Friday, January 30, 2009

Hola!

The night of B's birthday party (a week ago tonight), the friends we were with asked if we were planning a trip or anything for B's graduation. We answered (truthfully) 'no, we don't want to spend the money'. And it was true. At the time, it was totally true....but, it got me thinking - and looking for options. Just something quick. Maybe one of those 3 or 4 night cruises down to Baja? We could drive to Long Beach or L.A. and spend a few days aboard an ocean liner, enjoying the 'all included' pricing structure.

It seemed good - but 3 or 4 nights didn't really seem like enough. 7-8 nights would be great but they were considerably more expensive - and I just couldn't spend that much money.

The looking process made me miss Mexico - having spent most of my childhood on a beach in Mexico, I love that country and I love the beach. That led to looking into Cabo or Mazatlan or Puerto Vallarta - etc.

So in a moment of pure madness, I used all our frequent flyer miles and procured 3 tickets to Cancun. We went to vrbo.com and rented a beach-front 3 bedroom condo for 7 nights for $1800 - not bad for a week. We had to buy one full fare ticket - we managed to snag two non-stop tickets one night this past week for 35K miles each - but by the time I'd logged out of J's account and signed back in to my mileage account, the available dates and flights had TOTALLY changed. So we waited a couple days for a miracle - and then decided to just go for 'standard award' level and spend 70K on B's ticket. [I was totally and completely stressed out that the two people who actually had tickets were J. and H. - and that left B. (who's graduation is the reason we are celebrating with an out-of-country sojourn) possibly spending a week in ....Stockton. Two days of freaking out about all that was enough and 70K miles didn't seem like a bad deal at that point]. So we had all three guys on the same flight and me still possibly enjoying a week alone in Tracy. I could have flown US Air for only $550 round trip - but it departed from SFO at 6AM, meaning we'd need to be there by 4AM and then J. and the boys' flight didn't leave until close to 9. That's a long morning for them. So, after much fretting and worrying and fretting some more, I finally just bought a full fare economy ticket - so we're all on the same flight. Departing on July 18th and returning July 25th. It's year-end at work and there's a part of me that feels crazy for considering it - but honestly, I need a break by then from the budget set-up madness. And I have a great team and they'll work away while I'm gone to get things done...and I will make sure I work like a maniac before I leave to get as much done as possible in advance.

We called a family meeting - which is what we have to do now to get all four of us in the same room at the same time. We agreed to meet as soon as B. returned from work - just after 8. That gave me 3 hours to torture H. with 'what is the meeting about?'. He kept asking and asking until I finally told him 'fine, I'm not supposed to tell you 'cuz we wanted to all be together when we told you - but you're making me crazy, so I'll tell you. Your Dad got transferred and we're moving to Arkansas'. He reacted as you might expect - and said 'I'm not going'. 'Oh, yes you are - and the REALLY ironic thing is: YOU HAVE TO GO. You're only not quite 16. But your BROTHER became a legal adult last Friday and he now has the option of NOT going....so there's much to discuss'.

Of course, I couldn't pull it off forever - but it sure had him going for awhile. He was relieved upon hearing the REAL news. And they looked at pics of where we're staying and are now even more excited. The town we're visiting is Playa del Carmen - sounds lovely and the condo's look beautiful. An infinity pool and the beach is 5 steps out the door! Wow, that's cool.

I am guiltily excited. Throwing caution to the wind is not my nature - but I need a sign that it's all going to work out - this whole 'economy in the toilet' thing has me flummoxed and I need something fun to look forward to...besides weekends.

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Introducing

I asked J. to take a picture of the cats and put it on my picture drive. I have neglected them in my posts - going on and on about the dog(s) and the kids. Barely ever mentioning the two felines who also live here. This is an OK pic, though it doesn't show you their eyes - and that's their best feature.

Klink is the big one in the front - his eyes are green. He's huge - he weighs around 18 pounds, though I don't try to weigh him much anymore. He sleeps and eats and sometimes plays. And he tortures his brother, who is in the background.

Snow is sort of white and grey. And he is, without a doubt, the most beautiful cat I've ever owned. He is symmetrically perfect - each side of every feature is a mirror image of the other. I'll try to get a picture of that someday - his markings are mirror images - their mother was a Balanese and Snow takes after her. His eyes are bright blue.

We adopted them 10 years ago - the shelter lady was so relieved when I asked if I could adopt both. They were a bit older than the other kittens and I think she was worried they would never be adopted. But they won me over by carefully checking me out. And while Snow was skittish and fearful for awhile after we brought him home, he mellowed and is now the love-bug of the two. Snow will sit near you and raise up his front paw to touch you - your cheek, or anything he can reach - to entice you/beg you to pet him. He 'talks' when he wants lovin' and when he's not 'in the mood' to be social, he stays away. He's friendly and cuddly more than he's not.

J. told me before he left for church 'I put the picture of the cats on your picture drive'. I looked for 'cats' ....or Klink and Snow....or 'K&S'. Couldn't find the picture. And then - there it was....the perfect description - furballs.jpg. That describes them perfectly. And that's what J. calls them most of the time - furballs or 'the felines'. They sleep at the foot of the bed, usually on his feet, most of the night. Giant furballs.

We love them loads. And they reciprocate....in their own good time, in their own way. They are cats, after all.

Monday, January 26, 2009

Working Teens

I came home around 4PM today - I made a point of wrapping up early to be sure I could come home and make a nice dinner for B. before he went to work. Spaghetti - whole wheat pasta spaghetti. B.'s so careful about what he eats these days - I figure 'whole grain' pasta was a more likely alternative that he might actually eat.

I have spent the last 1.5 hours having intermittent conversations with him - conversations in which he has (apparently) been largely asleep. He was awake 15 minutes ago and asked to come down for dinner - this after numerous other conversations where I've walked upstairs to get him. I no sooner walk back downstairs than he's asleep again - and he has to be at work in 20 minutes. True, we only live less than 5 minutes from where he works - but that's still cutting it pretty close considering he has to eat, change clothes and get there - all within 20 minutes. I go back upstairs and roust him again - resisting the urge to just let him sleep. Let him be late. Let him lose his job. Let him spend the rest of his life checking 'yes' on applications when it's asked if he's ever been 'let go' from an employer. YES should be the answer. But I won't. He's 18 and still so young in so many ways.

