Hubbub of Activity

J. is doing a treadmill walk and then will head out with the Rav full of donations.  He drove to the donation site yesterday but they were closed - forgetting that many businesses were closed yesterday to give their employees the holiday they missed because Christmas was on a Sunday this year.  Same thing will happen next Monday, too, for New Years Day.  

After careful consideration I decided this is the year I will donate all the Cow Parade figurines.  54 figurines in their original boxes including the Styrofoam to protect them in their box.  I held back 2 which I will put somewhere. 

It was hard to let them go but made easier by having very few places I could display them here.  Sure, I could put them all along the top of the kitchen cabinets as well as the top of the linen cabinets in our hallway - but they will get dusty and be very hard to clean.  At our age, avoiding anything that requires a ladder is a goal.  

I loved them very much and enjoyed them for many years but it feels good to let them go.  I toyed with the idea of trying to sell them - did some research on secondary market sellers but then pondered the logistics of shipping that many items.  What I would have to spend to get them there while risking breakage, etc. just made it seem not worth the effort it would take to try to do that.  I thought about finding a collectible shop here in Carson that might take them on consignment but....again, never a sure thing.  I like the idea of donating them to our local charity that helps homeless people in our community and having someone come upon something they will treasure available for a bargain price.  

Or maybe the thrift shop person who prices items will do what is needed to get as much money for them as possible.  And that's totally fine.  They blessed my heart with joy for many years and it feels right to pass them on now.  

It's raining today and it's 'warm' rain because it's doing a great job of melting the snow we've had around the yard for three weeks.  The gutters are dripping away.  

Tomorrow is Atlantis for free play and then I will head there again on Friday for three nights.  J. will join for NYE on Saturday.  I'm taking one of my Woobles crochet kits to keep me busy.  

I forgot to mention in my previous post that J. won his very first hand pay on Christmas Day.  A six spot on Keno paid off handsomely.  He was super excited! 

Life Seasons

Christmas 2022 was low key.  Just me and J. and the cats.  

We kept gifts to a minimum - we are gifting each other some fun money to make our New Years weekend epic and super fun.  I did get a small thing which J. unwrapped when he got up.  

 

It's just us - me, J. and the cats.  This season of our lives is such a sweet one.  Christmas was low key and easy.  And Santa did put some gifts under the tree which was a complete surprise.   

We had a wonderful dinner at Atlantis - they really do know how to do a party.  We went at noon this year which was earlier than we did Thanksgiving dinner.  It was way less crowded at that time of day so that might be our new normal for attending the Grand Ballroom holiday events. 

A little play and then home.  I made some hot cheese dip to go with chips as a 'dinner' and we're winding down the evening watching "For All Mankind" and enjoying some eggnog with a little rum in it. 

B. traveled from Nashville to Destin, Florida today via his car.  The friend he was visiting in Nashville invited B. to join his family at the beach for a few days.  B. messaged last night that he was missing us and missing being here with us.  He didn't think about how most places are closed on Christmas Eve so he was spending a quiet night in his hotel room.  We miss having him here....but we always miss both our sons on a pretty regular basis so that's nothing new.  

Holidays are quiet and low key and while there were a few moments this morning when I missed the magic of having young(er) kids at Christmas time, it is very nice to skip a lot of planning, shopping, wrapping, cooking, etc. .  I hope there will be a season in the future where littles are a part of our world and I can't wait to spend time spoiling grandchildren rotten.  But I'm in no hurry - that season will arrive when it's supposed to in it's own time.

We received a save the date card for our niece - the only child of J.'s late brother B. .  She and her boyfriend V.  - who we met at the Celebration of Life we had for J.'s brother four years ago - are getting married!  They've lived together for years, bought a house together and are making it official.  We are thrilled to be going and looking forward to a busy weekend in mid-June.  We've decided to make it a road trip - it's only a six hour drive from Carson to Paso Robles and while we could fly, it makes sense to just drive.  Road trip.  Sounds fun.  

And I'm even thinking the Alaska cruise at the end of June also sounds fun.  Fingers crossed I can maintain that change of heart about going.  I know J. really (REALLY) wants to see Alaska and I don't want him to go alone.  So we'll see.

Tomorrow, we tackle taking a bunch of stuff to donation sites.  I've decided to let most of my Cow Parade figurines go.  Holding on to a few that I love - the one H. gave me for Christmas one year a while back and a couple others that I treasure.  I'll find a place to display the few I'm going to keep.  We will clear out a ton of boxes from the overhead storage in the garage.  

Merry Christmas!  

Fun Filled Day

Our neighbors on both sides are truly epic.  Epic humans.  Epic neighbors.  And wonderful friends.  

Our newest neighbor hosted us and our other neighbors at a holiday brunch this morning.  It was a delicious, fun-filled time and so lovely. 

I broke out my baking skills and made vanilla scones and they turned out really well.  I think that's one of the first things I've baked in the new kitchen (except for trying bread now and then) and it really revealed some reorganizing I will try to do at some point - getting baking stuff in it's own space.  We had to really hunt for the flour sifter and I could have totally skipped that step but was getting stubborn about 'where in the heck is it'.  

Sometimes where things are around here is still a challenge even 32 months in.  

J. reminded me today is the official 'we are now Nevada residents' anniversary - the day we registered the cars and got Nevada drivers license and registered to vote.  Three years!!  It's flown by. 

The morning brunch was loads of fun and such a nice way to spend time with friends.  

Today is the 20th and the local casino here in Carson - that I haven't been to in over three weeks - gives me $100 in free play on the 20th of each month - so I trekked there today to give the Dragonlinks a spin.  As I was exiting our neighborhood and turning onto Carson Street to head south, I realized I didn't have my phone - I'd left it on the counter where I dropped the goodie tray and gifts we received from our friends.  I thought 'I should go back' but then my next thought was 'but you are only going to play a wee bit and then head home so it's fine - just go, play, get this 'errand' done and head home'.  

I hit $270 on free play which is a great win.  Because I had won a bit, I switched over to $1 denom.  Nothing happened.  Then I moved to $2 denom and the minimum $10 bet.  A few spins in, I got an orb round and was THRILLED when the $500 mini dropped.  Totally stoked.  Figured I'd be leaving with another $600ish and would go home with some cash.  

The 15th orb dropped and I'd won the Grand!  Epic.  TOTALLY EPIC.  Wasn't even considering it a possibility when the lady next to me said 'you won the Grand'!  BOOM!  Nice handpay and so welcome as I headed into New Years pondering how we would fund multiple days of play.  Problem solved.  (There really was no problem to solve - have plenty of fun money so I knew we would be OK).  But the 'freedom' of being REALLY OK is very nice!  Especially because I am playing way less these days so the win will last a lot longer. 

The lady next to me was very kind and took pics with her phone and (bless her heart) made four attempts at texting them to me.  She finally added me as a contact then sent all of them to my phone.  And then let me use her phone to call J. - I had told him I intended to be lighting speed and back soon but paperwork takes awhile so....I wanted him to know why it was taking so long. 

Great, wonderful day! We will head to Atlantis for our usual Wednesday free play and then again on Saturday, too.  And attending the epic ballroom Christmas buffet on Christmas day which is always a treat.  

I always feel blessed - even when the slots are mean, I still appreciate this incredibly blessed life that allows us to play and have fun.  Feeling so grateful this evening.

Reconnecting with the Amazing Bug

I've been pondering relationships and friendships a lot lately.  They say the friends from work usually last two to five years once you stop working.  I am finding that to be a little true.  I still have a handful of friends that keep in touch regularly - if you are reading this and think 'is she talking about me'? probably not - but I am/have losing/lost touch with people I never imagined I wouldn't be in touch with.  

My handful of friends (some go back 30+ years) are treasures and I'm blessed.  I know I lean more toward reclusive vs. social and it's a constant struggle for me.  I get so much in my head - pondering/feeling the effort to be in touch seems/feels often unreciprocated so my psyche convinces me 'people don't want to hear from you.  They don't care about you anymore'.  I know it's not true - but that's another thing that I've been experiencing post-retirement - my mind can convince me of really stupid shit.  And when it's not convincing me about a bunch of nonsense, it's creating staggering anxiety which is also about stupid shit.

And truthfully, people are busy.  Busy living life.  Busy doing all the things we all do.  And then some in the case of the many work friends who are still working.  Time flies by so incredibly quickly and I'm always saying that.  Pondering 'what day is it today' and realizing I think it's mid-week and it was Saturday.  Crazy.  Our days are full of doing whatever we do and they are flying by.  True for us and true for others as well. 

I reconnected last week with a former boss - my boss from the Community College I worked out from August 2002 through December 2007.  He is retiring from his job as the President of a Bay Area community college (not the one we both worked at way back when).  The call was....perplexing and hard.  I realized during the call that the friendship I thought would be there no matter what - wasn't.  True, we hadn't been in touch much - and maybe I should have realized the relationship would have most certainly morphed in all that time.  I don't think he felt the same about the experience but mostly, that's because he was aloof and guarded which may just be his constant mode....so the call didn't seem off to him in any way, probably.  He kept his guard up, said some things that made me feel bad and that's where we left it.  Dredging up things that happened decades ago....way to kill any kind of re-connection.

