Family Dynamics

Whenever I’m having a particularly hard day on the home front, I’m going to remember the postings we’ve seen lately of cousins – as their daughter trashes them and posts things on Facebook (including entire text conversations taken off her phone and shared for all the world to see) – and remember that we’re not that bad, at least not currently.  I feel for the family – they are clearly in crisis.  And considering one of them is a counselor themselves, it’s super hard to imagine how they got to where they are with the situation?  Kids make choices we don’t always agree with.  We’re living that, too, so we get it.  I know how much they love their child and how hurt they are about the approach she’s taking to things lately.  And while things in our home are frequently tense, we aren’t trashing any party on Facebook – so that’s something to be thankful for. 

We finally had the discussion with our ‘roommates’ that’s been building for a couple weeks and I guess all parties brought up some things that need attention (on all sides) and we’ve agreed to keep on keeping on and see how it goes.  I made my points about how disrespectful it is to be completely disregarded and while there was some explanation, there remains some further conversations to ensure all understand.  Essentially, it’s about the basics of any relationship – communication – and they have challenges within their relationship about how they communicate that they navigate simultaneously to the challenges we have as a group.  Living together under one roof is never easy – they are adults and independent while being somewhat dependent on us.  And that isn’t likely to change in the near future. 

For now, they stay.  I realized that I struggle because somedays, I can handle the constant up and downs and put offs that happen better than others.  One night, I’m tired, not wanting to spend the evening on pins and needles and completely bat-shit crazy about them putting us off again.  And the next, I’m either too beaten down about it all to give a crap?  Or just in general more tolerant of things.  So I need to work on that.

The coworker and I had a good conversation and worked through the major (MAJOR) blowup that happened last week and got back to our usual secure footing.  We both saw each other’s perspective; both acknowledged the things we could have done differently in the moments we were conversing about the issue and realize that we have to keep checking in with each other about where we are.  To their credit, earlier this week when we were discussing something, he realized his ‘tone’ was moving in a direction that could be misinterpreted and he stopped himself and said ‘I have that tone that implies I’m upset with you and I’m not.  I’m just upset with the issue – and we will solve it together’.  That’s progress!  And I thanked him for checking in with me about it mid-sentence. 

I’m working this weekend and every weekend in May because in addition to the annual madness known as Budget, we have a tentative agreement with our teacher’s union – so I have to start plowing through the paperwork related to that AND incorporate all that into budget.  Budget also includes ‘Estimated Actuals’ where we estimate our ending balance for the current year so that’s also a HUGE process made even more huge by the possible settlement.  It’s a lot of work and it’s going to take a lot of effort to make it through.  Thankfully, I’m working when it’s quiet and no interruptions so I can make copious lists, consider things I can delegate to people and hand off and I’m sure it will all get done.  And I’m looking forward to the ‘reward’ when it is all done – five nights in Reno with my best beloved. 

H. cut his hand pretty badly last weekend – not sure of the timing, exactly?  He said he woke up in the middle of the night and it was a huge, open-gapped wound that was bleeding like crazy so he went to the ER.  With J. sleeping in the other room.  $636 later for using wound glue on his hand.  The two of them are absolutely clueless about insurance – about how something like that – inconvenient for sure but not life threatening – is something they should have waited until daylight.  Wrap it in a towel if you have to and wait until you can get to your regular doctor or even urgent care.  Our doctor’s office now has an urgent care center here in town so you can be seen without an appointment 16 hours of the day.  But no – they headed to ER.  Grrr. 

I'm home alone this evening - J. is at a concert in Stockton.  Time to reorganize the desk a bit, work on some paperwork that needs handling, open a weeks' worth of mail and pay the bills - including the ER bill.  Adding it to our 'amount owed' (from H., not R.).  My generosity is the 'living here rent free' but he has to pay his own bills.