Caution

One of my pet peeves in life are people who refuse to accept responsibility for ending up exactly where their actions led them to be. I have no patience for people who think the world (or specific individuals in the world) has dealt them a bad hand; created the situation they find themselves in; is out to get them.

Get a grip. We are all responsible for ourselves. And responsible is the key word in that sentence - be responsible. For your words, your actions, your beliefs. We're all just doing the best we can to make it through life and we are all a product of our upbringing and life experiences - and all those things have led us to where we are 'now'. And the 'now' is the important part.

I read a lot of blogs - have a list of favorites. One of the blogs I read (and no, I won't name it and don't ask me to) is written by a woman who has lost more jobs in the past 18 months than I can count. Her most recent foray into employment lasted FIVE DAYS. And I knew she was going to lose this job. KNEW IT on her 2nd day. It was like watching a train wreck. She did a kind of 'video' rap (in words set to music - not her singing or anything like that) in which she disclosed some components of her compensation. No amounts, no specifics numerically. But she disclosed that she was getting 'oodles' (I can't remember the actual word she used and the post is no longer their so I can't check it out again) of stock options. And as soon as I saw that, I knew they were going to fire her. You can't disclose compensation in any way. Because some other worker for that company, who's been there for a dozen years toiling away in the mail room for $11 an hour doesn't get stock options - or at least not 'oodles' and they are going to be very pissed. So you just have to keep your mouth shut.

She didn't. And the thing that really bugged me about this is: after she removed all references to her company - the link to their website, the video she posted, the references to the company in her writings - she wrote a post with words 'I just can not catch a break'. Huh? You've had plenty of breaks. Yes, you've had a rough 18 months - but you have lost all those jobs for a reason. Step back and really LOOK at your performance and your approach. You are the person who was in the job and either blogged about too many things you shouldn't have or didn't do the work. Didn't fulfill the job requirements. Your readers don't know the whole story nor should they. But making errors in judgment over and over - that is what is causing your jobs to 'not work out'.

So quit asking your readers to pony up support for you during this (yet again) difficult time. Get a grip. Don't blog about compensation or workload or how you're too busy with your kids to wedge in working during the day. And most of all, own it. You screwed up. Posting that video about how excited you were about the compensation package was wrong. That's what got you fired, I'm pretty sure. And you did that. No bad karma, misaligned chakras...none of that. Just your actions. Leading you to where you are. Your blog has advertisements to make you money - and I for one have basically stopped reading. I don't want to watch the next train wreck. It's just around the corner. And I'm tired of watching. And hearing about it. And listening to you whine about how hard it is and how you just don't get why all this 'stuff' keeps happening to you.

I feel this way about lots of areas in my life lately. I had a conversation with a family member recently about how 'sad' it is that another family member and I aren't communicating. I replied 'yes, it is very sad'. What I wanted to say - but didn't is: 'yes, it is very sad. And s/he did that. All by themselves. With their actions and their words. And I finally, not lightly, or without being repeatedly pushed toward cutting the ties - I finally just said 'enough'. I put my pole in the stand and said 'that's it for me'.' I didn't go there because what's the point? The family member I'm not communicating with has been lobbying for the sympathy vote their entire life. And many family members continue to offer it (including the one I was speaking to). Making others in the family - those who have put the pole in the sand and firmly affixed it there - the 'heavy' in a situation they were forced into. You don't cut ties with family easily or without a lot of thought and angst and pain. You don't. You cut ties with family members when your soul can't handle the crap anymore. When you've tolerated verbal and emotional abuse over and over and over. And one day, you just stop. Self preservation kicks in and you stop.

And it is sad. Train wrecks are sad. But watching train wrecks - and returning to watch again and again is even more sad. And I'm not doing that anymore. And I accept that responsibility - it's my choice, my decision. It has consequences and I'll pay them.