Anyway, it was a hard call I regretted making and I've been beating myself up about it for a week.  I don't know why I do that because I'm pretty much a 'let it go' kind of girl.  But retirement has freed up brain cells and apparently, they keep firing in ways to focus me on things that perplex me.

My dear friend Bug is who gave me my former bosses phone number and encouraged me to call.  She also suggested the two of us do a catch up call soon - and when I messaged her a couple days ago to set up a call, there was a part of me that was not sure I should.  My heart couldn't take another not great phone call with someone I've always treasured and I was really afraid.  I needn't have been.  We picked up right where we left off - and talked for two and a half hours straight.  

Oh my goodness, she is a gift.  Truly, I don't know how she is always so spot-on and wise about the things she says.  I wish I had recorded the entire conversation because she said so many on-point things about so many situations - each one helping me more and more to let stuff go.  I've got lots of things to find - books she uses to focus herself daily and also some local happenings in her area (related to a community college where she lives) to spend time reading and pondering.  She and her family moved to Coure 'dAlene, Idaho a few years ago.  She wasn't working when they first moved but now is working full time at a chiropractor's office - a job that pays the bills and she enjoys.  

She suggested some books she reads daily - positive affirmations and ways to start the day intentionally.  She suggested a lot of other stuff and as always with her, I marvel at how truly wise and grounded she is.  God is her focus and she ties all things around Him.  I needed that regrouping around faith.  

I hope we will reconnect again and again.  She has two young kids so her busy quotient is considerably higher than mine but when she heads out to Target and has dropped off the kids at her parents (who live nearby), it will be great to chat again! 

Love you, Bug.  Thanks for being the most amazing friend even after a long gap from contact.  True friends are never, ever apart. 

Christmas Memories

Taking a walk down memory lane today decorating the Christmas tree.  Lately, even the simplest tasks turn into projects - culling through ornaments and letting some go.  If an ornament isn't immediately triggering a warm, fuzzy memory, it's worth considering letting it go.  Thankfully, there are SO MANY with memories attached.  

I bought small silver box ornaments ages ago fully intending to use them for a Christmas gift to co-workers back in the day.  I've moved them into the donation box along with a bunch of others.   We also ended up with four glass stagecoach ornaments from J.'s former employer - they are all identical and I honestly have no idea why we purchased so many?  Probably thinking he would share them with co-workers, too - but we never did.  Destined for the donation box.  Keeping one of each and passing the others on.  Someone will be blessed to find them.  J.'s going to take them to thrift store this week so someone can find them to use on a tree this year. 

Anytime we're culling things out, it feels good.  It really does.  It will consolidate  ornament storage quite a bit to finally let go of some.   

Muf headed to the tree skirt and is convinced they are hiding from us as her fuzzy tail hits the lower branches as she 'hides'.  Nala has made herself at home in the empty plastic storage bin - it's the hugest box and she is blissfully content (also) thinking she is hiding.   

Now that we've started, I'm determined to go through every single box of Christmas stuff in the garage - something we did before we left Tracy and again when we were in the rental before moving to the house.  So much stuff!  

The weather forecast said snow all night as we headed to bed last night.  It looks like the hills around us got quite a bit but we didn't have any new snow on the ground when we woke up this morning.

To Fly or not to Fly

While attending the buffet at Atlantis on Thanksgiving Day, I played slots.  No surprise, right?  I saw my friend C.'s mom who was with another daughter visiting from Florida.  I asked K. (C.'s mom) 'is C. here too?'.  She said 'C. has too much to do so'.  

I saw C. today - she hosted Thanksgiving which is why she was too busy to bring her mom to the casino last week.  C. told me that her mom got COVID AND Type A flu - most likely from her daughter visiting from Florida.  9 people at the get together were infected with one illness or both.  C.'s mom ended up spending two days in the hospital - she's 91.  She's doing fine, back at home with 24 hour nursing care.  C. owns a company and many of her employees were among the guests at the dinner and all are so sick, they have been in bed.  Yikes.

She said her sister starting having symptoms on Thanksgiving Day but she truly thought it was the change from humid climate to dry climate.  Never imagined she was sick.  Never imagined that she was infecting a ton of other people with two viruses she very likely got from being on a cross-country trip on multiple airplanes.  

The sister and her hubby were finally able to fly back home today - though C. said 'they shouldn't have but they wanted to get home'.  

This scenario is exactly why I don't want to fly.  Truly.  Don't want to.

Tales of a Gambler

A casino 30 minutes south of us sent me an offer too good to decline.  Claiming the offer involved calling the marketing department rep of the casino.  She asked me 'is there anything wrong? (that is keeping us from visiting - parenthetical thought added by me).  At the time, I replied no.  

Today, we ventured there because in addition to the special offer from the marketing department I had a previous (also pretty good) offer - so I felt like it was a good amount of free play and worth going there.

Within the first hour, I was down [$x].  It wasn't huge but it WAS (felt) huge when you're in the mode of trying (so hard) to stop putting all of the play (including any winnings) back.  

I was discouraged and down.  I took my last $200 and headed to a different bank of Dragonlinks and decided 'what the heck' and bet big.  I recovered all I had lost plus a wee smidge  In the mean time, a machine with a $900 plus major on the other side of the same bank of machines opened up and J. saved it for me.  

Jokingly, as we headed out this afternoon, I told J. 'my goal is to get my first hand pay at CVI today'.  I truly was feeling like it was an impossible challenge when I'd played a fair amount already and had a good list of 'things' to share with the marketing department when I phoned them later this week to share what I remembered upon playing:  we don't win here so why do we play here?  

I decided to go for it.  A Hail Mary that could be epic or could bomb spectacularly.  The 'new month' is a few days away so I knew I had 'new money' available in a few days so I felt the risk was worth it.  

At 1:44 PM, this happened.  Just under a hand pay!  ($1,165 total). 

 

At 1:52 PM, this happened.  $2,190 total.  Handpay # 1.  Angle of picture is due to me taking it standing to the side while the slot attendant cleared the win so I could keep playing.

At 2:47 PM, this happened.  The Major was $1,000 - it had topped out (the limit is $1,000) while I was playing.  Handpay # 2.

Two hand pays an hour apart.  We hightailed it out of there.  I covered all of my losses today and then some so yay for that!!  

Gambling is a head trip, always.  I visited the local casino I mentioned in my last post this morning for my last November free play - and played a 'farewell' amount.  The wins at the other casino more than covered the loss from this morning and I am super grateful for that!  A friend of mine was there and I told her 'this will be my last visit here until maybe January'.  She asked why and I told her - and she very quickly said 'you need to talk to R.. You are right, that decrease makes zero sense'.  I hope it is a fixable thing - but am totally OK if it isn't.  As I mentioned yesterday, I feel a break would be a good thing. 

Our next play date is Atlantis on Wednesday for our weekly free play and then again on Saturday for another free play round.  

The freeway and all major streets in Carson are freshly brined so we know there is weather on the horizon.  J. gently prepared me for 'if we can't get to Reno on Saturday' and it will be totally fine if that's what happens.  Though fingers crossed we can go at a point in the day where weather isn't an issue.

Our post-Thanksgiving feast was great but oh my Lord the process is taxing.  The sink (disposal) clogged badly leaving us no option but for J. to trek to Home Depot in search of a 'proper' sink plunger.  It did the trick (thank goodness).  Note to self:  NO PEELS.  EVER.  Not potato, not cucumber, not carrots.  TRASH ONLY. 

Grocery Store Dilemmas

After we watch our evening shows, we usually take a break from whatever death, mayhem or drama we've been watching and wind down with an episode of West Wing.  After that, J. goes to You Tube.  We watch Jeopardy highlights and lately, he's been watching a guy giving tips for how to do things with your iPhone.  

J. learned we can create shared reminders and/or lists so now we have a Costco list and a grocery list.  We can both add or delete and changes are made on both lists (his and mine).  It's revolutionizing everything.  We started a 'to-do' list to keep track of the many things we know we need to do but often don't get to 'cuz there's not a list.  It's nice being retired and having things be 'get to it when you like' but...a list keeps reminding us and that's a help.  

We spent Thanksgiving at Atlantis in the Grand Ballroom Buffet which was epic as always.  Somehow, I missed all the side dishes - no stuffing, mashed potatoes...I just never made it to the 'side station'.  I got a delicious turkey wing, a crab cake, some cranberry sauce, lobster ravioli.  All delicious.  And berry pie for dessert.

We had already decided we would get the fixings for a small holiday meal to make at home.  I thought of a turkey leg and maybe a turkey roll.  With stuffing, green bean casserole, etc. .  I made a shopping list and prepared to go to Walmart - usually do an online order and pickup but I wanted to choose the best options available for turkey - so thought I would go myself.  Then I remembered it was Black Friday and there was no way I was going to head to Walmart on Black Friday.

