Heat

It is very hot here this week - the first week back at school. Wouldn't you know the mild temps we've had left and it's now scorching hot - when classrooms are now full of little, warm bodies, constantly moving. There's something to say for considering moving the school to stay in session during June and then be off in July and August. School districts would save thousands of dollars in energy costs if schools weren't in session during July and August, typically the two hottest months. Maybe in the schools of the future. Along with 4 day school weeks to conserve diesel fuel, electricity, etc. Oh, to dream! Though I've had 4 day work weeks and was never really a big fan. For someone who historically works a lot of hours no matter what, cramming that many hours into one fewer day is just not worth the three day weekend.

A couple things:

I've been following the blog of a(nother) lung transplant - I'm not going to link here...anyway, I've been following this young lady's story for over a month now. Praying and praying for her. It has not gone well, unlike the story of Tricia and Gywneth. This transplant has been tough from day one. And we're on day forty two - and today, the website has a post saying 'this blog is ending. [She] requests it'. A part of me thinks I understand. The last post confirmed that her transplanted lungs are not functioning well. And she's now having heart issues because her heart has had to work too hard to pump blood through her damaged (new) lungs. She is on the transplant list again. Or maybe not? Maybe they won't put her on the list...and that's why she's not going to have her friend update anymore. And I 'get' that. But oh, my, it bothers me - to not know how it turns out. To get so emotionally 'hooked' into someones story and have it stop abruptly. And I realize that's 'wrong' of me - because it may very well be ending abruptly right this minute - she may be - is quite likely - dying. So 'abrupt' is how it's going to be. But those of us who have traveled this journey with her - who have added her to our prayers every night for weeks; who have waited patiently for the once a day update on how it's going today; - we are out here and now we are stuck. Will we ever know? It makes me sad. Or maybe it makes me sad 'cuz I think I do know how it's all going to turn out. And there is a family somewhere in this country right now grappling with losing this dear, magical young lady. Who loves Sierra Mist (and whose love of Sierra Mist makes me want to try it and I will never see it again without thinking of her). Who draws funny pictures of the hallucinations she's having from the heavy medications she's on. Who has fought more bravely and more passionately to live - 'I just want to be able to breath', she says - then anyone I've ever known. And I don't know her - and now, I never will.

I'm don't think I'm going to follow any more 'stories' of transplants. It's too heart breaking. And draining. And I don't even KNOW this person....really. I don't. But I do.

I talked to Bug today - she called ME. And while I hadn't really intentionally NOT called her (I've been a little busy, as is she), it was good to have her validate that yes, really, we are good friends and always will be. And we chatted about how it is a little hard - me, having so much 'angst' at the moment, and being wary of sharing that with her because I worry she will always interpret that to mean that I'm 'mad' that she's now in my 'old' job. Or that I'm 'mad' that I didn't apply. She would never be 'mad' about those things, nor would I toward her. But there is this tiny bit of unspoken 'something' between us. And I admitted that I still, will, always and forever, somewhat regret not applying. And somewhat regret not working there anymore. But I don't begrudge her getting the job. And I will find something out my way, eventually. On the 'non-commute' side of the Altamont. I'm determined to find something I'll enjoy - and it will happen. I just have to be patient. And I know it will be better than I ever imagined. Eventually. But some days, eventually is a long, long way away in my psyche. And in the mean time, the mountains of work loom constantly.

And talking that through with her helped so much - as it always does. And it made me realize 'hey, don't be so stubborn. Call her when you're feeling low 'cuz you know she always helps you talk things through'. So I will, more. And we've set a 'post-deadline' date in September to try to get together for a breakfast or lunch when she can tear herself away from her husbands (newlyweds!).

Today was day two of high school and we are surviving. They get up, get themselves showered and dressed, come downstairs and make lattes (they love our leCube almost as much as I do!) and head out the door. B. had to work today so we'll see how he's doing after a long school day followed by a 4 hour shift at the check out lanes.

This is an 'all work' weekend for me. Both days. No getting around it. I'm getting up early (though not 4:40 early like I have this week) and heading into work. No dawdling around here (which is criminally easy to do and before I know it, 1/2 the day is gone). Get up, get showered, get iced teas at Starbucks and head in to the office and work, work, work. I have made tremendous progress this week and am grateful for the lack of meetings, etc. Just pounding through my year-end list one item at a time. In a few weeks, it will all be 'done' and then it's a downhill slide into the holiday breaks - a full week off in November and two weeks off at Christmas. And a 4 day weekend in October, to boot!

Time to head up for my nightly communication with the felines. Brushing, feeding them, talking to them and then heading to bed! Early comes earlier everyday. Even with the working this weekend, I will sleep in a bit and that will really help make the working on the weekend thing easier to cope with.