Too Much

Yes, I'm alive.  Some days, barely.  But I breathe.  I eat.  I (try to) sleep.  Vacation is a very faint memory.  Everything is too much at the moment.  Every.single.damn.thing.

Something happened at work last week that has shaken me to my core and I'm still reeling from it.  Not sure what to 'do' (if anything).  But I feel compelled TO DO something.  Talk with the person involved and express my very deeply felt feelings on the issue.  That's at the least.  I've toyed with walking out - give two weeks notice and leave - but that doesn't feel 'right' for the district - and we need the money my job brings.  Though we could live without it.  Still....really wish I could.  Take some time off and find something else, somewhere else.  Maybe move to Reno sooner than we'd planned.

All those things are possible and when I'm frantic about what happened, I just try to realize that there are options.  And in the mean time, there's so much work to do.

Home?  It's a nightmare.  Tonight, another postponed meeting with a gazillion excuses.  So I 'pulled the plug' and told H. 'this is it.  We're done.  We're asking you both to leave and we're not going to keep doing this'.  He quickly did a 360 and admitted that despite his conversations with us, he apparently hasn't made it super clear to her how serious things have become.  So supposedly, we meet tomorrow.  I told him under no uncertain terms that the meeting tomorrow is not guaranteed to change the outcome.  Their behavior needs to change in an identifiable, witnessed daily, extended, meaningful way and short of that, we're going to reclaim our peaceful home and life and they will move on.  Even with no jobs, nowhere to go.  Won't be our problem anymore, at that point.

And R. washed a load of blankets and broke the washer.  $1200 in repairs.  We could almost buy a new one for that.  We ended up going with the full house warranty - got 50% off the repair and can now have every single appliance, HVAC unit, etc. checked out and serviced for a year.

I have a meeting at the County office in the morning and then in the office all day with my nose to the grindstone.  I'm entering the time of year when it's work six or seven days a week from now until mid to late June.

I did enjoy a fun weekend in Reno - just me.  But even that didn't really bring any joy to my troubled, sad, exhausted heart - it was fun...but.  Sort of not.  All the events (both home and work) sort of muddled the 'fun' and 'relaxation' I usually feel.  And I might feel differently if I'd come home with a big win in my purse - but that didn't happen, either.  Though I did have a couple good days of small wins that kept me playing - and those 'runs' are always loads of fun.

I'm trekking to my counselor again next weekend 'cuz then it's May and it will be super hard to get to Hayward on days I need to plow through work.  I have been looking at some ways to 'short cut' some of the things that are super time consuming about our budget process - found a new report on our system that I've never been able to configure correctly - but I took some time yesterday and played with it and viola!  A relatively easy way to run some numbers for a huge report that is a part of this year's budget timing.

Time for sleep.  Or a night of trying to sleep.  I want to drop of some surprises for my work mates (Admin Assistant Day tomorrow and I have a lot of people who assist) - need to leave the house at 7 to get to work briefly and then head to the COE.