J. accompanied me and we went to our (very) nearby Savemart.  Found a turkey leg for $11.  Found a whole turkey for $4.90 - 39 cents a pound.  There was no way I could spend double that on one turkey leg...so we will be cooking an 11 pound turkey on Sunday along with all the trimmings.  It will be delicious!  And we can make all sorts of yummy things - including turkey tetrazzini which is delicious!

The store was also having their $5 each when you purchase 5 in their meat section so we got a bunch of meat.  We have been successfully eating off the freezer for the past month or two so we have plenty of freezer space.  We are well stocked as we head into December.  

In other news, I received my December offers from the local casino here in Carson I frequent - and they dropped my freeplay down a ridiculous amount.  I talked to the marketing department and they will be double checking it because it is a very steep drop.  On a good note, I've been feeling like I'm ready to take a break so....might make it a very easy 'nudge' to do that.  Skip going there twice a week starting in December.  I think that will help my psyche a lot, actually.  

Hope everyone had a great day of giving thanks and eating delicious food.  

End of Month

Can't believe it's the end of October and not a single post this month.  I have a couple drafts pending but pretty sure I won't post them.  I find myself editing and second guessing myself about putting stuff out into the cosmos.  Chalk it up to having re-read a lot of old posts and feeling so often that I wish I hadn't posted.  All of the history of H. that now seems stupid to have shared.  Fake jobs.  Fake school activities.  

It's hard going through all of it over and over.  

On that note, I told H. (when he called on Saturday) that I felt like the best approach was to try to just go forward, taking one day at a time.  I flash angry (to myself and sometimes sharing with J.) pretty often but I have to just let all that go.  I'm still holding onto a huge amount of anger about things that happened when we still lived in Tracy way back when - and Lord knows there's way more than that now to still have to work through.  

H. sounds really good and seems to be doing OK.  He was moved from 'intake' (where he spent two weeks) to 'the program' where he will be until early April (at least).  J. and I are so glad this type of program exists - yes, it is his 'sentence' for his possession charge but it's a program designed to give people who are willing to change the opportunity to do that.  They have reassured him they will find him a bed in a sober living environment and assist with job placement as well because they don't want to waste resources by sending someone out to the streets again.  

Of course, even as I write the above I think 'we have absolutely no way to know if anything H. has said about the situation is true'.  That's what's so hard about sharing anything lately - realizing that there's a chance it's all bull shit.  

And still have to try to give the benefit of the doubt and hope he is being truthful.  

October gave us a good glimmer of winter.  As I type this, the skies are overcast.  We've had the heater on a bit - taking the chill off the rooms we are in.  There is a storm heading our way tonight and snow is predicted - we still hope to get to Atlantis for free play on Wednesday. 

This morning, I ended the month with a hand pay at our local Gold Dust West.  Had a fun hour or so of play on my last spin of my free play.  

(It's now November 1st technically).  Not a single trick-or-treater last night - disappointed a bit but not really surprised.  This is a neighborhood with very few little people - some, but not many.  And those that are in the neighborhood must either be not participating in Halloween at all?  Or going somewhere else to celebrate.  

Time to post!  Hello, November!

Quiet Sunday

I slept in until 7:40ish.  Made a cup of coffee and headed to the study.  J. was up not too much later.  Miraculously, I remembered I wanted to get a pot roast going for Sunday Dinner.  To have it cook 8 hours I needed to get it started by 8AM - I eat dinner very early because I mostly eat two meals a day - so J. got the crock pot out and I got it going.  Easiest recipe EVER - chuck roast in the crock pot, sprinkle a packet of Hidden Valley Ranch dressing mix and Au Jus gravy mix over the meat, add 3-5 pepperocini and cook on low for 8 hours.  

I've already had two servings (small) and it's just approaching 2PM.  SO GOOD.  Yikes!  I wish the roast was bigger for more leftovers but we will definitely add this meal to our favorites.  Super easy and super delicious. 

H. called this morning - he sounds good.  He used the commissary money we sent him to get canned mackerel (cheaper than tuna), instant coffee, ramen soups, dehydrated refried beans (add hot water and let sit then eat).  He's eating as much protein as he can.  I was surprised about the mackerel but then impressed that he was choosing the protein source that was the least expensive.  And when I suggested he should eat that outside, he said 'oh, there is definitely a rule - eat anything fish(y) and you need to eat it outside.  

He said the environment is a lot less chaotic compared to the jail.  When it's lights out, everyone is quiet and goes to sleep.  The jail was just loud pretty much all the time.  

We ordered some basic clothing items - he had only one long sleeve t-shirt and shorts when he was arrested - and they should arrive there tomorrow.  New shoes should arrive a couple days after that.  I really pondered helping him - but in the end, we are his parents and we have them means to help provide basic things he needs.  He will be in the program for four to six months and then need to find work and a sober living environment to live in - and feeling OK about how you look - having clothing appropriate for playing basketball and for keeping warm is important.  

My mom-ness always overrides the thoughts I have about 'we shouldn't offer any financial assistance ever'.  

We set up his next call for Wednesday evening - this week coming up is pretty busy.  J. is playing golf Monday and Tuesday and then Tuesday evening, we will drive to Reno for dinner at 5PM with our friends before the 7:30PM performance of "Hairspray" at the Pioneer Center for the Arts.  Wednesday we will head to Atlantis for our weekly free play - and J. has a tooth procedure that morning.  If he's feeling punky after, I will head to Atlantis solo on Wednesday.  Or maybe I'll go on Thursday - 'cuz J. is heading to California on Thursday for a concert at the Hard Rock Hotel and Casino which opened recently.  He and his friend R. are seeing the Doobie Brothers.  J. will be home Friday.  

Weather has been beautifully clear and warmer - my winter weight comforter is back in the closet.  

Our every three week coffee order from Amazon has increased $15 in the past month or so.  I cancelled the order, went to the Costco website and found a similar coffee (we love Sumatra) on sale so I ordered five boxes.  A much larger expenditure for this month's budget but we will have plenty of coffee for a few months.  

There are homes in our neighborhood for sale and they aren't selling.  Interest rates are double what our current rate is and I think that is definitely hindering home sales.  The builder of our home is building dozens more in a new area of the golf course just around the corner from our neighborhood - small, patio homes with very little backyard.  They seem to be moving and last we heard, still had a huge waiting list of people wanting to buy.  

B. lost a buddy from Ft. Campbell to suicide earlier this week.  Always so hard.  B. is heading to El Paso, TX for work for a week or so - his new job is doing trainings with all sorts of public service entities.  He said these trainings are a lot easier than the maneuvers and exercises he had constantly at Ft. Campbell.  

September has been a truly epic month on the play front - so many wins.  I don't want to be specific because the numbers are making me pause considerably - for the total of the epic wins but also for the ease with which those wins become play.  It's a hard hobby at times.  I'm grateful for the wins and plan to spend the next three months enjoying some low and slow while trying to build up additional play cash.  We are so far above what we need to maintain our level at Atlantis that we may spend more time at local casinos here in Carson and also one we really enjoy that's in Minden - about 30 minutes south.  Our Atlantis casino host is very likely retiring at the end of February and I told her yesterday that we may move away (more) from Atlantis without her there.  I feel very loyal to her - but not necessarily loyal to Atlantis.  We'll see.  She is going to make sure our new host is someone J. and I will both love - and I know she will do that.  Having a great host makes a HUGE difference in the experience.  She makes everything easy.  Call or text or email, ask for what you want or need and she makes it happen. 

J. just came in to remind me that today is the 34th (!!!) anniversary of the day we met.  It was also a Sunday - which I remember because it was rare for me to do a social thing on the eve of a new work week...but I was trying to step out of my comfort zone and do things more spontaneously.  Y'all know the date turned out pretty well - and in fact, 10 days ago (9/15) was the 32nd anniversary of our engagement.  Time flies by so incredibly fast.  Margaritas at a (long time closed) restaurant at San Leandro Marina.  He tells everyone he was most impressed when I bought the 2nd round.  Seemed a common courtesy to me.  He had the most beautiful blue eyes, a great smile and a quick wit.  We were together from that date forward.  

Life is good and blessings abound.  Often complex - definitely.  We are a good team. 

Things Happen Quickly

H. thought he might get a COVID test on Monday and then possibly be transported to the rehab facility on Tuesday.  We talked to him late Monday and the COVID test didn't happen so he figured he wouldn't go this week.  

When I woke up this morning - after a glorious night's sleep which I attribute to adding another comforter to my bed - I had a missed call at 3:03AM our time from a different Houston number.  Same recorded message with the zillions of disclosures about receiving a call from someone in the Harris County jail.  

He's apparently moved because when I search for him on the 'find someone in jail' link, the system shows he is no longer in jail.  

