Of Boys and Men

So....

I start too many sentences with 'so'.....

It's my style, I guess...sort of like an invitation into my life....

One of the stresses recently (and there are always stresses in every household right?  Tell me I'm right...) is that H. has a ready supply of cash each week.  He burns through his entire paycheck pretty much every week and largely has nothing to show for it.  Gasoline for his car; energy drinks and food; stops at Quick Marts - cigarettes (which I wish I didn't have to even acknowledge but I do 'cuz he is smoking them and therefore paying for them), etc.

We've had huge blow ups and discussions over how many times he's overdrawn his checking account - because he puts his check into savings and then transfers as needed.  Should work except a) he's really bad at math and b) he doesn't keep track of the checking balance very well...so he's frequently overdrawing and paying bank fees because of that.  The bank will move money from his savings to checking and happily charge him to do that....

This morning, I noticed an expense that seemed high for a shop he goes to for cigarettes...and he told J. he paid for his friend " 'because his dad is charging him rent and so he didn't have enough money".

ARE YOU F-ING KIDDING ME?  Because this week we laid down the law with H. and outlined the room and board we are charging him effective this week.  He was totally indignant about it - but we said 'if you can afford to burn through your entire paycheck every week and have nothing to show for it, then you can afford to pay us for the roof over your head and the food on your plate'.

And then we find out that he's been treating his friend (there are a lot of 'meals' H. has paid for lately that are way more than one person would eat) for weeks - all the while grumbling about our assertion that he needs to pay room and board.

Therefore, (avoiding the word 'so' so as not to be repetitive) beginning today, he deposits his check into savings; moves enough for gas to checking; gives us room and board AND $100 for his savings account (which will go into our savings account clearly marked 'H.'s $' so he won't be tempted to spend it), gets cash for what's left (about $120) and turns over his debit card.  He will get the card back to get fuel for his card but other than that, he's done with swiping his life away.  He's clearly not tracking it well and has no concept of how much he's spending - so we'll help with that by taking the mechanism by which he overspends.

During these stressful times, my mind convinces myself he's up to his old tricks.  He can be tested at work anytime - and he volunteered to be tested here.  Said he'd even go to the doctor for blood work and we could test for any and all - other than occasional alcohol at 'the beach' with friends, he swears he's not doing anything else.  I'm not keen on the alcohol either but it can't be prevented.  Kids will be kids....

I am officially off and forced myself to sleep in until 7:30AM.  It was hard.  I really had to work at it.  Consequently, I feel groggy....which pisses me off - to feel less ready for the day because I slept MORE...

Other than a 12:30 haircut (which is three weeks overdue and I've cancelled twice), I have no firm plans.  It's another 'Smart Day' so we will attempt to use less electricity between 2PM and 7PM.  We're going to grill chicken and make a pasta salad - doesn't require the oven or microwave.  I feel like a pioneer trying to 'make-do' which I know is totally silly.  But I'm not paying the 'surcharge' for using more energy during those times.

Our retirement plan arrived from Schwab and so far, I'm afraid to open it....

UPDATE:  Son #1 called hot as a hornet a couple of hours ago ready to walk out of the job he's had for 5 years.  Passed up for a promotion with the job going to someone who's been there a month or less.  Sounds like a union thing to me....we are trying to calm the beast and get him to at least write a letter of resignation, give proper two weeks notice.  Then J. tells me that 'and he wants us to lend him the money to live on until he enlists in January and he'll pay us back'.  And I said 'no, not happening.  If he's worried about not having a weekly income to cover his 'life', then he shouldn't be quitting the job.  No, we will not be doing that - he can draw on his savings - which he shouldn't do but oh well.  Life is about choices and if he chooses to quit and lose income, there are consequences for doing that.'

There is a lot that can happen between now and January - all the 'what-ifs' play in my head...what will he do if he ends up 22, jobless, can't enlist (there are things that can prevent you from enlisting including health, fitness, legal issues - not that B. has any of those things right now but who knows)....and living with his parents who are working very hard at lowering their monthly outflow by at least 25%.  So no, we're not adding 'weekly funds for son who got pissed off and quit his job' to our list of expenses.  Not happening.

I am able to put one of J.'s checks in savings this month - 25% reduction in expenses just like that!  Carefully tracking, logging every dime we spend.  I know it's making J. a little crazy but just that simple exercise of knowing how much we've spent and maintaining a log to keep track has resulted in us spending so much less!  Already on track for another month of the same which is LOVELY!  We can do this!

But not if we are supporting two adult children.  Fly, little birdies - fly away....visit often but it's time.

(We're still years away from that happening but it's time to start setting some limits and parameters around here....or they will likely live here, on our dime ,forever)...