Altered

This being 'new' is a constant state of highs and lows. High stress days that just compound over and over. I reach a point where I'm sure I will not be able to do this - 'this' being 'the job'. Where I just don't think I want to do this - I reach a 'low'. They usually pass. And I've commented here how the human psyche can go from fragile and guarded to invincible and unstoppable - from the highest of good days to the lowest of bad days - in just a matter of hours. I keep plugging along. Working away at things. Will work tomorrow - it will feel 'good' to get some items 'caught up' and move others forward.

Today, I got my first little bit of 'positive feedback' - no, not from my boss. But from a school administrator who said 'you're doing a really good job and we are glad you're here. You are so approachable and such a good communicator. Thank you for what you do'. I was so appreciative - I needed to hear that. Especially after having visited my 'old' place and being greeted with profuse joy at my reappearance followed by a zillion 'are you coming back?' comments/questions. I made such a difference there and I don't feel like I'm making any difference here.

AND THEN, out of the blue this afternoon, another former coworker at my old job - who works at the district [and the first thing I told her was 'wow, do I have a whole new appreciation for all you 'district people'] - called to say Hi. I had called her quite awhile back and hadn't heard from her. Was just at the point where I was taking it personally - thinking 'wow, I must have really pissed her off somehow' - when she called to apologize for taking so long. She's been busy with auditors, etc. It was so great to talk to her. And I told her that while this job was OK, I missed my old job. My friends. My boss. And I said my new boss is OK - but he's not.....well, he's not so many things my other boss was.

And she said something that just might have altered my entire perspective on this 'new job vs. old job' thing. She said: 'all those things you miss about your old boss are all the things you are to the new place. So model that. BE that. Set that tone and that example for all the people there who haven't had all those things and need them. THAT'S why you're there. That's who you are'.

Thank you, SM for the positive feedback and RB for the perspective shift. I needed both desperately...and thank you, G. for hearing me and providing just what I needed to close a really tough week on a 'higher' note.