I'm trying not to worry too much.  We know he will receive minimal phone calls at the start of the program and can earn more for good behavior.  I'll be back to keeping my phone with me at all times with my debit card as well so I'll be ready if he calls.  

We had a fun day at Atlantis yesterday - not a winning day but I did have a good recovery at the end so I didn't come home broke.  Right now not coming home broke is a win.  

The weather has been much cooler the past few days and my bedroom is downright cold.  I ran the electric space heater a bit when I went into the room to get ready for bed but I really needed to turn on the central heat to get the room truly warmed up.  I'm resisting doing that - it's only September and I'm just trying to make it at least into October.  It's funny to me that the inside temperature of 74 feels freezing now when just a couple weeks ago, I'd sometimes turn the AC down to that temp just to feel cool for a little bit.  My internal thermostat is malfunctioning on a regular basis.  I am a bad gauge of comfort level. 

I got ready for bed - face washed, teeth brushed, hair combed.  Pillows arranged.  Crawled in and waited for warmth to envelop me but it didn't.  After an hour of trying to get warm, I turned on the light, went into my closet and grabbed the heavy 'winter-weight' down comforter and put it on the top of my other covers.  I figured I'd wake up roasting at some point in the night - but I never did.  I slept great.  It felt great to be warm.  Simple change made for a big difference.  The night before, I had slept so fitfully, it wasn't even sleep, really.  Awake every hour for hours.  Now I'm thinking I haven't been as warm as I need to be for good sleep.  

The cats are curled up together on the couch trying to be warm, too. 

Cleaning Before Being Cleaned

The day before our cleaning ladies are scheduled, their boss sends a text with the time they will be arriving.  

In the year we've used this service, the projected time has never been accurate.  The ladies most often arrive early - sometimes up to an hour before the previous day's text said they would arrive.

It's OK.  We are getting used to it.  Up early this morning to do the tidy up of things that need tidying before we pay them to clean our house.  Sure enough, they were 45 minutes early so the early wakening was smart.  We requested they come earlier because they were arriving between noon and one.  Wednesday is our 'Atlantis Free Play' day - my favorite day of the week.  Accompanied by J., I will enjoy a couple beers and some play.  And free food.  

This morning, as has happened a few times in the past couple weeks, four geese flew in.  They trumpet their arrival as their flight path lowers towards the golf course.  They landed much higher up the hill but finished their stay on the 12th tee right outside our gate.  They are fun to watch and Muf never let them out of her sight.  You can almost hear her thinking 'I could take them'.  Um, no.  They would fly away and if they stayed on the ground, they are aggressive.  

There was also a line of bluebirds on the fence. 

On the way to pick up J.'s birthday cake, there was a family of four deer (parents and two babies) grazing on the grass across from the bakery.  They are daily foragers.  As I walked past them with the cake, the two adults moved towards me a bit - scaring me off from the babies.  I obliged and stepped away.  I wasn't scared - they are docile and would most likely just scurry down the street - but it's a busy street and I didn't want to risk them being injured by bolting into a street.  

I love how we see so many amazing animals here.  It's just a part of everyday life.  The birds make me so happy every day - how they know our house is the place to go when they need a drink of water or a place to get clean.  

It's magical.  Nature is magical. 

Monday, Monday

Watching the Queen's funeral on TV is passing the time.  It's overcast and a bit cold here today which seems fitting.  We've had some rain and it's nice to see the yard and street a bit wet.  

The funeral procession was amazing and the church service was lovely.  There were parts of saying goodbye to the Queen that were also acknowledging Charles as King.  I've always loved the ceremony and traditions of the Royal Family - so much history unfolding.  I'm re-watching The Crown from start to finish this week, too.   

There was a fatal crash at the Reno Air Races yesterday - the second to the last race of this year's event.  A lot of my anxiety about going was around a crash in 2011 that killed eleven people including ten spectators.  Sixty nine people were injured.  The organization that hosts the event made many recommended changes following that crash - but I still felt very nervous about going - so I didn't.  I told J. yesterday (when he told me about the crash) that I think I'm going to skip air races going forward.  I do have huge anxiety about them and while there is inherent risk in anything, I just can't cope with it. Tragic for the pilot who was killed and his family.  My theory is he pulled too many G's and lost consciousness because the videos just show the plane continuing to descend onto the ground.  Very sad. 

This morning, I ventured to the Walmart at the opposite end of Carson to pick up a grocery order.  I ordered a couple things that are only available at that store - only sadly one of them wasn't available.  Looks like I'll be making a trip to Target later this week to grab a couple things.  FINALLY found Comet - haven't been able to buy it since the pandemic but Walmart had it so I bought 3.  We have a lot of porcelain sinks and nothing gets sinks clean better than Comet.  

Somehow, I didn't notice that the online order cart (which I started a long time ago) included four five pound bags of flour - to go with the two five pound bags J. picked up not long ago.  I should have double checked what was in the order before I finalized it - I could have deleted the flour.  I'm pretty sure I did change the quantity to zero but I must not have saved the changes I made.  

Without keeping a sourdough starter alive, I don't know when I will use it - BUT I have been wanting to try making homemade pasta noodles so I will give that a try and see how it goes.

Today is J.'s 73rd birthday - he's playing golf.  I ordered a carrot cake which I will go pick up in about an hour.  We have a simple dinner planned and we will eat at home.  Pretty sure we've celebrated his last two birthdays at Atlantis Steak House - but we're both pretty tired of Atlantis.  We spent a lot of time there the past couple months and we're burned out.  I'm planning to head there for weekly free play twice this week but truly plan to play the free play, get food (if we want to) and head home.  I need a break.  More on that in a future post, possibly.  I have many posts drafted but...I hesitate to publish them and so they hang out in the draft box.  

J. said there was snow on the highest hills/mountains around us already so we know winter is coming.  We're a long way from needing to turn off sprinklers, etc. - it's not that cold yet.  I'm ready for cooler weather.   

Yesterday, I made shaved rib eye beef jerky for snacking - I left the meat covered on the kitchen counter.  When I headed to bed last night, Muf was not her usual self - she is usually greeting us gleefully and struts to the kitchen to 'help' get their bowls of food and water checked.  Last night, she didn't trot to us.  And then J. noticed the meat had been messed with.  Last time I made it, she was determined to get some - this time, she did it on her own.  (And it was well covered - she is just a wiley, sneaky cat).  I think she wasn't feeling too well but she's fine again today so yay!  My Walmart order had more shaved rib eye so I plan to make additional jerky this week. I'll do better at ensuring the cat doesn't get to it.  Nala has no interest, thank goodness.

Guess that's all the updates for today.  I forgot to ask J. his ETA from golf so I have no idea when to expect him but it's getting close to when I need to go pick up the cake.

Sourdough Hurdles

I successfully made one loaf of sourdough bread.  It was edible.  Not horrible.  Clearly made by a beginner.  Not as many air holes in the bread as there should have been.  It also was baked a bit too long so it had a super hard/firm crust and after eating it for a couple days, it was too hard to eat anymore.

I kept my sourdough starter alive for a couple weeks (at least.  I sort of lost track of the timeline in general).  For that process, I used more flour than I've purchased in over a year - and ended up with so much starter and discard, I felt always overwhelmed.  Made blueberry sourdough muffins that were delicious!  Also loved pikelets and sourdough pancakes.  But really, with just the two of us eating my baked goodies, we gained a couple pounds.  It just wasn't feasible for a family of two.  

I stopped feeding the starter and last night, tried to salvage some - fed what I had but it did absolutely nothing so....officially done with sourdough starter for the time being.  

There are zillions of breads I can attempt and improve my skills so I'm not sad about having the starter die.  It felt inevitable.  It was a LOT of discard and a LOT of starter for just baking a loaf of bread once every couple weeks.  

We made it to Atlantis this morning but the shuttle stuff felt confusing.  People griping that they were left behind yesterday.  The Amador bus was the 'primary' shuttle but then the Atlantis shuttle driver threw his shuttle into the mix as well.  As we were standing there ready to enter - only to have him say 'we're taking this shuttle - not that one' - and have 14+ people scramble to get onto the smaller shuttle, I had overwhelming anxiety about the entire thing.  Honestly, I was anxious about the event from the get go.  I have never enjoyed this one - it's (usually) hot, noisy, crowded.  Add to that today's air quality issues - unhealthy in both Reno and Carson and I really felt it today - I just couldn't do it.  J. said 'it's OK if you don't want to go'.  So I didn't.  He headed out on the shuttle and I went in to play a bit.  The play wasn't good....so I came home.  

I have weird anxiety springing up now and then and the only thing to do is to not do (when possible) the thing that's making me feel anxious.  

J. is on his way home - they stopped flying.  We were both surprised they were flying/racing at all.  He headed back on the 1PM shuttle (to the hotel).  He's using our daily food credit for stuff we can eat over the weekend and he will be home soon.  

I'm super happy to be watching the first episode of the new season of Great British Baking Show on Netflix.