I am relatively sure he has done absolutely no homework - though today was a typical 'early release' Monday (they get out of school at 1:30 every Monday). He's been home since 2 and done nothing. Absolutely nothing. Oh, wait - I'm sure he's been on MySpace and sent and received dozens of text messages. Possibly had a phone conversation or two. But homework? No, not so much. He won't get around to that until he arrives home just after 10. Then something to eat, and he'll finally get around to homework by 10:30 if he's lucky. 11 is more likely. And he'll sleep for five hours - SOOOO NOT ENOUGH - and get up and (attempt) to do it again. I worry constantly about him driving - sleep deprivation not only may cause you to fall asleep at the wheel - he doesn't see that ever happening - it contributes to you making bad choices, wrong decisions. I worry about his health and his well-being. I don't think he's getting enough rest - and his general 'mood' and angst factor increase as the sleep deficit grows. Still, what do I know? I'm only his mother.

Argh! I told him that I will be discussing these issues with his dad and then he and his dad can have a talk about it. At the moment, I'm thinking the 5AM trips to the gym are 'out' for awhile. If he can't get home from school and stay vertical long enough to do his homework before he goes to work, then I think it's time he sleeps in until 7.

I don't play the 'wait 'til your father comes home' card very often - but truthfully, I'm so fed up with him, it's honestly better for me to remain mute at this point. I have nothing to say but what I've said dozens of times before. It's time to pull the plug on some extra-curricular activity and it's looking like cutting the trips to the gym down to once or twice a week is the best approach.

He wants to be 'responsible' for himself. He just keeps demonstrating over and over again why that might not be the best approach. And how are we supposed to think that sending him away to school will be a good idea?

I know what you're thinking - you're coddling him. I might be. But truthfully, I don't want him to lose his first 'real' job. I want him to DO what he NEEDS TO DO. I don't think letting him fail makes it any better - though I sure wrestle with that on a daily basis. It frustrates the heck out of me - and there is no answer.

He's an 'adult' according to the legal definition of adult - but he's still a kid. He's still MY kid and I will keep parenting him. It won't get any easier these next few months - but we'll muddle through.

It's now 5:55 and he hasn't left for work yet. He's just coming downstairs. He will be (barely) on time. And he will get a stern talking to from his father when he returns. I warned him 'there will be some changes regarding your gym schedule - count on it'. He thanked me for cooking dinner and left. I didn't see how he was dressed - if his shirt was pressed; if he was wearing a tie. I'm not going to monitor every detail. Just the 'get your butt to work' detail...though I should manage all of it...I have a lot of people tell me 'hey, I saw your son today at [insert store name here]'. I usually say 'oh, great!' and pray he looked presentable. It's a 50/50 crap shoot on an ironed shirt and the tie. It bothers me a lot - A LOT - because I know people I work with and/or parents that know me and/or other people in town who know me see him - and if he looks bad, they're immediate reaction is going to be 'how could she let him leave the house looking like that'? And I've probably asked myself that question over the years upon seeing a less-than-tidy teen working at a grocery store or wherever. Now, I know. I KNOW. The mom is just so glad they actually motivated themselves to get TO the job, the attire and appearance factor are the least of her worries.

I honestly think this pretty often: his employer must have a really hard time keeping courtesy clerk staff 'cuz I'd have fired him a long time ago. Yes, the 'boss' in me would have. The mom in me...not so much.

Saturday, January 24, 2009

Manhood

B. returned from his 5:30AM trip to the gym yesterday with this:




The check-in clerk at the gym said 'wait a minute - I have something for you' as soon as he walked into the door. A hand made card and a balloon that says 'Happy 18th Birthday' on one side and 'Welcome to Manhood' on the other. It also helped that the clerk was a 'she' - and cute! What a great start to his 18th birthday!

We also pulled off a surprise party for him! The timing wasn't perfect - we held it at a restaurant and they wouldn't seat our party until we were 'all' there. They knew it was a surprise party so they knew three of our party would be arriving 'late'. But they hadn't started setting up our table until we got there and there was no way to let J. know to delay a bit. Bluetooth is a wonderful invention, but on a Bluetooth equipped car, it's pretty much impossible to make a call - you're on speaker phone when the car audio system picks up the call. I couldn't get a hold of him to as him to try to stall. Stop for some lotto tix or something. So J., B., and H. arrived when we were all waiting to be seated. It was OK, though. B. came in behind J. and H. - and saw me. And then, I said 'well, SURPRISE' - and he saw all his friends and was just so thrilled. He had no idea - which is a miracle 'cuz I was sure one of them would spill the beans. I had a hard time not saying 'at your party on Friday night' throughout the week leading up to the event. But we pulled it off. We had a great time - adult friends and their kids came, too (C. and K. and their mom and dad) and we had a terrific dinner, chocolate cake and lots of fun. Two friends that couldn't make it because they were working joined us at home after the party - along with most of the friends that attended the dinner - and they played video games and 'hung out' until around midnight. A couple spent the night. B. had a great time and I'm sure it was a birthday he'll remember.

His gift from us was a iPod Touch - 32 GB - it will hold 7,000 songs! He's already got a friend that wants to buy his old iPod - a really nice young man named Sebastian. He came home with us from dinner - and stayed for most of the evening. He's such a great young man - AND, Chloe LOVES HIM. She usually barks and goes crazy when there are 'strangers' in the house - but with Seb, she made friends with him right away and stayed near him and even rolled over on her back for a belly rub - THAT is a true sign of love (for her) and she doesn't do that with very many people. They were fast friends by the end of the evening and he seemed to really like her, too. He's one of my 'favorites' among B's friends - and I told J. 'we need to have him over more often'.

Tonight, B. and H. are at (separate) Girls Treat events. In limos and party buses - both groups traveled to San Francisco for dinner - then a variety of other events. Pier 39, movies. One group is actually going to the dance - the other is not. It's what kids 'do' these days. They invite each other to dances - and then don't go to the dance. Can't figure it out. Not trying to. Both boys in tuxes looked awesome and their dates looked beautiful. I'm sure they're having a great time -

I worked all day today and hauled my entire desk home. Will work most of tomorrow in the comfort of the dining room. Have a few errands to run, including taking Chloe for a bath and nail trim.

