Sugar

J. was diagnosed with Type 2 diabetes a couple weeks ago. Definitely puts an entirely different perspective on eating. He doesn't have to inject insulin, thank goodness. He's on medication, losing weight (he's down 20 pounds so far), and watching what he eats. Like a hawk.

The DVD that came with his glucometer gave us some interesting information on carbs. 15 grams of carbs = 1 carb choice. And meals should have 2-3 carb choices max and one snack with 1-2 carb choices. Really makes you think about what you eat. A 1/2 cup of brown rice is a meals worth of carbs. And a half cup of rice on your plate isn't much. But when it's all you 'get', it's delicious and you eat absolutely every morsel of it. I, too, am now watching my carbs - because I'm trying hard to help him and I need to lose a lot of weight myself. It is hard - so hard. I love 'crunchy' stuff - and all crunchy stuff is carb-loaded. Well, carrots aren't - but that's not the 'crunch' I crave. So I'm looking for soy crisps, etc. where a few has some carbs but is mainly protein. I just have to have some crunch.

This evening, I made sugar free peach shortcakes. I bought the peaches weekend before last at Coscto - and then our 4th of July became the day of 'bed shopping' and our BBQ was just eating a regular dinner. I never got around to cooking the shortcakes and the peaches were sort of not ripe enough anyway. And then I went away this past weekend. SO I left work a wee bit early this afternoon and came home and cooked. I sliced the peaches and sprinkled with Splenda. Made Bisquick shortcakes and used Splenda instead of sugar. And I looked for sugar free whip topping but instead, made it homemade. With Splenda. And THAT, my friends, is the BEST part of a delicious low-sugar treat - the whip cream. Now that I know how easy it is, I will NEVER buy canned whip cream again. It is delicious!

My sister's lunch date yesterday was fab and they are officially 'going steady'. She said the waitress at the restaurant thought they were so cute and 'in love', she brought balloons and confetti to their table. So cute. They have agreed to see each other only (no more Yahoo personals for either of them) and take it slow. It is just so cool that her 'first' cyber-date turned out to be a keeper. How lucky is that?? Of course, she had some 'frogs' send her inquiries - and she ruled them out for various reasons. But she found the first one she chose to meet 'in person' and he's great. Lucky her! No one deserves it more.

I ruminated all night about her ex. Things I'd like to say to him, face to face. Like: you took her to Ohio for 5 hellish years for what? To take her happiness? To make her as miserable as you are, just in your day to day like? So messed up, love-less, life-less. Closed to emotions and feelings and people. And she was just too 'alive' for you - so you take her to cold and snow and things you know she hates - and then berate everything she does? EVERYTHING? She's never good enough, nothing she does is ever right? What's with you? You poor inept man. You wonder why your art doesn't sell? I'll tell you why - because it has no 'soul'. It doesn't speak to people. It's technically good but it's not 'art'. It doesn't bring out emotions in people - it's just 'accurate'. It's sad that you don't 'see' things with your heart. Or know things with your soul. You just can't. And that's not HER failing - it's yours. Totally yours. And as if the 5 years of slowly sliding into hell for her wasn't enough - she leaves that place and YOU and makes a life for herself in a state she loves, near people she loves - and you have to follow her there? And spend 8 months there trying to interject yourself into her new happiness? And when you realize that you can't break her again - that she is what she has always been - smart, fun, resilient, joyful, and happy, in spite of you - you still attempt to destroy her again - by announcing that yes, in fact, there is and always was someone else - and you're leaving to go back to that person.

Go. Good riddance. Don't hurt her anymore. She never needed you to be happy - she is happiness all by herself. She always has been. She was the best thing that ever happened to you - your family-less life you created that she found you in - alone, and lonely and longing - she gave you a family, and kids, and people who loved you. Who LEARNED to love you 'cuz loving you isn't easy. But we all did love you. For 30+ years. And just like that, we don't anymore. I sure don't. I can't forgive you for hurting her and won't forgive you, ever, for how you tried to destroy her. You could have just admitted early on that your feelings had changed - and you had found someone else. That would have been sad and hard and hurtful. But holy crap - as painful as that would have been for her, it would have been so much easier than what you did to her. You could have just been a man and admitted your failing. But no - it's all you, all the time. You had to try to make it about her. You immature, self absorbed sap. We see through you, you transparent ass. So leave her the hell alone, OK?

K., I love you very much and just had to 'let it out'. Forgive me. And I can't tell you how much I admire you for all you've done for yourself - to move forward, step by step. You are brave and bold and sparkly from the inside out. You are one of my best friends and I never imagined we would ever 'get' to this place as sisters. I'm so glad and it was worth all the time it took to make it here. I am very proud of you and honored to be your sister.

Go getta 'im, kiddo!