Feisty Muf

Air quality here was the best it's been in a week.  Combined with lower temps, we spent a bit of time outside today.  J. set up the cat gazebo on the rock path in the sun.  The cats were waiting at the sliding door watching us - in fact, Muf planted herself by the door when J. and I headed out - guilted us in to setting up the gazebo.

Both cats settled in oh so briefly but just a few short minutes into gazebo time, Muf jumped through a gap in the zip up 'door' and managed to get out.  We weren't surprised - she did the exact same escape act last time we used the gazebo.  I stayed right with her with my hand on her as she moved to check out some plants.  J. went inside to find her halter and leash and she wore the halter begrudgingly.  Honestly, in the event of her taking off after something, the halter won't hold her - it has velcro closures and the fit is off.  If she bolted, she'd rip the velcro apart and be gone in a flash - but it felt like we had a smidge more control over her.  She tolerated it - seemingly aware that if she won't stay in the gazebo and wants a smidge more freedom to wander, she has to make this work or the answer will be 'no outside time for Muf'.  

Tomorrow, we head to Reno for the Air Races.  We're not sure how the air quality is in Reno - when we went on Wednesday, the air was pretty clear in Carson and heading north - but when we made the curve into the valley just before Reno, there was a lot of smoke.  Two wild fires and the train ties have been brutal to air quality.  Hopefully, the planes will fly and race as planned. We will catch a shuttle from Atlantis to the airport north of Reno where the races are held each year.  The shuttles to/from Atlantis run pretty frequently throughout the day so we've decided to take two cars.  I will likely return to Atlantis earlier than J. and I will play a bit before heading home.  

Saturday we'll be back at Atlantis for a free play swipe and win.  

I commented to J. 'B. arrived three weeks ago today and we've been non-stop since then'.  Seriously.  We had J.'s brother here the afternoon B. headed back to New Jersey.  J. has played a ton of golf and we've had a ton of events at Atlantis.  I'm exhausted.  I can't wait for a couple days of doing nothing.  

H. has to initiate calls to us.  We're not scheduling them much - I try to let him know days when we know we will not be available to answer a call that requires 3 minutes to accept.  Murphy's Law is in play BIG TIME.  Yesterday, I went to the garage to quickly get something and when I got back (first time all day I hadn't had my phone and debit card with me), I'd missed his call.  Today, I went to the garage to help J. unload Costco groceries - same thing!  Missed his call again.  He called back a few hours later.  It's OK.  I'm not letting it stress me out anymore.  

H. was arrested in the only clothes he had - a long sleeve t-shirt and shorts.  The rehab facility provided a list of clothing he is allowed to bring - we're just trying to figure out how to get things to him.  They paperwork we found online says families can drop items off in the first two weeks - but we're not physically there so we're not sure how that will work.  I told H. to keep asking questions when he can and we'll do our best to get an Amazon order of clothing to him as soon as we know he's heading out of his current facility to his new facility.  

Talking to him is often hard.  Not much to say.  He shares a bit about his day, I do the same.  We talk logistics of the move to rehab and then wrap it up.  Sometimes, we get the one minute warning but mostly we end the calls before the warning.  Time might provide more things to talk about - we'll see.  I'm still very guarded and he knows it.  He doesn't track much information that is centered around him - addict behavior that will be hard for him to change - we're used to that.  He doesn't remember things we've shared from the previous days or weeks - his days sort of merge and I get that.  

We're glad he was accepted into the program and we'll see.  We hope for the best while also being realistic 'cuz this will be his third residential rehab and I truly have no idea if this one will stick or not.  Not...seems the most likely.  But it's better than him being in jail for months. 

I'm heading to bed early 'cuz we are leaving for Reno early (for us).  Another fun-filled busy weekend is approaching.  

Life is good.  We are very blessed and I need to remind myself of that more often. 

Sad Day

Queen Elizabeth died yesterday.  She was 96.  Her death isn't a surprise - right?  She's been in declining health for some time. What an amazing human.  If you haven't watched The Crown, please do. She was an amazing monarch. 

In a moment of whimsy, I added another night's stay so I will be heading to Atlantis today for a two night stay.  J. is playing golf with his brother for the next two days.  After golf tomorrow, J. will bring his BiPAP and his travel bag to the hotel before heading to downtown Reno to have dinner at Silver Legacy.  This is a 'multi year' high school reunion for J. and B. (his brother).  J. will come back to Atlantis after their banquet dinner.  Sunday morning wakeup will be 3AM to catch the Atlantis shuttle to the Balloon Races.  

There are two fires in our area - one a wild fire and the second is a huge railway tie yard where a huge stack of railroad ties are burning.  The sky is very hazy here and we expect Reno is hazy as well.  We have our fingers crossed the balloon launch won't be cancelled due to hazy skies.  

B. is back home in New Jersey - J. took him to the Reno airport to catch his flight.  We had a great visit and it was so fun to see him.  He had a wonderful long weekend with good friends in California and has wanted to make the trip there every time he's visited - so it was great we were able to make that happen.  J. and I made do with one car for the weekend and it was pretty easy.  

My plan for September around slot play was to get back to the roots of it.  A return to the days when it would be mindless fun and enjoy the play.  With lots of friends - many I've known for years and new friends I meet every week.  September has started off well with 4 hand pays over Labor Day weekend.  Those wins have me feeling like another night of solo play will be loads of fun.  I love playing late at night but can't do that on Saturday given our early wakeup time Sunday morning....so tonight, I will be enjoying the quiet of some late play.  Will probably even take a brief nap after I've checked into the room to give myself the energy to stay up late. 

Status Pending

It is good to be 'in touch' with H. - to know he is alive.  It had been six months since last contact and it was incredibly hard to not hear from him.  If he were working full time, had a home and it was just business or even lack of effort keeping him from calling, we'd worry a lot less than the all-consuming worry we experienced with him out on the streets.  

There are a lot of things I could write about - he has had a second court appearance this past week and there are some things in the works that we have to wait and see about - but I'm not sure I will share much of that on these pages.  It's very hard to know how to express the zillion emotions we have daily and hard to know how to put into words the magnitude of the updates.  

He graduated from heroin to fentanyl and that in itself is an incredibly scary thing.  It's a miracle he is alive.  We are grateful for that miracle while simultaneously feeling unsure of being back on the roller coaster.  

He called on Tuesday and at the end of the call, as the one minute remaining was about to be declared, he inquired about when he should call again.  I outlined our schedule and thought he would call yesterday - but he didn't.  As I drifted off to sleep last night, I thought 'he'll call tomorrow'.  It's approaching 6PM and he hasn't called.  So....that weird dynamic of never knowing what to expect in terms of contact still exists.  

The call process is fraught with intricacies that make it common for the call not to connect.  There is about 2 minutes (almost 3) of disclosures, disclaimers, warnings, etc. - all requiring active responses via entering a number on the keyboard and then also entering your debit card info into the system for every call as well.  There have been times when we've done all that and then when the call is about to connect, the system says 'the caller has hung up'.  There have been other times when we are just not able to accept the call.  We can't enter details into the system when we're in our car.  Sure, we could pull over (super quickly) and grab the debit card from our wallets and hope to catch the system before it tells him we didn't answer, but sometimes, we just have to say 'no, we can't accept'.  What H. hears on his end is 'the call has been declined by the receiver'.  

We spend a lot of time reassuring all of us to not take missed calls personally.  I am going to tell H. that I'd prefer he not ask when he should call next time because then when he doesn't call, my psyche and my emotions are on red alert for days and it feels really unhealthy for me.  I'm going to tell him 'call whenever you can.  Call when you want to.  Just understand that we won't accept if we are not home - and you need to just try again until we connect'.  

I'm sure there are completely logical reasons he hasn't called.  Still, the waiting and worrying is exhausting and while I'm grateful we know where he is, it is tough to be 'back on the hook'.  

It will get easier, I hope.  

Incarcerated

A week ago yesterday, we found out H. was in custody for possession of a controlled substance.  We were notified in the form of many calls from bail bonding agencies across Houston all inquiring if we planned to post bond.  We declined every time.  Even the guy who said 'let's see if we can help young H., OK?'.  Um, he's a grown ass man, not a child so....no.  Once you say no, the calls end quickly.  And once they've updated the system that sends out H.'s info to every bond company in the area to say family isn't posting bond, they (finally) stop calling.  

It's been a long week of unraveling what information we can gather from the charges we see online.  We know it was possession of less than one gram - which is good because the penalties are much bigger as the amount of the substance in their possession increases - and that he was actually (also) arrested and charged with the same offense in March, 2022.  The judge let him out on a 'personal bond' - his verbal promise to appear.  He didn't.  So that's a third charge pending as well.  

His first court appearance was this past Monday and we saw the next court appearance updated to August 30th.  

Pondering takes a lot of energy and my overwhelming response to all of this has been significant exhaustion to the point of lacking inertia.  I'm not staying in bed but I sure think about it.  