J. and I ordered Chinese takeout. He wanted to go out but I just didn't feel like it - I was gone all day and we were out last night - I wanted some home time. He obliged and got Chinese. Delicious AND plenty of leftovers.

My 'baby' is an 'adult' - the first of many milestones of adulthood still to come. We have to get all of his custodial accounts switched to his name (then remind him that no, he cannot spend any of that money - it's for college - what the stock market hasn't lost, anyway); add him to our credit card so he can start going to Costco to get gas instead of Chevron (saves 10 cents/gallon, usually). Many things to do now that he's an adult. And yet, he's not. Still a kid in many ways. That 'in between' phase is ending, yet still persists. The winding down of high school is fully in process. The deadlines and to-do's and goals and hopes are coming at him at lightening speed. He enjoyed his last day of being a 'kid' and is now, officially 'a man'. I think. The 18th birthday means he no longer needs a legal guardian, should something happen to us. One down, one to go. Though 18 seems (and is) very young for the responsibility of being on his own. He's too young for that - and I don't mean chronologically, really. He's just 'young' - like many boys are.

I miss his childhood already.

Friday, January 23, 2009

18

"Safe in My Arms" by Plumb
http://www.plumbinfo.com/
[lower left corner link - songs rotate. Take the time to find it - you won't be sorry If I were more of a tech person, I'd be able to figure out how to insert it - but I'm not. I'll work on that.]


your baby blues
so full of wonder
your curly cues
your contagious smile

and as i watch
you start to grow up
all I can do
is hold you tight

knowing
clouds will rage and
storms will race in
but you will be safe
in my arms
rains will pour down
waves will crash all around
but you will be safe in my arms

story books
full of fairy tales
of kings and queens
and the bluest skies
my heart is torn
just in knowing
you'll someday see
the truth from lies

when the clouds will rage and
storms will race in
but you will be safe in my arms
rains will pour down
waves will crash all around
but you will be safe in my arms

castles they might crumble
dreams may not come true
but you are never all alone
because I will always
always love you

when the clouds will rage and
storms will race in
but you will be safe
in my arms
rains will pour down
waves will crash all around
but you will be safe in my arms

Happy 18th Birthday, B. I never imagined how much I could love...until I had you. My firstborn. You are one of my life's greatest blessings and I am so proud of you. I love you beyond words, my sweet, sweet boy. Be patient with me. Letting go is so much harder than I ever imagined.

(Readers - I do hope you will listen to the song on Plumb's website. It's so beautiful.)

Thursday, January 22, 2009

Soggy

You know the minute you walk in through the doors - and determine just how long the line is - what 'crew' is on at my Starbucks. This morning was deceptive - the line was not at all long. Yet, the crew was all men.

I've got nothing against men. They are wonderful. But an 'all guy' crew does not bode well. And this morning was proof of that.

I live with three men. My teens are just blundering buffoons sometimes - they can't just open a door. They have to OPEN THE DOOR. They thunder through things - not caring if it's loud, or leaving scuff marks. Or wrestling with door handles so much that they loosen them from the door over time - requiring adding 'tighten door handles' to the running list of 'things to do' around our homestead.

An all guy crew in Starbucks is just like that. Add to that another trait I notice in my own men - lack of attention to detail. As witnessed by this:

The great guy at the register takes my order. He seems distracted - he ALWAYS seems distracted. He looks like he's afraid of all the people about to fire off orders to him - and I think that's probably true. Ordering at Starbucks is an 'art' - you know what you want, you know how to order it so the barista knows what to write - this wonderfully kind, sweet man looks at me like I'm speaking Greek. I order my usual 'two venti black iced teas, 4 Splenda in each'. I leave out the 'no water and no need to shake', 'cuz I know that will be too much for him to handle. I also add 'and a brown sugar oatmeal'. He writes the tea order onto the cups and sets them aside for the barista to fill them. He asks 'what kind of oatmeal'? 'Brown sugar'. He proceeds to make the oatmeal. I can't see what he's doing but my cup of oats and the paper bag with the brown sugar and spoon appear at the counter. I ask for a handle bag because I will be carrying two drinks also and the cup is not something easily balanced. First hurdle done. Breakfast in hand (chastising myself for spending $2.20 cents on oatmeal that I could have made at home for 30 cents - but had no time to do), I head over to pick up my drinks.

The barista guy is making them - there's no Splenda handy so he leisurely strolls over to the counter where the stuff is for coffee . Puts the Splenda's into the cups, adds the tea concentrate and water. Shakes them. He's doing the 'martini shake' thing as if that is his calling in life - much bravado and gusto. Did you know they are trained to shake 10 times? They are. He shakes 10 plus 1, just to be sure, I guess. He puts the tea into the plastic cups and puts on DOME lids - they are out of the flat lids. Next thing I know - and I honestly am not sure what happened but I can guess - in his usual 'bravado', showy way - he sort of slides the cup onto the counter - and it spills and sprays 3 feet. Across the counter, all over my shoes, narrowly missing my shirt. I got 'splashed' but not soaked. He apologizes - and the ONE GIRL in the store (who was cleaning tables) rushes over to clean it up. He makes me another one and this time, I say 'you can just skip the whole shaking show. I don't care about it being shaken.'

I leave with my soggy shoes, splattered, damp shirt, drinks and oatmeal in a handle bag. I get to work and decide 'better eat now'. I mention this because yesterday, I also 'splurged' on oatmeal (because again, I was too rushed to grab something at home and knew I would be starving by 10) - only I didn't eat THAT oatmeal until ONE O'CLOCK IN THE AFTERNOON . So, I start today off 'better' by reminding myself to eat. I open the little bag with all the brown sugar, spoon and napkin - and find not only brown sugar, but nuts and dried fruit, too. And somehow, that little paper bag is mysteriously filled with water. Everything in it is soggy. Not a problem for the fruit and nuts - but the brown sugar is pretty wet. I manage to scrape it out of the package and into the oatmeal - and add the fruit and nuts, too. That poor guy - who had already asked me twice what 'kind' of oatmeal I wanted - had decided he'd just give me one of everything - no risk my order wasn't 'right' 'cuz I had one of all three kinds of 'adds' to the oatmeal...but not good for SB's profit margin. And when I open the oatmeal to eat it, it's got way too much water in it - it's like soup. I don't like soupy oatmeal - I like thick, custard-like oatmeal. It was OK - and the 'extra adds' sure did help offset the soupiness.

