Let's Make it Three

Even in silence, there are still things happening that I want to document.  Today's topic is parenting. Specifically parenting from a distance.  Fasten your seat belts.

B. is doing well.  He's not crazy about El Paso though it's far better than Georgia (where it rains a lot and re-defines 'muggy'.  It's wet there this time of year.  El Paso is dry).  From what we know, he isn't on any list to be deployed anywhere - in fact, other soldiers assigned to the 'head quarters' unit (the only infantry unit not deployed when B. arrived at Ft. Bliss) have all been assigned to 'regular' units. Not B.  We weren't sure if that was a good or bad thing - but now we're pretty sure it was a good thing - though not a good thing I'm going to mention here for fear of jinxing it.  B. has a plan - and as long as B. has a plan and goals to focus on, he's a happy camper.  He still boasts that he loves his job 'cuz he gets paid for working out.  And he volunteers for whatever is needed - like church painting, etc. .

I don't text him or Facebook message him too much - though I'm his mom and I think of him all day, every day.  I try to keep in touch with short texts now and then - so he knows that he is being thought of and missed.  He misses us.  He called last night and when it was time to say goodbye, I could hear the choked up-ness of his voice - and it always breaks my heart.  I resist the urge to call him back 'cuz I know that just makes it harder.  I sent him a long, rambling Facebook email though - which was stupid 'cuz he's probably thinking 'Mom, give it a rest'.  He encountered some 'people management' challenges (translation:  dealing with a complete jerk) and I offered my two cents.  He didn't write back - and as you know, FB tells you when you're email has been read.  So I am convinced he's pissed that I gave him advice that differed from how he approached the situation.  I don't know - it's just trying to impart wisdom 'cuz if I had learned/mastered more people skills as a young adult, I think I could have really been a much better manager throughout my careers....and life would have been so much easier. People skills help you just 'accept' things you can't change better....at least for me, that's been a key difference.

I try not to obsess.  If I over-communicate, it appears to be just as bad as under-communicating.  He is desperate for time to come home - and of course, we'd love to see him.  He has absolutely no money available - in fact, he used the last of his savings to make it to payday and has 16 more days until he's paid again.  Having wheels gives him so much 'freedom' to go around base and eat out.  (They have more restaurants on the base than we have in our town!).  I try to just gently remind - but it's his money.  Except I know the call will come where he says he can come home - and he won't have money for a ticket...and then I'll have to decide what to do.  Probably loan him money for a ticket home.

And that reminds me to remind him that I will transfer his monthly car payment today as well.  :-)  We are happy to assist via loans - but loans are expected to be repaid.  And he will.

I am surprised that he misses us so much 'cuz when he lived here, he couldn't wait to leave - and we couldn't wait for him to leave.  Those 'angst filled' years of young adult-ness were a constant battle of wills and it was exhausting.

Guess it's true that they 'come around'.  Now, family is everything to him.  This family.  This home.  These parents.  This sibling.  Shocking how he misses us so much he's choked up at the end of every phone conversation.

I wrote him a letter a couple weeks ago - because I felt more connected to him via letters during Basic Training than I have since he's out of Basic.  Unlike Basic, though, they don't bring the mail to him - he has to go get it - so the letter sat there for a week (or more).  He says he's writing back soon.  Not sure if he will or not...but he says he will.  I would love a letter from him.

He gets so excited about the 'plans' he has - and yet I know he's guarding his heart against further disappointment.  But I see him being more responsible - yes, he overdrew his account - but a week ago, he called me to sketch out his budget for the rest of the month and he knew it would be close given that he'd finally paid the taxes on the truck and gotten it registered in his name.  That would have never happened when he lived here - so having it happen two states away was awesome.  He is truly learning responsibility and little by little, he's growing up.  He's making plans - and setting goals - and working towards them with intent and purpose and it's so exciting to see.  He also shared his goals and then said 'and Mom, I know that you have been wanting me to consider training in something I could do when I'm out - so I'm looking at things like EMT; Medic; etc.'.  My little boy is growing up.

Having a car payment and paying your own insurance will sure get your head on straight about the long term requirement in life of earning a living.

But he still misses his Mom.  And his Dad.  And even his brother....and the dog.  And the recently departed cat.

It's a constant letting go process that is hard - and I realize that I'm protecting my heart as much as his. It is hard to hear from him - then not - then hear - then not....over and over.  I don't know what to talk about sometimes when he calls - I worry news from home makes him homesick.  And I don't know much about his days - it's hard.  I want to know - but then, do I?

I made it all week with early risings and it's 5AM and I'm heading to the shower.  A morning meeting and then finalizing board prep all day - and hoping I can head home by 4 or so 'cuz I'm working all weekend and I'd love a quiet evening and an early bedtime.  It's been a long week....they always are but this year in particular the first week back has been harder.

The kids are fun though - the always are.