We've had calls from the jail repeatedly.  We've missed them - so we end up with a voicemail basically telling us not do do any (ANY) *xxx replies on our phone as those will forward our phone to a third party who will then be able to charge us anything they want.  

We wondered 'is H. initiating those calls?' and today, we confirmed he was.  J. finally 'caught' a call live and the first words are 'this is a free call from [H. saying his name].  Then it goes through the very long 'disclaimer' we've been receiving as voicemails over and over - and he missed 'push 1 to accept the call'.  Luckily, H. called back on my phone and we finally connected.  

He is OK.  In a cell block ('room') with 23 other inmates.  

I want to write more details about the call so I will remember them but I'm not going to - because honestly, we don't know truth vs. not truth.  And he had his usual grandiose plans - since he did a forced detox, he's 'clean and sober' - and we believe it so far but no way to know if he will stay that way.  He talked about all the people he knows who will give him a job once he's clean and sober - and we pondered 'how will you contact these people with no phone?  How will you get to/from work with no car'.  We didn't ask those things because we had 20 minutes....but we sure pondered them after the call.  

He is going to call us again - he gets two free calls each weekend so he will use his second call to call tomorrow.  He wanted to call back later today but we aren't home later today and I don't want to be conversing with him as I'm sitting with a bunch of other people.  We have an Atlantis dinner tonight and are heading to Reno a bit early to play a smidge.  

It's tomorrow and he didn't call.  We requested he call at a specific time to ensure we'd both be home and able to talk to him together.  The time came and went and the lump in my throat grew bigger with every passing minute.  I thought maybe he got the times confused - so when 3PM our time came and went (our call was planned for 1PM our time), the lump in my throat was huge.  All the memories of this time last year when he basically started ghosting us after weeks of nothing he committed to doing actually happening came flooding back.  I don't want back on that roller coaster - waiting for contact, listening to (false) promises.  

He didn't sound like himself, really.  Using phraseology and strange verb tenses that I guess come from living on the street and adapting to different dialects and backgrounds.  

So....maybe we will hear from him again this coming weekend.  Or some day this upcoming week.  No way to know.  I make sure both of our phones are on and with us and we'll see.  

We feel relief to know H. is alive - it had been six months since our last contact with him and with every day that passed, it was harder and harder to deal with the lack of contact.  Glad to know he has a roof over his head, three meals a day and a mattress (of sorts) to sleep on nightly.  And something remotely resembling climate control. 

B. arrives on Thursday for a couple weeks.  He's been off for two weeks already - visited DC with his best friend.  He was hoping to get to North Carolina to see another friend but they couldn't work out the timing so he's doing a few days of stay-cation at his apartment.  He will travel to Livermore over Labor Day weekend to spend time with friends and we will hang out with him and do whatever he wants to do.  Maybe a trip to Tahoe for lunch.  Definitely Atlantis Steakhouse one night because it's a family fave and is always epic.  

I have successfully started a sourdough starter and am so close to being able to bake bread!  I can't quite figure out the 'feeding' part.  I mean, I am feeding the starter and it is successfully growing by leaps and bounds.  But when you remove only about 1/2 cup of the active starter and feed that amount again, you don't have enough to make a loaf of bread?  They discard the rest of the starter - but really?  Why can't I just use a huge (HUGE) bowl with a lid to grow enough for bread ASAP?  

I made something called Sourdough Pikelets with the discard this morning and they were incredibly delicious!  Like pancakes, only lighter and fluffier in the middle and slightly crispy on the outside.  I added some grated cheese to the batter for a touch of savory and we ate them with maple syrup - a great mix of sweet and salty.  DELICIOUS!!  Also baked some chocolate chip cookies using the starter discard and they are OK.  Not the best but edible.  

I will do a lot of reading tomorrow while J. is at his monthly golf group meeting/lunch and try to figure out how to get enough starter to start baking.  

 

Cat's Groomed

Last Wednesday, I had to set an alarm for 5:30 AM for the first time in a very long time.  Consequently, I didn't sleep all that great because I knew I was going to be awakened early.  

We loaded the cats into their carriers and left the house at 6:30AM to head for North Reno.  We dropped the cats at the groomer and went to Atlantis for breakfast.  

The cats had 'the works' - their first ever baths and good trims.  We opted for what is called "Lion Cut" which in hindsight may be ridiculous but it's what the groomer suggested. 

We decided to get them trimmed (shaved) because no matter how much we brush them, there is always ALWAYS a ton of fur everywhere.  Shaving their fur helps with shedding and in the case of long-haired Muf keeps matting off the table.  The groomer complimented us on how well both cats fur looked.  I was relieved because honestly, no matter how much we brush Muf, we had matting on her hind quarters and I was worried it would continue and get worse. 

We played our weekly free play, made a trip to the plant nursery just down the street from Atlantis and then headed to pick them up. They did OK on the drive home - cried a lot (as they did on the drive there) but we made it home.  

Nala hissed and growled at Muf for a few days - the new look was clearly something she wasn't thrilled with and seemingly didn't realize that her fur was also looking very different.  

The groomer called to check in and said the growling is normal and they will get used to the new smell and the new look.

Train Ride to Virginia City

Yesterday, we took the V&T (Virginia & Truckee) Railroad from Carson City to Virginia City.  We've had this day trip on our list of 'things to do' since we moved here.  

Virginia City was originally called Virginia - named after a prospector.  Settled in 1859, it became a huge mining town.  While the main draw was hunting for gold, the hills were so full of silver, miners quickly realized their focus should shift.  

The train ride was 24 miles long winding through the hills between Carson City & Virginia City.  J. and I were both in awe of all the things between that we never knew about - so many old mines.  Hidden small communities and lots of random locations where people have chosen to plant themselves.  It's bare bones wilderness out there in the high desert.  The landscape was very dry.  We did see coveys of quail, some deer, lizards, a few birds and a wild hare (maybe two).  

The V&T Railroad is privately owned by a family whose patriarch decided to spend the latter part of his life using his money to restore something his family cherished.  It has many components of a walk back in time - all the employees on the train wear garments appropriate for the 1800's.  

It was a lot of fun.  The train ride took about an hour and fifteen minutes each way.  They had a shuttle waiting to get train riders up to the main street of town.  We had a nice lunch at the Palace Bar - delicious french dip sandwich and fried cheese curds for a starter.  Then we wandered around the main drag and boosted the economy with a few purchases - some stone bracelets, candy, ice cream.  We visited a museum and watched videos about the town's opera house, the mine and Mark Twain.  Shuttle picked us up where they dropped us off and we returned to board the train for home. 

We had been a little worried about killing a few hours between our arrival and departure in Virginia City but the time went quickly.  The ride home was equally entertaining though it was pretty darn hot.  We chose the best side of the train for both rides - had a bit of a breeze which helped.  

Happy to have made the trip but we don't feel the need to repeat.  Though the shuttle driver told us parking is a breeze if you arrive before 10AM - so maybe we'll drive there again someday.  The lunch was truly really yummy and if we ever need a candy store, that's a good one!   

I'm wiped out today - my hip was incredibly sore the entire day.  J. made me an ice bag after we ate dinner and it seemed to really help.  I slept pretty well.  

J. headed out to work in the garage.  I meandered over and opened a bin that's been on a shelf for two plus years and found all the garden seeds I had saved to plant here when we moved.  I've had zero idea where that bin went - and finding it launched me on a boondoggle of working to remove the bad top soil in the flower beds under my bedroom window.  We removed a couple bags of the dirt and put down fresh potting mix and then 'planted' some flower seeds in 'sheets' - put the sheet down, cover with 1/2" of soil, water and see what happens.  

Hadestown

Yesterday was the most jam-packed day (for me) on record lately.  

Started with me heading to our local casino for free play - arrived just before 9AM and on my first spin on $1 denom $5 bet, I hit this:  

  Thirteen minutes later, this:   

Always wonderful to be off to a good start.  I played a bit longer and came home up which is always a great day.  

I had a hair trim and a pedicure at 2PM.  Time with the always lovely and fun Gladesa is a treat.  Got home around 3PM and we headed to Reno around 4:30.  We headed to Atlantis for dinner before the show. 

I had to try my luck after dinner and the slot play was truly epicly not great - but the show at The Pioneer Center for the Arts in Reno was SPECTACULAR.  We didn't know anything about the musical but from the minute it started, it was impressive.  13 actors, 7 musicians (who are on stage and as much a part of the performance as the actors).  The set was magical in it's simple complexity - the things that suddenly morphed into something else at the most unexpected times.  I really have an appreciation for traveling Broadway musicals because the intricacy and planning that goes into creating what the show requires that can be packed up and move over and over is really something. 

The time with J.'s golf friend T. and his wife V. was pleasant.  We don't know them very well but we enjoyed chatting and getting to know them better.  

We arrived home around 11PM and I made an instant breakfast that we shared and we headed to bed.  I slept pretty much straight through until 7ish which is rare for me.  

