Confusion

Days on and off - off and on - leads to mornings like this when I awaken just before 4 and am not sure if it's a day I can go back to sleep for another few hours or get up.  Today is a 'get up' day....though it took me some heavy duty still-half-asleep thinking to get there.  Last day, though, for awhile so that's a good thing.

H. had what we hope is his final chemo yesterday.  I arrived around 11AM for the doctor appointment part of the morning and found him already feeling seriously not well.  Poor guy.  He was home by a little after 1PM and headed straight to bed.  Slept until just after I got home around 5.  Found him on the couch this morning where he landed after coming downstairs to get meds in the night.

We have a radiology appointment on the 14th, an oncology appointment on the 15th.  Changed my Jackson get away (yes, I'm going to try to go again for a couple nights more alone time - hey, it's my vacation, too, and that's what sounds like a break vs. sitting at home starting at the gazillions of things that need doing.  Not that I will necessarily do any or all...but they loom.  Hard to feel like it's a break with so much looming).  B. may be irritated that I'm heading out for a few days next week but then he's rarely home anyway so what's the difference?  (And I say that without a single ounce of begrudging him 'cuz he is more than welcome to come and go as he pleases - and we shall do the same).

Staycations are not as great as they sound....'cuz you're staying.  But it's not working...so that will have to do.  Only there is some working - board meeting on the 15th; interview panels on the 16th; budget workshop on the 18th.  You get the picture.  If I were in Cancun, none of those things would be on my radar....but I'm here.  Damn radar.

I make mental lists of things I want to do 'as soon as I get home'.  Though what usually happens is I arrive home with a totally fried brain.  I am going to try, though - and at least with staying, there's plenty of time for wedging in some doing.

H. will start six weeks of radiation towards the end of the month.  Everyday of the week except weekends. Most common side effect is fatigue and then towards the end, they said the area being radiated will have 'like a bad sunburn.  And since your esophagus is in the field of radiation, that may also start to hurt when you swallow'.  Milkshakes!  Yeah, Magic Bullet which makes whipping up a smoothie or a shake a cinch.

Sooner I get to work, the sooner I can come home for what was to be 18 days off in a row - and will still be many days off in a row followed by some going in as needed.  It's OK.  Summer's are easy-going and quiet and it is easy to get a lot done with few interruptions.  We have lots of new staff this year so it will be a fun month of getting to know folks before the school year begins for real.