Maybe I shouldn't worry about their profit when they can get me to pay $2.20 (after 10% gold card discount) for a 30 cent bowl of oatmeal? And then spend $$ on iced tea and/or coffee EVERY DAY....

By the time I left the store, the line was approaching 'out the door', as it usually is when there's an 'all-guy' crew. Sorry, guys - but you're just not 'good' at all the things that make a great SB team. Multi-tasking, attention to detail, etc. ....girls beat you hands down on all that stuff.

Tomorrow, I'm hoping for the 'girl crew' - they know my name, remember my order and have everything well under control. No repeating orders. No spilled drinks. No soupy oatmeal. The girls at my Starbucks ROCK !! Andrea, Carol and Pearl are the BEST baristas EVER!!

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Celebration

Most of our schools broadcast the inauguration this morning...and in our offices, we watched on a tiny TV with rabbit ear antennas (which will stop working in a few weeks - note: need to get estimates on installing cable). I have never in my life watched the entire ceremony - but this morning, I did. Every single minute. It was amazing, wasn't it?

There were many 'comments' from coworkers who declined my invitation to join me in the building next door to watch - they weren't interested 'in watching him take the oath of office'. I resisted the urge to suggest now is the time for unity - and to remind that regardless of your party affiliation, this is most certainly an historic event. Some of them joined in eventually - guess an excuse to 'watch TV' during the workday was too hard to resist. I put aside my angst about their negativity and rude comments and enjoyed every minute of the ceremony.

The rules still apply: at work, avoid discussions regarding sex, politics and religion. A good rule of thumb to follow in any situation. Sometimes, it's hard to bite my tongue - but I do. I stay mum. We're all entitled to our own opinions and thoughts. My opinion is just that - MY opinion. Words to live by. Still, on a day like today - a day, that just 60 years ago would NEVER have been possible - it's time to put aside differences and embrace this amazing event. And look to unify all of us - one country. Party differences aside. There's been enough of that these past 8 years - and I'm guilty, too.

Of course, my guy IS the President now, so it's easy to feel that way about it. I remember how I felt 4 & 8 years ago and I do know how hard it is when your guy is 'out'. It's hard.

Isn't it amazing to realize that just 12 years before I was born, African Americans weren't allowed to ride buses? Attend schools with Caucasians? All that has happened in my life time - MY LIFE TIME - culminated in today - in the first African American President taking the oath of office. It's just so incredible to me. I know I will never forget how I felt today. A lot can happen in six decades, can't it?

Move forward, people. It's what he's asking us to do and I think it's high time we step forward towards some change.

Monday, January 19, 2009

Inauguration

Spent the weekend watching most of the inauguration coverage - so exciting. I've never really 'cared' much about the whole ceremony thing - we vote, we elect a new President, and sometime in January, he goes from President Elect to the actual President. No big deal. But this inauguration - with this President - is so different. So much joy, all across the country. It's just so inspiring.

I'm not expecting miracles. But I'm so thankful for the change. So grateful for new leadership.

We cleaned off the DVR so we'd have room to record all the festivities tomorrow. I'm wishing I wasn't too busy to take tomorrow off. Or better yet, wishing they'd make inauguration day a holiday. I guess they figure 1/2 the nation may not be celebrating? so why make it a holiday? But I'd love to stay home and watch everything tomorrow. We'll have to settle for taping it and watching when we get home, over the next few nights.

H. finished Driver's Ed - he was in class 4 hours Friday evening and all day Saturday, Sunday and today. It's intense and a jam-packed weekend, but he can now go to DMV and get his permit. J. took him driving in a vacant parking lot on Saturday and yesterday - just practicing turning and stopping, backing up a bit, parking, etc. The first time H. has been behind the wheel - he did great! Soon, we'll have another driver in the house. He'll have to do 50 hours behind the wheel with me or J., then pass his DMV driving test - can't get his license until 6 months after he passed the classes - so that makes the license part sometime in July, hopefully. H. is 'shopping' for a new car - actually, he wants a truck. And his idea of a 'small' truck is a Ford F150. NOT small. Not small by any definition of small. We are not promising he will acquire wheels but we are considering the possibility of buying an inexpensive, used vehicle to get him to and from school, around town, etc. As much as I'd rather just have 3 cars, it's pretty likely the 3rd car we have now will be going up to Chico starting this summer - and it is very nice to not have to transport kids and to have them be able to run errands, etc. We'll see.

Started working on taxes today - wow, really a 'head start' on that, considering we usually file on April 15th. We will probably still not send it in until then - 'cuz we're going to owe - we ALWAYS owe - and I'm not sending them our $$ until we absolutely have to. But I'm hoping to avoid the entire 'two days before the 15th of April panic' that we typically enjoy. Trying to be more proactive and stay on top of things more is sort of a resolution.

With that in mind, I'd better sign off. Cleaning crew comes tomorrow so there's lots of tidying up to do.

Enjoy this historic event! Congratulations, President Obama!

Saturday, January 17, 2009

Pretty

Monterey was GORGEOUS. Crystal clear, cool but not overly so. I so enjoy that drive - going through little towns, with me thinking all the way 'oh, let's by a little house here when we retire'. So pretty as you approach the coast - and then so stunningly beautiful when you see the beach and the sea. I love Monterey. Love it to pieces. Oh how I wish B. would decide to go there...but it's looking more like Chico State everyday.

