Spark

I have this feeling lately....a constant, nagging, reminding, cajoling presence that asserts there are things undone. Things are piling up - and hanging over my head. Numerous things I should be doing - for work, for home, for Lions. I look around - no matter where I am - and it's just piled up, waiting further instructions.

I am frequently feeling paralyzed. I don't know (sometimes) where to start. And even when I know, I often feel 'I don't want to'. Not like me, really...but I can't escape it.

Of course, I am doing things. Doing what needs to be done - giving my 110% focus to work because those things MUST be done. That's my 'must do' items because I can't lose my job, right? Not that there's ever any risk of that - but if I really did embrace the 'I don't want to' part of my feelings, I potentially could lose my job. And I don't want that. I love my job. And I/we need the paycheck it provides.

I know I am a procrastinator - always have been. I've tried to set a better example for my kids - but I, too, sometimes just put stuff off until it's a 'absolutely must do or else' scenario. Good to know they come by it naturally, I guess.

There are a lot of 'absolutely must do or else' items looming....

The weather is dreary again...which certainly doesn't help. We had one week of bright, clear skies with warm(er) temperatures....the fog lifted. But now it's all back. It's dark and cold and cloudy - perpetually, it seems.

Today, I will make progress on some of the 'must do' things for home, work and Lions. I did make progress yesterday on the work front - and today, I will trudge forward again. Step by step.

Wish me luck. It's not a lack of motivation as much as it's a lack of......hmmm......something else. It's a lack of the desire to start, I think. And I know once I start, it will all be easier. Yesterday, I tackled some of the 'hard' things at work and did progress. Today, I will tackle some things for Lions and here at home - and having done that, it will all be easier. And hopefully, the spark will return to my psyche. I am spark less at the moment. That's what it is: I lack a spark.

Time to light a fire, I guess.....