She Says Hello

I'm a firm believer that this life is not 'the end'. I think there's something after - hopefully, for me as a Christian, heaven....and for me, as a human with my own ideas, I believe heaven will be as amazing as I can imagine.

I frequently have 'God moments' throughout my days....little things that happen that (to me) are God giving me a little nudge. Things have a way of working out - something I suddenly feel concerned about - like 'where do I have that insignificant piece of information that I now desperately need' - and minutes later, it will appear - I'll just 'find it' - in a stack on my desk...or I'll suddenly recall who sent it and where I filed it. I know these things may seem like coincidences - but to me, they are God. He hears my needs and my prayers and He wants me to know that He is listening and watching - and He helps when He can. I believe that - because it happens to me all the time. Every day....

Yesterday, I had a couple things happen that are so incredibly random and surreal. I hesitate to share them 'cuz I know some will read these words and think 'wow, Majah's a whack job'. But for me, there was a lot of comfort in these small things - a lot of significance in the occurrences.

I have not seen my sister-in-law (who died on Friday) in decades. We are not a part of each others daily lives - but there was a time when we were very close. I missed that closeness after I moved out and into my own apartment. Missed it during the years my boys were little. She raised two boys, too, and I wished our closeness extended to us chatting about little boys and all the little things that go into raising them.

I did small projects around the house yesterday - continuing our 'culling out' process. Maybe I'm motivated because we have so much junk that we could sell at a garage sale - and $ to help with the Disney trip would be great. Maybe it's because I figure if I'm torturing my oldest son (still requiring him to work on his room two to three rubric items per weekend), I'd better set an example and cull out my stuff too.

I cleaned out the drawers of my nightstand. A small amount of stuff for garage sale; some books for the library donation box. Some things just trashed. And way in the back of the top drawer....sort of smashed up and under some other stuff, was a small business card size plastic folder, filled with fabric swatches. These 2" x 3" fabric samples are all solid colors - they are the colors 'best' for me. The gold label of the 'studio' we went to in Upland, CA, was still on the folder. My sister-in-law had given me a 'color pallet' session as a gift - birthday, I think. We went and learned the colors that best suited us - and we received fabric swatches to remind us. I hadn't seen those swatches in decades....but there they were. Waiting for me in the top drawer of a night stand I very seldom open. I said 'Hi, J.' as I noticed the gold label....realizing what they were.....I know she sent me to the drawer to find them. Sort of like a 'Hi, I'm here and I'm OK' from beyond....

The second thing that happened occurred when I tried to do a Google search for any obituary. I don't expect one - no services of any kind so probably no obituary. But I searched just to see. I found her name on one of those 'people search' websites. Same age, same city, state. I knew it was her. I clicked through to the 'buy now' page - if you wanted to buy info on a person, you can. I didn't want to - but clicked through. And there it was...her relatives listed. And there I was - with a name I haven't used in 20+ years. My full legal pre-married name, including my current age of 50. Forever linked to her by that 15 months I lived with her in the late 70's. Her husband, her kids.....and me......shown as her family.

I smiled to myself.....because I know it's her. I know she's sending little things that help me know that she's around....and she is thinking of me the way I'm thinking of her.