The cleaning ladies arrived 45 minutes earlier than planned and it's the 'A' team - so they will be finished here before noon.  I seized the 'tidying before the cleaning ladies get here' mojo and J. helped me move two cat things to the donation stack in the garage and five other cat things to the trash.  I looked around our living room and realized just how 'cat-people-y' we are - and while we love those furry hooligans to bits and they fill our days with constant amusement (and some amusing irritation - more on that in a future post), their 'stuff ' sure takes over.  The things I buy thinking it will be 'their favorite'.  This 'box' with a little door in the front - I was sure Nala would be in there constantly.  She went into it twice - for a few seconds.  But as soon as I put it on the kitchen island to be grabbed when J. walked by heading to the garage, Muf jumps on top of it and sits there.  As if to say 'no, do not remove this.  I love it'.  But we removed it anyway.  'Cuz they don't go near it much.   

Megamillions rolled AGAIN and the prize for Friday's drawing is now over $1BILLION!  A drive to South Lake Tahoe is on the agenda for tomorrow. 

Sunday Spur of the Moment

The lottery Mega Millions is at an astronomical level ($790 million) - and while we gave up playing most California lottery games when we moved here, we still join the bandwagon when the jackpots get huge.  B. joined in and found a convenience store in New York (he is there for the weekend) and he and I had interesting text conversations about all the 'what if I win' scenarios. 

I told him my favorite part is the 'dreaming'.  All the things we could do with that money - organizations and people we could bless.  It would be epic and I'd enjoy it for sure.  And both J. and B. would buy epic new planes (and J. would get his license updated so he could fly). 

It rolled again (Friday night drawing) so we had to try again.  Last week, J. trekked to South Lake Tahoe but today I suggested we could drive to Verdi (pronounced Vur-Dye which coincidentally J. learned from a local this morning) with a stop at Atlantis for Sunday brunch.  Woot woot!  And it was declared (agreed) it was a 'date' which opens up the option to use some savings for 'fun money'.  Dates shouldn't come out of regular fun money - I mean, they just shouldn't.  

Brunch was (as usual) delicious.  The cost was $59 per person and we marveled at how many tables of 10-12 adults plus kids we saw.  There must be people with a lot of comps.  Like us.  (Only now our new tier level lets us get a free buffet every single day we are on the property which is amazing).  

After I ate, I headed out to play while J. finished up.  Instead of going to the downstairs bank of six Dragonlinks, I went upstairs to the bank of three and sat down at my current favorite - Ghengis Khan.   I put in $40 (I usually put in several hundred to start) and hit bonus after bonus right off the bat which was AMAZING!  

Saw our host M. who said to J. 'I thought you guys weren't going to be here this weekend'.  There is an 'event' - earn tier points and get a flat screen TV - and when she asked me about participating weeks ago, I was a hard, cold, edgy like steel 'no.  Thank you, but we aren't interested'.  Another event designed to part guests from loads of cash while attempting to 'earn/win' a TV you can buy at Costco for a fraction of what you would need to play to get a 'free' one.  M. texted me on Friday to say 'are you going to come for the TV event?'.  She had apparently signed us up.  I said 'no, and we have no plans to be there this weekend'.  So she was surprised to see J. in the VIP lounge picking up some bottled waters.  I have no idea if we earned enough to get a TV.  Don't care either way.  But we went and we played and if we get one, OK.  A free TV is a good TV.   

We had a fun day of play, drove to Verdi where J. patiently waited in the (very long) line and then we headed home.  Both of us slightly up for the day - so we set aside the date money and let it roll forward and we'll do another brunch date in August.  Maybe a new 'play day' to add to our usual.  (Most of our play at Atlantis is driven by free play and/or free play events throughout the month). 

My friend C. is very happy to take the Tupperware canisters - she said she and her son O. were just talking about how their hodge podge of containers could use an update - and I'm thrilled she might use them.  Also (even more) thrilled that she wants to come up here for a couple nights in October which will be really fun!!  Can't wait!  

J. has his monthly golfing group meeting tomorrow and plays golf on Tuesday.  I will (I REALLY WILL) continue working on the pantry update - J.'s help has opened the flood gates of my motivation and I'm ready to make it epic.  It already looks AMAZING - floor is clear (might change if I store a few things under the bottom shelf) - feels good to have made some actual progress.  I'm creating major project lists and hope to keep the momentum going.

Circular Organizing

Months ago, I bought all new storage canisters for the pantry.  They've been sitting in their box on the floor of the pantry for ages.  

Most days J. plays golf, I proclaim 'I will tackle the pantry today'.  And then I don't.  

I wanted to move some small appliances out of the pantry and made room on shelves in the utility closet (which is mammoth) so I open the utility closet doors and realize just how much reorganizing that space needs before I can move anything from the pantry into that closet.  I think 'well, it's a lot of cleaning supplies - I can move those to the garage'.  So I head to the garage - which has a gazillion issues that we are miles from tackling - and I think 'great, I'm stuck again'.  

I did move a bin of pet stuff from the utility closet and that sent me on a boondoggle - setting up a cat toys.  Then reorganizing the cupboard in the kitchen where we keep pet stuff.   Twenty minutes later, I still don't have the bin from the utility closet into the cupboard where we keep the pet stuff.  

It goes on and on. And I feel so overwhelmed with not knowing really how to begin, I mostly don't.  

But today - thanks to J. being home and him helping me - we were able to make some progress.  We had huge amounts of room in the laundry room cabinets and even though that is space I am reluctant to use because I cannot reach any of those items once they are in the cupboards above the washer/dryer, J. moved a bunch of seldom used cleaning stuff from the utility closet into the cupboard over the washer and dryer.  Huge help.  That cleared almost a full three shelves in the utility closet - so we started moving small appliances to that shelf from the floor or lower shelves of the pantry.  

I ran the dishwasher to get the pannini grill accessories and grill plates clean.  It's running again full of the old Tupperware canisters and other storage bins that will likely be boxed up and donated to the charity thrift shop.  It's really hard to let those things go - classic Tupperware is a thing of the past (though you can order from their website). I know I could try to sell them and likely make some cash - but I never feel comfortable doing that.  I don't like people showing up to pick things up and I don't like using any site that requires an online payment.  Our new neighbor used Facebook Marketplace and has sold a bunch of stuff they don't need using that site - but I am not convinced it's worth the effort.  We can always use more donation write off so I lean towards that.  

It's just hard to let things go - even when I know we don't need them anymore.  

I took a trouncing at Atlantis on Wednesday and as my cash dwindles, I realize that the hardest part of all the big wins I've had is when the big wins are minimal.  I need wins to keep playing at the level that generates big wins - and it's not happening lately so it's been hard.  

I will have extra play money starting in August (thank you, Social Security and a retirement budget that doesn't 'need' those funds to live on at the moment) so I'm looking forward to that.  

I'm going to use the electric pressure cooker to cook pork ribs tomorrow for dinner.  We had planned that for tonight but the kitchen is a disaster at the moment with canisters everywhere so J. drove to the south part of town for Panda Express.  I'm nervous about using the "Instant Pot" but I know if I can get more comfortable with using it, our meal options will drastically improve.  We're trying to eat off the freezers and there's lots of pork roasts, ribs, etc. - things that are so easy to cook in a pressure cooker. 

This morning, J. sent me a picture of a tiny bird on the sidewalk just outside our dining room window (in the backyard).  Then he said 'please come to the patio'.  I did but was still in my PJ's (tank top and boy shorts) so I didn't go outside all the way.  (There were golfers and I'm not hanging out on the patio in essentially underwear.  Ever.  Even when there aren't golfers but most especially when they are).  The small (baby) bird had hit our dining room window.  J. said he appeared to be in shock - he was moving, hopping and eventually flew to the fence.  But then he dropped to the river rock and stayed there awhile.  He moved a couple times - I got dressed so I could check on him - and eventually flew to the wood fence and hung out there for a bit.  Then he was gone.  So we think he was OK.  

B. is in New York having the time of his life.  He's been sharing pics and using Facetime to share the fantastic views.  We sure want to go and spend time with him there and we will make that happen ASAP.  Hopefully, he can plan a long weekend off in the Spring and we can get there for some family time and sight seeing.

Thinking of You & Be Well

M. (H.'s friend from rehab) reached out again - sent two pictures.  

H. gave M. this when they were in rehab together.  She said 'H. gave me this in New Hope (rehab facility)....just wanted to let you know I'm still praying for him every day and I pray that one day soon, I can show him I still have it!  

Bless her heart.  

I have one of these in my desk drawer here - I gave this to H. (along with an extra, I think) when he was in rehab to remind him we were always thinking of him.  

So sweet that M. kept it all these years.  

She said she really feels in her heart that he will come around soon.  Time will tell. 

