I've been pondering relationships and friendships a lot lately. They say the friends from work usually last two to five years once you stop working. I am finding that to be a little true. I still have a handful of friends that keep in touch regularly - if you are reading this and think 'is she talking about me'? probably not - but I am/have losing/lost touch with people I never imagined I wouldn't be in touch with.
My handful of friends (some go back 30+ years) are treasures and I'm blessed. I know I lean more toward reclusive vs. social and it's a constant struggle for me. I get so much in my head - pondering/feeling the effort to be in touch seems/feels often unreciprocated so my psyche convinces me 'people don't want to hear from you. They don't care about you anymore'. I know it's not true - but that's another thing that I've been experiencing post-retirement - my mind can convince me of really stupid shit. And when it's not convincing me about a bunch of nonsense, it's creating staggering anxiety which is also about stupid shit.
And truthfully, people are busy. Busy living life. Busy doing all the things we all do. And then some in the case of the many work friends who are still working. Time flies by so incredibly quickly and I'm always saying that. Pondering 'what day is it today' and realizing I think it's mid-week and it was Saturday. Crazy. Our days are full of doing whatever we do and they are flying by. True for us and true for others as well.
I reconnected last week with a former boss - my boss from the Community College I worked out from August 2002 through December 2007. He is retiring from his job as the President of a Bay Area community college (not the one we both worked at way back when). The call was....perplexing and hard. I realized during the call that the friendship I thought would be there no matter what - wasn't. True, we hadn't been in touch much - and maybe I should have realized the relationship would have most certainly morphed in all that time. I don't think he felt the same about the experience but mostly, that's because he was aloof and guarded which may just be his constant mode....so the call didn't seem off to him in any way, probably. He kept his guard up, said some things that made me feel bad and that's where we left it. Dredging up things that happened decades ago....way to kill any kind of re-connection.
Anyway, it was a hard call I regretted making and I've been beating myself up about it for a week. I don't know why I do that because I'm pretty much a 'let it go' kind of girl. But retirement has freed up brain cells and apparently, they keep firing in ways to focus me on things that perplex me.
My dear friend Bug is who gave me my former bosses phone number and encouraged me to call. She also suggested the two of us do a catch up call soon - and when I messaged her a couple days ago to set up a call, there was a part of me that was not sure I should. My heart couldn't take another not great phone call with someone I've always treasured and I was really afraid. I needn't have been. We picked up right where we left off - and talked for two and a half hours straight.
Oh my goodness, she is a gift. Truly, I don't know how she is always so spot-on and wise about the things she says. I wish I had recorded the entire conversation because she said so many on-point things about so many situations - each one helping me more and more to let stuff go. I've got lots of things to find - books she uses to focus herself daily and also some local happenings in her area (related to a community college where she lives) to spend time reading and pondering. She and her family moved to Coure 'dAlene, Idaho a few years ago. She wasn't working when they first moved but now is working full time at a chiropractor's office - a job that pays the bills and she enjoys.
She suggested some books she reads daily - positive affirmations and ways to start the day intentionally. She suggested a lot of other stuff and as always with her, I marvel at how truly wise and grounded she is. God is her focus and she ties all things around Him. I needed that regrouping around faith.
I hope we will reconnect again and again. She has two young kids so her busy quotient is considerably higher than mine but when she heads out to Target and has dropped off the kids at her parents (who live nearby), it will be great to chat again!
Love you, Bug. Thanks for being the most amazing friend even after a long gap from contact. True friends are never, ever apart.
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