Dream

This morning, I dreamed about the beach house. We were there visiting 'neighbors' up the hill - and I saw our 'old' cabin down the hill. It looked the same - just a small 'square' building. It seemed to be 'placed' differently in relation to the road but there were other changes - new buildings, etc. so I thought it was just the changes to the 'neighborhood'. The friends said 'it's for sale' and I tore off down the hill with J. to take a look. It was a 'strange' layout - not a lot of windows, which didn't make sense for a beach house. A bedroom on one level. A kitchen/eating area on the other and the top floor was just a big 'sitting' area - with windows. The colors were just what I would choose - bright oranges and reds, bright blues and sea colors. I love it - it seemed small but the price was right. I was so happy and so wanted it. I still wasn't sure about the 'layout' but figured we could make it work. 'There must be more outside' and I anxiously went out around the side - and there were lots of chaise lounges and chairs - perfect for the beach. And then I walked around the corner and there it was - the ocean. RIGHT THERE, lapping at the patio. I was so ecstatic and joy-filled that in my dream, I started sobbing immediately. Tears of pure joy. While in the back of my mind, I was thinking 'this house will be submerged by the first big storm' and also 'so is this global warming, too?' 'cuz the water used to be a walk away and high tides came somewhat close, but never that close. This shoreline was at the house, basically. But this was a dream and I didn't care - I was ready to buy it on the spot - even with it's lack of windows, strange layout and the water lapping at the patio. I wanted it and was ready to write the check then and there....

And then, I heard the door open and J. was coming in to wake me up - to tell me that my assistant K. had called and said it was an emergency and asked him to please have me call as soon as possible. The dream was over and reality was setting in.

I called her right back - before I'd said a word to anyone and before I'd had coffee. My voice was crackly and gruff. She called to tell me that a young man who worked with me, reported to me, actually, had been killed last night in a motorcycle/car accident. As soon as she said 'Majah, C. died last night' I said 'it was the bike, wasn't it'? And it was. C. had already been in one accident shortly before I started working there - he had been extremely lucky that time and had only fractured his wrist. This time, his luck was out and he tried to pass a car and ended up hitting a car turning left. He was barely alive when paramedics got there and was pronounced dead at the hospital a short time later. I am stunned and sad. He was a great young man and had so much potential. All of us at work 'mothered' him about the bike. Cautioned him to be careful. I had it on my 'list of things to do' to talk to him about it because kids were watching him and he often did wheelies, etc. down the street. I never talked to him about the wheelies - but I did tell him as often as I could 'be careful'. He wasn't - or he was, but just this one time, he wasn't.

I am sad for his family and for his work family. We will all miss him so much. At the same time, I'm pissed. Angry at him for being careless and for thinking he was invincible. Angry that he didn't listen to us, or his mom - that he continued to not drive carefully and cautiously. Angry at myself for not talking to him sooner - for not trying one more time to impress on him the seriousness of his actions on that bike. I don't think it would have made any difference - he was a kid and he had already had one accident - if that didn't make him slow down and be more cautious, nothing would. But I wish I had tried.

We will miss you, C. God is lucky to have you and I hope He has a lot of IT issues He needs help with. You are really good at figuring out computers and I hope you'll be doing everything you love in heaven. Even if that means doing wheelies. Just please watch out for other angels, 'kay?