The 'meeting' was productive and as always, a blast. We were laughing so hard, the boat was rocking (I know that doesn't 'sound' right but there were 12 people on a 40 foot boat, eating cinnamon rolls, telling stories and laughing our heads off). And our lunch was also great - good food, good friends. I'm sure people wondered what 'industry' we were in - most around the table were obsessed with their Blackberries the entire time. Not me. I didn't want to know what was happening back at the office - and my email isn't working at this moment (via Blackberry) anyway so that made it pretty easy to not look. I could have borrowed someones to check but I saved doing that for when I got home.

I did ask someone to check the price of my husband's employer's stock (a bank) and felt a bit sick when it was revealed. But I had another sip of iced tea and some more creme brulee and moved on. We may have to consider buying a trailer or a small, teeny, tiny boat vs. a house at the moment (based on our retirement funds having crashed (in splendid fashion) even further this past month. Us and so many others in the country all in the same boat. Good thing we're OK with working longer 'cuz that seems to be the best option at this point. But I'm pretty sure we'll be able to afford some weekend get-aways and I'm so looking forward to making Monterey a frequent spot for a respite from work. So much to explore...and just sitting watching the waves is enough to make me giddy.

I drove a friend back - we left after lunch vs. returning to the boat - and we took the long way home. As I did last year (when I was alone so it was less humiliating), I missed the sneaky turn off to the small highway that heads to I-5 vs. going north on 101. Ended up on 101 instead which takes us through San Jose and then onto 580 east (my old commute) over the Altamont to Tracy. Then on to Manteca to drop her off. The great thing is: she is a wonderful friend and a really experienced CBO, so we got to share info and pick each others brains about things. THAT'S why we missed the turn off - we couldn't hear the GPS lady telling us what to do 'cuz we were yapping so much. I told her I did it on purpose (which I didn't) because time with her is such a gift. She's been such a huge help to me the past couple years - and she's the sweetest person....we had a blast. And we found Starbucks for beverages on the drive home.

J. and I are heading to Brentwood this morning and will likely try to have a nice lunch somewhere. Kind of like a 'date night' only not. Three day weekend to look forward to and though I'll be working much of it, that's OK. I've been working a little each day on cleaning out massive amounts of files and the progress is starting to show. It's not something I really have the time for right now (with a zillion things to do for a huge, HUGE budget presentation I'll be doing in front of hundreds of people in a couple weeks) but making time to work on it a bit each day is helping to cull out stuff and finally get all of the former CBO files into one place. That will help tremendously in terms of just knowing what's out there. And it will cull out a lot of stuff that we no longer need.

Have a great weekend and I hope you, too, will have three days off. Aren't 3-day weekends great??

Thursday, January 15, 2009

Farewell

We're watching the Keith Oberman show and sadly, were forced to watch the 'Farewell Address' of George W. Hard to listen to his same old rhetoric over and over. Loved Rachel Maddow's show where she would insert a 'pause' button and make 'sidebar' comments about the ironies, falsehoods and misrepresentations of reality throughout the address. Why should tonight be any different than the last 8 eight years of bull-crap he spouts? We resisted (just barely) the urge to take our shoes off and throw them at the screen. Welcoming change and new hope...

Though all evidence of hope appears to be lacking in the stock market again today, particularly the banking sector. We watched J's employer drop another $3 - in one day. Holy Crap. Trying not to look but can't help seeing the close price on my 'stock watch' on my Yahoo page. Damn. Damn. Damn. It's ok....it will bounce back, eventually. Though B of A asking for more bail out money is certainly not a good sign. Crap.

H. called me right at 8AM to say 'there's a big fire at school and we've all been evacuated and we're on the field'. I said 'am I supposed to come get you'? He said 'no, I don't think so - I just wanted to call you in case you hear there's a fire to tell you I'm ok'. Thank goodness for that - I hadn't heard and knowing how we practice fire drills and evacuations (and lock downs and all sorts of other potential disasters) on a regular basis, I wouldn't have been too worried. Still, glad he called. I think he was hoping he would be getting a 'no school' day - but thankfully, it was just smoke from an HVAC unit on the roof and it was quickly resolved. The building is brand new so I know the facilities folks at the school aren't too happy - and the kids weren't too happy realizing that in fact, there would be school today (they had just entered the building and were immediately evacuated so they had 15 minutes of hope that school would be cancelled) - but everyone was fine. Gave our little town paper something to post on their website.

Tomorrow, I go to Monterey for an all day meeting. Might spend the night - taking a change of clothes and a nightgown and toothbrush just in case I'm too tired for the two hour drive home. But I will probably just drive home. I don't want to spend the $$ and I also want to just be home. It's a 3 day weekend - though I plan to work all day Monday, pretty much. I can always stop for a strong latte on the way home and make it home before dark, I hope. If there weren't so much budget stuff happening, I would have skipped it - a 4 hour round trip drive for a 5 hour meeting makes for a long day. But we get together in Monterey annually and it really is a lot of fun. I know I will enjoy it - and it's a pretty drive.

J. and I have a 'date' to drive to Brentwood on Saturday - I want to get the Alice Music 12 CD and it's only carried by 'Bay Area' Best Buy stores - not here in Tracy. So we're going on an excursion to pick it up. And then we're going to the Modesto Costco in search of the Starbucks cards they had at Christmas - Modesto still has some, apparently, while our Tracy store is sold out. We are trying to spend more time 'alone' - preparing for 'empty nest' (which honestly can't come soon enough for either of us).

And closing with the miracle of the quick-thinking pilot who landed a jet with no engines in the Hudson River in NY after the plane lost both engines after running into a gaggle of geese. Chesley B. Sullenberger, III, from Danville, CA (not far from us), thank you! From a US citizen who is reeling daily from all the 'stuff' happening in our country and our world, I really would not have coped well with a tragic plane crash. You pulled off an absolute miracle - and for that, thank you. You did an amazingly heroic thing - and have my deepest thanks and awe. You, sir, are one hell of a pilot.

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Delayed

I was 'late' to work this morning. Not really, 'cuz I have a 'flexible' schedule. But I'm usually there by 7:30 at the latest, very often (far) earlier than that. But today, I wasn't in until around 8:30. I failed to set my alarm (I have no idea how that happened) and J. assumed I was purposely sleeping in. I called one of my co-workers to let them know I was late - and she said 'no worries - oh, and I already went to Starbucks and I got you your daily dose of iced tea'. How cool is that?? So sweet!

