Working Teens

I came home around 4PM today - I made a point of wrapping up early to be sure I could come home and make a nice dinner for B. before he went to work. Spaghetti - whole wheat pasta spaghetti. B.'s so careful about what he eats these days - I figure 'whole grain' pasta was a more likely alternative that he might actually eat.

I have spent the last 1.5 hours having intermittent conversations with him - conversations in which he has (apparently) been largely asleep. He was awake 15 minutes ago and asked to come down for dinner - this after numerous other conversations where I've walked upstairs to get him. I no sooner walk back downstairs than he's asleep again - and he has to be at work in 20 minutes. True, we only live less than 5 minutes from where he works - but that's still cutting it pretty close considering he has to eat, change clothes and get there - all within 20 minutes. I go back upstairs and roust him again - resisting the urge to just let him sleep. Let him be late. Let him lose his job. Let him spend the rest of his life checking 'yes' on applications when it's asked if he's ever been 'let go' from an employer. YES should be the answer. But I won't. He's 18 and still so young in so many ways.

I am relatively sure he has done absolutely no homework - though today was a typical 'early release' Monday (they get out of school at 1:30 every Monday). He's been home since 2 and done nothing. Absolutely nothing. Oh, wait - I'm sure he's been on MySpace and sent and received dozens of text messages. Possibly had a phone conversation or two. But homework? No, not so much. He won't get around to that until he arrives home just after 10. Then something to eat, and he'll finally get around to homework by 10:30 if he's lucky. 11 is more likely. And he'll sleep for five hours - SOOOO NOT ENOUGH - and get up and (attempt) to do it again. I worry constantly about him driving - sleep deprivation not only may cause you to fall asleep at the wheel - he doesn't see that ever happening - it contributes to you making bad choices, wrong decisions. I worry about his health and his well-being. I don't think he's getting enough rest - and his general 'mood' and angst factor increase as the sleep deficit grows. Still, what do I know? I'm only his mother.

Argh! I told him that I will be discussing these issues with his dad and then he and his dad can have a talk about it. At the moment, I'm thinking the 5AM trips to the gym are 'out' for awhile. If he can't get home from school and stay vertical long enough to do his homework before he goes to work, then I think it's time he sleeps in until 7.

I don't play the 'wait 'til your father comes home' card very often - but truthfully, I'm so fed up with him, it's honestly better for me to remain mute at this point. I have nothing to say but what I've said dozens of times before. It's time to pull the plug on some extra-curricular activity and it's looking like cutting the trips to the gym down to once or twice a week is the best approach.

He wants to be 'responsible' for himself. He just keeps demonstrating over and over again why that might not be the best approach. And how are we supposed to think that sending him away to school will be a good idea?

I know what you're thinking - you're coddling him. I might be. But truthfully, I don't want him to lose his first 'real' job. I want him to DO what he NEEDS TO DO. I don't think letting him fail makes it any better - though I sure wrestle with that on a daily basis. It frustrates the heck out of me - and there is no answer.

He's an 'adult' according to the legal definition of adult - but he's still a kid. He's still MY kid and I will keep parenting him. It won't get any easier these next few months - but we'll muddle through.

It's now 5:55 and he hasn't left for work yet. He's just coming downstairs. He will be (barely) on time. And he will get a stern talking to from his father when he returns. I warned him 'there will be some changes regarding your gym schedule - count on it'. He thanked me for cooking dinner and left. I didn't see how he was dressed - if his shirt was pressed; if he was wearing a tie. I'm not going to monitor every detail. Just the 'get your butt to work' detail...though I should manage all of it...I have a lot of people tell me 'hey, I saw your son today at [insert store name here]'. I usually say 'oh, great!' and pray he looked presentable. It's a 50/50 crap shoot on an ironed shirt and the tie. It bothers me a lot - A LOT - because I know people I work with and/or parents that know me and/or other people in town who know me see him - and if he looks bad, they're immediate reaction is going to be 'how could she let him leave the house looking like that'? And I've probably asked myself that question over the years upon seeing a less-than-tidy teen working at a grocery store or wherever. Now, I know. I KNOW. The mom is just so glad they actually motivated themselves to get TO the job, the attire and appearance factor are the least of her worries.

I honestly think this pretty often: his employer must have a really hard time keeping courtesy clerk staff 'cuz I'd have fired him a long time ago. Yes, the 'boss' in me would have. The mom in me...not so much.