Potluck

Thursday was our monthly potluck and as previously mentioned, I was on 'main dish' this month.

I dread main dish. Dread it like a hang nail. The main dish 'sets the tone' for the potluck - see, we call it a potluck (which implies that people bring whatever they want to bring) but we don't do potluck that way. No, we PLAN a potluck. So the main dish people (usually two) decide what they are making (together or separately, same thing or different within a type of food) and then all the 'side dish' and 'fruit/salad' and 'desert' people coordinate their dishes with the main dish.

I've been participating in the monthly potlucks for 2 1/2 years now and I think this was my third time on main dish. The first time, we did 'Mexican' and bought meat and beans and rice from a Mexican deli down the street from our office. Delicious and easy - and while not inexpensive, I didn't care. I didn't want to cook for work. The other main dish person gave me $15 and I was fine with that. We were 'done' and 'home-free' for another 6 months.

The 2nd time, I bought a bunch of orange chicken from China Panda - and we did Chinese. Someone made homemade won tons, and we had Oriental Chicken Salad and of course, fortune cookies and ice cream ('cuz we'll have ice cream every month if possible) for desert.

So here it is, a year later - and I'm up AGAIN. And I'm feeling a bit more confident - in all things. In the job, in the relationships. And in my cooking. I've been 'practicing' a bit - making dishes from recipes and 'experimenting' a bit. So far, all is well. The boys love most everything I make and I know I'm a decent cook. I'm just not a confident cook....but I'm getting there.

So I decide this is the month I WILL COOK. Really cook. And I decide to make Pasta Carbonara - the same meal I made for the co-worker that we took a meal to. The same meal I make when I'm craving good pasta. The kids and J. enjoy it and we're getting pretty good at it - J. always helps me because it's a lot to 'put together' at the end and timing is everything in this dish.

I buy really good bacon - pay a fortune for it. But it's worth it. It's thicker and cuts so much easier. The night before, I'd planned to cook the bacon and the onions and garlic - those would be 'done' and ready to combine with the white wine (used to de-glaze the pan they were cooked in and then simmered with the bacon and onions until it reduces).

I was exhausted that night and J., bless his heart, offered to cook for me. And he did - 4 pounds of bacon (serving 15 people) cut and cooked until crispy. Lots of chopped onions cooked in the bacon grease and drained. Garlic, too. The pan was drained of the bacon grease and carefully wrapped with foil and left out - we would de-glaze it the next day. Thankfully, J. was able to work at home that day - worked out perfectly.

I head to the county office of ed early the next morning for my monthly CBO meeting. Usually an hour or an hour and a half. But the 2.5 hour mark rolled around and I called work to let them know that we needed to bump the potluck back 1/2 hour (from noon to 12:30) 'cuz I was still at the county. I finally head home (a THREE HOUR MEETING - a record for us) - and approaching noon, I call J. to check in again. Now, he has phoned me no fewer than FOUR TIMES during my meeting - embarrassing and I couldn't get my phone to STOP RINGING, causing me to exit quickly, apologizing profusely the entire way - and I phone again to let him know I am on my way and will be there shortly. And he says 'I'm chopping the garlic now'.....and that's when I knew we had a huge problem. I said 'J., the garlic was supposed to be cooked last night - but that's OK...just go ahead and add it into the bacon/onion/wine mixture that you've got simmering and I'll be there as fast as I can get there'. Long pause. He says 'what is supposed to be simmering? It is now around 11:45 - and I say 'you were supposed to de-glaze the bacon pan with white wine and then put the onions and bacon (and garlic) back into the pan to simmer while the wine reduces'. Long pause. He says 'I haven't started that yet'.

Holy Crap! We are to serve this dish to 15 people in less than 45 minutes and he hasn't started to de-glaze the pan yet. The sauce takes a LONG TIME to simmer down enough to avoid making pouring it over the pasta like pouring water....and I realize at that point we are screwed. So screwed.

I pull into our driveway and just sit there for a minute. Freaking out. Try to call a co-worker - who thankfully doesn't answer because if she had answered I would have said 'please go to Gerard's (a great deli downtown with hot and cold food) and buy any pasta dish you can get your hands on and I'll pay you back'.....I am teary eyed and frustrated.....

I enter the house and tell J. 'I never cook for these people, you know - because these people - these friends make EVERYTHING from scratch. When they make spaghetti sauce, they simmer it FOR DAYS. When they want pasta THEY MAKE THEIR OWN. This is the first time I've been brave enough to try to actually cook for them and it's a f-ing disaster'. I was crying a little at this point - though I realized 'what's the point'?

I get J. to get the pasta out of the pots - it was 'done' awhile ago, he said but he left it in the hot water - and we know what happens to pasta left in hot water, don't we? IT KEEPS COOKING....so we drain the pasta, toss the pasta with the eggs, parsley and cheese - add the bacon. Totally forgot about the onions. Gave up on the garlic. Added more cheese. And that's what we took for lunch. And everyone loved it - though even J. (who stayed and ate with us because when someone said 'is J. going to stay for lunch?' I replied 'well, he cooked it all so it would be really nice for him to get to eat it')....even he said 'it really wasn't as good as it should have been'. It was edible. And I doubt most people knew any different.

I am grateful for his help - because had he not cooked, we would have had NOTHING for lunch. I couldn't leave my meeting - it was hugely important information and it was well worth the time. So had J. not rearranged his schedule to cook that morning, we would have had NO main dish. Instead, we had a 'modified' main dish that was edible. Not fantastic but edible. And people were fine.

This morning, my assistant K. said 'Good news, Majah! I just finished next year's potluck rotation and it's your year to only be on main dish ONCE!!'. I yelled 'YEAH' and then said 'start collecting take-out menus 'cuz I'm going back to buying'. She laughed and said 'it was fine - we all thought it was good'. And I said 'thanks, but I'm not going through that again....no way. MAYBE I'll roast a chicken or two?' Thankfully, my month is January and I can make some soup. We love a soup potluck during the cold winter months. And it's impossible to mess up soup, right?

(Thanks, J. You did a great job......all things considered. And I truly do appreciate your help!)