H.'s Arrival

Twenty one incredibly short years ago (I honestly can't believe my 'baby' is 21!), I gave birth to our second child.  His birth story seemingly set the tone for his life...'cuz he had to give some thought to his arrival.

I was induced with both babies and H.'s induction was carefully planned.  After B.'s birth - which left me injured and more than a little terrified about doing it again - my doctor was very careful to not let the second one go too long past my due date.  H. was induced about a week before his official due date.

Inductions happened as they happen and I labored through a day - but nothing happened.  He wasn't ready.  At the end of the day, my doctor said 'I think you should go home and we'll try again in a few days'.  I replied 'I am not leaving this hospital without a baby'.  Doc took that as a sign of 'don't mess with this woman'.  So I spent the night in the hospital.  B.'s birth had sent me down a rabbit hole for many months and my doctor (who was actually the partner of my doctor 'cuz my original doctor had retired) knew that history and seemingly understood that me having this baby was a 'now' kind of thing.  No, we weren't waiting - that's what we did with B. and his birth was not even remotely close to a great experience.  It was - 'cuz we had B. and he was perfect - but from the mom's perspective? Not so much.  I wasn't doing that birth again - no way, no how.

Like many mom's about to turn their only child into a sibling, I fretted all night about B. - about how he'd had no say in this.  No idea what was about to happen in his world.  And here I was ready to bring a sibling into his universe.  I didn't sleep much.

H. apparently spent the night doing what H. still does - carefully considering his options.  And as he is now, his consideration of his Mama was at the forefront of his decisions, I think,  'cuz the next morning, the induction was a breeze.  Four hours after it started, there he was - the easiest birth I could have ever imagined.  So easy that as he was born, I said to J. 'let's do it again'!

(We didn't - we stuck with two - but we did think about a third for a bit).

The kid learned early - if Mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy.

He is thoughtful and kind, generous and sweet.  He is charming and considerate.  He was the sweetest baby ever - with a full head of hair from his dad's side of the family.  He did rock our world with his arrival but he and his brother were very, very close in their younger years - and I see a bit of that closeness returning lately.  They talk on the phone a bit more now.

When we got home from the hospital the next day, B. was entranced with the little guy we had with us and demanded to see his feet.  Just over two years old, B.'s speaking was something only parents could understand mostly - but he was pretty clear that he wanted to see H.'s feet - so we unwrapped him and showed B. that yes, he has feet.  And yes, he was ours.

B. promptly tried to sit in the infant car seat - and then went back to playing.

Like most mom's on the days their kids were born, I'm taking that walk down memory lane today.  Remembering how H.'s birth changed me - made me proud to be a mom and amazed at what mom's bodies can do.  It was the birth I dreamed of having so it sort of restored me as a mom and I entered into motherhood of two way more confident than I entered when B. was born.

I never imagined twenty one years ago that H. would be fighting for his life right now.  I couldn't have seen that part of his story - yet here we are.  I can't describe how much I wish to know how it all turns out 'cuz the journey and the fear (sometimes) is just too overwhelming for me to process.  I can't get much past today - and sometimes, I can manage thinking forward a week or two.  I know that unknown will be the story for quite awhile now and it's painful to have that part of the story just out there - weighty and scary.

I am infinitely proud of him (even when he pisses me off).  I was proud of him before his cancer journey started but now, he's simply amazing.  He is unstoppable and while I sometimes play the Mom card and try to get him to stop, he really is stellarly a rock star in his approach to all this.  He hasn't really had a 'bad day' yet - and is doing what H. has always done.  He just powers through whatever he's facing and does what needs to be done.

Happy Birthday, H. - you are one of my three greatest blessings and I am so incredibly proud of you!  Love you to the moon and back times a gazillion.