And, of course - because it was a work day and because I really, truly needed to GET THERE, I felt the urge to start 'piddling' around here. Started doing things - picking up, tidying things, organizing here and there - and so wanted to just keep doing that. Work? What's work? I wished it was a weekend when that 'nesting urge' hit and I could just work away all morning and into the afternoon - but that was so not feasible.

And thank goodness I got myself there when I did 'cuz it turned out my boss was waiting for me, having left me a message at 8AM asking to meet. Surprise!

It was a fine day and we got a lot done -

So I'm going to spend all weekend attempting to get that same 'urge' - to cull, tidy, organize, clean, etc. It's a 3 day weekend so it could happen!

Lunch

H. has started this 'thing' where he texts us during the day - me pretty often, since I work in town - and J. occassionally when J. is working at home, as he was yesterday - we get texts pleading with us to bring H. lunch.

It starts the same way every time.

10:30 H: 'hngry'
10:31 P(parent): eat breakfast!
10:34 H: 'lunch?'
10:45 P: of course. That's why they have a cafeteria.
10:47 H: PLZZZZZ>????
10:50 P: No.
10:51 H: Y????
10:52 P: I'm on my way to Sacramento (which I was)
or
Because I have a job and am on a conference call (which J. was yesterday when
the dialogue ensued).

And the really ironic thing about yesterday (yes, there is a point here somewhere) is that my sweet husband brought ME lunch yesterday when my plan to arrive home around 1ish turned into 'I am frantically putting a Power Point together for tonight's Board Meeting and I can't get home - would you please bring me carrot juice, acai juice and a small thing of hummus so I can keep going without coming home?' And of course, his sweet reply was 'of course'. Met him in the parking lot where he told me about his recent text exchange with H. regarding the 'bringing of lunch'.

Don't tell H. He'd be mad as a hornet (for no good reason) and we have more than enough teenage angst around here at the moment. Why add fuel to the ever-burning fire that are my two teen boys?

If he were three and begging us to COME HAVE LUNCH WITH HIM, it would be as sweet as pie - and I can vividly remember the joy on both their faces when we'd come to their preschool or school and surprise them in some way. But now, it's not that they want us to be anywhere near them - H. can't drive (yet - he starts drivers ed this weekend and that's another post for another time) and he wants to eat something besides the food offered daily at his school (which by the way is not bad). He just wants transportation FOR THE FOOD - not any contact with his parents.

And, as we remind him frequently, he's not supposed to even have his phone out during school ours...and one of these days, when the lunch time texting starts, I'm going to let him know that we're taking his phone (again) and he can do without it during school hours. Won't that be fun?

Monday, January 12, 2009

Milkshake

Note to fast-food restaurants...I won't name the particular brand but I will let you know that it's arches needed cleaning....

When a person stops at a drive-thru after a 12 hour day, still 40+ minutes away from home, and decides to throw cholesterol and weight management out the window and orders a small vanilla shake, it would be really nice if that shake was actually consumable within a few minutes of leaving said establishment. I sure appreciate the 'hand-scooped' ice cream and the thickness and frigidness. However, I don't feel quite that fond of the frozen state when I practically burst a blood vessel attempting to extract even the tiniest sip from the straw. It took 30+ minutes down the freeway to even START to get sips of actual shake. You shouldn't have to work quite so hard, nor wait quite so long to enjoy the 'first sip'.

But it was sure good when it finally started to be drinkable.

Thursday, January 08, 2009

Revelation


Third Day - Revelation
From the album Revelation


My life,
Has led me down the road that's so uncertain
And now I am left alone and I am broken,
Trying to find my way,
Trying to find the faith that's gone
This time,
I know that you are holding all the answers
I'm tired of losing hope and taking chances,
On roads that never seem,
To be the ones that bring me home

Chorus:
Give me a revelation,
Show me what to do
Cause I've been trying to find my way,
I haven't got a clue
Tell me should I stay here,
Or do I need to move
Give me a revelation
I've got nothing without You
I've got nothing without You

My life,
Has led me down this path that's ever winding
Through every twist and turn I'm always finding,
That I am lost again (I am lost again)
Tell me when this road will ever end

Chorus:

I don't know where I can turn
Tell me when will I learn
Won't You show me where I need to go
Oh oh
Let me follow Your lead,
I know that it's the only way that I can get back home

Chorus:
Oh, give me a revelation...

I've got nothing without You
I've got nothing without You


This time last year, I was seeking this song. Listening to songs for any hint of expressing all the feelings that overwhelmed me back then on a regular basis. Praying daily for advice and some clear signal of where I was supposed to be. Seeking and searching, pleading and begging. Often crying in the quiet of my bed or my car or the shower. Looking for some easy answer about how I ended up feeling so incredibly sad and lost - about something as stupid as where I was choosing to work.

When this song comes on the radio these days (the album was released recently), and the chorus starts 'Give me a revelation', I say 'thank You, God, for giving me what I was looking for'. It took an incredibly long time...longer than I ever imagined. But I am happy in my work these days...happy when I arrive. Smiles all around. We're laughing and joking and having a good time...and this time last year, I never would have imagined that would be the way it would turn out.

There are still hard days. It is a good job but it is a stress-full job. And I never fully realized how true that is until I had three weeks off and felt amazingly great...and I've been back 4 days and the 'impossible to identify' 'stomach-abdomen' pain has returned. I know you're thinking ulcer...might be. More likely, it's just the 48 1/2 year old version of myself having the 'nervous stomach' stuff I used to have in my 20's. H. gets it too - he calls it the 'queasies'. I feel things in my stomach and my 'older' stomach is manifesting those feelings in pain. I've been to the doctor. There's no answer - it's stress related, most likely. It's not life-threatening or life-altering. It's just a pain. Literally. And it comes and goes and has no rhyme or reason. It's just there. Take Tylenol and/or ibuprofen and try to not worry about it too much - 'cuz that's certainly not helping.

