Scented

H. has a list of wants for his birthday. This list includes an amount of cash - and I won't write it here because it's a sore point. Suffice it to say that when the subject came up a couple months ago, his attitude - one of entitlement, expectation and angst - put me over the edge and I ended the conversation with a 'you might get $100'. That did not please him. Can you imagine? A kid being upset that they might get $100 for their birthday. I think I got $100 for Christmas once and I remember it because my mom said that she gave us money so we could get more clothes when the sales started after Christmas. So true.

Anyway, it's been a long two months of H. wrangling for what he wants. And it is a special day, one that deserves much celebration. But his attitude about it has completely done me in - and so I have resisted giving him any impression he will be getting much.

He asked for money (got smarter and stopped mentioning an amount), aWii game and a cologne called 'Diesel Fuel for Life'. Most of the colognes he picks out are along the line of 'Bod' sprays - carried by Target and other mass retailers and about $7 per bottle. He sprays this stuff on constantly - CONSTANTLY. For Christmas, he'll usually get a mid-line bottle of something - the kind that you can get at Longs or Walgreens. Maybe $20.

I sent J. on the 'mission' after we went out to dinner (doing H's birthday dinner a day early because we are attending that grad party tomorrow) to go find that cologne. He did. The small bottle was $45 and the larger bottle was $60 - with a free bath gel. We got it for him [the larger size with the bath gel] 'cuz - because he really has only asked for those 3 things for the past 4 months and I don't want to disappoint him. But damn! For a kid?? I sure hope it smells good!

We also did find the Wii game and will give him $100. And a gift card for his favorite store so he can get some clothes. He can never have too many t-shirts. And he needs shoes, though we'll buy those - he doesn't have to use birthday money for necessities. He does have to use gift money for hats, belts, etc. - things that he wants vs. needs. We will buy him a belt. Just not a belt with a fancy buckle that costs $30 - BELT NOT INCLUDED.

We plan a quiet morning at home (I brought work home today and hope to get a couple hours in tomorrow) and then we'll head to Alameda for the afternoon. Hope to be home early evening.

I am working a lot this weekend (most of the day today) but am glad to be able to sleep in. This morning, I made it to 6:30 which while not 'late' is certainly much later than 4:30, relatively speaking. It felt nice. And I'll try for 7ish tomorrow, hopefully. I don't mind working - I feel fine about it. I have a lot to do and I don't mind plugging away. I'm just really, REALLY glad to be able to sleep in for 3 days in a row. I need it.

15 years ago tonight I was in the hospital being induced. Labor didn't start. My doctor came in and said 'M., I just don't think he's ready'. And I said 'I am not leaving this hospital without a baby'. That's the kind of thing a 2nd time mother whose first delivery resulted in 100s of stitches, weeks of pain and a bad round of PPD can say and people take seriously. She didn't argue, and we tried again the next morning. I went into labor at around 7AM and he was born just after noon. His delivery was a piece of cake and when it was over, I said I'd like to do it again. It was THAT great. And H. was in the world - with his cute little button nose and tons of hair and the sweetest little face. He looked so NOT like B. He was all his dad's side of the family from day one. And once again, our life changed forever. I remember feeling this sense of sorrow - for B. That HIS life changed most of all and he had no 'say' in it. We made him a sibling without his consent. I remember thinking that a lot this time (birth-eve) 15 years ago. How he was no longer the 'center' of our world - he'd have to share that designation with a little brother. I didn't regret deciding to have two - but I just still vividly remember how 'sad' I felt that B's perfect little life - with two parents who doted on him, and ONLY him - was over forever. Life changes.

It's still changing. Just with two teens in the house instead of two babies. Change never stops. Just have to hold on for the bumpy parts. And enjoy the smooth parts. And remember they are a gift - even when they're angst filled, PITAs. They are a gift.

And I am grateful.