60 Seconds

Having spent four days in my PJ's - except for the hour or so I dressed to get to the doctor on Friday - I can say it's been the laziest of weekends.  I feel better - still not great - but better and plan to work tomorrow.  There were moments in the past few days - especially yesterday when I got chills and fever in the afternoon and started to be convinced I had pneumonia - where I thought I would be ill forever.  Isn't that how it is?  We so rarely appreciate our bodies and our health when we feel fine.  We start to have vague appreciation of how important it is to not have aches and pains.  But when you end up flat on your back sick as you can be, you really start to focus on all the 'what if's' of living and you sure get to the stage of 'if I ever feel better again, I promise [insert hollow promises here].

I fear going to work tomorrow - because if I start coughing, I have a hard time stopping.  But oh well. I will just get up and leave meetings if needed.

Another milestone occurred this evening as J. accompanied H. and his friend J. to the apartment complex nearby to officially apply for a 2 bedroom, 2 bath apartment.  It's bigger than they need - they could live with just one bathroom - but it's what's available and what they are (we hope) budgeting for. It's looking like they will be moving at the end of the month - and it happened quickly.  I'm looking forward to doing all the things parents do when their kids set out on their own.  My mom took me shopping when she visited my first apartment - she stocked me up on spices and cleaning supplies, toiletries, food, toaster, can opener, coffee pot, etc.  Sure, they will already have a lot of that from hand-me-downs from us and other friends/family.  But it will be fun to take them on a shopping trip and help them get started.  They know that to afford this unit, they will be living on Top Ramen, Easy Mac, peanut butter and chocolate milk.  Their budgets will be very tight but they are determined to do it and have talked a lot about keeping each other on budget.  "Splurging" on a $5 Little Caesar pizza now and then.

I can't wait for a big box of granola bars to somehow mistakenly make it into our Costco cart to later find a home with two hungry young men.  Same with extra milk, fresh fruit, hamburgers now and then, etc. .  I told H. 'if you don't visit your Mama, you don't get spoiled rotten' and he said 'Mom, I'm moving just down the way - I'm still here and will still be around all the time'.  I hope so.

As I convalesced, I missed B. even more - and wondered if/when we would ever hear from him again. And of course, he called when J. was out with H. .  It was truly 60 seconds of a 'conversation' - if that.  It might have even been less.  It wasn't 'satisfying' in any way - 'Hi Mom.  I am at Ft. Benning and I am fine'.  When I asked for his address, he said 'a letter is going out tonight with all the info on Family Day, graduation and my address'.  I asked if he was OK and liking it and he said 'I am doing fine and like it'.  It was sort of like talking to a robot - maybe that's what a soldier is?  I knew/felt that someone was clearly standing right there (though he was calling from his cell phone - thanks to caller ID I knew it was him 'cuz I don't usually answer the phone if I don't know the number)...and someone probably was.  So now we wait for the letter so we can write him.  And then pray he writes back 'cuz no information and long gaps in between are going to kill me.  It's worse than his trip to Europe - which I knew was temporary and I knew he wouldn't be in touch much during those few weeks.  But this 'not knowing' and hoping all the time only to be disappointed every night at 6PM (their curfew is 9PM EST) when another day has passed without hearing from him is really hard.  Not just for me - but for J. too.

Time to head up to bed for sleep (hopefully - it's still a crap shoot on what the sleep vs. coughing ratio will be nightly).  Then a long, long work day.....