Cousin

In July, 2010, I traveled to Las Vegas to meet my cousin and her family for a weekend.  It was a big deal on many levels.  H. had just come home from his month in a rehab facility and I was a nervous wreck about leaving him.  And on a completely different level, I was very excited and a teeny bit nervous to meet my cousin.  We were around the same age but had never met.  Via Facebook, we had started to be in touch more and found ourselves strangely, amazingly alike.  Our temperaments, our outlook on life and the things it throws at you.  I was so excited to meet her but so nervous - would we really like each other as much in person?  Would we easily fill conversations and pass time easily?  Or would the awkwardness of the distance (created by geography, sibling relationships [her dad was my mom's youngest sibling and they were not close - ever], her parent's divorce...all sorts of things) overwhelm us?

I went to Vegas with high hopes - and found a kindred spirit.  It was like she was me.  We marveled at how 'alike' we felt.  I got to know her family and we spent some really fun times...went to the outlet mall, passed the time gambling.  It was a fun few days and then they returned to Oklahoma City.  I was so glad I went.  Grateful to have met her in person - and glad that now, we had faces and actual time together to add to our long-distance friendship.

We've kept in touch.  We always picked up right where we left off as if there was no geographical distance or time passing.  She was diagnosed with leukemia - which she said was actually a relief - to finally know what was causing the repetitive infections and illnesses she was experiencing.  A bone marrow transplant was planned - and executed - and hopes were high that she would be fine.

I really thought she would be fine.

My cousin D. died on Saturday.  Valentine's Day.  I found out via a phone call from another Oklahoma cousin.  I was shocked and stunned and dismayed.  She took a turn for the worse and her organs started shutting down.  And she died.

I am sad for her husband and her immediate family - who lost someone they cherished and saw every single day.  I am thinking of her mom and her sister - knowing their hearts are breaking.  I'm sorry for her co-workers and the company she worked for who lost a shining light. She was gifted and talented and fun and will be impossible to replace in terms of what she brought to the company.  And to her friends and family.  She was a ray of sunshine wherever she went and she gave new meaning to the term 'fighting for life'.  She never complained.  Never wavered in her courage and faith that she would beat the cancer and survive.  Always positive - posting updates on her Carebridge page that provided the details of what was happening - without an ounce of pity or whining or neediness.  She just had a gift for being one of the most positive people I've ever met.

I miss her.  And I say that completely acknowledging that my loss is insignificant compare to those whom she spent every day with.

Still, the world feels different without her on the planet.

There is great comfort in our faith which says I will see her again.  I'm sure of that.  She's with her dad and my mom and dad, her Uncle M. - and our wonderful grandparents.  Plenty of other family we miss who I'm sure welcomed her.  And someday, I'll see her again and it will be like it always was when we'd chat - no time has passed and we just pick up where we left off.

D., I love you very much and miss you.  Sending love, prayers and comfort to her family and friends. Bright, shining lights like her never go away....we just have to carry them with us in our hearts forever.  Until we see her again.