Shoe Boxes

I took a 'non-work' day today. Not something I do very often - it's not calling in sick...it's just calling in to say 'I'm not working today'. One of the few 'benefits' of being paid by the day. Lord knows I will work plenty of days this year - and as long as I work my contracted number of days, it's all good. Had given my boss a heads up yesterday that I was thinking I needed a day - a day to just let everything sink in and feel without the eyes of my team on me all day. He said for me to do whatever I wanted/needed to do - which is nice of him. And is exactly what I expected - he's very kind and flexible about stuff.

I promised myself that if I was staying home, I would try to be productive. I'm sad...but I'm trying to work through it. So, I unloaded the dishwasher three times - and loaded and ran it twice. There was the cake pan, some big mixing bowls, vases, etc. that needed a good washing - so they got it, along with the 'regular' loads of dishes. The 'we're eating what's here' is obvious by the volume of dishes we have to wash. Also washed every area rug in the downstairs; swept the family room and worked on cleaning the carpet in the study. Also a tad bit of organizing, putting stuff away, etc. I kept pretty busy all day.

I also made a trip to the new Target in Lathrop - just felt like taking a little drive and I love 'new' Targets. I needed to shop for a wedding gift for a coworker and also buy the items we are sending in our 'Christmas Boxes' - the Christmas Child program through Samaritan's Purse. Our church is a collection center.

I realized something about myself in this process. I didn't want to just do ONE box. I wanted to do dozens. And in the past, I probably would have. But instead, this time, I was really thoughtful about what I wanted to do and I only did two boxes - one for a boy and one for a girl. 5-7 age range. A couple small toys, lots of writing pads, paints, pencils, colored pencils, small pencil sharpener, a good eraser, hairbrush and comb set, toothbrush and toothpaste. Some candy, gum. Matchbox cars for the little boy. A Polly Pocket doll for the little girl - she also got some hair ties and some hair clips. They both got small plastic Slinky's. It was a lot of fun putting the boxes together. I did the well-thought out thing of taking not only my list of possible contents but also an empty box - to be sure the things I chose would fit. I enjoyed doing it and am excited for the kids that will receive them. I know they will enjoy their items. And I enjoyed doing it - enjoyed being so careful and slow about the things I chose to include. It felt nice to shop deliberately, instead of just rushing through, grabbing stuff. Maybe this trying to be on a budget thing won't be too bad after all?

My wonderful Aunt M. called yesterday - she read my blog and realized that I would need someone to talk to. She, who shared so much of my high school drama with me, was the perfect person to talk to. She knows all about him - how much I loved him. How much he meant to me. How hard it is to know he's gone. And talking to her really helped me. So thank, Aunt M. For knowing that hearing your voice would set it all on the path of being 'OK' again.

And I talked to my sister K. She was who I called as soon as J. told me. She knows how much he means to me...and was hugely helpful in that initial 'oh my God, my life is crumbling' moment. Just back from her honeymoon - I sure have great timing, huh?

Perspective changes so quickly. Like with my mother's death, my day to day life is not changing much. Will not change much. He wasn't a part of my daily living. Daily thought of? Yes, most definitely. But daily interaction? No. Not at all. So I have to realize that everything is as it was - it's just that he's not on this earth anymore. And yes, that fact takes some getting used to....just knowing that I can't EVER see him again or EVER talk to him again is so sad. Yet, I have the same faith he had - and we will see each other again. In heaven. I believe that. His life with God just started - how cool is that? I am hugely comforted by my faith - and I'm glad for that. The peace I feel about where he is - as certain as I'm breathing, I know it's true - is a huge, huge help. I'm so grateful for that - for that certainty. I haven't always felt that - it's a comfort.

Tomorrow will be a work day - and it's a Lions football night also. THREE GAMES back to back. Thankfully, my lovely hubby is going with me to assist. Thank goodness. We need all hands on deck to make it through that many games.