Pragmatic

H. has been expressing to J. his thoughts on considering joining our armed forces after high school. I think he knows better than to bring this possibility up to me, lest my head spin off my neck and launch off my body at the thought.

I wish I was the kind of mom who could be happy her son wants to defend our country - but for that to be true, we'd have to be a country that only goes to war to defend ourselves. Sadly, however, this is not the case. We go to war because we can. We are at war because one person convinced an entire nation a threat existed. It did not. It does not. I can't support my son agreeing to risk his life for that. That, to me, is not worth fighting for. And I support the troops - they are doing their job - a job they signed on to do long before it was realized they'd be risking their lives to do it in a war created by a nincompoop. And that's what I'm trying to get across to H. (via J.) - this isn't a job where you go to work everyday and do something incredibly boring - like twirling a sign on a street corner full time. Serving in the military is a job where you can die. You can be sent somewhere to fight, against another nation of people who aren't sure how they ended up at war - and people will die. You might be one of them. Is that something you really want to do for a living?

I wish we were the country that only fought for things I could support going to war for. I have a lot of sad feelings that I live in this privileged country and feel no 'warm and fuzzy' feelings toward our current leadership. I feel sorry for those men and women who fight everyday - and I don't know what we're fighting for. I'm tired of being the country that goes in trying to 'fix' every other country's issues. Why are we the ones having to 'save the world'?

The world is worth saving. When the Nazi's were in power and killing millions of innocent people, THAT I can support. But this current escapade? No. I cannot. Which doesn't mean I don't support the troops - they are doing their job. But it does mean I can shake my head emphatically at the mere mention of one of my sons entering the armed forces. NO is all I hear in my head at that thought.

There's a part of me that's proud that he thinks he might want to join. He'd be stunning in his dress uniform and I would be so proud of him. But I'm his mother and I know him well enough to know that he perceives war like a video game - the bullets and blood aren't real. And I know that if he joined and were sent to war, there would be a moment when he would realize 'I don't want to be here'. And he'd be stuck there. And I'd be stuck here, frantic with worry unlike any other worry I've ever known as a mom - and there's been plenty of worry in raising kids as any parent can attest to.

He talks about doing a lot of things I'd rather he didn't - like getting a motorcycle and a bunch of tattoos. I'd say 'ok' to all those other things to prevent him from joining the military. I'd rather him risk bodily harm on a motorcycle and never have any kind of 'regular' job (though he'd be perfect for working at Zumiez) than have him agree to go to war whenever the Commander in Chief says to go. But J., don't tell him that. Yet. But if he's about to enlist, you have my permission to authorize motorcycles, tattoos and even body piercings if it will keep him here with us. Check with me first, so I'll know you're upping the ante. But I'd support anything that will keep him a non-military man.