Unwind

I'm having a really hard time 'winding down'. I still think about work constantly. Ruminate about it all night....like every work night. Only these AREN'T work nights. Supposedly.

I don't have a job that allows for true 'time off'. I don't have a job where you can walk away and 'forget' about what's there...what you're responsible for. There's really no true, real 'vacation'. And it hit me today - THAT is the real, true meaning of retirement. When you actually are for SURE not required to think about it anymore. Will that day ever come? It feels so incredibly unlikely and far away today. Will I ever learn to relax?

I have nailed down as much as I could. And I have my laptop with me and plan to spend a wee bit of time cleaning up emails, working on setting up my files into folders that will hopefully save me time. Just an hour a day will make a big difference down the road.

My only real plans tomorrow are to get gas at Costco (the lines were hugely long today when we did our bi-weekly shop) and possibly (finally) get to the new jjill store in Stockton. And work around the house. I worked on the study a lot yesterday and did make some progress, though there's still a lot to do. And the cleaning crew comes on Tuesday so I'll work on being sure things are picked up so they can clean.

I'm hoping by Wednesday, I'll be able to relax a bit more. I need to sleep. I am still waking up at 4 or 5 - I was up at 6 this morning - just couldn't sleep anymore. It's not that I want to sleep in until mid-morning or anything - but I'd sure like to try to sleep until 7ish, hopefully.

We'll hopefully get in some pool time tomorrow. The weather's turned very warm. Yesterday was 102 - and yet it was overcast with thunder and some rain mid-afternoon. Didn't do a thing to cool things off - but it was a 'change' which was nice.

And if anyone out there knows what kinds of birds sing all night long, please leave a comment with the info. There is a 'family' of birds making their home in our neighbors trees - and they sing all night long. They never stop. 3 AM and they're going like crazy. I don't think they ever sleep - they're still at it when I get up. And start up again around 9PM. It makes me crazy. And curious. I've never noticed birds singing at night...maybe I just never paid attention? But I wonder what they are? and why they're up all night. I don't know how knowing what they are will help - it won't - and I'm certainly not proposing nor planning to do anything to stop their activities. I just feel like if I know what they are, and read a logical explanation of why, oh why, they are singing all night, it will help me just roll over and go back to sleep. I hope.
Between birds, hot flashes and general nerves, I'm not sleeping that great.

I'm enjoying a cold Corona (no limes, darn it) to ease into my first week of time off. Wish me luck on the unwinding. I'll keep you posted via the blog. Which I'll hopefully have a lot of time to work on.