If this song had been around this time last year, it would have been too much to assimilate, really. I needed the 'answer' so badly then - and it probably would have led me to think 'this IS the sign' and I would have given up and moved on. And that would have been ok - I would be somewhere I'd be happy with....but I wouldn't be where I am. And I like where I am. I really do. I like the 'me' that is capable of doing THIS job. Of dealing with ALL this STUFF. All of it. I'm happy to be doing what I'm doing. And I'm good at it. And if I'd heard this song this time last year, I wouldn't have stayed around long enough to know it.

And I learned He doesn't always answer in the way you wish He would. There were no easy answers. It's been a(nother) year of patience and perserverance and faith and hope. And it's paying off. Everything's getting better. Everything's getting easier.

The turn around that is happening has been huge and heartfelt - and I'm proud of how far we've come. And what I think is that the pain will continue to lessen as the comfort level increases...and I'm pretty sure it will.


Tuesday, January 06, 2009

Spore

One of my Christmas presents from Santa was the game "Spore". It's a game that's been getting some 'chat' since last Spring and it was released in October. Christmas was a good 'excuse' to get it.

You start off as a one cell creature and you build from there. Your spore decides to be an herbivore or a carnivore or a combo of both. It grows from a one cell, water-living organism to moving onto land and evolving from there. The 'strategy' is to decide how your creature evolves - adding new body parts and elements for defense, personality, running and grasping abilities, etc.

I'm enjoying the game. My creature is coming along, though I've already realized things that s/he needs fixed. (I don't know yet if it's a he or a she but I think of it as a he so that is the pronoun I will use. Has more to do with his 'looks' than anything else - his coloring is blue and gray). His body shape is a bit 'low' to the ground. His speed is increasing, thanks to evolving to the highest level of feet. But his body is too round, too low...and I haven't figured out how to evolve his spine 'up' instead of just more horizontal length.

Along the journey, the creature meets other creatures - and he can either try the 'social' approach or the 'attack' approach. The social approach involves dancing, and singing, and posing and jumping - you greet and try to engage the other creature - and if you both work hard at 'charming' each other, you end up friends. They won't attack you and you don't attack them. If you're injured, their nest becomes a place you can return to heal.

So I started the entire game just using the 'social' approach. It fits my personality. I mean, I don't like conflict. Who does? Really...wouldn't you prefer to just 'get along' with everyone? Make new friends everywhere you go? No hostility. No anger or angst. And of course, obviously, no blood shed...no fake on screen blood.

As my creature evolved, though - as he got bigger and started to encounter bigger creatures, he had to start using the 'attack' approach. I kept hoping that wasn't true - but after he got killed a zillion times (and thankfully, he has unlimited 'lives' - he returns to his nest to heal and eat and he's fine. If the game didn't have unlimited lives and you had to keep starting over, over and over again, I'd quit. I want results. No time for do-overs all the time) I had to resort to attack. And it worked. I started attacking and gaining attack skills. And as I attacked more and more, his skills grew - and not just his attack skills. After successful attacks - when he renders a different creature's species 'extinct', his brain grows. And as his brain grows, that evolves his skills more - his brainpower increases which increases the other skills you can acquire for him.

It is a complicated game...and while I enjoy it, it's time consuming. And I don't like the 'attack' part. All of his attack skills are improving - but he hasn't evolved enough on the social skills to acquire the highest level of 'social' abilities. So he can't 'make friends' at the moment. He just attacks and attacks. And I tire of the fighting. I told J. that I'm liking the game - it requires strategy and thought and it's challenging. There's still many, many more things to evolve. To form communities. To learn to build and transport. Many things to learn and do....and hopefully, figure out how to get him to stand up tall. And run faster having moved up in the world.

I will always choose the social approach first. Always. I'll engage, I'll converse. I don't break out into song and dance, but I will cajole, charm and worm my way into a friendship. I won't give up.

And I only attack when there's no other option. I don't like to attack. I often wish I could be better at it. I sometimes want to attack - I wish I had it in me. But I won't. Only in the game will the fake blood appear. Just in the game.

I bring up this game because I 'celebrated' my two year anniversary at my job this past Sunday. And it's taken a full two years of trying the 'social' approach - of diligently, persistently being social and cordial and communicative to get to this point - but I'm finally, FINALLY no longer dreading going to work. The work is still work - but the people are becoming fun. We're really having fun...and that has been a long time coming. I look forward to seeing the people I work with - and we have fun all day. We work really hard, but we have fun. That's been a really welcome change.

There are still things that require the stronger, less-preferred 'attack' approach. And it's strange to know that I have that power. I do what I do and folks are expected to follow my instructions. I have that authority. I don't use that 'authority' approach very much - but it's in my arsenal when I need it. And like my creature, I'm getting more comfortable in both roles. I'll meld to whatever I need to - choosing kindness and communication and fun as the first choice, always. But I know what needs to happen and I know what to do to ensure it happens. And that's my evolution. It's been hard to get used to that 'role'. To that job requirement of knowing when 'social' isn't working anymore - isn't working for a particular situation or issue. But I'm there. I am most definitely there. And it feels good...to know that it's far better than it ever has been - and to feel more comfortable choosing either path - they are adaptable, like me - and both work. And, most importantly - the more stern approach only involves those NOT in my department. I only have to resort to the more 'stern' approach in dealing with other employees across other areas that aren't following what we've set up as guidelines/procedures.

Like my creature, I just have to keep working on all the skills, all the time. And keep evolving. I'm never going to feel completely comfortable with either approach all the time - but evolving those skills is also a skill. And I'm working hard on that.

Monday, January 05, 2009

First Day

Survived first day back...decided that perhaps, close to 3 weeks off is too long...it was very hard to get RIGHT BACK into the thick of it. Like:

Have you heard the State of California is running out of money? And school districts are having to forecast when we'll be running out of cash? 'Cuz the state is saying they will stop sending our funding sometime in February - and that funding is what keeps us going. So you arrive back from a wonderfully long break - and are reminded immediately 'HOLY CRAP - HOW LONG CAN WE CONTINUE TO PAY PEOPLE??' and spend the morning figuring that out. Then meeting with various people to convey just how long the cash will last. Then spending a lot of time sitting in meetings with all these people and all of us thinking the same thing: why in the heck is this happening? Is this some kind of joke? 'Cuz it's not funny. There are a lot of really stressed out people trying to figure out what to do....and I'm one of them. So get to it, Legislature. Figure it out. Quit being partisan and think of the kids. Think of the employees who need paychecks. This is getting more ridiculous as each day goes by. The only good thing is: we assumed it would all be figured out while we were on break so we didn't lose any sleep over it during our break. And now we're back and it wasn't - so stuff is hitting the fan all over the place today. What a 'Welcome Back', huh?

