Winning

Stark realization this trip:  even when you win, the obsession to keep winning; or win more; or a zillion other crazy-ass thoughts that flood my mind - it's strange.  It's been a very fun few days and I've done very well. So well that I wonder if it's some kind of casino anniversary here or something - 'cuz there was a point late last night where I thought 'I can't lose'.  A bank of Titanic machines that was so fun and paid so well.  I was so obsessed that I went back down around 9:30 and won BIG again!  It's sure great to win.

And yet - it's still 'never enough' or 'wouldn't the $1M+ progressive be great?'.

It's a poignant reminder to live in the moment and to be so incredibly grateful for what is good right now. This trip really brought that home to me more than I can explain.

I don't think I will never gamble again - but I have a new perspective about it.  It's fun and it's 'entertainment' but when your stomach clenches when the fifth wheel doesn't give you the symbol to trigger a bonus round you feel you 'need' or 'deserve' even though you're going home with WAY more than you brought - that's telling me something.

I think I'm just too obsessed with winning - even when I'm winning.  And obsession isn't really 'fun'.

All that being said, I'm still planning to go play a bit more before I head home.  I obsessed too much and went down uber early this morning and you never win in the early morning hours...so yes, I will try again. Turning $100 into $1200 like I did last night would be a lot of fun and a nice close to a pleasant three days.

My only regret is that this is the second trip up here in less than a month that I am returning home with significantly more than I started with - and my just barely 21 year old son thinks he can make a living gambling.

It has seemed 'easy' the past two times I've been up here.

I'm not someone who does crazy things at the slot machine to win.  I don't rub the screen or caress the machine.  I don't hit the spin button with flourish - raising my hand high up, then down to hit the button and then a huge wave after it's spinning.  I'm not THAT obsessed.  It's so strange to watch people do the things they do that they think will help them win.  Obsession is rampant, clearly - with all the oddities that go with obsessive behavior.

No plans the rest of this week except stuff around the homestead.  Monday and Tuesday are various appointments for H. in Modesto.  Working Wednesday all day (interviews) and then heading to Visalia for a budget workshop next Friday - so my staycation will be closing with work.  I've had to log in remotely now and then to move stuff forward - which has been OK though I dread the pinging of my phone.  Oh well.