Tragedy and Glee

With the shootings in Connecticut yesterday, it was hard to feel too joyful about the imminent vacation just one short work day away.  Sitting at Round Table for lunch with co-workers watching the CNN news feed while Christmas music blared in the background felt wrong.  The merriment of the music making the staggering events just that much more horrific.

There is so much mis-information.  Did the shooter kill both his parents?  I know the mom died - but I read another article this morning that said the mom and dad were both killed.  Is that true?  The confusion over the age and name of the shooter (explained by the shooter apparently using his brother's  identification and having that ID on his body).  It's just a confusing series of news feeds and I keep thinking 'can't they do better?  They are just so anxious to get info out - but isn't there still a 'standard' of some kind that should require some fact checking before they publish or push 'post'?  It bothers me because the mis-information muddles up the facts - and in the end, the main thing to focus on is the grief of those who lost people they loved beyond words.

This morning, the political crap is in full force.  'Too soon' to talk about gun control and folks getting 'outraged' that someone says 'it's too soon'.  Think of that statement in the context of 20 young children dead along with adults (I won't post a number 'cuz I don't know which number is right).  It is too damn soon to be bringing up gun control at this point - grief doesn't allow for caring about any of that.  Can't we just let the tragedy be the focus?  Actually - correct that - the people affected by the tragedy... can't that be the focus for now?  The gun control issues will be addressed - but what do people think anyone can do in just 24 hours?  I mean really - no one has been willing to do much before this event and as we are all sadly aware, this isn't the first mass murder committed by someone who had easy access to weapons.  (His mom bought the guns - they were hers - if that's true).  I think the 'too soon' is said in terms of the affected people - not that it's ever too soon to prevent people from acquiring weapons they have no need of except to do something like this.

What the fuck are we becoming these days....where every single thing is cause to blast the other party and point fingers?  Really?  What in the hell is happening to us?  (Sorry for the strong language but I can't help it - I really can't.  I want to rage against all the assholes spouting off about stuff that is so not what we should be focusing on 24 hours after).  Seriously.  It feels so wrong -

It is incredibly tragic and I spent the day yesterday working on things that didn't require too much brain bandwidth - 'cuz I didn't have much.  So many thoughts running through my head - thinking about those teachers and school administrators and children lost.  Feeling so incredibly sad for their families and the community.

And yes, feeling sad for the family of the shooter because whatever happened with him - and we may never really know what happened with him that made him do this - is a sad reality of a mental health system that makes it hard for families to find meaningful help for a child (regardless of the 'child's' age) needing mental health care.

The story will unfold over the next week or so and hopefully, we will start to see some accurate info that will tie up the gajillions of loose ends created by bad reporting.  I hope so.

We are working on holiday decor and some general household chores.  I am joyful at being off - but it's tempered joy at the moment.  I think everyone feels tempered and subdued about everything at the moment.  It's hard to wrap brains around events and make any sense of anything right now.

One other moment I will share from yesterday that was joyful.  A co-worker is fighting breast cancer. She's finished with chemo and radiation.  I went by her office yesterday (at the school my kids attended) and found her without a hat for the first time in close to a year.  Her hair is growing back and it's an absolutely beautiful salt-and-pepper black and grey and it's stunningly beautiful.  I exclaimed  'oh L. your hair looks so beautiful !' and she got up with tears in her eyes and gave me the biggest hug and said 'it's my first day revealing it and I 'm so glad you think it looks OK.  I've been nervous about revealing it''.  I said 'it's really cute and you look amazing!'

That was the best part of the day - giving her proof that she looked amazing with the new 'do'.  And knowing that she saw my very real, very heartfelt and true look of awe when I first saw her.  She has been amazing through her treatment - working full time and never complaining.  I admire her so, so much....