My new coat was a great purchase...and everyone in my office is coveting it - they are threatening to borrow it to go to the restroom and forget to return it. It's hugely warm and cuddly and perfect for walking 'down the back 40' (as we fondly refer to our bathroom trek in snow, rain, sleet, dark of night). It's great! And stylish. Even my boss complimented me - and he never notices what I'm wearing. I said 'I got tired of being cold'.

And now I'm wearing it at home a lot 'cuz it's freezing in here and I'm refusing to move the thermostat up too much. Though I'm shivering - and I'm ALWAYS on the warm side.

Other than the 'hey, we have no cash' thing, it was a fairly good day. Though you don't realize how many times you type the letter 'y' until you have to hit the 'y' REALLY HARD for it to actually tpe the y. See? That's not a 'typo' - it's a missing 'y' in the word 'type' that I'm stubbornly refusing to fix. To illustrate my point.

J. is traveling to Louisville (KY) on Thursday morning for a funeral - his uncle died and since this is the last family member of his dad's generation on his dad's side of the family, he wants to go to be there for his cousins. So he's flying out of SFO on Thursday morning and returning Saturday night. I miss him already. I worry about him traveling in winter conditions - and I just (in general) miss him like crazy when he's not home...but it's two nights and one of them is a Friday, so we should be able to survive....and I do think it's important to be there for his cousins. They are all wonderful people who we love dearly and we know that losing your parents is hard....

OK - the cleaning crew comes tomorrow so I have a lot of picking up and putting away to do before their arrival. That will warm me up quickly!

Inertia

Wow. Getting up at 5:15 sucks....

Let the games begin. Happy Monday, everyone!

(and now my 'y' key is also malfunctioning. It's actually been a year since we replaced this keyboard - so one a year isn't too bad).

Saturday, January 03, 2009

Happy

Happy New Year, everyone....decided even though I have no profound thoughts to share, I should post anyway. It's a brand new year and that alone is worth acknowledging!

We had a terrific time at the annual party - and my appetizers were a huge hit. I will make them again next year - they were all gone and people raved about them all evening. Good food, good fun. I enjoyed a 'Car Bomb' - Guinness beer with a shot of whiskey in it - and then you drop a shot glass in filled with chocolate liqueur. Then you drink it as fast as you can....the chocolate mixes in with the beer and whiskey and it's smooth! The last sip or two is the best 'cuz you get most of the chocolate in those last two swallows. It was good. And I waited for a slight buzz (remember: we could walk home if we had to and/or sleep on the couch all night if we wanted to) but there was absolutely no buzz. I was kind of disappointed in that - I gave myself permission to get a little buzzed and told J. I was planning to - and yet, nothing. Zip. Not the slightest hint of a buzz. Guess I did a good job of eating and drinking in moderation. Setting a good example for my boys....I hope. They were pretty surprised when I joined the 7 people gathered in the kitchen for the first round of Car Bombs. Not often you see your mom chugging a beer/whiskey beverage.

We were home and in bed by 3AM. B. was spending the night but decided to come home so he could get up early to go to the gym. We were all up and out the door by 11 and at the mall in Pleasanton by noon - had a nice lunch at the Cheesecake Factory and then shopped for a bit. Poor H. could find no clothing items he was interested in purchasing - but B. hit a jackpot - clearance shirts and a jacket. We were home by 5. I went to L'Occitane for some clearance and got a nice iPod station for my desk at work at the Apple Store. Made me want a Touch iPod or a Touch phone so bad, I could hardly stand it - but I resisted. The docking station was expensive enough - but I'll love being able to listen to my tunes at my desk all day.

The psyching up for returning to work day after tomorrow is commencing. It's been a great break and I've really enjoyed the time away....we've been staying up late and sleeping in and that first morning of arising at (or before) 5 will be a shocker for sure.

I am cuddled up in my new Lands End coat with a dog on my lap. I put this coat on this morning (ordered it after Christmas at a sale price - I do my best shopping after Christmas) and felt warm for the first time in months. It's a dark green, heavy warm 'faux shearling' car coat (I have no idea what shearling actually means but that's what it says on the website). It is heavy and warm...when I showed J., he said 'wow, that's a warm coat'. I thought 'it is probably too heavy for our lovely California winters'...but I wore it to the bank and to run some errands and it's plenty warm but not too warm. I haven't treated myself to a new coat in YEARS so I'm due. And I'm glad I got one that I love...it comes in handy when it's freezing in here and I'm too thrifty to turn on the heat.

At the party, our friends (who also have a little dog that's a piddle monster) had a baby gate up - we've been using a 'gate' that doesn't actually mount on the wall or anything - and we have to climb over it every time we move between the kitchen and family room. We're getting way too old for that - my hips are so sore lately - so we went to Target yesterday and bought a baby gate and put it up. Works like a charm and we just unlatch it and slide it over. It's at the top of the stairs instead of the bottom - the gate that would have fit across the bottom would have needed to be at least 7 feet and those gates are special order and very expensive - and it will work fine...just hoping she doesn't start piddling on the two stairs she now has access to that are carpeted. My next project for the house is to pull out the carpeting in the study and replace it with laminate flooring. Soon, I hope.

I am treating myself to a nap today - I have rarely napped this vacation - seriously. The only day I tried to nap was New Year's and the gardener and his crew arrived at that time and kept me awake with mowers, blowers, trimmers and edgers. I gave up and just got up - though it was great to be finally warm all snuggled under a zillion blankets.

Later, peeps. Happy 2009!

March

I'm starting to think maybe I will just do a monthly post and call it what it is - whatever month we're in.  Here we are winding dow...