Almost Over

Only two days to go....two short days.  Damn.  The break stretches out like a long, beautiful slide into bliss and then just as quickly gives way to partial panic and a lump in the throat that will not abate...as the end draws near.

B. took me out for breakfast today - guess it's sort of our thing.  He shared what his next goal is.  He was quiet...and clearly sad about his Sunday departure.  I feel sad too.  Like last year, it's hard sending him off - but unlike last year, we have absolutely no time frame for when we will see him again.  No planned visit for a graduation; no promise of weekend trips for any of us. We hope to visit El Paso for a long weekend sometime but then our travel schedule is pretty full with our stuff - so who knows.

Even with some of the drama of the visit, it's hard thinking about him leaving....though I know he must.  I cleared it with him that I'm not planning to go to the airport Sunday. Primarily 'cuz I haven't worked a lick this break and I have two days to cram in as much as possible (though I secretly think 'screw it.  What gets done will get done').  But also mainly 'cuz I think I might be overly emotional in his departure and I don't want to put either of us through that.

In 40 minutes, he's getting a tattoo and he will return to the house with a new friend (young lady) who will be staying overnight.  With him.  In his room.  She is stationed at Travis Air Force Base (near here but a long drive) and she's off work tomorrow - so she will stay here. She (or he) may sleep on the couch - or the floor - or with him in his bed if so inclined.  They are adults so I'm letting go and leaving it be.

A co-worker sent me a text and I was so glad to hear from her - we are already planning lunch on Monday and acknowledged that will likely be the highlight of both our days.  She and I have had some drama lately - including a couple weeks where we stayed away from each other. But in the end, we are in it together and work hard at supporting each other through thick and thin.  There's been a lot of thick and thin lately.  And more to come.

My cell phone has steadily chimed a stream of emails that require 'action' and I'm already so sick of 'action', I can't fathom how hard actually returning is going to be.  I always feel sad and a little depressed when the break ends but it is really hard this year.  There's nothing to look forward to at work - no fun.  Just wheels spinning and so much stuff to nail down.

It will be OK.  It always is.

B. also spent quality time with J. today - they went to a movie - B. is jamming in parental time in the last couple days.  Maybe we should be 'mad' at being the last thing he thinks of - but I'm not.  I think it highlights how it's hard(est) for him, I think - to be home but know this isn't really home anymore and that he's likely always visiting.  We pretty much left him to his own schedule - and he put 700 miles on my car so there's plenty of 'evidence' that he's been spending a lot of time not here.  He's visited friends, made new friends (the female friend is someone he met at a party while here this trip).  He's had a great time and that's what matters most.

It's back to reality for him, too - to the somewhat boring, regimented, scheduled life of a soldier.  I think he's struggling with that as much as leaving us.  He chose that life - but the excitement isn't exactly happening for him thus far.  (Fine with me that there's no excitement but soldiers don't feel that way.  I get it but I'm still secretly grateful he's not being deployed).

I'm heading into the kitchen to whip up a homemade lasagna for dinner.  And if time permits, an easy berry cobbler - using the blueberries in the freezer.  We're in living off the land mode for awhile - Christmas is a major budget adjustment on our new retirement income.

I'm drinking 'stress reducing' tea - with lemon and honey.  It's caffeine free.  Not feeling it but it's warm and comforting.

H. called in sick today and we're taking him to the Saturday clinic in the morning.  He's still really congested; feels 'flu-y' and is staying home.  No going out if he called in sick to work. He actually sat with me and watched one of the original Law & Orders - we are loving these early shows.  We didn't watch the show in the 90's (I had two little babies and a job that required commuting and lots of travel) so we're catching up.  Chris Noth 25 years ago was still an incredibly handsome, engaging actor - long before he became Mr. Big in Sex and the City.

Off to cook - thanks to all who read the drivel I write - and to those that always offer steady support.  I am grateful to have amazing people in my life.....