South C

I'm going to choose my words very carefully, because my sister will be reading this and I don't want her to think for one single second that I'm not really excited to be embarking on a journey with her.....because I am.....

Somewhere between a few days ago and this morning, when I realized my sister was going to SC to be with our brother next weekend, I decided 'well, if she's going, then I'm going to go'. So I am. I'm going to SC for basically one day - flying out Friday morning into a city 2+ hours drive away from where he lives, driving there and then making that same trip back home Sunday. Spending Saturday with him and family and friends as we celebrate the life of our wife/mom/sister/sister-in-law/friend.

The minute I hit the purchase button on the non-refundable ticket, I thought 'you are insane. Or you will soon go insane'. I don't like to travel, really. Home is where I most love to be and I don't like my routine messed with. I like to go to bed when I want; eat when/what I want. I don't like airplanes with recirculating air and connections. I don't like aisle seats (you get bumped too much with the drink cart); window seats (because you'll inevitably have to use the restroom and then you have to inconvenience everyone around you to go and so you don't go and then you're just miserable); middle seats (speaks for itself - being the pickle in the middle is the pits). I don't like airline food....or airport food. I don't like schlepping luggage; taking off shoes and removing laptops at security. Nor the full body scan these days. I don't like travel size shampoos and being careful about what's in your purse that may get you moved to the 'might be trying to blow up a plane' section of the security check in. There's so much crap in my purse at any given moment that there's always the possibility there's a liquid in there that I don't even remember ever being there..and I quite possibly won't be able to identify it.

Suffice it to say that I can't believe I decided to do this. But I did. And I am.

Traveling with my sister will be fun - because everything we do together is fun. We are good together and balance each other out. So I know it will be a nice weekend.

But I'm leaving the kids home alone for a long day (J. coincidentally departs on a business trip the Sunday I return - he will leave our home around 3AM to go to the airport that morning and I will get home (hopefully) by midnight that night). 'Home alone' is not something we do these days and yet, we will. I know they will be OK. But I still worry.

At this point, I plan to have a good, strong shot of something before boarding the plane and hope I sleep most of the way. I will buy trashy magazines to read on the plane and bring my iPod touch which I plan to load with some 'apps' this weekend. I will try really hard to be flexible and remember that the weekend is for my brother and his kids. And we will make the best of it - we will bridge the distance (geographically and other) and maybe, just maybe, bridge the gap between us just a teeny, tiny bit.

I love him. He is my brother. And there was a time in my life when I thought he hung the moon and single handedly kept it suspended. While I don't think our relationship will ever get back to that, we hopefully will at least reconnect slightly. Even if it's just ever-so-slightly. I owe it to him to try - and I owe it to his wife who I know left this earth with her last thought being about him being OK.

He is not alone. He has family who loves him very much - and time and distance have kept us from expressing that as often and as readily as we should.

So my 'stress' over going is nothing. Going is what is the best thing to do -

And if I end up totally miserable (which I won't) but if I do, I'll be thinking of what my mom would always say when something was happening that was hard and you thought you'd never get through it. She'd say (and I can hear her voice and I'm smiling as I write this 'cuz I really do hear her) 'Honey, you could stand on your head for that long if you had to. It'll be fine'.

I know she and my sister-in-law are getting a kick out of watching the 'show' from above. Glad we can provide entertainment for their viewing pleasure.