Aging

Tomorrow is my 47th birthday. That number is an interesting number - officially, most definitely in my 'late' 40's. Approaching 50. On the downhill side of that approach. I'm almost FIFTY and I have two teenagers. Who in the heck planned THAT?

There's a lot to be said for being 'older' parents. We are financially stable. We are also pretty content in our lives - our careers are good, we have our 'needs' met. We communicate better - better than we did in our 20's and 30's ; better than our parents communicated with us when we were kids. I think we are consistent and communicative and fair and while we piss them off daily, we are OK with that because we're their parents and it comes with the job.

Still, we are very 'old' relative to the parents of our kids friends. THEY started parenting in their 20s. Heck, some of our friends are not much older than us and their kids are already grown and out of the house. Oh to dream!

At H.'s graduation Friday evening, we were fast forwarding and realized that in two years, we'll celebrate B.'s high school graduation. 2 years after that H. will graduate. Then another 2-3 years, B. will (hopefully) graduate from college. Then 2-3 years after that, H. That's 8-10 years down the road and when I blog about THAT, I'll be approaching sixty. J. will be close to SEVENTY by then. That's nuts.

I know B. thinks about this - he says frequently he wants to be married young. I know it's because he wants to have kids and have them know us - and he's pragmatic enough to realize that won't happen if he waits to marry; until he's in his late 30's or his 40's. I'm in no hurry for him to marry - and I have suggested that waiting until he's approaching or in his 30's is good.

I realize that as hard as it is for me to parent at this age, I was far too wrapped up in my own 'stuff' during my 20's. And I had B. when I was almost 31 and those early years of motherhood are just a long, slow slide of daily chaos. It was an amazing and fun but incredibly challenging time for me.

The boys have been asking me all weekend what I want for my birthday and I've replied the same every time - I want a clean house. That's all. Just help in getting the house tidied up and clean. They have made efforts though not very vigorous. But they are off school now so I can leave 'suggestions' (aka To Do lists) for them tomorrow and hope they will fulfill my fondest wish - I'll arrive home tomorrow evening to swept and mopped floors, etc. I can always dream.

I've loved my 40's. I've been happiest during these past 7 years, without a doubt.

My 20's were all about wanting. My 30's about getting. My 40's about having. And I want my 50's and beyond to be about giving. To my family, my community, my church.

Happy Birthday to ME!