Returning

Today is H.'s first day back (physically) at his 'old' high school. He and I went to Staples for some 'back to school' shopping last night. A notebook, some paper, a nice pen, mechanical pencils and a flash drive. Believe it or not, he chose a flash drive 'be-dazzled' with rhinestones on it. It was on clearance and he loved it's 'flashiness' - so score!

We are very, very proud of him and when I think back on the past year, I realize how much work he's done to get here and how far he's come. There's also a fair amount of wanting to hit myself on the head with a two-by-four - for not noticing all the little things that now seem so, so obvious....all the warning signs you read about that when you are experiencing them, you sort of don't 'get' until you're faced with a child who's barely functioning and barely holding on. We've been there. And we are on the other side (by all appearances - though you're never really ever on the other side - and we pray about that a lot, still - and probably always) and still reeling from where we've been.

I think he sees how much sweeter and easier life is when you're not spending every waking minute focusing on your next fix - and when you're not spending every spare waking minute attempting to deceive yourself and everyone around you that you aren't using. I think he really gets that now - how keeping all the stories straight and keeping us in the dark by lying and creating tall tales was exhausting and devastatingly hard, long term.

He is shopping for a class ring; ordering a year book today. That part makes me a little sad because he will have a yearbook which he will not be in. He missed the date to include a senior portrait - which doesn't mean we won't be getting them done (we will) - but it won't be in the year book. So many senior activities he's missed. But he'll still make the Disneyland trip this Spring and he'll still have a lot of other fun senior activities like Senior Beach Day (when they all hang out by the school's pool all day), etc.

We are very proud of him and really excited for him to go back to his 'regular' school. We saw a neighbor at Staples last night - and the first thing H. did was to tell him 'I'm going back to Tracy High starting tomorrow'. He's proud of himself, too - and that's a really great thing. He deserves to be.

He had to serve out the remaining three days of his suspension and did chores for three days. We kept him pretty busy, especially yesterday. The list was long.

There are still a lot of risks that we will be aware of - he's used to a lot of flexibility that he no longer has. And there are dealers on virtually every corner and kids who want to tempt him to go back to using. And when I talked to him about it last night, he said (very assuredly and calmly) 'I don't use anymore. My friends know that and my answer is no. I spent the summer in rehab. My answer is no'.

I was up at 3:30 this morning after failing to be up early the past couple days. It's been crazy at work and I'm mentally, physically and emotionally exhausted and that's been manifesting itself in sleeping through until close to 6AM. Yesterday, I slept through the alarm for 30+ minutes! That's very rare for me. So I'm up and ready to hop on the treadmill for my workout and then into work very early with the goal of being out of work 'on time' around 3ish or so. Earlier if I can manage it. We have no real 'plans' this weekend except to open a checking account for H. which will allow him to carry a debit card and me to move money into his account for lunch, etc. He still has no 'free' access to cash without us knowing and he has to provide receipts....so we think him having a debit card will allow us to 'see' transactions and know where he's spending lunch, etc. It's like a GPS tracking system, sort of.....

He's also been directed to find a job - pronto. To quit waiting for the 'right' job and find ANY job that will give him some hours for a regular weekly income. If gas goes to $4 like they say it will, he's definitely going to be pitching in for his fuel expenses. It's time. And it will keep him very busy -

More later -