time at Disneyworld at the end of the cruise because there is no way I would voluntarily fly anywhere the weekend after Thanksgiving.  No way.  I foresee us ending up taking 24+ hours to actually get back home - and I don't like the idea of setting ourselves up for that out of the gate?  [I'm honestly not sure how/why we thought that timing would be good - but it isn't].  Every ounce of my being is telling me I don't want to go.  I just don't.  And J. does.  Which is pretty much where we've been on the travel question since we moved into this house.  

It's been five days since I wrote everything above this line and there's more to update.  

We cancelled the cruise.  J. understood my concerns about traveling home from Orlando on the busiest travel weekend of the year - something I would have NEVER booked so I know we thought we'd do Disneyworld after the cruise - but that's not happening.  I looked into it and it was do-able - it seems like the parks are more 'open' than they have been - but still, it's a gazillion more things to coordinate and my heart just isn't in it.  

I think I'm coming to grips with some things that have hit me since retirement and I just can't undo it all.  It's like the daily high stress I had in my work just kept me in hyper mode all the time - so big trips were 'easy' - stress was my norm so travel stress was nothing.  But now?  I feel 'anxious' about having a dental appointment.  Or a doctor appointment.  Or a trip to the bank.  I leave the house as needed for those things and our weekly trips to Atlantis - but mostly?  I just want to be home. 

It's a constant back and forth 'struggle' for me to commit to 'stuff'.  Pretty much any stuff.  Last night, our friends reached out to offer us two tickets to Hadestown in Reno at the Pioneer Center for the Arts.  They are traveling and can't use the tickets - and their friends (who they have season tickets with) will also be attending - so it's spending time at a 2.5 hour show with two people we don't know very well (at all).  And the one time I've met them, the wife was incredibly surly the entire time - kept to herself - didn't speak to anyone.  Not exactly sounding like a great time - but we said yes.  And we will go.  And I will be dreading going until it's done.  

My psyche is a puzzlement.  

In another out of the blue moment, the person who I communicated with about a year ago (and in that conversation (via FB Messenger) realized our son hadn't ever lived there as he'd said he was) reached out with a 'did you find him'?  Completely out of the blue and strange.  She said her brother M. thinks about H. a lot (including telling me the brother thought H. would be dead by now).  I told her we had spoken to him last in February and aren't in touch with him much.  

So my heart is even more heavy than five days ago.  And that's pretty damn heavy.  

After two days of golf, hubs is home today and we will head to Atlantis this afternoon for weekly free play.  I played at our local casino yesterday and hit two Majors six minutes apart - left up a good amount and was down a huge amount before those two wins so it was a good day.  I remind myself our intention is to play a bit, do free play, get food and come home.  Not intending to do a marathon day of play - but I always tell J. 'the machines will decide'.  If I'm on a good streak, I will play!  

I applied for Social Security in April - the website says 'most applications take 2-4 weeks to be completed'.  This past Friday, I logged on twice and even tried to call (gave up after being on hold for many minutes).  And 'lo and behold on Saturday morning, the website said my application was approved so yay!!  Beginning in August, my deposit will arrive on the second Wednesday of the month.  I am super excited!!  And super blessed because that 'extra' income is now fun money!  Woot woot!  (It will also be available for other expenses as needed but it's mostly fun money which is glorious).  

Next big financial change will be making my final car payment in December!  Cha ching!  

That's it for now.  More soon.  We spent a wonderful afternoon with our new neighbors and I will share more about that visit in an upcoming post.

Air Supply

Amazed at my ability to sing an Air Supply song from 40 years ago (holy crap!) at the top of my lungs in my car easily recalling every lyric.....while minutes later back at home sitting at my desk, I have to sit and stare into space for a minute trying to remember what I was going to do next.