Jazz

B. is taking a jazz class as a concurrent enrollment student at the college where I work. So every Monday, I work 8-noon then drive home to get B. after his high school band class. He does homework for a couple hours; I do housework. Then we head back over the hill to the campus where I work from 6PM to 10PM. It's working out OK. My boss' son is also in the jazz class so my boss stays late also. So we get a lot of work done - it's quiet, no interruptions. B. and I drive home after his class and get home around 10:30. The hardest part is unwinding enough to be asleep by shortly after 11. The alarm on Tuesday mornings goes off really early.

By far the BEST part of this arrangement is the drive to and from the college with B. We don't get a lot of time to just 'talk' lately. During the drive, B. really talks - and he doesn't do that much lately. B. has always had a gift for conversation. But he's a typical teenager - and he's not usually keen on sharing a lot with his parents. But on the way to and from, he talks a lot. And it's so good for us 'cuz I'm realizing that underneath all the teenage angst, he is still the same sweet, thoughtful, fun, smart, interesting person he was when he was a pre-teen.

He is so, so like me in so many ways. He confessed that he's having a lot of trouble getting to sleep - he can't shut his mind off. THAT is his mother. Totally. I reassured him that he 'inherited' that from me and he needs to 'learn' to shut his mind down. He says he listens to his radio because sometimes he just wants to think. I've been harping on him to NOT listen to the radio because he frequently leaves it on all night - and I think his subconcious listening to noise all night can't be restful. But I suggested - fine, then set your radio to play for 1/2 hour - and when the radio goes off, tell yourself 'night, self. I'm shutting down now' - training himself and his brain to stop for the night. I told him I know it's hard to stop thinking - 'cuz I do it all the time. I call it 'ruminating'. So I told him to work on NOT ruminating about things he can't control - if you're going to spend your psychic energy fretting, think through things you CAN control. At least that's productive rumination.

He is such a teen. Wants to have his whole life all figured out and nailed down. And he knows he can't know - but the wanting to know is taking up a lot of his time. I encouraged him to 'let go'. And reminded/reassured him that it does all work out - he'll find something he loves to do (or at least likes) and make a living doing it. He'll have plenty of hobbies, friends, family, adventures, love, surprise. It'll all work out - just the way it's supposed to. Just take one day at a time and have a good time. You only get one go round - so enjoy it.

I spent most of my younger years worried. Worried sick a lot of the time - about my life, my future, my family, my friends. I was a nervous wreck a good part of the time and I realized much later in life that it didn't help. Pre-planning every possible scenario didn't 'change' anything - it just ate up a lot of time and energy. If there's one thing I want my kids to know, it's to just let life unfold. Do the best you can at everything you choose to do. Be kind, thoughtful and friendly. Do good. Work hard at being happy and you'll help everyone around you to be happy. And don't worry. Don't fret. If you can't control it, let it go. The only person you can control in any situation is you - that's it. Spend your psychic energy controlling yourself - your expectations, your reactions. You'll be happier and healthier and live a full, productive life.

I'm looking forward to the semester of drives to and from. And I'm hoping he'll want to enroll next semester. And the semester after that. And even when he can drive himself in the not too distant future, I hope we'll still carpool. If for no other reason then the excuse to spend some one on one time together. I think we both need it.