Non-Stop Thinking

There have been moments lately when I think 'I wish we knew someone in Texas who might be able to try to find H. so we know he is OK.  (OK = alive.  Never imagined in a zillion years I would have to think that about one of my kids but here we are.  That's where we are pretty much most of the time).  

Yesterday, out of the blue, a friend of H.'s from when he was in rehab in Modesto in 2018 reached out.  She had just celebrated her 4th year of sobriety and shared that she had a six month old baby and had left her husband because he started using drugs and she refused to be around that.   She moved to Texas to live with her mother temporarily.  

Her mother travels to Houston for business all the time - they live in the Dallas area so it's a 4 hour drive but M. said her mom will keep an eye out for H. when she's in Houston.  We sent her a snip-it pic of the area where we think he was hanging out.  

As expected, her contact brought everything back to the surface.  Trying to explain to her all the things that happened (keeping it brief) and also wanting to be sure she protects her sobriety above all else.  Trying to gently explain how little trust we have in anything H. does or says.  And not saying (but wishing we had) that while we would love to know someone has seen him, we aren't looking to step back on the daily roller coaster of his life.  He has to help himself - first and foremost - and I'm hoping we didn't just introduce people into the 'story' that might decide helping him is their priority.  We've been there.  But we can't go there anymore.  We won't.  

We did tell her that we won't be at all surprised to learn if they do see him that he 'doesn't want contact with his family at this time'.  That's a line he used with his friend P. (who we met when he was in rehab in 2010).  P. hasn't heard from him in ages either.  

My heart which hasn't felt light in a very long time feels staggeringly more heavy today.  I remind myself I'm fretting about something that may never happen - Houston is a huge city and we have no idea where H. is exactly - so the odds of M.'s mom seeing him are slim.  

Other happenings:  we have to pay for our Bahama cruise in 7 days so we're in a constant state of all the what ifs.  I'm pretty sure when we booked the cruise (which is Thanksgiving week), we were assuming we would spend time at Disneyworld at the end of the cruise because there is no way I would voluntarily fly anywhere the weekend after Thanksgiving.  No way.  I foresee us ending up taking 24+ hours to actually get back home - and I don't like the idea of setting ourselves up for that out of the gate?  [I'm honestly not sure how/why we thought that timing would be good - but it isn't].  Every ounce of my being is telling me I don't want to go.  I just don't.  And J. does.  Which is pretty much where we've been on the travel question since we moved into this house.  

It's been five days since I wrote everything above this line and there's more to update.  

We cancelled the cruise.  J. understood my concerns about traveling home from Orlando on the busiest travel weekend of the year - something I would have NEVER booked so I know we thought we'd do Disneyworld after the cruise - but that's not happening.  I looked into it and it was do-able - it seems like the parks are more 'open' than they have been - but still, it's a gazillion more things to coordinate and my heart just isn't in it.  

I think I'm coming to grips with some things that have hit me since retirement and I just can't undo it all.  It's like the daily high stress I had in my work just kept me in hyper mode all the time - so big trips were 'easy' - stress was my norm so travel stress was nothing.  But now?  I feel 'anxious' about having a dental appointment.  Or a doctor appointment.  Or a trip to the bank.  I leave the house as needed for those things and our weekly trips to Atlantis - but mostly?  I just want to be home. 

It's a constant back and forth 'struggle' for me to commit to 'stuff'.  Pretty much any stuff.  Last night, our friends reached out to offer us two tickets to Hadestown in Reno at the Pioneer Center for the Arts.  They are traveling and can't use the tickets - and their friends (who they have season tickets with) will also be attending - so it's spending time at a 2.5 hour show with two people we don't know very well (at all).  And the one time I've met them, the wife was incredibly surly the entire time - kept to herself - didn't speak to anyone.  Not exactly sounding like a great time - but we said yes.  And we will go.  And I will be dreading going until it's done.  

My psyche is a puzzlement.  

In another out of the blue moment, the person who I communicated with about a year ago (and in that conversation (via FB Messenger) realized our son hadn't ever lived there as he'd said he was) reached out with a 'did you find him'?  Completely out of the blue and strange.  She said her brother M. thinks about H. a lot (including telling me the brother thought H. would be dead by now).  I told her we had spoken to him last in February and aren't in touch with him much.  

So my heart is even more heavy than five days ago.  And that's pretty damn heavy.  

After two days of golf, hubs is home today and we will head to Atlantis this afternoon for weekly free play.  I played at our local casino yesterday and hit two Majors six minutes apart - left up a good amount and was down a huge amount before those two wins so it was a good day.  I remind myself our intention is to play a bit, do free play, get food and come home.  Not intending to do a marathon day of play - but I always tell J. 'the machines will decide'.  If I'm on a good streak, I will play!  

I applied for Social Security in April - the website says 'most applications take 2-4 weeks to be completed'.  This past Friday, I logged on twice and even tried to call (gave up after being on hold for many minutes).  And 'lo and behold on Saturday morning, the website said my application was approved so yay!!  Beginning in August, my deposit will arrive on the second Wednesday of the month.  I am super excited!!  And super blessed because that 'extra' income is now fun money!  Woot woot!  (It will also be available for other expenses as needed but it's mostly fun money which is glorious).  

Next big financial change will be making my final car payment in December!  Cha ching!  

That's it for now.  More soon.  We spent a wonderful afternoon with our new neighbors and I will share more about that visit in an upcoming post.

Air Supply

Amazed at my ability to sing an Air Supply song from 40 years ago (holy crap!) at the top of my lungs in my car easily recalling every lyric.....while minutes later back at home sitting at my desk, I have to sit and stare into space for a minute trying to remember what I was going to do next. 

Waning June

Hard to believe June is almost over!  It absolutely flew by in the blink of an eye!  Days just pass quickly filled with the daily stuff of living.  I think about that a lot lately - how we're all just living our lives.  Houses full of families and activities and the day-to-day stuff of life. 

Our neighbors T. & G. have the most active social lives of anyone I've ever known.  They are out and about more than not and I think about that a lot.  I suspect my reluctance to be super social and/or heading out for constant activities is having spent my early years schlepping from cabin to cabin pretty much anytime my mom wasn't working.  Sure, in my adult life of working and raising kids, those days were sharply idyllic memories of things I missed - most especially the time we spent on the beach at our cabin in Mexico.  My sister sent me a picture recently of our beach - now full of so many houses, the dunes are practically non-existent.  When we had our cabin, there were maybe 30 homes on the 18 miles stretch of white sand and beach - and now there are 100's.  It's changed a lot....and I still miss it.  But when you're a teen and school is out in late May and you are immediately heading to a beach for a month or more - leaving all your friends behind - it wasn't all that idyllic.  A two room (one room being a screened porch) full of lots of other people - always a zoo, really.  I'm an introvert - big time - and it was a constant struggle for me to be with so many people.  Way too people-y.  (As Facebook memes proclaim). 

I've always just loved being home.  Wherever home is - and at this stage in life, it's wherever J. is.  We can pass time together easily - sometimes silent with both of us piddling around doing our thing and sometimes full of chatter.  Home is where I most want to be and as I've embraced retirement and let go of all the stuff that used to fill my head when I was working, I truly barely ever want to leave.  

I wonder how many special memories we created for our kids - I know we did.  I have pictures of lots of stuff we did and we did make a lot of effort to get them out and about doing stuff.  Especially during the 'penthouse condo' years when being home meant our downstairs neighbor would be pissy about any and all noise.  Imagine - two little boys and a mean, surly neighbor who yelled expletives constantly with every foot step.  During that phase, we did pretty much do everything we could to get out of the house on weekends - and the Bay Area certainly had lots of places to explore.  

Moving to Tracy and a house was the best thing we ever did....by far.  Life changing and while the commute sucked and life felt really hectic during those long commute years, they were good years in a home.  Kudos to my hubby who had a super long commute for many years and never complained.  Giving our boys a home to grow up in like we had when we were growing up was a blessing we were grateful for - no matter how long the drive to/from work was. 

Of course, I venture out - y'all know what my hobby is these days and there's always jaunts to/from casinos.  But I'm always glad to have an excuse - or no excuse needed, really - to just hunker down at home.  Passing the time.  

Let's see - any news?  

B. finally got copies of the weight tickets from the truck driver that hauled his stuff from Tennessee to New Jersey - so he can finally submit the reimbursement request to the Army and get his finances back to normal.  He has enjoyed exploring his new 'home' and will report to work on 7/5 for the first time.  He's met his boss and some of his co-workers.  It's been really nice for him to have this time to settle in.  

J.'s phone received a call from a Houston suburb phone number - they left no message.  We both tried to call the number back - J. got a busy signal and I got a ring - but it rang a long time with no voicemail offered.  We never know....and so the heart-hurt and waiting starts anew.  H. has been on my mind and my heart so much the past week or so - I actually briefly shed tears in the Walmart parking lot earlier this week waiting for our grocery order pickup - a song on my phone reminded me of H. and the water works started before I even knew what was happening.  

Some days are hard.  I've said that before and it remains the truth.